ER and the Terrible Youth Elixir Incident
by evilspoofauthor1Sven
Summary: We're finished! The evilauthors on break from the spoofs, threw themselves a big party, and all our well planned torture backfired. They would enjoy, it wouldn't they? And Romano has adopted a pet parrot.^_^
1. Bored bored bored

ER VS THE "EVILAUTHORS" AND THE TERRIBLE YOUTH ELIXER INCIDENT  
By Sven & Cassi (Evilspoofauthors1&2)  
*****************************************************************  
Disclaimer: The characters in this fic come from a variety of different places, including  
ER (duh), Lone Gunmen, The Family Channel series Zorro, the Xanth series by Piers   
Anthony, BtVS, Men in Black, MacGyver, The Mummy, Jurassic Park 1-3, and whole lot more  
that come to be more than we can list here. Original characters belong to Cassi and Sven  
with the exception of the people/authors added later on. They belong to themseves, and  
the characters with them belong to them. Jawas are of the evilauthors, and Fiddles belongs  
to Sven. The others will be returned in working order and we take no blame for their  
altered mental status. Some of them were screwed up long before WE got there!  
****************************************************************  
For those people who always wondered what we do during those long breaks we take in  
the middle of spoofs. This particular break was taken during Sven's "A Spoof of Chameleon"  
and, to give an exact location, it was shortly after "Forbidden Spoof: The Hunter" ended.  
So there will be stuff mentioned that have not taken place yet. Events from all our current   
spoofs....the ones we're WRITING now, not the ones we're typing now.   
  
This isn't a spoof.......well it's spoof related, but not a spoof. We are torturing the cast  
from "ER". Why you ask....well we were kinda mad because Romano didn't tell us he lost  
his arm...........Anyway, you will love this.....it takes place in the "ER" of course. Ninth,  
season. Mahk.....er Mark is dead....well in real life. Not on our set, no he is involved in   
this. And so is someone we brought back in Chameleon(Xanth spoof)Lucy Knight.  
  
Cassi owns Chris Mason, and the rest are participating of their own free will....well, except the  
ones we're torturing....but they'll get told eventually. We don't own them and are making no   
money for driving them completely insane, so you can't sue us. So without further wastng of  
time, here it is......"Between the Spoofs"........  
*******************************************************************  
THE SPOOFSET**Lounge&Breakroom**During breaktime  
***********************************************  
Sven and Cassi both bored are throwing darts, which they do quite often. The   
dart board is covered with pictures of several of the "ER" doctors. To name them; Carter  
and Kovac swordfighting, Benton, Malluci, Romano, Corday, another pic of Carter, another  
of Kovac, one of Weaver and one of Gallant. Romano is on the bulls-eye....his neck.  
Most of the pix of guys are almost full length.  
  
Mark Greene, also bored, wandered in just as Sven's dart hit the Romano picture in the chest.  
On another note, it's a good thing Greene didn't see the other side. He's on it full length.  
We have two cast shots on the other side. Full cast, full body poses. (evil grin)Emmy  
the two pictures we sent you are on the other side. Anyway, Greene came in.  
  
"Do you do this often?" He asked, in a casual tone of voice.  
  
Sven nodded and threw another dart, this one hitting Weaver between the eyes.  
  
Another of the bored permanant cast, Lucy Knight, entered the room.  
  
Greene shrugged, grabbed a dart and threw it, hitting Corday between the eyes. "Oops!"  
  
"Nice shot!" Cassi congradulated.  
  
Langly entered, and eyed the dartboard. Once seeing it, he sighed, relieved. "Good. I'm not  
on it!" He breathed.  
  
"This time." Cassi remarked, grinning. **As he was at one point**  
  
Lucy raised an eyebrow. "You must do this quite often." She murmured.  
  
"Only when we're bored........well somewhat bored." Sven remarked, with a yawn. "Although,  
this is getting boring."  
  
Cassi crossed the room and pulled a few darts out, leaving the one in Corday's head,  
as it is considered a "good shot." As she pulled the one out of Romano, she grinned. "Oh,   
he looks to cute when he's angry!" She remarked.  
  
Greene and Lucy exchanged a look, as Sven snickered. Langly took a seat and glanced  
at the board.  
  
"I wonder what they were like as children?" He mused.   
  
A sly smile crossed Sven's face. "That's it!! A way to remedy the boredom of between  
spoofs." She exclaimed, pleased with the idea.  
  
Cassi, catching on, also grinned. "The "ER" vs the Evil Authors in the terrible youth   
elixir incident!"  
  
Greene grinned. "I have got to SEE this one!" He answered, with a laugh.  
  
Langly joined the group. "Yeah, we can install extra cameras and hack into the security   
system." He suggested. "Then we all can watch it from the van."  
  
"We will have to make them forget the spoofs for this, though." Sven put in.  
  
"Will that be difficult?" Lucy wanted to know.  
  
Cassi shook her head. "No same as always. We just snap our fingers."  
  
Sven nodded and then grinned again. "I've got an idea! We can send invites to Benton,  
Dave, Carol, and Doug. That way we can get them ALL!!!"   
  
"What about Cleo?" Greene asked.  
  
"Somebody needs to watch Reese." Sven informed him.  
  
Chris entered and eyed the group. "Who are you torturing this time?"  
  
Greene rolled his eyes. "They have it coming!" He protested.  
  
"Ohhh." Chris nodded, mischievously and glanced at the dartboard, and frowned. "Who   
creamed your widow?" He asked.  
  
Greene made a sheepish look. "It was an accident." He countered.  
  
"Nice shot!" Chris told him.  
  
Lucy shrugged, took a dart, and threw it at the dartboard. The dart hit the Romano picture   
between the legs.  
  
Sven and Cassi exchanged a look and burst out laughing.   
  
"BULLSEYE!" Cassi yelled, causing Lucy to break out laughing. **side note: Cassi does like  
him. This is how we show it. He wouldn't be her Assistant if she didn't**  
  
Chris looked at Greene. "Be careful. Their disease is catching." He warned, with a grin.  
  
Greene shrugged and threw another dart, which hit the Weaver picture in the neck.  
  
"I'll get the rest of the Gunmen." Langly told them, and hurried out.  
  
Chris sat down. "I am NOT missing this one!" He informed the Evil Authors.  
  
"Missing what?" Luis Ramone asked, as he entered.  
  
"They're going to turn the "ER" cast into five-year-olds." Chris told him.  
  
Ramone glared at the Authors. "I wondered where that dark elf got that idea!" He growled.  
**another note. In another spat of boredom we turned Zorro and Alcalde Ramone into  
five year olds.**We do this often. ^_^**  
  
"Oh, be a good sport! You wanna watch?" Sven questioned.  
  
"Watch?" Ramone asked, and then grinned. "Are you kidding?! I'm HELPING!"  
  
Chris shook his head and laughed. "Romano is going to be pissed!" He pointed out.  
  
Cassi made a face. "Well maybe he should have told us he got his arm chopped off by  
a helicopter blade."   
  
Greene's mouth dropped in shock. "When did that happen?"  
  
"You're dead, remember? A lot of things have happened!" Sven informed him, bluntly.  
  
"I wish I could'a seen that one!" Lucy put in.  
  
Cassi made another face. "You aren't the only one! And it isn't fair! My Assistant lost his  
arm and I didn't get to SEE it!" **Yes, we missed the beginning of season nine, and did not  
find out about Romano's untimely accident until quite recently, I'm afraid....naturally, we were  
a bit miffed about it.**  
  
"I wanna know what kind of an IDIOT drops his clipboard under the back of a helicopter  
and then gets close enough to lose his arm while trying to retrieve it?!?" Sven demanded.  
  
"He did WHAT?!" Greene exclaimed. "I thought he was smarter then that. Hm...guess I was   
wrong."  
  
"He was distracted, he was fighting with Kovac over which patient was the worst." Cassi  
protested, defending him. "I'll add that he was right his patient was the worst. He died while  
Kovac rushed Romano downstairs before he bled to death or died of shock."   
  
Sven started laughing.  
  
"That isn't funny." Greene retorted. "That must have been awful!"  
  
"That's okay, the helicopter guy complained because Romano broke the blade." Cassi   
went on.  
  
Lucy joined Sven in laughing, while Greene shook his head.  
  
"I think someone also mentioned that when they first got up there, Romano told Kovac  
he could use the helicopter when he was done with it. HOWEVER.......well .....um that's  
pretty much self explainitary." Cassi concluded.  
  
Greene, finally unable to control himself any longer, busts out laughing. As soon as   
everyone is finally finished laughing, Sven pulls out her spoof scrapbook.  
  
"I have some pictures.**which I'll note were printed out for the scrap book only...these will  
not be posted or copied anywhere.** Sven pointed at a page. "See here it is...'Romano  
Sliced and Diced' page. Right next to the Corday and Romano 'couples' page." **We are   
both "Cordano" shippers, as we both believe those two would make the most perfect  
couple!!!**  
  
Greene covered his mouth and hurried from the room.  
  
"You made him sick!" Chris pointed out, snickering.  
  
"You would be surprised at how many "Cordano" shippers there are, out there." Cassi  
retorted, matter-of-factly. "They're perfect for each other. They fight like they're married, and  
have since they both came in. You can tell they both enjoy insulting each other."  
  
"Where did you get these pictures?" Lucy asked, curious.  
  
"The Romano pictures? (most of them) They came from someone we think is stalking him.   
The rest came from a lot of places." Sven answered. "Now we need to plan this out."  
  
**Paul McCrane fan's screencaps....this is the only way we could think to explain it. As I  
said, we printed a few out to paste into our spoofcharacter scrapbook, which contains pix of  
nearly every character on our set. It is for our own personal files, and we do not copy it.**  
  
****************************************************************  
And and now the fun is about to begin..........  
************************************  
COOK COUNTY GENERAL HOSPITAL**ER entrance area**  
*************************************************  
Langly and the rest of the Lone Gunmen walked through the door heading straight  
for the front desk where Jerry is seated, looking somewhat bored. He straightened,  
when he saw Langly heading toward him.  
  
"Can I help you?" Jerry asked.  
  
Langly smiled and nodded. "Yes, we're the guys from "Securatech". We are here to  
repair and replace a few of the security cameras." He told him, pointing at his crew.  
  
Jerry nodded and handed him the clip board to sign in. As Abby Lockhart passed the  
Admit desk with John Carter, Langly heard her whispering.  
  
"Why can't my hair be like that...that is so not fair." She remarked to Carter, pointing at   
Langly's long blond hair that he had held back in a ponytail. Carter shrugged and the two   
disappeared around a corner.  
  
Langly handed the clipboard back to Jerry and took the visitor's badges that Jerry handed   
to him. He passed them out to the team and thanked Jerry.  
  
As they walked away from the desk, Jimmy Bond hurried up to Langly. "I can't believe  
Carter just ignored us!" He complained.  
  
Langly gave him a brainduster. "He's not suposed to know us, DUMMY!" He told him.  
  
"Oh." Jimmy frowned. "Why not? We HAVE been working with him for ages now."  
  
Langly glared at him. "Because we're turning them into five year olds."  
  
"We are? I thought we were delivering cameras." Jimmy mused. **Apparently, Jimmy was  
not told everything.**  
  
"Jimmy just shut up!"Byers ordered. "BEFORE we get caught."  
  
"Why did "Gigantor" have to come, anyway?" Frohike wanted to know.  
  
Langly glared back at them all. "All of you shut up and do your job."  
  
*******************************************************  
  
An hour later, they are installing cameras to the surgery floor. Jimmy turned a corner and  
ran right into Elizabeth Corday and Robert Romano in the middle another of those fights they  
ALWAYS have.  
  
Romano glared at Jimmy. "Who are you and what are you doing up here?" He demanded.  
  
"I'm a well I'm from a security place, installing security cameras......." Jimmy stuttered out  
caught off-guard.  
  
"Right. Security cameras....and who authorized this?" Romano questioned, raising an   
eyebrow.  
  
"The uh.....um...uh...the guy who uh.....runs the place." Jimmy replied.  
  
An amused look came to Romano's face. "Really? And when was this order signed?" He  
asked, crossing his arms, staring Jimmy down.  
  
"Uh.....um it's........uh it's recent...uh...uh...uh..today...." He trailed off as he saw Corday  
hide a smile.  
  
"I must say. I love it when people try to lie to me." Romano mused with an evil grin.  
  
Jimmy made a face. "Um.....what do you mean?" He countered, trying to cover.  
  
"Alright....here is the deal. I happen to be the Chief of Staff here, and I don't remember   
anyone bringing an order of security cameras past me." Romano told him, suddenly turning   
serious. "So why don't you tell me who you really are, and what the hell you're doing here."  
  
"Wow... you're the Chief of Staff? Does this mean you, like, run the place?" Jimmy asked  
amazed. He had obviously not known this fact, and was completely taken off-guard.  
  
Elizabeth started laughing, although, tried to disguise it by coughing.  
  
Romano turned to look at her. "I suppose you find this funny?" He growled.  
  
She clamped a hand over her mouth and shook her head as her shoulders shook   
supressed laughter.  
  
"Did someone in the Psych ward lose a patient?!" He yelled, loud enough to wake the dead.  
  
Langly bolted around the corner. "Oh he works for us. He's new." He put in, quickly, seeing  
who he was talking to.  
  
"And you are?" Romano demanded.  
  
"We're from 'Securatech' and we were hired to install and replace some of the old cameras.  
We just are doing our job. Can't tell you who the order came from. You might want to call   
up the main office." Langly told him and handed him a card  
  
Romano looked at the card, suspiciously and pocketed it, then he looked at Langly, then   
back at Jimmy, then back at Langly again. "Just keep on eye on Special Ed, here. Make sure   
he doesn't break anything." Then he turned to Corday. "And YOU! This is NOT funny!"  
  
Langly shook his head and pulled Jimmy around the corner, away from the fighting duo, who  
seemed to have picked up where they left off. "Nice job!" He scolded. "You almost busted  
us!"  
  
"Why didn't anybody tell me he was the Chief of Staff?" Jimmy wanted to know.  
  
Langly threw his arms up in the air, disgusted. Maybe they should have left him at the  
Spoofset. "You 've been on the spoof set longer then HE has! You should have known."  
He spat out.  
  
"Then why didn't recognize me?" Jimmy asked, before he thought. "Oh wait. Right. Never  
mind."  
  
Langly shook his head. "I vote we throw him off the roof!" He suggested to the rest.   
  
Byers and Frohike both glanced at each other, and shruged.  
  
Jimmy eyed them all and then bolted back around the corner past Romano and Corday,  
and down the stairs.  
  
"Watch your step, you moron! If you break your neck we aren't paying for it!" Romano  
yelled after him.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Okay, that's it....the end of part one. If you wanna see more, give us some reviews. We  
need to know if we've peeked your intrest any. Believe me, there is much more fun to be   
had! We have chapter two ready when we get some reviews~!   
Let us know what you think! 


	2. Spoofauthors, caterers, and spiked coffe...

Now on to section two. Enter the Spoofauthors and the idiots who answered the invites.  
I'm sure you all want to hear more. I would have made the first section longer but Cassi  
said we wanted to know if you want us to write more. So please make sure to reveiw so  
the next section can be up sooner. We are getting close to the five year olds.  
*****************************************************************  
OUTSIDE A CATERERS VAN DRIVES UP TO THE EMERGENCY ENTRANCE  
*************************************************************  
Driving the van is Sven and Cassi is in the passenger side. In the back are Glory,  
Penny, Imhotep , Jonathan Carnahan, and Luis Ramone......across the street is the   
Gunmans van. Jimmy is standing next to it glareing back at the hospital. Lucy and  
Greene are inside the van with Yves and Chris.  
  
"Why is Jimmy not inside?" Cassi asked over the com-unit.  
  
"Special Ed out there nearly blew it with ROMANO! He forgot he was the Chief of Staff!"  
Langly answered back, from inside.  
  
"How do you forget him?" Greene wanted to know. "He never would let US forget it."  
  
"They threatened to throw me off the ROOF!" Jimmy exclaimed.  
  
"AFTER you nearly blew it!" Langly retorted.  
  
"It'll be fine. He's got the card. Chris can't wait till he calls. We are gonna lead him  
to believe it was Carter who ordered and paid for them. I'm sure that arguement will be  
interesting." Sven replied.  
  
"It is." Lucy remarked. "It's happening right now. They are having a big fight. Something  
about Carter saying he didn't order them but they could use some. I believe Romano  
told him he must have paid for it. He just gave the card to Carter and stomped off.''  
  
"It's a good thing Ardeth wasn't on set." Jonathan pointed out. "Otherwise, he might  
have warned Carter."  
  
Cassi glared at Jonathan. "And he isn't gonna find out about it, either!"  
  
"Are you sure this is going to work?" Greene asked from the van.  
  
"It'll work. Now that Gigantor isn't in here anymore!" Langly retorted.  
  
"Would you drop it?!" Jimmy demanded, yelling into his radio.  
  
"Should have dropped YOU off the ROOF!" Langly shot back.  
  
"If you two don't start behaving, YOU'LL be five in a minute!" Sven informed them over  
the radio.  
  
"We're almost done. We'll be out shortly." Langly passed on.  
  
"Now we get to see how well the Evil Authors can act." Imhotep retorted.  
  
Sven and Cassi put on evil grins, both ready to enjoy this. "Oh, we can act." Sven   
remarked. "You are gonna love this. But if you want some verification. We created the  
Kat and the Ghost." **Point of fact, the Kat is Casey Katz, an assassin with a bad   
attitude, and the Ghost is Jamie Katz, a computer hacker confirmed dead. Both have a  
strange sense of humor, and know several of the characters on set....like Murdoc, who  
worked with Kat, and the US Marshals, who also worked with her.**  
  
"Oh my....."Langly exclaimed...."They were created after you?"  
  
"Oh yes." Sven stated. "Well, mostly their attitudes."  
  
"The cameras are up. We're on our way out." Byers announced.  
  
Sven turned the engine off. "Get the carts ready." She ordered.  
  
As soon as the Gunmen reached the van. The "Caterers" started delivering the tainted  
food.  
  
Ramone walked in a clipboard in hand. He stopped in front of Jerry.  
  
"What's this?"Jerry asked, confused.  
  
"Catered Food for the docters and nurses and anyone else who wants it." Ramone   
answered.  
  
"And who ordered it?"Jerry asked.  
  
"I wasn't told. We just follow orders. It's paid for." Ramone answered.  
  
Weaver walked over, looking annoyed. "What is going on?"  
  
"I am Luis Ramone of Escalante Caterers, at your service Senorita." Ramone answered,   
and kissed Weaver's hand.  
  
"Thank you. Now where did it come from?" Weaver wanted to know.  
  
"It was paid for by a lady who was a patient that was treated here not long ago. She  
was extremely grateful for the care that was provided for her. This is her way of  
saying thank you." Ramone told her, and flashed her another smile.  
  
Weaver nodded and signed the clipboared.  
  
Greene's voice came over earpiece radio. "You are definetly are a smoothie. I never would  
have thought about that."  
  
"It was from a patient." Sven put in over the radio. "We got it from Carter's Gamma. She   
was a patient. She broke her hip."  
  
As more food was brought in, Malucci entered. "HEY...food!"  
  
Weaver stopped him. "What are you doing here?" She asked.  
  
"I was invited." Dave said, and handed her the letter.  
  
At that moment Sven and Cassi entered with a separate cart. This one contained more   
expensive looking food on it. Cassi, with the air of a ditz, and chewing gum, walked up to  
the front desk, wearing a black and white leather dance top with spagetti straps a pair of  
tight black jeans and ankle boots. Her skunked striped hair is spiked in an 80's fashion.   
  
"I have, like a special delivery for a Dr. Romano and a Dr. Corday." She spoke up with a  
bright clueless smile.  
  
"Did they order this? Is it with the same company as the rest?" Jerry asked, skeptically.  
  
"Nope, don't know anything about it! It's not like our business who orders it." Cassi  
remarked. "It ain't our job to question about it. Maybe they ordered it for each other....  
you know...romantic dinner for two?"  
  
Dave shook his head. "No way." He remarked  
  
Benton, who had entered un-noticed, stepped up. "Elizabeth Corday would NEVER date   
Romano."  
  
"You know, we don't know who ordered the stuff. We just want to go up to the office   
deliver the stuff and get paid!" Sven cut in rudely. "I don't care what you dummies think,  
but we have orders!"  
  
Jerry glanced at Benton. "You know that floor. You take em."  
  
Benton shook his head. "I'm here for THIS food. I'm not going near Romano!"  
  
Dave studied the cart. "That looks better then what we got."  
  
"Can't help you there." Sven retorted. "Is it our fault these guys have better taste in  
food?"  
  
Dave eyed Cassi and smiled. "I'll take these ladies up there." He offered.  
  
Cassi smiled, airheadedly. "Thank you like soo much."  
  
Sven shook her head and followed Cassi and Dave to the elevator.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Once reaching the floor Romano's office was on. Sven slipped away as Cassi pushed   
the cart next to Malucci. With him distracted, it was perfect. She quietly snuck into  
the empty sugeon's lounge.   
  
In the lounge, she removed a vial from her pocket and pulled the Coffee pot out. As   
quietly as possible she dumped the entire vial into the coffee, then she slipped out and  
was around the corner before Corday and Romano entered the lounge, talking about the   
security cameres.  
  
Sven snickered as she rejoined Cassi and Dave at Romano's office. Cassi shot her  
a look and Sven grinned, nodding. Once delivering the cart, Dave led them back down-  
stairs.  
  
"So you wanna stay for food?" Dave asked.  
  
Cassi shook her head. "No offence. I REALLY do love Mexican food, but we have like  
a few more deliveries to make." Cassi answered. " Maybe we'll stop by later."   
  
Once reaching the Gunman's van outside, they both start laughing. "I can't believe he  
didn't notice that I left!" Sven exclaimed.  
  
Cassi made a face. "Ugh, I can! He was practically drooling down my shirt!" She made a   
motion of wiping herself off. "Someone hand me my sweatshirt."  
  
"Carol and Doug just arrived." Greene pointed out, handing Cassi a hooded sweatshirt.  
  
"Hey Sven, Corday and Romano are going for the coffee." Cassi mentioned, pointing  
at the moniter, and pulling the sweatshirt on.  
****************************************************************  
And we end the next section. I love writing with drop off endings! We will of course   
get the next section up and soon as we get some reviews. We LOVE reviews. I will  
mention that the next section will begin with Romano's point of view. Him and Lizzie  
are the first two transformed............The others? Well they will get what's coming.   
I'd name off who's getting turned into five year olds, but why ruin the surprise. I will  
mention that it is combinations, not a single food or drink as it will be for Romano and  
Corday. The lunch that was dropped off in Romano's office is for Cassi and I. WHAT?!?  
You didn't actually think we were going to go to all that trouble to give it to THEM, did  
you?! Really people, we get hungry too. Besides, we want to witness this first hand......  
okay, all Cassi wanted to do was to search Romano's office. Anyway, I will quit this here  
and work on typing the next section and a few other things if I have time. I hope you   
enjoyed this section. Now leave us your reviews, and we'll have more up tomorrow. 


	3. Land of the Little People

Now we make it to section three and the fun is about to begin. I believe we left off with  
Corday and Romano taking the coffee. (evil grin) Oh, yes! You will love this one. Although,  
they will be posted faster once we get reviews........I'll repeat that we love reviews. Always,  
glad to know other people's opinion. Anyway, I'm sure you want me to get started, so I  
will.  
*******************************************************************  
Romano leaned against the counter, his arm throbbing with a pain, that not even the pain-  
killers could mask. He tried to listen to what Lizzie and Anspaugh were talking about,  
but he couldn't concentrate. He took another drink of coffee and felt strange sensation  
come over him. His eyes blurred, and he slumped against the counter and blacked out.  
  
He was awakened by Anspaugh's voice and the voice of a child. He looked around   
Anspaugh and saw a girl, who appeared to be about five, and was wearing surgical scrubs.   
He jumped to his feet, realizing that the five year old girl was Lizzie....and why did he feel so   
small? He glanced at his arms and yelped in surprise as his, now over-sized brace hit the   
floor. There was no pain in his arm at all. However, that was the least of his problems,   
because he realized that he, like Lizzie, also appeared to be five.  
  
"What the HELL is going on?!" Anspaugh exclaimed, in shock, staring at them.  
  
"Lizzie? What is this? This CAN'T be happening!" Romano yelled, somewhat hysterical.  
"It's impossible!"  
  
"Calm down Robert! You are acting hysterical!" Lizzie told him. "Get ahold of yourself!"  
  
"CALM DOWN?!" Romano exclaimed. "Will you LOOK at ME!? I look like Land of the   
LITTLE people!!!"  
  
Anspaugh gave a small snicker. "And how is that different from normal?" He asked, before  
he could stop himself.  
  
Romano glared. "That's NOT funny!" He snapped.   
  
"Well, I AM in the same situation, here, Robert!!" Lizzie shot back. "Now calm down so we  
can figure out what happened!"  
  
Romano nodded and tried to calm himself. Lizzie was right, but how could this have   
happened? Stuff like this wasn't supposed to happen....or was it? He knew something, was  
familiar somehow, but he couldn't figure out what it was. He couldn't grasp the stray  
thought.  
  
Lizzie knelt down and began picking up the broken coffee mugs. Romano hadn't   
remembered dropping his.  
  
"It must have been in the coffee." Anspaugh pointed out.  
  
Romano glared at Anspaugh. Why was the older surgeon fine when Lizzie and he were   
transformed? Something was not right there.  
  
Lizzie looked up, and worry lines crossed her face. "What about everyone downstairs? Do  
you think it might have happened to them?" She asked.  
  
Anspaugh sighed. "The only way to find out, is to go down there." He answered, eyeing  
Romano.  
  
"NO!" Romano retorted. "I am NOT going down there like THIS!"  
  
Anspaugh and Lizzie exchanged a look. Romano eyed them for a moment, and before  
either could move, he bolted out of the room, disappearing down the hall. No way were   
the rest of the staff going to see him like this!  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Carter was sitting in the "ER" lounge doing paperwork and eating some of the donated   
food. As he continued to eat and drink, a strange sensation swept over him. He shook  
his head trying to clear it. He must have blacked out for a moment, because when he   
opened his eyes, he was on the floor and his chair was knocked over.  
  
As he stood he glanced at himself in the mirror, and screamed.  
  
Abby bolted into the room. "John?" Her mouth dropped when she saw him. "Oh my.....  
Carter?"  
  
Carter looked up at her, with shocked eyes. "Uh..hey, Abby."  
  
"What in the heck happened to YOU?!" Abby managed to get out.  
  
"That's what I want to know!" Carter yelled. "I'm all...LITTLE! I look like I'm FIVE! How can  
I be five? People don't just turn into five year olds....unless...." He frowned. He knew   
something, he should...but he couldn't grasp it. He shook his head trying to think. Both of   
them froze when they heard more screams coming from down the hall.  
  
Abby lifted Carter into her arms and bolted into the "ER" lobby. They found themselves  
among a mixture of children and adults, most wearing docters jackets and scrubs.  
Most of the nurses, thankfully, were still adults.  
  
"What the hell has happened?" A cute five year old, that could only be Kovac, demanded.  
  
"We are children!" Dave cried, angry. "UGH!! This is the LAST time I answer a invitation!  
LOOK at me! I haven't even hit puberty yet." He grumbled.  
  
"How did this happen?" Susan, who also was a child, wanted to know.  
  
Doug Ross took a swallow of his drink and was instantly changed into a child. "I think it  
is in the food and drinks." He remarked, flatly.  
  
Kerry Weaver, one of the few docters still an adult called everyone to attention. "I need   
someone to tell security that we might need to quarantine the building." She announced,   
taking charge. "Whatever this is, we don't want it outside."  
  
"I'll do it." Pratt offered. He too, was also still an adult. He headed to the entrance where   
security was standing beside the metal detecters.  
  
"Alright, I need everyone who was transformed to say their names, so we can write it  
down, and figure out how big a problem we have here." Kerry told them.  
  
Carter cleared his throat and made a face. "John Carter." He annouced, wincing at the child-  
like voice.  
  
Weaver nodded and wrote his name down.  
  
"Doug Ross." Ross told her.  
  
Weaver nodded again and added his name.  
  
"Luka Kovac."  
  
"Dave Malucci."  
  
"Jing-Mae Chen."  
  
"Susan Lewis."  
  
"Malik."  
  
"Michael Gallant."  
  
"Jerry."  
  
Weaver finished writing, and looked up. "Anyone else?" She asked.   
  
"Dr Romano isn't going to like this." Kovac remarked, dryly.  
  
"Do we have to tell him?" Carter asked, looking embarrassed.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Romano bolted to his office and locked the door behind him. There was no way he was  
going down there. The phone at his desk rang and he jumped startled. In the hallway  
he could hear Lizzie looking for him. Another ring came from the phone and, screaming, he  
ripped the cord out of the wall. A moment later his pager went off. With a yell of anger, he   
threw it across the room and against a wall.  
  
There was a knock at the door, and he bolted under his desk. "GO AWAY!" He yelled.  
  
"No I am NOT going away, Robert!" Lizzie yelled back. "You are not the only one here in   
this mess! I think we should go downstairs, and find out what's happened!"  
  
"So GO!" Romano shouted back. "I'm not stopping you!"  
  
"Dr. Anspaugh is getting the janitor's keys." Lizzie announced. "So don't think you can  
hide in there for long!!"  
  
He heard Lizzie's pager go off. Apparently someone was trying hard to get ahold of them.  
  
"You know, with all this yelling, I'm surprised the whole building doesn't know what's   
going on." Anspaugh stated.  
  
"Did you get the keys?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"Yes." The older man answered.  
  
"You hear that Robert? We are coming in to get you!" Lizzie told him.  
  
Romano didn't move or speak, hoping they would go away. He heard the door open,  
and he groaned. Why did HE have to go downstairs? He could just see those smirks  
on their faces. No, he was definitly NOT going down there!  
  
"I don't see why you are being such a pest about this, Robert. I'm the one with  
a daughter almost the same age as me. " Lizzie told him, seating herself on the floor in   
front of him. "Now come out! I think the same thing has happened downstairs. They  
have paged me three times now."  
  
"What did you do to your phone?" Anspaugh demanded.  
  
Romano glared and hid further under the desk.  
  
Lizzie sighed. "He isn't coming out." She pointed out.  
  
"Move over, if he won't come out, then he'll be carried out!" Anspaugh growled. No five  
year old was going to get the best of him.....even if it WAS Robert Romano.   
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Outside in the Gunmen's van Cassi laughed. "This is great!" She paused for a moment then  
frowned. "However, when we get back to the spoof set, I'm having Malucci shot!"  
  
Greene shook his head. "You know, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I'm dead."  
He remarked, grinning.  
  
"So am I." Lucy said, in full agreement, neither letting their gazes stray from the monitors.  
  
"As soon as they get him out of there, I'm searching his office." Cassi informed, everyone,  
with an evil grin.  
  
"Yeah, and I'm gonna wreak havoc inside." Sven stated, with an equally evil grin.  
  
Chris grinned and shook his head. "He may NEVER forgive you, Cassi."  
  
Cassi grinned. "Oh, yes he will." She told him. "Someday, he'll thank us. That dude has  
some serious stress to work off."  
  
**********************************************************************  
End Section Three.  
WHAT?! Yes I know, it stopped before Romano gets dragged downstairs kicking and   
screaming. It happens. Besides, the more sections the more reviews. You know how we  
love reviews. We want to know what you think and whether you like the story or not.  
Anyway, I'll let Cassi add anything else that needs to be put in here. I'm gonna start section  
four.  
  
Cassi did some adding, some editing, and added a few bits of her own.....together, we create  
works of art. So I can truthfully say we both typed it and co-wote it. We are fully enjoying   
this mess. 


	4. Romano's a BITER!

Now we start section four............things are going to get interesting. Yes, Cassi is going  
to search her Assistant's office. After all, we did deliver our lunch there. Keep some   
interesting facts in mind. As of the spoofs, Carter owns a lightsaber, Romano owns a light-  
saber, and a Glock. Carter has a Glock as of US Psychos.....please don't ask how Richard   
Kimble became a Marshal, we just couldn't pry him and Ardeth apart. If you don't understand  
that, read "The Fugitive....From the ER", "Jurassic Spoof", and "Jurassic Spoof: The Lost  
World", where Romano became an Assistant to start with. The Jurassic ones can be found  
under Cassi's spoofs....(this is for the ones unfamiliar with our work, as we've noticed a few  
new people in the reviews!) Glad you're enjoying this! Anyhow, where was I? Oh yes, big  
surprises to come!!!!  
*********************************************************************  
Down in the "ER" lobby, Carter watched as Weaver tried to get ahold of Romano. With  
no success. Why wasn't he answering, or had this happened to him, also. Well if it had  
it was doubtful he'd come down. After all, Carter, himself, wouldn't in that position.  
  
Weaver slammed the phone down in frustration. "Is NO one answering their phones or  
pagers?" She exclaimed, agitated. She sighed and started to reach for the phone again.  
  
However, she stopped as everyone heard yelling coming from the stairway.  
  
"If you do not put me down this instant YOU ARE FIRED!" A small child's voice yelled. "I   
don't care if I AM FIVE! I am still the Chief of Staff!"  
  
An amused smile crossed Carter's face. Well, that explained everything. He wondered   
who it was that managed to drag Romano downstairs.  
  
Everyone in the lobby had ceased to talk as the commotion made its way to the lobby.  
Dr. Anspaugh came carrying a five year old boy wearing surgical scrubs. At his side  
was a five year old girl with curly red hair, also in surgical scrubs.  
  
"PUT ME DOWN!" Yelled the boy. The boy, who could only be Robert Romano, glared  
up at the group all gathered in the lobby. He caught the smile on Carter's face, and growled.  
In a surge of motion he kicked Anspaugh and bit his arm. As soon as he hit the floor  
he tackled Carter.  
  
Carter kicked him off and bolted down the hall, with Romano in close pursuit.  
  
Corday shook her head. "Oh, bloody HELL!" She groaned and bolted after them.  
  
Weaver stared after them for a moment and burst out laughing. Abby let out a groan of her   
own and bolted down the hall after the trio.  
  
Anspaugh muttered a few curses under his breath before asking. "Does anyone have  
any Aspirin? I think I need about a bottle and a half."  
  
"You sure you won't need a rabies shot?" Benton retorted. "We don't exactly know where his  
mouth has been."  
  
Anspaugh shook his head and laughed.   
  
Kovac glanced at Ross and Dave. "This would be funny if I wasn't five." He remarked.  
  
A moment later, Carter bolted back through. Not paying attention, he slammed into Kovac,  
knocking them both down. Romano, not far behind him tried to skid to a stop. Corday,  
also in close pursuit ran into Romano, causing them both to land on Carter and Kovac, thus   
creating a pile-up of five year olds.  
  
"ENOUGH!!" Abby yelled, bolting in.  
  
Romano struggled to get free, trying to bolt. Abby grabbed him and pulled him away from  
the others.  
  
"Stand that brat in a corner!" Anspaugh ordered, glaring at Romano.  
  
Romano kicked at Abby trying to get away. With a surge of strength, he broke away  
and disappeared down the hall. Abby threw up her hands in disgust. "I give up." She   
muttered.  
  
"For some reason I REALLY pity his parents." Benton grumbled.  
  
"He has been under a lot of stress." Corday told them, and pulled herself to her feet. "I'll  
go find him." She finished, and hurried down the hall.  
  
Abby let out a sigh. "I need a cigarette. I'm going to the roof!" She informed them and  
hurried to the elevator.....quickly.  
  
Carter sat up, his head hurting. What would Ardeth think? He thought, and froze. Ardeth?  
He tried to think. There it was again. Something he should know but couldn't grasp it.  
Who was Ardeth? A memory surfaced, morphine......what? Morphine for what? He wasn't  
taking pain medicine....In fact the pain in his back was gone...(**gee I wonder why...his   
back was healed during The Chameleon Spoof, which isn't up yet. Healing spring. The  
Morphine. If you read our spoofs you know, if not? Well then read them. Jurassic Spoof  
and The Fugitive from the ER. Alright then, back to Carter.**) Why wasn't he in pain.  
Something about water.....and who was Ardeth? **Sad isn't it? He can't remember his best  
friend.**  
  
"You alright, Carter?" Benton asked, kneeling in front of him.  
  
Carter nodded but winced another thought came to his mind. Benton killing Romano   
with a scalpel......and Dave shooting Weaver. What?! That was impossible! Both were   
still alive, and yet, he remembered them voting on whether they should stay dead.....wait--  
a huge snowman carrying off Weaver and Romano. Carter shook his head, trying to  
shake the bizzaare images from his mind.  
  
"Carter?" Benton cut in, sounding concerned.  
  
"I'm alright, I just hit my head." Carter assured him.  
  
"Yeah, on MINE!" Kovac muttered holding his own head.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"This just gets better and better." Greene mused, watching the monitors. Chris had gone  
to get coffee for them all. Cassi had left about ten minutes before, to search Romano's  
office. Sven had left around the same time. How either had managed to get past the  
lobby without being seen, he didn't know. **We have our methods ^_~**  
  
Cassi was already in Romano's office, happily sitting in his chair, and putting on his white  
medical coat. Sven wasn't on camera at the moment. It was amazing what they could do.   
Greene sighed and looked at the lobby camera. He frowned, not seeing Elizabeth. He finally   
found her chasing Romano through the halls. He smiled wondering if Ella was going to look   
like Elizabeth did at age five. She was pretty cute.  
  
He glanced over at Lucy, who was giving him a sympathetic look.   
  
"You miss her don't you?" Lucy asked, quietly.  
  
Greene nodded and sighed. The Authors had made it clear that he and Elizabeth   
could never get back together. He couldn't live here in Chicago. Aside of the spoofset,  
he would have to stay in Xanth. He shook himself out of his thoughts and returned  
his gaze back to the monitors.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Romano didn't think. He just ran. Panic gripping him, his only thought was to get as   
far away from the lobby as possible. If he ever caught the person who caused this,  
he was going to strangle them. It must have been "Special Ed" and his buddy, "Blondie"!  
They would pay! He heard footsteps behind him and bolted around a corner, running  
right into a medical crash cart, knocking it over on himself.  
  
Lizzie heard the crash and hurried over. As she turned the corner, she saw Romano  
trying to push it off. "Robert!" She cried, and ran to his side. "Are you alright?"  
  
Romano shot her an annoyed look. "Lizzie, so nice to see you. Now get this off me before  
I decide to sue this stupid hospital....For leaving this junk around!" He growled.  
  
"Maybe you shouldn't have been running through the halls like some wild animal." She  
scolded.  
  
"Just help me get it off!" He ordered. "Please?"  
  
Lizzie rolled her eyes and helped him push it off. "Now we go back to the lobby." She told  
him.  
  
"NO!" Romano protested. "I am NOT going back in there!"  
  
"Oh, stop being a BABY!" Lizzie retorted. "They're all in the same situation!"  
  
"Hey, I'm FIVE. In my figuring, that makes me a baby!" Romano shot back. "What's wrong   
with acting like one?"  
  
In a flash of anger, Elizabeth swung her fist at him. He ducked and bolted off down the hall.  
She sighed, bolted after him, again, groaning. As soon as she got her hands on him, she   
was gonna strangle him....wait, maybe she should bash him over the head with something.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
Abby stared down at the street below. Her cigarette was helping her, some. She was  
calming down. How had this happened? She wondered. How could over half of the staff  
suddenly become children?  
  
As she glanced back down again she saw a green and white van parked below. Something  
about it seemed familiar. It was an ugly van. She squinted down as she saw two people  
exit the van long enough to take coffee from another guy, with very long hair. One was a  
blond woman the other was somewhat bald. It couldn't be! She thought. Mark Greene  
and Lucy Knight? But they were dead...or were they? Her mouth dropped when she   
got another look at the long haired guy. Chris Mason.....Sven's assistant. Suddenly,   
everything registered. The Lone Gunmen installing cameras. That had been LANGLY at the  
front desk. The woman with the skunk stripe, Cassi. The guy with the food, Luis Ramone  
Another of Sven's assistant....and HE had given his real name!  
  
This was their doing! She frowned. But WHY!? It was the Spoof Authors the Gunmen, a few  
of their assistants. She held back a laugh, realizing that they obviously hadn't told Romano of  
thier plans. He was also an assistant. He was going to be furious when he found out! And  
Mark and Lucy were involved. How could they so such a thing!? She bolted for the door,   
wondering how to break the news to the staff.  
  
She was stopped by Glory and Imhotep, who stood in front of it, with their arms crossed  
  
"Sorry Abby, but if you tell everyone now, it would be boring." Glory told her. "We had   
a feeling you might guess when you saw the van and the dead doctors down there."  
  
Another figure stepped out of the shadows. The other Evil Author, Sven, Abby realized.  
  
Sven gave her a Look, and shrugged. "I'm surprised Carter hasn't guessed yet. Anyhow, you  
have a choice. Do you want to join us in our fun, or be nurse-napped?" Sven asked, with a   
maniac grin on her face.  
  
Abby laughed. "I'm with you." She managed to get out. " I can't believe you're doing this   
just to remedy the boredom!"  
  
"We do it all the time." Sven informed her. "Just ask a few of our other members who have  
been turned into children. Ramone, Zorro, Tara, Buffy, Spike, and a quite a few more. Ask   
Cassi, she'll tell you all about it. If you want to, you can find her in Romano's office. She's  
busy going through his desk, or something."  
  
"So it was in the food?" Abby questioned, curious to know why some were missed  
and others transformed.  
  
"Some of it. Combinations of food and drink." Sven explained. "I personally dumped it in the   
coffee in the surgeon's lounge. The rest was random. Romano and Corday were the first  
ones to be changed. If it hadn't taken Anspaugh and Corday all that time to get Romano  
downstairs, they might have caught it before most of the rest of the staff were changed.  
Anyway, we'd better let you get back in there, before someone comes looking for you...." She   
frowned, then continued. "Oh yeah, tell them you thought you saw some people who you   
could have sworn were Lucy and Greene, 'kay. It ought'a be fun to watch them figure that  
one out."  
  
Abby nodded, then looked up. "Was it?" She asked.  
  
Sven grinned. "Da-uh!" She retorted in a sing-song tone. "Now scram!"  
  
********************************************************************   
End of this part, folks! So Abby's figured it all out. Who will be the next to know what's going   
on? We have a few who are already close. I will tell you this much.....there's a whole lot of fun  
to be had. Take a whole load of people, who suddenly have this one chance to be five years  
old all over again, and no adult responsibilities. Don't tell me you've never dreamed of that,   
yourself! How would YOU react to it? ^_^ And there be one person who started the whole  
mess. Wait and see who it is. 


	5. Benton vs Little Romano?

Abby has joined the "Insano" squad. And once down that path forever will it dominate  
your destiny........WHAT?! I spoofed Star Wars. Although, I should mention that on  
the spoof set, BOTH Romano and Carter are "Insanos". Alright back to the story.  
We are now going back to the lobby where Abby gets to tell her um....er.....well   
whatever she can think up. Oh yes, we are getting close to when Carter remembers  
the spoof set. And another thing. We also have another IDIOT become five.....  
One more thing. Not all the combinations knock them out. As I'm sure you noticed  
that Ross wasn't knocked out. The stronger amounts such as the coffee for Romano  
and Corday did. Apparently, Carter also had a stronger amount. Alright, I'll get   
this started, I know you are all anxious to hear more.  
Hmmm....we just checked reviews....nothing new. Come on, people, don't ya want more?  
You're not convincing us! We have tonz more good scenes comin up.....namely  
Let's all trash a hospital....? Are you interested?   
*****************************************************************  
Carter was seated with an icepack on his head when Abby returned. She looked  
pale and shocked. **She is SOO getting an Oscar when we get back to the spoofset.**  
  
"Abby?" Weaver asked, sounding concerned. "Are you alright?"  
  
Abby shook her head. "I can almost swear that I saw a ghost or two. I swear I think  
I saw Lucy and Greene out in the street below." She told them.  
  
Carter frowned, trying to remember something he knew he should remember.  
  
"That's impossible, Abby!" Carol informed her.  
  
"Hey I know what I saw!" Abby retorted, and glared.  
  
"Enough!" Weaver yelled. "We need to figure out how this happened."  
  
"The food and drinks?" Ross suggested.  
  
"I had food and a drink also, I didn't change." Weaver pointed out.  
  
"So did I." Abby admitted.  
  
"Doug? Where is that cup you drank from?" Carol asked. Ross handed her the cup.  
Carol made a face and took a drink. Nothing happened.  
  
"Maybe it's combinations?" Carter suggested. "Like in 'Batman'." He trailed off,  
realizing what he said. **Batman Spoof, Carter was the only one there at that time.**  
He wondered how he knew that. He didn't even remember ever watching the movie.  
He stared at his hands trying to think.  
  
"Carter, what are you talking about?" Weaver asked.  
  
Carter shrugged. "I can't remember. I keep thinking I know something, but I keep  
forgetting it." He answered. A memory of two cat-humans bossing him around  
came to mind. Carter shook his head, wondering why all this warped stuff kept   
coming to his mind.  
  
"Doug, what else did you eat?" Carol asked.  
  
"One of those tamales." He told her.  
  
Carol took one and started eating it. Within seconds she was transformed into  
a child.  
  
"Well, we found one combination." Weaver remarked, dryly.  
  
"Opps." Carol said, and reddened.  
  
Abby bit her lip trying not to laugh.  
  
"Dr Weaver?" Pratt called, entering the room.  
  
"What?" Weaver asked.  
  
"Security didn't believe me. They won't call a quarrentine. However, they did say we  
should re-route any severe traumas to Mercy. Anyway, they said they didn't see  
it happen so they don't believe it." Pratt told them.  
  
"Well that's something." Weaver muttered.  
  
Anspaugh shook his head. "We are down a surgeon."  
  
Weaver glanced at Benton. "You think you could help, if we get a trauma?" She  
asked.  
  
Benton sighed and nodded. "Yeah, alright. But first, I'm going to hunt down the  
runaway surgeons."  
  
"Why?" Dave asked.  
  
Weaver glared at him. "Because we don't need the patients to see them." She told him.  
  
Susan stepped forward. "You could tell them it's career day. You can say we are the  
doctors' children."  
  
"What doctors?" Chuny questioned. "Most of the doctors ARE children!"  
  
"She has a point." Kovac pointed out.  
  
Chuny shot him a glare, and Abby groaned. "Stop fighting! Alright, some of the nurses  
can pose as docters. We'll have too." She stated, quickly.  
  
"Good idea." Weaver agreed.  
  
"What about MY idea?" Susan questioned.  
  
"Susan, I don't think that will work." Weaver replied.  
  
"Even, with nurses posing as docters, you'll still be short. Susan's right, her plan   
would at least put the real docters close at hand." Jing Mae put in.  
  
Weaver shook her head. "We can't risk it."  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Romano was grinning as he ran, he was finally beginning to enjoy this. He could  
hear Lizzie not far behind him. Another grin crossed his face. Lizzie chasing him!  
Well, that was start. As he rounded the next corner he skidded to a halt, seeing  
Benton heading his way.  
  
"Uh-oh!" He yelped and bolted back around the corner, running right into Lizzie.  
Sending them both tumbling to the floor, again. Before Romano could stand  
Benton grabbed him.  
  
"It's time to stop this!" Benton growled. "The hospital is open to patients!"  
  
"Really?" Romano asked. "Sounds like fun!"  
  
Benton glared. "Don't even think about it!" He ordered.  
  
Romano smirked. "Already have!" He shot out. "Put me down!"  
  
"By the time we're done. YOU will be locked in the lounge!" Benton told him.  
  
Again Romano smirked. If Benton thought he could stop this, he was in for a huge  
surprise.  
  
"Elizabeth, what has he been doing?" Benton asked, while Romano continued to struggle.  
  
"Running." She answered.  
  
As they rounded another corner, Romano noticed the security guard. A evil smile  
came to his face.**On set we call it the "creepy mummy smile"**  
  
Benton, seeing the security guard, glanced down. One look at Romano's face and he  
knew what was coming. "Don't...."He began.  
  
He was cut off by Romano's scream. "HELP ME!! He's gonna hurt ME!! Get me away  
from the BAD MAN!!"   
  
The security guard came forward. Romano twisted in Benton's arm and kicked him  
in the stomach.  
  
Benton doubled over in pain and Romano bolted off down the hall. Just before he  
turned the corner he yelled again. "Hey Peter? You still have a bad additude, and  
if you still worked here, I'd fire you!" Then he bolted off, heading toward his office.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
The security guard helped Benton stand. While Elizabeth did her best not to laugh,   
this was something she would never forget. Poor Benton, he certainly hadn't   
been expecting that one.  
  
"What was that?" The guard asked, glancing at Elizabeth. "I heard rumors.....but who   
was that?"  
  
Benton glared down the hall. "Believe it or not. That was the Chief of Staff!" He   
spat out.  
  
The security guard's mouth dropped. "THAT was Dr. Romano?"  
  
"Yes." Elizabeth answered. "And I'm Elizabeth Corday. Most of the docters are  
children. Peter, what do you mean the hospital is opened for patients?"  
  
Benton groaned. "They don't believe it. I offered to help out, but we can't have  
Romano running all over the building.!"  
  
"Let him go. You'll never find him." Elizabeth pointed out. "Just make sure that no  
children dressed as surgeons leave the building."  
  
Benton nodded and looked at the security guard. "You think you can pass that   
along?" He asked.  
  
The security guard nodded and pulled out a radio. Benton lifted Corday into his arms  
and headed back to the lobby. Elizabeth wondered, briefly, where Romano was heading.  
She had a feeling he would head for his office first.  
  
"You couldn't catch him?" Weaver asked when they arrived. "We heard the   
announcement over the radio."  
  
"I DID catch him! He yelled 'child abuse' as soon as we passed the first security   
guard!" Benton growled.  
  
Carter snickered and Benton glared at him. Elizabeth kept her hand over the smirk  
on her face. Weaver's mouth had dropped after hearing the last bit.  
  
"He did THAT!?" She asked in surprise.  
  
"Yes he did!" Elizabeth told her. "It was quite a sight!"  
  
"NOT FAIR!" Dave grumbled. "He gets all the fun!!"  
  
Weaver groaned. "We'll have to lock them all up! We can't have him giving them  
all ideas!"  
  
As they were speaking, Elizabeth noticed as a look of shock came to Carter's face.  
  
"THAT'S IT!!" He exclaimed. Grabbing a wet rag he started washing the backs   
of his hands. Strange black markings appeared.  
  
When had Carter gotten tattoos? Elizabeth wondered. **Between the spoofs, he went  
with Ardeth to the Med-jai and he somehow became one of them**  
  
"HOWAH! Now I know what's going on!" Carter yelled, a maniac look appeared  
on his face.  
  
Before Carter could escape, Benton grabbed him. "The last thing we need is you  
running off too. I don't care what those are!" He growled.  
  
Carter stuck his tongue out. "I'm a Med-Jai!" He retorted.  
  
Elizabeth held back another laugh. Carter was acting INSANE! Somehow, though  
it didn't seem odd. Med-Jai........a name came to mind. Carter's morphine buddy,  
Ardeth Bay. She frowned....that made no sense at all, and yet it did.  
  
"All children to the lounge, NOW!" Weaver ordered.  
  
"Why? You'll NEED us!" Susan protested.  
  
"Because, I'll repeat myself. We don't want the Cheif of Staff giving you ideas!"  
Weaver informed them.  
  
"HEY, I don't work here!" Dave argued. However, before he could run, he was grabbed  
by Pratt.  
  
"Somebody get rid of this food!" Weaver ordered.  
  
"WAIT!" Abby interupted. She recieved several stares. "We might need the food  
to find an antidote!"  
  
Weaver shook her head. "We can't have the patients eating it." She pointed out.  
  
"I'll get rid of it." A woman with red hair and a ponytail, dressed in scrubs piped up.   
  
Corday stared. The woman was familiar, and yet, she didn't remember meeting her.   
**You'll remember this person came in with Cassi earlier? ^_~ This would be Sven!!**  
  
Carter grinned as he caught sight of the woman, who gave him a nod and smiled.  
  
Abby stared, and snickered.   
  
Carter laughed. "I'm not worried, I have a piece of reverse wood in my locker." **As  
of all the Xanth stuff on set. This is also where we got the youth elixer to start with**  
  
"WHAT?!" Weaver demanded.  
  
"I'll just get rid of this food." The woman said, quickly. She then started rolling the   
carts toward the back of the hospital.  
  
"Nothing." Both Carter and Abby told Weaver, in unison.  
  
Weaver shook her head and opened the door to the lounge. Benton and Pratt  
carried Carter and Malucci in. The rest of the five year olds followed reluctantly.  
Elizabeth gave one last look toward the stairs, before following.  
  
******************************************************************  
And we end this section. I can just hear you all screaming. As we didn't make it  
to Romano finding Cassi in his office. It's in the next section. Oh yes. I must   
mention that is was really dumb putting them in the lounge as that is where the   
lockers are. Carter has a lightsaber in his locker as well as his gun and U.S Psycho's  
badge. Ahh, the things we find in peoples' lockers. Another note, being that these  
guys are on set with all the Xanth stuff several of them have magic talents. That  
work anywhere the spoof authors are. Carter's well he has a star role in the  
Chameleon Spoof. His talent is he cannot be harmed by magic. Romano's...well  
he CAN'T be killed. Corday; she can conjure fire at will. You know like Firestarter?  
Anyway, not all of them have talents. Alright, the next section will pick up with  
Romano going to his office. We are getting so close to the trashing of the hospital.  
It's a good thing they are diverting most of the traumas to Mercy. Well I hope  
you enjoyed this section. Please tell us what you think. Review motivate us. I must  
thank all you that have reviewed so far. I'm glad you like it. Well, I need to   
work on the next section as well as Fellowship, and several other things that  
are on our list of posting stuff. Enjoy and review. The next section will be up   
soon. Now I'll let Cassi add her comments in. It's fun doing joint stories.  
  
Cassi didn't have much to add to this one. Most of it was good without adding.   
However, I will add my own point of view while I search the office....just for you Romano  
fans who wanna know what's in his desk....you might be surprised what happens when   
he catches me in there! more to come!!~~Cassi 


	6. 5 year old Psychos with lightsabers oh m...

A few mentions. Romano finds Cassi in his office next. I had request about Malucci getting   
a story line. Well yes he does have a really big scene coming up. He's going to enjoy being   
a child again. NOT that he's the only one. I will mention that in a later spoof. (Jumanji) He   
has a star role. He's playing Alan....the one Robin Williams played. Jing Mae Chen is   
Sarah. The one he ends up with. I thought it would be funny, those two would make a   
perfect couple. I don't like Pratt. Chen should have, in my opinion ended up with Malucci.   
Anyway,  
THANK YOU for all the reviews we've recieved on the earlier chapters. Cassi and I are   
pleased that so many people like the story.....so don't just SIT there. GIVE US MORE!!!!   
It's going to get better.........trust me on that. Anyway, here we go....back into the chaos.   
**********************************************************************  
In Romano's office, Cassi happily sifted through the desk, with a smile. "Hmmm, let's see....."  
She surveyed the contents carefully. "Hey....the script! What do you know! Someone   
DOES read it....oh wait, this is last spoof." She pulled the notebook out and set it aside, then  
dug deeper. "Forbidden Game Collectors eddition....**We're spoofing this series**  
Woah!"   
  
Cassi stared as she pulled out a small box. "Ooo, Robert! Shame on you!" She calmly tossed  
the box into the garbage can. "Won't be needing them after Lucy finishes with ya." **Think  
good, people. Where did Lucy hit him on the dartboard?** "Let's see....lightsaber." She   
pulls a gun out of the top drawer. "Glock...Assistants badge...." She made a face. "Ugh,   
doesn't he have anything worth finding?"   
  
She closed the drawer and opened another, then grinned. "JACKPOT!" Cassi exclaimed as  
she pulled a box of candy bars out of the drawer.   
  
  
Romano climbed the stairs quietly. He knew that there would be people watching  
the elevator so he wasn't going to risk it. It was also a good bet that Benton  
had security looking for him, so he wasn't taking any chances.  
  
As he reached the floor his office was on, he glanced down the hall. It was empty.  
Good. That meant neither Babcock or Shirley were watching for him yet. Hopefully,  
with all the chaos downstairs, they hadn't thought to warn them. That would be interesting.  
Maybe they would be changed into children, too.  
  
When he reached his office he frowned as he discovered that, unlike the hall, it was   
occupied. Sitting at his desk with her feet propped up was a woman with skunk-striped   
hair. She was reading a book, and eating one of his candy bars. On top of this, she was   
wearing his white Doctor's coat. Suddenly, everything fell into place. "Cassi!" He growled.  
  
Cassi looked up from the book and smiled. "Rob!! I was wondering when you would figure  
it out. I got a call from Sven telling me that Carter remembers. Although, he hasn't  
told anyone, and Abby is on our side now, too."  
  
"You did THIS?! ALL of it?!" Romano demanded. "And you didn't even TELL me!? I'm   
supposed to be your ASSISTANT!! How COULD you!?"  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Well, I don't recall you telling me about losing an arm. Did you honestly  
think I wasn't going to find out?!"  
  
Romano glared at her. "How was I supposed to know you didn't already know?" He  
demanded, indignately. "You always seem to know everything ELSE that goes on here!"  
  
Cassi gave him a Look and raised an eyebrow. "Because we asked you what happened on  
more than one occasion." She remarked, as if it were obvious.  
  
"That doesn't justify this." He retorted, with another glare. "You made me five years OLD!   
I can't believe you and Sven would DO this!"  
  
Cassi burst out laughing. "Yes, you CAN!" She managed to get out. "You know very well  
we'd do it in a second."  
  
Romano made a face commonly called "The Wolvie Pout" on set. "Okay, you would.....but  
how could you do it to ME?!" He demanded.  
  
"Well, actually we had help, so we didn't do it ourselves." She pointed at the camera. "Tell,   
Sven, Langly, Byers, Jimmy, Frohike, Yves, Imhotep, Glory, Jonathan, Penny, Ramone, Lucy,  
Greene, and Chris hello."  
  
Romano narrowed his eyes, remembering. "Special Ed" is Jimmy Bond, isn't he?" He asked  
with a sour look.  
  
Cassi nodded. "Still haven't figured out how he forgot you were Chief of Staff." She  
remarked. "We just assume he wasn't paying attention."  
  
Romano frowned. "Lucy Knight and Mark Greene are out there too?" He spat out. "Oh you  
people really ARE sick, aren't you?"  
  
"We were bored. Don't worry, it isn't permanent. You can easily be changed back." Cassi  
told him. "However, you might want to rescue the coffee before Weaver sends someone up  
to ditch it."   
  
"You mean, that all we have to do is to eat or drink the same thing that changed us?"   
Romano asked, in disbelief. "Creative, I must say."  
  
Cassi nodded. "However, before you go drinking it. Remember this; As a five year old  
you have full use of your arm, and you can get away with doing anything you want." She  
informed him. "As an adult, you're exactly the way you were before. Are you absolutely  
sure you wanna grow up yet?"  
  
A thoughtful smile crossed his face, as he considered his options. Cassi was right, he   
realized. This might accidentally be of some fun. He gave an evil grin as a plan began to   
form in his head. "I never thought I'd actually hear myself say this, but you have a point."  
  
Cassi smiled. "I had a feeling you'd see it that way." She replied.  
  
Romano nodded. "Now give me my lightsaber." He ordered.  
  
Cassi pulled it out and handed it to him. "Enjoy."   
  
He turned back just before he walked out the door. "Oh yeah, the least you could do is ask  
before you decide to search through my office." He remarked, with a glare, as he came back,   
and snatched a few candy-bars from the box, before he turned and ran out the door, heading  
for the lounge to rescue the coffee before someone else threw it out.  
  
Cassi gave an evil grin, as she went back to her book. "Something tells me the hospital is  
going to be a mess by the time we get through with it."  
  
"I would say most definitely." Sven remarked over the com-unit.  
  
  
After hiding the coffee, Romano climbed into one of the air ducts, to the ventilation system.  
This was probably the only place he could get that Benton or any of the others couldn't get  
to....but just the right size for a five year old. It was also the one place that the Gunmen  
wouldn't have thought to have cameras installed. This meant that he could get around the  
building and not be seen....by anyone....which opened up numerous possibilities.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Langly swore under his breath, watching as Romano closed the vent behind him and  
disappeared from sight. "Why didn't I think about that?" He spat out.  
  
"Because we wouldn't fit!" Jimmy retorted. "That's what you get for trying to out-smart  
an Assistant."  
  
Chris laughed. "I want to go in there." He remarked with a "Creepy Mummy grin"  
  
Greene shook his head. "This is getting weird. I wonder what he's doing?"  
  
"Good question." Langly murmured. "In there, he could get where ever he wants and not   
get caught."  
  
Chris shook his head and stepped out.   
  
Sven's voice was heard over the radio. "I know what he's doing...." She put in. "However,  
I'm not telling. It would spoil the fun!"  
  
Lucy made a face. "It figures!" She muttered.  
  
*********************************************************************  
  
Elizabeth stayed by the door, listening to what was going on outside. They had been shut  
up in this room for thirty minutes. Carter had pulled several things from his locker, happily.  
One item looked like some kind of a flashlight. **I wonder what that could be?**  
  
She stayed apart from the others, mentally kicking herself for not running after Romano when  
she had the chance. At least then, she might be of some use. This was ridiculous, Weaver   
locking them up! Somewhere in the back of her mind, she hoped that Weaver would be turned  
into a child too.  
  
Carter moved over to the door. "Anything of interest?" He asked, fingering the "flashlight".  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Not yet." She answered. "Carter, what is that?"  
  
Carter grinned like a maniac. "It's my lightsaber." He replied, matter-of-factly.  
  
Elizabeth stared and rolled her eyes. This five year old thing seemed to be affecting Carter's  
mind.  
  
"No, REALLY, Elizabeth!" Carter cut in, defensively. "And I'm not the only one here who   
has one! Romano has one too!"   
  
Elizabeth shook her head again. "Carter, go away."  
  
Carter shrugged and moved away from her, muttering. "I can't believe she actually thought I   
was JOKING!"  
  
Hearing a small noise at the door, Elizabeth leaned against it, pressing her ear to it. Then, she  
heard Kerry yell in anger. She climbed up on a chair to and glanced out the window to the hall  
and saw Weaver's look of disbelief.  
  
Weaver looked to the lounge and caught Elizabeth's gaze. She quickly set the phone  
down and headed to the louge. "Elizabeth?" Weaver asked, opening the door. "Do you have  
any idea what Robert would want with a bag of balloons?"  
  
Elizabeth bit back a laugh. "Robert stole balloons?!" She asked, in disbelief. "Why?!"  
  
"What about water baloons?" Carter suggested, as he pulled what appeared to be  
a badge out of his locker and clipped it on his belt....Next to the "lightsaber".  
  
Weaver's mouth dropped, and she frowned. "He wouldn't........or would he?" She managed  
to get out.  
  
"Actually, he might." Elizabeth informed her. "He's been under a lot of stress lately. I would  
think he's capable of doing a lot of things he wouldn't normally do." She frowned,   
remembering his words in the hallway. "Besides, when I told him to quit acting like a baby;   
he said he was five and in his figuring that makes him one. I have a feeling he's going to be  
a big problem for you."  
  
With a glare, Weaver slammed the door and began yelling. "Have security check the   
bathrooms and the breakrooms!" She ordered. "Quickly! He's going to need water."  
  
Elizabeth but her lip, trying not to laugh. What a shame Kerry had not stayed a minute longer.  
Elizabeth knew Robert fairly well, and if he was after water, the first place he'd be likely to go  
would be the scrub room.....however, that was their problem now. "If she'd stayed longer, I   
might have told her to check the scrub room." She informed the other "children".  
  
Carter nodded. "Never under estimate an Assis......" He trailed off. "Um......someone   
like him."  
  
Elizabeth studied Carter, with a frown. What did he almost say? He was hiding something,   
and whatever it was, it must have something to do with what was happening.  
  
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?!" Susan accused, in disbelief.  
  
"Well, you must admit, Robert was right." Elizabeth pointed out. "We are five years old!   
Why not act like it?"  
  
"Yes, but we're stuck in HERE, and he's out THERE!" Dave spat out.  
  
"Until someone breaks us out." Elizabeth shot back.  
  
"She's right." Carter remarked. "It's a very good chance that he'll try to break us out."   
  
"Why?" Kovac demanded. "He doesn't even like most of us."  
  
"First of all. Everyone knows that Dr. Corday is the Chief of Staff's pet." Carter pointed out.  
"He likes her. That alone would motivate him to at least get HER out!"  
  
"Shut up Carter!" Elizabeth spat out. "There is NOTHING going on between Robert and I!  
And I'll thank you not to insinuate anything else!"  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Shirley set down the phone and shook her head. Dr. Romano was a CHILD? Unbelieveable!  
And not only him, but Elizabeth and over half the emergency room staff? This wasn't   
possible! Dr. Weaver had mentioned for her to keep a look out for Romano, who was running  
around somewhere in the hospital. If anything, Shirley decided....she HAD to see this one!   
She stood and headed for the scrub room. Weaver had said to check bathrooms and break   
rooms, something about Dr. Romano and water balloons. The scrub rrom had not been   
mentioned, but Shirley knew it was a likely place for Romano to go.  
  
She jumped startled, as she heard Babcock's scream of anger. A small boy carrying  
a large bag of what appeared to be water balloons, bolted around the corner, nearly slamming  
into her.  
  
"Oh, hello Shirley." The boy remarked as he saw who it was. "Could you tell Babcock that   
was for trying to say that Lizzie killed all those patients...oh and because he's a pain in the   
ass? Anyway, gotta go now. I'll see you later..BYE!" The boy, who,obviously, --as there   
was no one else it COULD be-- was Romano bolted off, disappearing from sight. Just as a   
soaking wet Babcock appeared.  
  
"WHERE did that BRAT go, and how did he get up here anyway?" He demanded.   
  
"That way, but before you follow, I'll warn you. I got a call from Weaver." Shirley informed  
him. "That isn't a child. Half of the docters and nurses have somehow turned into children.  
I'll give you three guesses as to whom that one was, but you'll only need one."  
  
A look of utter hatred came to Babcock's face. With a yell, he bolted down the hall. "When I  
catch you, I'm gonna KILL you, Robert!"  
  
Shirley chuckled and arrived at the scrub room. Her mouth dropped in shock. It was trashed.  
Water and soap were all over the floor. A stool was sitting in front of the sinks, and there  
were small, soapy handprints all over the place. "Robert, I swear if you were my child I'd PAY  
someone to kidnap you!" She growled, and went to get cleaning supplies.   
  
********************************************************************  
  
Elizabeth stayed by the door, still glaring at Carter, for what he had said. She leaned against  
the wall, her head throbbing. Why couldn't Robert hurry up? It had been over an hour  
now. Her thoughts were interrupted as Benton stepped in. "Elizabeth? We have a   
problem. We have searched all over this place and we still can't find him. We did get  
a call from Shirley. Appareantly, he trashed the scrub room and creamed Babcock with a   
balloon filled with soap and water."  
  
Elizabeth's head shot up and she grinned. "Really? He DID!? I'm IMPRESSED!"  
  
"Way to go, Dr. Romano." Carter remarked, snickering.  
  
Benton frowned. "Anyway, we're also missing a whole bunch of restraints and bed  
sheets. You know him better then the rest of us, so what do you think he's planning?"  
He asked.  
  
"It sounds as iff he's making a rope or something." Elizabeth answered. "I'd be watchful if I   
were you. Did Shirley say whether he had filled any other balloons?"  
  
"She said he had a HUGE bag full of them." Benton replied.  
  
"Then it's obvious what is coming next." Elizabeth answered. "I think he's going to be playing   
a few pranks......."  
  
She was cut off by Weaver's scream of outrage. Benton hurried out the door, locking  
it behind him. Everyone in the room hurried to the glass window to look towards the  
lobby. Where Weaver was covered in soap and water.  
  
"Nice job, Romano!" Dave remarked with a wide grin.  
  
More screams came as several others were coated with soap and water.  
  
"Nice distraction. Wonder what he's planning next?" Susan wondered, aloud.  
  
A loud crash behind them caused them all to jump and turn. On the floor was a  
metal grate from the ventilation system. While the others stared at the grate, Elizabeth  
looked up. Her eyes stopping on Robert's smiling face.  
  
"Did you miss me?" He asked, drawing everyone's attention to him.  
  
Carter grinned, and saluted Romano with his "lightsaber". Romano grinned and mimicked  
the gesture with his own. So Carter had been serious on the lightsaber.....not that they  
could be real, of course. That was impossible.  
  
"Throw me that rope!"Elizabeth ordered. "I know you've got one!"  
  
"Very smart, Lizzie." He replied, and dropped his rope, which was constructed of restraints  
and bed sheets.  
  
Elizabeth, ignoring most of the stares she got from the others she grabbed the rope and  
started climbing, allowing Robert to help her into the vent.  
  
"We shouldn't leave!" Carol protested.  
  
"Oh, shut up!" Romano snapped. "You're five years old. Enjoy it while it lasts! It isn't like   
it's permanent! Ask Carter, he can tell you. Really, people, this is the chance of a lifetime.   
How often do you get to be child again? You have no responsiblities and can do   
ANYTHING you want. So make your choice, do you want to sit here and pout like a five year  
old, or go out and have fun like a five year old?"  
  
Dave nodded. "I never thought I'd say this, but Romano is right." He retorted. "I ain't stayin'  
in here! I don't even work here anymore!"  
  
"Oh yes!" Carter agreed, grinning. He grabbed the rope once Elizabeth had been safely pulled  
into the vent by Romano.  
  
After a few minutes, only Carol, Ross, Kovac, and Gallant were left below.  
  
"Make up your minds!" Romano called. "I haven't got all night!" Then he glanced over at   
Elizabeth. "Could you and Carter drop a few more of my distraction missles out there? We   
need to stall longer."  
  
Elizabeth nodded and crawled over to where Carter had the bag. Dave quickly joined them.  
  
"Oooh, give ME one! I wanna douse Weaver! She has it coming!" Dave told them.  
  
Carter snickered, and handed Dave a water/soap balloon. Dave hurried off, searching for his   
intended victim. Elizabeth shook her head, with a small smile and grabbed a few water   
balloons for herself.  
  
After successfully bombing a few more people, Elizabeth looked up to see Romano motioning  
her over. "Is that everyone?" She asked, noticing that he was re-latching the opening.  
  
"Yeah, for a moment there I was wondering if Kerry's shadow was gonna stay." Romano told  
her, pointing at Gallant.  
  
"I'm glad he didn't. He might have told them how you've been hiding from them." Elizabeth  
whispered back with a small smile.  
  
Romano smirked. "I'm disappointed that they haven't yet. I actually thought they were   
smarter than that." He admitted. "I guess I was mistaken."  
  
Elizabeth held back a laugh, and shook her head. Romano smiled back at her and frowned as  
if he was considering something.  
  
He glanced around, making sure that the others were gone before speaking.  
"Have you guessed who is doing this yet?" He asked, in a whisper.  
  
Elizabeth shook her head, confused. She wondered if this had anything to do with  
what Carter had been talking about. Something about "reverse wood" and later  
those pesky lightsabers.   
  
Romano's smile widened. "Think.......Evil Spoof Authors......and the Lone Gunmen, who were  
installing cameras? The free food....which I'm pretty sure Carter's Gamma paid for, since she   
wired money to the spoofset, and she WAS a patient here." He reminded her.  
  
Elizabeth frowned, and felt her mouth drop in surprise as everything came back to her. How   
had they managed to block this much memory? "How do we reverse this?" She asked, eyeing  
Robert. "Obviously there must be a way."  
  
"The same thing that transformed us." He answered, as if it were obvious. "I hid the coffee.   
However, the others might have a harder time. I hear Weaver dumped the food."  
  
The memory of the red haired woman in scrubs came to her mind. Sven, one of the   
Evil Authors. "No, it was Sven! She offered to get rid of the food. I didn't recognize her then,  
but I do now. She was wearing scrubs. I think she probably hid the food." She told him.  
  
  
Robert frowned, considering this, then nodded. "Maybe. Those two are devious. Cassi is   
up in my office, sifting through my desk, even as we speak. She's the reason I remembered   
the Spoofset...." His eyes narrowed as he trailed off. "And I can't BELIEVE she didn't TELL   
me! I'm supposed to be an ASSISTANT!"  
  
"Abby knows, doesn't she?" Elizabeth questioned, remembering the nurses comments.  
  
"Yes, her and Carter. Better watch Carter though. He had his gun in his locker, along with   
that lightsaber, and I saw he had his "U.S. Psychos" badge on. He's likely going to kill   
someone, as he IS the number one killer on set. He's had about twenty kills, most of which   
were med-crew, as I'm sure you remember." He frowned again. "Come to think of it, I think   
he's killed Malucci about three times. Hmm, might be fun to have a lightsaber duel in the  
middle of the lobby."  
  
"Robert..." Lizzie said in warning.  
  
"Oh come on. It would be funny! Can you imagine the look on Kerry's face? Or  
Benton's........" Romano stopped and scowled. "The one who killed me."  
  
"Yes and you killed him back. So you're even!" Elizabeth pointed out.  
  
Robert sighed. "Let's get out of here, before the idiot adults find you all missing.....with the   
door locked, no less." He remarked, thoughtfully. "Love to see 'em try and explain it."  
  
******************************************************************  
And we end part six........hmmm checked reviews today, several hours after we  
uploading section four. No reviews yet.....well until we get reviews we don't   
put up any sections. No offense but we liked to know what all of you think. If   
you don't review, we won't know what you want to read. So please review.....  
**Very large Bambie Eyes** PLEASE?  
Okay, we found a few more today. Very well, we shall be merciful to you and put this   
section up. The kids are all out now, and the best is yet to come. They have all been  
separated, spread out all over to inflict their own forms of fun. Believe me....each kid is  
going to do their own form of terror....may God have mercy on the souls of the adults. 


	7. Gurney surfing anyone?

Alright to answer a few questions......I believe someone wanted to know why we  
had Ross, and all the other ones that left.......WELL as we mentioned at the   
beginning we invited all the poor shmucks. They answered the invites...the idiots.  
Is it our fault that they were dumb enough to come? Anyway, the rest of the   
people are from our spoofset......if you really want to know who they are all then  
read the spoofs...we mention things that happened in them. For all of you who  
have read the spoofs you know what we keep mentioning. Anyway, that answers  
most of the questions. Malucci has a big scene in this section. I'll try to give him  
a point of view.......alright let me get to typing.....and please review. Anyway  
story now. Cassi's watching "ER" again......we just finished watching it and now  
she had to rewind it so she could see Romano's scenes again. Well he is her  
assistant...........  
  
Cassi's finished with the tape for now. Sven's gone to bed early, so I promised   
to try and type some. Anyhow, of course I had to see it again! The line of   
Romano's "Don't do it....my CAR is down there!!!" to the guy trying to jump off   
building was priceless!!! Me thinks this guy's been on our set too long.....well,  
wait, then again, if he wanted to act out what we do on set, he would have   
pushed him off, then come down, saying the guy jumped. hehehe Judging from  
his mental state about now....I think I have an offer for him he can't afford to pass   
up. Comin in a future spoof. Right..you guys wanted to hear more right?  
Oh yeah, we HAD to have them retain all adult memories....otherwise they wouldn't  
have near as much fun! Think of it as fool-proof stress relief! On with the show!  
  
Well Sven made it back in. Cassi was sick last night and didn't finish it, with all  
that Romano stuff I'm not suprised. WHAT?! Cassi doesn't agree she had to  
print out pictures of him for her quotes notebook. She also wanted a good  
one of him and Lizzie fighting. Not that those are hard come by, you can find them  
everywhere....................gee I wonder why? Anyway, let's get back to the Chaos!  
  
Guess what! More opening comments...I can hear you all screaming by now. ^_^  
We would like to apologize for this having taken so long. We started it on Friday,  
which is when the first opening paragraphs were written. Yes, we watch ER on  
Friday. Why? Because we don't get it out here in the sticks. Our friend tapes it for  
us and we drive all the way back to town every Friday for our weekly fix. Thankyou  
very much, Mitch! We really do luv ya for this! And now....guess what we're   
actually getting to the story now! Cool, huh?--Cassi  
*************************************************************  
  
Benton swore as he washed the soap from his hair and face. If he ever got his   
hands on Romano, he was going to strangle him. **That might take awhile with  
Romano's magic talent.**  
  
He was still trying to figure out how Romano had managed to throw the balloons  
without being seen. Where could he have been hiding? Maybe Elizabeth would  
know.   
  
After being soaked twice, he'd had to change into scrubs. There was a good   
chance the shirt he'd been wearing was trashed. It was dryclean only. Maybe,  
when this was over, he'd have Romano pay for it! **Fat chance....besides, Carter and  
Lizzie were the ones who got him!**   
  
After finishing drying his face, he headed towards the lounge. It had been an hour  
since the balloons had started dropping. He pulled the key to the lounge from  
his pocket and unlocked the door. He was greeted by an empty room. "KERRY!"  
He yelled, angry that he had not considered the fact that Romano would break the  
others out. He should have KNOWN that! By letting the others out, it would make it   
harder to catch him. Now they had twelve to chase instead of one.  
  
Weaver hurried over. "What?" She demanded, as she had been helping a patient.  
  
Benton pointed. "He caused the disraction so he could bust the others out!" He   
exclaimed.   
  
"How?! The door was locked! There has been someone watching this door since  
we locked them in there!"Weaver protested.  
  
Benton groaned realizing there was one place they hadn't thought about. He  
looked up..and Weaver followed his gaze. "He's in the ventilation system. The air  
ducts run throughout the entire building. He'd have access to every room in the  
building, and we can't trace him! That's why no one sees him sneak in and out!"   
He remarked with another groan.  
  
Weaver shook her head in disbelief. "There is no way! They are small and how  
could the others get up there? The grate is still in place."  
  
Benton grinned, ruefully. "He made ropes from restraints and bed sheets. He must  
have had the last person tie the rope to the grate! Elizabeth was right! He was  
making a rope. She knew what he would do. It didn't surprise her when I mentioned  
the scrub room. We damn well should have asked her!"  
  
"A little late for that now." Weaver muttered, "But the vents are still very small!"   
  
"Well they certainly didn't phase through the WALL!" Benton argued, "Are you  
forgetting that they ARE in fact, children?! The vents are small enough for a child   
to enter. Besides, there isn't any other way! Think about it Kerry, he may look like   
a five year old, but he doesn't THINK like one!"  
  
At the sound of a shout, both turned to see Chuny heading in their direction.  
"Dr. Benton, Dr. Weaver?" She called, waving a clipboard in her hand. "A patient  
said a child dressed in scrubs talked to her. He wrote something on her chart and  
told her to tell a nurse that she needed to go to X-Ray. Here's the chart."  
  
Benton took the clipboard and groaned as he read it. "It's Romano's handwriting.  
Did she say where he went?" He asked.  
  
"No, but she did say there was a little girl also dressed in scrubs with him." Chuny told  
them. "I don't know how that could be possible, since the others are locked up."  
  
Weaver groaned. "Not anymore, they aren't! Romano broke them all out! He's been  
using the ventilation ducts to sneak around the building!" She growled, and glared at  
the ceiling.  
  
Chuny stared and then snickered. "You have to admit, this is a little funny........." She  
remarked, trailing off as she noticed they weren't laughing. "Umm, I better get to work."  
  
Benton glared, and Chuny hurried away. This was ridiculous! Why was Romano  
treating this as if it were nothing? Did he know whether or not the change was   
permanant? Was he involved? No, he couldn't be........not the way he was acting   
when Anspaugh and Elizabeth had come down with him. Benton rubbed his head  
and groaned, he was getting a terrible headache.  
  
"So if Elizabeth is with Robert, then where are the others?" Weaver wondered.  
  
As an answer, loud shouting came from down the hall. On a gurney being pushed  
by Kovac and Ross, was Dave standing up, acting as though he was surfling. Kovac  
and Ross, seeing Weaver and Benton, scattered as Dave passed them.  
  
"Wahoooo!" Dave yelled. "Hang TEN!!!!!"  
  
"MALUCCI!!!" Weaver screamed.  
  
Dave grinned and waved. Abby bolted after him.  
  
Benton sighed. "I'll go see where the other two went!" He said and dashed away,  
in the direction the others had run in.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Dave glanced behind him and yelled. "Uh? Kovac? Doug?" Realizing they had  
abandoned him he groaned, seeing Abby chasing after him. Great! Now he was  
going to get caught. However, he was distracted from that thought, when he  
realized he was heading toward a wall. With a shout he jumped off and landed in   
a patient's lap. "Ow..." He moaned, trying to clear his head.  
  
"Are you alright?" The woman asked.  
  
Dave looked up and stared.........at the absolutly beautiful woman. Somehow, he   
thought perhaps he should know her. **Hmmmm...I didn't think anyone could  
forget Rhapsody....I think the spoofset is merging with the "ER"**  
  
"I'm fine now....." Dave breathed, staring at her in awe. Out of the corner of his   
eye he saw Abby coming. "I as much as I hate to say this, I gotta run!"  
  
Dave stood, grinned at Abby, and bolted away, heading for the nearest opening   
to the ventilation system. Romano was right about the adults not being able to   
follow them there. He darted inside just as Abby reached him. She tried to  
grab him but he pulled himself out of her reach. Then he stuck his tongue out  
and hurried away. It was time to find some other area to trash!  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Carter, seated comfortably on the roof, pulled out his cell-phone that he had rescued  
from his locker. He speed-dialed Ardeth's number, and it was answered immediately.  
  
"This is Ardeth." Ardeth answered. **You don't even want to know what a Med-jai  
from 1934 is doing with a cell-phone in the middle of the Sahara desert**  
  
"It's me, Carter. The spoofauthors have changed half the doctors into children. I'm  
one! You wanna come and join us? We're trashing the hospital. All you have to do  
is eat the tainted food, and then your five. It can be reversed easily, so wanna come?"  
Carter questioned.  
  
"Sounds like fun, my friend. I'll be there as soon as I can....I'll take my speeder bike."  
Ardeth answered, with a grin. "Where will you meet me?" **Do we need to repeat   
ourselves with the speeder bike from StarWars? He has a lightsaber and a Glock too,  
before we have to say the same thing about that.**  
  
"Inside the ambulance bay. You remember where that is, don't you?" Carter asked.  
**Yes, he IS going to park that speeder bike in the Ambulance Bay**  
  
"I played Newman! I was THERE once, give me about an hour." Ardeth told him.  
  
"I gotta go now. I don't want to get caught, so I'll see you when you get here!" Carter  
told him and hung up. Well, that would make this all the more funner. Now to  
find Romano and tell him that Ardeth was coming.....now where the heck were Romano  
and Lizzie?  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Benton returned to the admit desk and groaned, seeing what a mess the main  
lobby was. When this was over, he would NEVER return to this hospital again.  
Why had he let himself be talked into staying?  
  
Weaver joined him, looking exhausted. "Are you sure they aren't converting to  
five year olds?" She asked.  
  
"REAL five year olds are better behaved!" Benton retorted.  
  
Weaver nodded in agreement. "True.......has anyone managed to catch any of them?"   
She asked.  
  
"Gallant turned himself in. He said he didn't want anything to do with those   
nutballs." Benton replied. He frowned as he watched a small child dressed   
like a comic book character approach him.  
  
"Could you find my Daddys and Mommy?" The boy asked. He almost seemed  
like a baby version of the X-Men character, Wolverine.  
  
"Can you tell me what their names are?" Benton asked.  
  
"Well there is Daddy Logan, and Daddy Spike, and Mommy Buffy!" He answered.  
"I'm Wolvie and I need to find my sister too, her name is Shadowkitty."  
  
Benton stared."Wait....you have two fathers?" He asked.  
  
"Actually, I have three, and two Mommys. Dada Pip and Mama Jemima, she's a   
cat." Wolvie told him. "My other Mommy is a Vampire Slayer and my Daddy  
is a vampire and my other Daddy is a big ugly smelly Gorilla!" **See the Heir to  
the Spoof, The Vampire Mummy Returns,& Peregrin; a Willow Spoof.**  
  
"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE CALL PSYCH DOWN HERE!!!" He yelled.  
  
"NOOOO!! I don't like Cyke, he's a wimp who has a lisp!" Wolvie retorted, disgusted.  
  
Benton looked at the stunned Weaver. "You take this one. I don't work here anymore!"  
  
Another small child appeared, this one wearing a visor. "He didn't call for me. He  
wanth a thsomeone to tell you that you are a sthupid retard." Cyke told Wolvie. "The  
retht of uth already know it."  
  
Wolvie let out a yell and tackled Cyke.  
  
"WHO do these kids, belong to?" Benton asked.  
  
"We not KIDS, we don't go nah! We are X-Babies!" Wolvie protested.  
  
"You're sthupid!" Cyke pointed out.  
  
"I AM NOT!" Wolvie yelled, a loud snickt was heard and claws popped out of Wolvie's   
hands.  
  
Benton pulled out a bottle of Aspirin and popped a couple pills in his mouth.  
  
"How does that kid have six inch claws?" Weaver asked.  
  
"They are MY patients...I'll find their Mommys and Daddys. Don't worry." Abby  
put in and started to lead them away.  
  
"Don't call the Gorilla man, he'd just tell you to dump me in the river like Dada Pip  
wanted to do to my Daddy-Spike's Uncle Nephew......." Wolvie protested as Abby lead  
them away.**As in Peregrin A "Willow" Spoof**  
  
"I can sympathize with him. Where are all these lunatics coming from?" Benton  
demanded.  
  
"What the HELL is going on?!" Anspaugh asked, hurrying up to them. "There  
are five year olds wrecking the hospital!"  
  
"Yes, we know! Romano let them all out!" Weaver informed him. "We can't catch   
them. They have been moving through the ventilation shafts. We can't follow them  
there, and apparently, Romano showed them how!"  
  
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Anspaugh muttered.  
  
"It also appears that he is STILL seeing patients." Weaver added, handing the   
clipboard to him.  
  
Anspaugh read it and shook his head. "He's good. Where's Elizabeth?" He asked.  
  
"With Romano. The patient discribed her." Benton admitted.  
  
"That doesn't surprise me either. They're two of a kind!" Anspaugh remarked, ruefully.  
"Just watch them. They fight way too much. I think they both enjoy it."  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Sven, now bored with what was going on downstairs, **Believe me, you're much safer   
not knowing. Let's just say we have very short attention spans** headed toward  
Romano's office. She grinned at Cassi when she entered. "So where's the food?"   
She asked.  
  
Cassi pointed toward the cart and Sven snagged her lunch. "How's everything  
downstairs?" Cassi wanted to know. "And where the heck are my heroin rolls?"  
  
"Fruit by the Foot." Sven retorted. "Under the cart. There's about five boxes."  
  
Cassi grinned, tossed Romano's now empty box of candy bars aside, and attacked  
the food cart. "Ahhh....sugar rush." She sighed, as she opened the first box. **Cassi  
is addicted to Fruit by the Foot. We swear they're made of heroin, but can't prove it.  
For the record, she can empty three boxes in 2 and a half days....tops. We've both  
emptied two in one day before....that's each of us: two in one day**  
  
"Anyways, downstairs, the idiots are so worried about what the patients will see,   
they haven't figured out that a good portion of the "patients" are all spoof characters."  
Sven retorted with a grin. "I have to admit, this is almost funner then spoof-writing. We   
have to do this more often. Everyone loves good torture. So long as Carter doesn't aquire  
himself anymore kills. Oh, yeah the Raptor squad has out side the hospital secured. We   
shouldn't get to many REAL patients. Steve said he'd eat anyone who is a pest...........I   
should have them eat Pratt." **I don't like Pratt. I think I mentioned that before.**  
**Steve V Raptor, Nick V Raptor, Sara D Raptor, and Bridget B Raptor..and the Raptor  
Squad (a group of 40 Raptors wearing actual cards with numbers on them)..Jurassic Spoof,  
by Cassi & Sven, Jurassic: Lost World by Cassi & Batman spoof, by Sven...also in any   
done during or after these spoofs.**  
  
"Is Bill out there with them?" Cassi asked.  
  
"Behind the building, hiding........behind another REALLY big rock. He has a milkbone,  
that'll keep him busy. Although how anyone would miss a rock that big is beyond me,  
but this IS Chicago. Anyway, I'm sure a few of those idiots down there will begin to  
figure things out. This is like living proof to Malcom's "Chaos Theory. Unpredictabilty."  
Sven answered. **Bill Spino...thinks he's a dog. "James of the Jungle" by Cassi**  
  
"So who all is here?" Cassi questioned.  
  
"Most of the spoofset. This is beginning to get out of hand.......oh well. Just like   
our spoofs." Sven pointed out. "Wonder what the fans will think?"  
  
"I'm sure they will tell us."Cassi put in.  
  
****************************************************************  
END SECTION SEVEN: Alright, what are you waiting for? Tell us already........yes   
our spoofset is merging with "ER" Not that it's hard, considering, Cook County  
General was the hospital in the Fugitive. Anyway, tell us what you think. We are  
pretty much ad-libbing now. Now, a few things......YES there will be other "ER"  
Characters changed into children...............you'll love that one....when it comes. As  
for other spoof set people, probably a lot of them....Ardeth included. Can you   
just see him walking in the hospital with his scimitar strapped to his back, his lightsaber  
his glock, as he is a U.S. Psycho. Anyway, tell us what you want and we'll try to get   
it in. Also a note to, Rhapsody Child of Sky. Yes the Rhapsody Characters are in  
this. As of the End of Fellowship, which has yet to be posted, they are on our set...  
YES I'm working on Fellowship.......hence the long delay. This story is getting more  
reviews **Hint,HINT!!** So it's being updated faster.  
  
Another note....YES, Romano of course has hair! It will be mentioned later on by some  
one. It hasn't yet because he's STILL wearing his surgical cap! He had it on when he  
was changed. It will get jerked off later! Don't worry. We will take full advantage of his  
childhood cuteness. ^_^--Cassi 


	8. Dinosaurs, wall murals, and Romano has H...

Alright, I believe we left you in utter chaos.........I hope you liked the last chapter.  
We get carried away when things start to go nuts. Anyway, where were we in the  
story hmmmm, oh that's right Carter is looking for Romano and Lizzie, with Ardeth  
on the way. We need someone at the admit desk, since Jerry is five and currently  
wreaking havok like the rest of the five year olds....or most of them. Frank will  
be coming in.....to an empty lobby or..........almost empty......I'll let you wait and  
read. Okay, Cassi is changing our dartboard pics as the old ones have five million  
holes in them. Maybe we'll send them to Emmy. Oh, right. I forgot you want the  
story to continue.  
Incidentally, the new ones already have five million holes in them ^_^ --Cassi  
**************************************************************  
  
Romano paused and looked around the corner. No one was paying attention to  
the admit desk.....good. He glanced back at Lizzie and nodded. Both, after another  
quick look around, headed toward the desk. Once reaching it, they pulled a  
chair up next to the counter. Lizzie held it in place while Romano climbed onto  
the counter.  
  
"Robert, be careful." Lizzie ordered.  
  
"Honestly, Lizzie, have you no sense of humor? They have this one coming!" He  
retorted.  
  
"I meant if you fall off that counter, you'll be breaking your neck, because I'm NOT   
catching you!" Lizzie shot back.  
  
Romano shook his head, grinning, then he looked up at the board. After finding  
the right patient's name he erased the name and wrote; "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE  
DUST!!" In big bold letters.  
  
"WHAT are you KIDS doing?!" A loud voice demanded, NEARLY causing Romano  
to actually fall off the counter.  
  
"I think it's time to scram!" Romano stated, seeing Frank head in their direction.  
He jumped to the chair and then to the floor. He ducked under Frank's arm as the big man  
grabbed for him. He felt Frank get ahold of the surgical cap he was wearing, so   
he ducked lower, feeling the cap came off and he bolted, grabbing Lizzie's hand as he did.  
"Come on, Lizzie! Time to GO!!"  
  
"You have HAIR." Lizzie pointed out, as they bolted away from the lobby.  
  
"Very funny, Lizzie! Less talk, more run!" Romano managed to get out. "I don't think   
Frank has any chance of catching us if we keep moving. He weighs to much and doesn't   
really seem like he runs much!"  
  
They bolted around another corner and slammed into Carter. Causing them  
all to fall over.  
  
"We have got to stop meeting like this!" Carter suggested, pulling himself out from under  
them.  
  
"We have to run! Frank saw us mess with the board, and he'll have one of the EVIL   
adults looking for us!" Romano told him.  
  
Carter shrugged and grinned. "Who cares? This hospital is full of spoof cast. I'm  
sure you must have noticed......"He trailed off as he saw the surprised looks on   
Romano and Corday's faces. "You didn't notice? There are fake patients....most   
of them, in fact. There is also a REALLY big rock behind the hospital, which I assume  
Bill is behind. They really need to get more creative on how they hide him."  
  
"There is a DINOSAUR behind the building and NO ONE has noticed him?!?"  
Romano demanded.  
  
"Actually, the whole Raptor squad is out there too." Carter added, with an insane grin.  
  
"I don't believe this place!" Romano exclaimed, as Lizzie burst out laughing.  
"That isn't funny, Lizzie!"  
  
"Oh, yeah. I invited Ardeth. He said he'd be here in an hour....."Carter paused to  
look at his watch. "Forty-five minutes now, I guess."  
  
"How did you invite him?" Romano asked confused.  
  
"I called his cell-phone." Carter answered.  
  
Romano glanced at Lizzie, who was laughing harder. "You know, a year ago, this might  
have seemed strange." He said dryly.  
  
"There you are!" Frank yelled, coming around the corner.  
  
Romano grabbed Lizzie's hand and bolted. "RUN!" He yelled.   
  
Carter followed, keeping up with them.   
******************************************************************  
  
Frank angrily chased after the children. He turned another corner and they were   
gone. GREAT, where had they gone to? It was definitly time to find Weaver and ask  
her what the hell was going on. First, he was called in on his day off so he could  
replace Jerry. And they hadn't even said why Jerry wasn't doing the job. Now THIS!  
Could the day get any worse?! **And what do we say? Awww, you ain't seen NOTHIN  
yet!**  
****************************************************************  
  
Benton glared at the board. "Why didn't anyone see this happen?" He demanded.  
  
"I did!" Frank growled, heading back up to the admit desk. "Stupid kids!"  
  
"Which kid?" Weaver wanted to know.  
  
"Two little kids in surgical scrubs." Frank spat out, and slammed a surgical  
cap on the desk.  
  
"Congratulations, you found Romano and Corday." Weaver told him. She glanced  
at the cap. "You are the only employee who's seen them in hours."  
  
"What?!" Frank demanded, in surprise.  
  
"Half the docters have been turned into children." Benton explained.  
  
"They met up with a third one. Dressed like Carter usually does. Was it him?" Frank  
asked.  
  
"You found Carter ALSO? You really ARE doing good. He's been missing longer."  
Weaver informed him. "Now where did they go?"  
  
"They disappeared." Frank admitted. "I turned the corner and they were gone."  
  
"Back into the ventilation shafts." Benton concluded.  
**************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in the nurses lounge, Susan, Jing Mae, and Carol were putting the finishing   
touches on the ketchup and mustard mural they were painting on the wall.  
  
"These make great finger paints." Susan pointed out. "I can't believe I never noticed it  
before."  
  
Carol smirked. "You weren't five years old before....I mean not like this." She remarked.  
  
Jing Mae nodded. "I heard Dave took a gurney through the main lobby. He was  
gurney surfing." She mentioned.  
  
Susan snickered and Carol shook her head. "Doug was pushing." Carol told them. "It  
was a heck of a sight.....especially after they ran off and left him there."  
  
Ross suddenly ran in, laughing. "Hey, guess what Romano did to the main board." He   
asked, as he entered.  
  
"What?" Susan asked, still admiring the mural.  
  
"He wrote; "another one bites the dust" in huge letters! Oh yeah, and Frank snagged  
his surgical cap." Ross informed them. "You know he actually has hair?"  
  
"REALLY?" Susan exclaimed, surprised. "No!"  
  
"Oh yeah, laugh it up!" Romano growled from the vent opening. He crawled out when   
they turned, followed by Corday and Carter.  
  
Susan laughed. "Wow, I'm impressed. He's a redhead."  
  
Romano eyed the mural, ignoring the comment. "Nice job. All you need now is pickle  
relish and a hotdog." He stated.  
  
"It's different." Carter remarked. "Guess what? Ardeth's coming!"  
  
Susan, Ross, Carol, and Jing Mae, stared........"What?"  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Carter's 'Mophine buddy?'" He paused, waiting for a reaction.  
When there wasn't any, he shrugged and changed the subject. "You know there are   
dinosaurs in the parking lot?"  
  
"What?" Susan asked blankly.  
  
"HEY everyone!" Dave yelled, entering. "Did you know there was a big rock behind  
the hospital?"  
  
"Yeah that's Bill." Romano told him.  
  
"You named the rock?" Dave asked.  
  
"No Bill's the dino-dog behind it." Carter retorted. "The one with the big Milk bone."  
  
At the blank stares, Romano, Carter and Corday burst out laughing.  
  
Dave frowned, an odd look on his face. "Wait.......Bill Spino?" He asked, frowning.  
  
Romano and Carter grinned. "There IS a smart one in the bunch." Romano proclaimed,  
looking shocked. "Never thought it would be Dave, though."  
  
"That isn't funny!" Dave growled, then glared at Carter. "YOU KILLED ME THREE   
TIMES!" He yelled, and attacked Carter.  
  
"Ummm...Lizzie let's get out of here." Romano suggested. Then he grinned. "I bet Dr.   
Babcock is all dried off now."  
  
Corday gave an evil grin. "Well, we'll have to remedy that, won't we? Bye, Everyone!"   
Shecalled to the others, and the two climbed back into the vent opening, disappearing  
from sight.  
  
Susan moved her gaze back to the fighting duo. "Should we demand an explaination  
once they are done killing each other?" She asked Jing Mae.  
  
Jing Mae nodded, glaring at the duo. "I want to know more about this Bill........"  
She trailed off as Abby entered the lounge.  
  
Both Carter and Dave froze. "Uh-oh!" They exclaimed in unison.  
  
"You WRECKED the lounge!" Abby yelled in protest.  
  
"It's an improvement!" Carol retorted, with a pout. "And we thought it was so pretty,   
too."  
  
"I'm going!" Carter yelled, heading toward the vent opening. "Love you Abby, gotta go,  
see you later!" were his parting words as he disappeared from sight.  
  
Susan and Jing Mae bolted out the door before Abby could move. Dave jumped in  
through the vent, not far behind Carter.  
  
Ross and Carol eyed Abby, who was glaring at them. "Can't you just turn yourselves  
in?" She asked, tiredly.  
  
Surprisingly enough, they both nodded. Abby sighed, relieved,and motioned for them to  
follow her into the lobby.  
*************************************************************  
  
Upstairs in the surgical lounge, a bored Kovac and Malik were throwing scalpels at the  
cupboard. The floor was already littered with cups, plastic forks, spoones, knives  
and straws. They had pushed most of the chairs and tables out of the way.  
  
"Nice throw!" Malik told Kovac.  
  
"This is kind of fun. I just imagine the cupboards are people I don't like!" Kovac admitted,   
with a grin.   
  
The sound of a crash behind them, made them turn. Romano and Corday had   
just entered from the ventilation grate. Both slid down a rope to the floor. "Hey  
this is our turf!" Romano protested, surveying the mess.  
  
"We figured you were downstairs." Malik stated, throwing another scalpel into one of  
the cabinets.  
  
"We were. Not anymore, have you seen Babcock?" Corday asked.  
  
"No one has been on this floor for awhile. No major traumas. I've been wondering  
why. But after looking outside, I realized why." Kovac told them. "The Raptor Squad  
and Bill are out there."  
  
Malik stared at Kovac, who just grinned.  
  
"So you remember." Romano remarked, sounding annoyed.  
  
"Well I was a tempory assistant!" Kovac retorted. "You don't exactly forget those kinds  
of things."  
  
"WAS!" Romano shot back, glaring.  
  
Kovac shrugged. He didn't want to discuss this with Romano. He threw another  
scalpel.  
  
"You are putting holes in the cabinet." Corday stated. "That will take forever to repair."  
  
"The authors can repair it by snapping their fingers." Kovac pointed out.  
  
Romano frowned. This was pretty boring. "Come on, Lizzie. Let's go see if they've   
finished cleaning the scrub room yet." He remarked, heading out the door.  
  
Elizabeth frowned. "I don't think Shirley's going to appreciate this." She muttered under   
her breath, following him.  
***************************************************************  
  
Abby reached the lobby with Carol and Ross. Weaver's mouth dropped when she  
saw who was with her.  
  
"You actually caught a few?" Weaver asked in surprise.  
  
"Considering how many I found, this is poor results." Abby answered.  
  
"Was Romano with them?" Benton demanded.  
  
"Not that I saw." Abby told him.  
  
"Romano was there, BEFORE Abby arrived." Carol told them.  
  
"He was? Where did he go?" Weaver questioned.  
  
"He said something to Corday, about Babcock being dried off by now." Ross put in.  
  
"I'll check his office." Weaver told them, and headed towards the stairs. The elevator   
seemed to have stopped working. Probably one of the five year olds had messed  
with the control panels or something.  
  
"I'll come with you." Benton offered.  
  
Abby froze. "That may not be a good......idea.....I mean he's probably not in there."  
She protested.  
  
Weaver frowned. "Abby? Do you know something you aren't telling us?"  
  
Abby frowned. "Uh nothing......." She mumbled. "Never mind."  
****************************************************************  
  
Outside, in the ambulance bay, a speeder bike pulled up. A man with a pony tail,   
dressed in black leather was seated on it. A scimitar was strapped to his back, and a  
lightsaber was on his belt, as well as a gun in a holster. The words "U.S. PSYCHOS"   
were on the front of his black shirt. A badge was hanging around his neck. He   
got off, and headed for the enterance. As he walked through, the metal detectors went   
off, causing security to stop him. The secuty guards were instantly turned into frogs.  
***************************************************************  
End Section Eight  
Oh, did we forget to mention that Ardeth has the talent of transformation? He  
can change any living thing into any other living thing. Makes a lot of sense   
doesn't it? Can you believe this entire section was typed in about two hours?  
It would have been quicker but we had to eat dinner. AND I had to cream Romano  
on the dartboard a few hundred times. Now my arm hurts. However, the new  
Romano picture has almost as many holes as the old one. It's the season nine  
mugshot. Cassi doesn't like the picture because it Quote: "Makes him look evil."  
Anyway, give us reviews. We want to hear more....we want to know what you   
thought about this section. Now I'll start on section nine, so I'll have it done ahead.  
That way, the story doesn't get too far behind. However, I do have a few more other  
stories that need to be typed in. One I'm publishing when I finish it and the other is the  
next section of Fellowship. Oh yeah, if any of you want more craziness than just what  
is in this story, there is the spoofs. We would love new reviews on the old spoofs.  
The Fugitive from the ER, is the one that Romano and Weaver were killed and sent  
off with Abominable. Jurassic Spoof The Lost World, is where they came back  
and Carter killed most of the medcrew. Something to do with Sobriki. I'll let Cassi   
add her bit later. I'm done. Alright, Cassi wanted me to mention one more thing.  
The next section of Fellowship should be up soon. Carter is Isilder, and how he  
got in the Fellowship, we don't know. Bill Spino is playing Bill the pony. If you like  
this story, you would love the spoofs....that is the fans who haven't read them yet.  
Eventually, my assistant Dor will make it in this story......................his magic talent  
is communication with the inanimate. That's why we couldn't get the ring to shut-up  
in Fellowship........we had the same problem with the script. Anyway, I'll quit for know.   
Cassi still has to add her stuff throughout this section. The next section will have  
Weaver and Benton encountering the spoofauthors. Cassi also said to add again, for all  
you Romano fans, he is narrating Forbidden Spoof. Look under Cassi's spoofs. She  
is listed in my favorites section. The next section of Forbiddon spoof can't come  
out until I finish Fellowship. Alright NOW I really have to stop, Cassi will add more.  
  
Hmm, Cassi's section....Cassi feels so special....okay, enough of the pointless crap. Hmm,   
in Jurassic 3, we have Romano on morphine.....yes, my devoted fans...Deb, Becca, etc...  
there will be more morphine madness. As Murdoc & Ryan Gaerity are also among the  
morphine junkies for this. Oh right, this is about this story. This story...hmm, chapter 9  
is not yet typed....or written, for that matter. We're ad-libbing from now on. Although  
I, Cassi, DO have a general scene planned for Weaver finding me in Romano's office.   
Becca.....think Marx Brothers. Monkey Business....Captain's office. ^_~ (with a few of  
my own touches thrown in!) 


	9. Ardeth, Abby, and a talking crashcart?

Okay, where were we? Oh, right. Ardeth turned security into frogs. I hope our   
spoof security doesn't use them for snacks..............doubtful though, one of the  
dinos has frog aphobia. Don't ask. I'm sure it'll come up soon. Anyway, thank  
you for a lot of reviews......we got five overnight after putting up section 7.   
I'm getting ahead, which is good. I also have typed more in Fellowship it's closer  
to being uploaded......actually I'm finished with the next section. It would be   
up already, but both Cassi and I have the flu......thanks to our sister Reyna who  
had it just before She and her husband left for Mexico.....She gave it to us as   
parting gift. No, we aren't going to thank her...........or kill her. Nice thought   
though. I'm behind on typing again. I typed Fellowship, instead of this one  
yesterday. Which is why Fellowship is ready to be uploaded......it will probably  
be put up soon, depending on how Cassi is feeling. I'm not going to type much  
tonight. My head hurts and I have a fever. Anyway I think I'll quit typing now  
so I can go to bed early.  
And yet another extended beginning.......I just got Cassi off the computer....  
She had to look at Romano pics to see how many different scrub caps he has.  
Anyway, I think you were waiting for me to get this section typed......um....not   
sure what to type...supposed to be getting to Romano's office.......Cassi clears her  
throat very loudly......I mean CASSI'S office......Cassi smiles satisfied. I think I'll steal  
Corday's office. Cassi yells dibs on the black design scrub cap........Chris claims the  
flame....probably because he caught it flying out of the sky.....It's amazing what rains  
in Chicago. I never noticed AND I have been there. Oh right, I'm supposed to be  
typing the story.....I told you I didn't know what to type.....just consider this a commercial.  
Oh yes, Prince John claims the blue scrub cap with little fishies on it. I want the red  
and blue one. I'm sure Dor will want one also.....not that Romano would want to Dor to  
have any of them. Because he could learn all Romano's dirty secrets from it.........That's  
why Dor's my assistant. Anyway, now that we're finished dividing all his scrub caps, I'll  
go on telling you what I don't know what to write......Cassi wants to run a poll: How many  
scrub caps does Romano have? Maybe she should ask the stalker........No offense Paul   
McCrane fan....but you really are stalking him....think about it. You were ON the show, and  
you have pictures of him in the bathroom and the locker room. Not to mention the ones of  
him puking his guts out on the roof. That last bit was from Cassi. Anyway, I STILL don't  
know what to write. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.......I'm thinking. I think we need MORE ideas...   
We could use more imput from you fans. Of course me and Cassi are STILL sick. I hate   
the flu. I also was doing laundry ALL day. I'm not done yet........it's ten pm. Well I didn't  
get up till noon. Anyway, I'm working on it.  
**************************************************************  
  
Carter watched eagerly as Ardeth walked up to the admit desk. Frank and Abby   
were seated at the desk with Ross and Carol sitting in chairs in front of them. Carter  
grinned as he saw the look on Abby's face.  
  
"Oh no!" Abby exclaimed. "Ardeth, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Carter called me on my cell-phone." Ardeth answered.  
  
"You have a cell-phone?" Abby asked, astonished.  
  
"Yes. Where's Carter?" Ardeth questioned.  
  
"I'M HERE!!!" Carter yelled, bolting in. In his hands, he held a bag and a cup.  
  
"NO!" Abby cried in protest.  
  
Ardeth took the food from Carter and grinned. "This should be fun." He said and took a drink  
from the glass.   
  
Abby stepped around the counter. "Um. Ardeth it's really not a good idea....."  
  
"Come any closer, and I will be forced to turn you into a child, myself." Ardeth threatened.  
  
Abby froze and stepped back. She glared at Carter, who grinned evily.  
  
Ardeth ate a few bites and staggered, as he was changed into a child. Abby groaned as   
she watched Carter steady Ardeth. The scimitar was now too big for him. Carter pulled it off   
and handed to Abby.  
  
"Guard that for me?" Ardeth asked, with an adorably cute five year old puppy look.   
  
Abby nodded and took the scimitar.  
  
"Now that is a nice toy......" Frank remarked, still eyeing Ardeth warily.  
  
"It's MINE! He gave it to ME!" Abby retorted. Then looked at the gun on Ardeth's   
belt. "Now about the gun......"  
  
Carter shook his head. "Nope, besides I have MINE!" He shot back. "Come on Ardeth,  
let's go find Elizabeth and Romano. I think they went to soak Babcock."  
  
"Should we call Weaver and Benton?" Frank asked, watching as the duo disappeared  
from sight.  
  
"No......they are going to be regreting going to Romano's office as is. They can find out  
later." Abby told him.  
  
"How did you know who he was?" Frank wanted to know.  
  
"You remember when most of us disappeared? We were at a place called the spoofset."  
Abby answered. "Most of the docters don't remember it, because the evil authors wanted  
to do this. The authors are in Romano's office. Understand now?"   
  
Frank frowned, nodded and then glanced at Carol and Ross, whose mouths were opened in   
shock.  
  
"The Spoof set? I remember that place!" Ross yelled in surprise. "I don't believe this! They  
INVITED us back, just so they could turn us into FIVE YEAR OLDS? And how do you know   
all this and where are......." He froze as if just realizing something...."I'm going to KILL them!   
Where ARE they? Tell me Abby, where are MARK and LUCY????"  
  
Abby coughed and backed away from them. "Uh... I think I'll be going now...." She  
said quickly, and bolted out the front door. Once out the door, she ran across the street and  
jumped into the van.  
  
"Nice job!" Greene growled. "Just tell them all about it!"  
  
"I NEVER said you where involved." Abby protested.  
  
"You can't keep your mouth shut, can you?!" Lucy demanded. "We should shoot YOU!"  
  
"You know, I think I was safer inside." Abby announced, and hurried back toward the  
building with a set look on her face. That was it....if you can't beat them....join them!  
She thought to herself, giving a small smile. Maybe it was time for HER to have a little bit   
of fun.  
  
She walked back in and picked up the cup and food that Carter and Ardeth had left.  
Frank looked at her, confused. Carol and Ross were also watching her. Abby gave  
Frank a grin. "Hey, cheers!" She exclaimed and drank and ate the stuff. Within seconds,  
she was a child. "See you later!" She yelled, triumphantly, bolting off.  
*******************************************************************  
  
Langly glared at Greene and Lucy. "This is YOUR fault!" He told them.. "Now we have  
to tell the Authors that Abby is five TOO now!"  
  
"It was her choice. Besides can you imagine Weaver's face. Frank is paging her."   
Greene cut in, pointing at the screen.  
*******************************************************************  
  
Just as Weaver and Benton reached Romano's office, Weaver's pager went off.  
frowning, she read it.....then she paused and did a doubletake. "SHE DIDN'T!" She  
exclaimed, in shock.  
  
"What?" Benton asked.  
  
"Abby just turned herself into a five year old." Weaver answered, in disbelief.  
  
"She WHAT?!" Benton exclaimed. "Why would she do a thing like that?"  
  
"I don't know, but I'm going to go find out." Weaver told him, then they both turned around,  
and headed back towards the stairs.  
********************************************************************  
  
Cassi poked her head outside the office. "Oh darn, they left. Remind me to kill Abby   
for that one." She told Sven, who grinned. She went back inside for a second, then came   
back outside the door again and taped up a sign that read. 'Tresspassers will be mauled.'  
The sign had a big picture of a Neverwolf on it. **Neverwolf: See "The Phantom...From the   
FBI" by Cassi. ie. Harley & Bites With A Passion in "Forbidden Spoof: The Hunter"**  
  
"Hopefully, they'll come back later." Sven remarked. "Can't wait till Weaver finds  
out about Ardeth. That is if she can remember him."  
  
"Who knows? I wish someone had told me that Ardeth had a cellphone." Cassi muttered.  
  
"Well yeah, it would have been nice to have known." Sven agreed.  
  
"I bet he's an adorable five year old with a little ponytail!" Cassi breathed, with a grin.  
  
"I wonder if Corday and Romano have found Babcock?" Sven wondered.  
  
"I wonder if Carter knows about Abby yet." Cassi remarked.  
*********************************************************************  
  
Romano grinned as Benton and Weaver headed back downstairs. "So Abby is five now.  
Sounds funny." He remarked, shaking his head. "I would have loved to have seen the look   
on Frank's face when she did it."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head and laughed. "Can you imagine Carter's?" She asked him.  
  
"He's going to be surprised, that's for sure." Romano admitted.   
  
"Surprised about what?" Carter asked, walking up to them. At his side, was Ardeth.  
  
"Nice to see you, Ardeth." Romano told him. "You seem to have shrunk since last we met."  
  
Carter grinned. "Isn't it cool?" He asked. "Now what will I be surprised about?"  
  
"Abby turned herself into a child." Elizabeth told him. "Weaver got the page just as she was  
about to enter Robert's office."  
  
"She did?" Carter questioned. "Oh wow! We'll have to find her. Come on Ardeth. Now we   
get to play with Abby!"  
  
Ardeth nodded, and the two headed off towards the stairs.  
  
"That was different." Elizabeth murmured.  
  
"I wonder what he did to security." Romano wondered. "He had to have come in here with  
weapons. He had a gun on him."  
  
"You have security?" A voice asked from behind them.   
  
They both turned and saw Dor standing in the hallway. "All I saw was a bunch of frogs."  
The Magician remarked, frowning.  
  
"Frogs?" Elizabeth asked, in amazement. "He turned the hospital security into FROGS?!"  
  
"Well that doesn't surprise me. I mean this is Ardeth." Romano pointed out, smirking.   
"They're probably lucky he didn't turn them into fish. Like that river in Xanth."  
  
Elizabeth started laughing again. "I think I've been away from the set too long." She   
managed to get out.  
  
"Well yeah, the fish river isn't exactly one of the most pleasent things." Dor admitted.   
  
"I'm glad he picked frogs. Fish smell worse." Romano retorted. "Can you imagine how long   
it would be before we got the stench out of the ER?"  
  
"Some humans smell just as bad." A crash cart suddenly spoke up.  
  
Elizabeth and Robert jumped and turned. "That's annoying. You can go away now."  
Romano ordered Dor.  
  
Dor shook his head and laughed. "It's not THAT bad. You do realize that I have  
had to deal with this everyday of my life." He reminded them.  
  
"Yes, well don't let us stop you. Go torture someone else........" Romano shot back, and  
then paused. "Stay OUT of my office!"  
  
"Actually, that's where I'm heading. Although, Cassi said it was HER office." Dor admitted.  
  
"Cassi's office?!" Elizabeth asked, laughing. "Looks like you lost your job, Robert."  
  
"That's not funny!" Romano growled. "She's probably eaten all my candybars by now."  
  
Elizabeth, unable to stop, just continued laughing.  
  
"You would not believe the people I have SEEN!" The crash cart announced, changing the  
subject.  
  
Romano glared and kicked it. "Shut up."  
  
"HEY don't you kick ME, you runt!" The crash cart yelled. "I'll sue YOU!!!"  
  
Elizabeth gave up even trying to stop laughing, and slid down the wall with tears streaking   
her face.  
  
"This isn't FUNNY! This is abuse!" The crash cart exclaimed.  
  
This time Romano couldn't help it. He joined Lizzie on the floor in fits of laughter.  
  
"Hey what's so funny?" Sven called, sticking her head out of Rom......er Cassi's office.  
  
"Dumb cart won't stop talking!" Dor explained.  
  
"HEY who are you calling DUMB!" The cart growled. "YOU are the DUMB one....I save  
peoples lives.....SO THERE!"  
  
"It's threatening to sue me." Romano managed to get out between laughing fits. "All the  
people who have tried to sue the hospital....and now we're being threatened by a CRASH  
CART!"  
  
Sven snickered. "That explains that."  
  
Cassi opened the door and eyed the laughing children. "Never thought I'd see a crash cart  
make a person laugh." She retorted, then shrugged. "Oh well, stranger things have   
happened. We already had the One Ring threaten to sue."  
  
"Yeah, the Ring makes people laugh all the time......." Sven agreed. "It has definitely had its  
moments."  
  
Romano glared at her. "Please don't tell me that MARBLEBRAINS is here with that Ring."  
**Reference to Fellowship. Marblebrains and Fathead. ie. Magneato and Magneto.**  
  
"Could be." Sven admitted. "Wolvie and Cyke were here."  
  
"There are X-BABIES lose in the hospital?" Romano demanded.   
  
"Why not? We have little surgeons loose in the hospital!" Cassi reminded him.  
  
"Yes......but X-BABIES?!?"   
  
"We said that, so deal with it." Sven ordered. "Before I use a talent and torture you  
some other way!"  
  
"Time to go find out whether the scrub room needs trashing again." Elizabeth suggested,  
and pulled Romano away from Dor and the Authors....before a major fight could break out.  
  
"Stay out of my office DOOR-BOY!" Romano yelled, as Lizzie pulled him towards the  
scrub room.  
********************************************************************  
  
As soon as they were out hearing distance, Cassi turned to Dor. "Get in here! Make   
his stuff tell us where the rest of his goodies are! Do you know how long we've been   
waiting for you?"  
  
Dor shook his head and grinned, as he followed them into the office. "Romano is gonna  
be pissed, when he finds out you raided his junk food." He told them.  
  
"Oh well, who cares?" Sven asked. "We're running out of food."  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Besides, he knows I live on junk food." She retorted, matter-of-factly.   
"He's probably expecting it.  
  
"I don't believe you two." Dor answered, shaking his head again. "Alright, I'll root out the  
rest of his food if you share."  
  
"Not a problem." Sven assured him. "Lead away."  
********************************************************************  
  
Carter and Ardeth watched from the stairs as Weaver and Benton spoke with Frank,  
Carol, and Ross. "I wonder where Abby went?" Carter wondered.  
  
"Behind us." Ardeth answered and Carter turned to find a five year old Abby behind  
them.  
  
"Do you like it?" Abby asked him with a grin. "You didn't hinestly think I was gonna let you  
guys have all the fun without me, did you?"  
  
"Cool...now let's go wreck the hospital." Carter suggested, with a grin of his own. "And  
if they try to stop us, we can turn them into stinkbugs."  
  
"Good plan." Ardeth agreed, and Abby nodded.  
  
"So, how did you know I did this?" She questioned.  
  
"Romano told us. I'm not sure how he found out. You'd have to ask. Him and Corday are   
going to wreck the scrub room, again." Carter told her. "Shirley is going to be pissed, she   
was the one who cleaned it the last time."  
  
Abby shook her head and grinned. "I still don't believe I did this....."  
  
"It happens, besides, you've been under a lot of stress.....most of us have." Carter admitted.   
"I'll have to thank Sven and Cassi for this. We all really needed it."  
*********************************************************************  
End part nine.  
************  
Alright, here's the deal. We have been getting a whole lot of reviews on THIS story.  
But what about our spoofs? They have the ER characters in them. In fact Romano is going   
kill off most of the ER docters on the spoof set.........AFTER this story is over. So we   
are hoping that those of you who liked this story will also read our spoofs, especially the  
ones to come. Considering that Romano is up for several star roles.......the reason? Well  
he didn't tell us that he lost his arm. Yes, that's the reason we mentioned that he had the  
five year old bit coming. Well you see, he enjoyed that. So we have worse planned.   
I'm going to name a few spoofs coming. IF you have seen the movies you'll probably figure  
out WHO Romano is casted as. Anyway, Cassi is doing "Ski Patrol"........although, you want   
to know, He is NOT playing the short guy in charge. So don't worry. Merry Brandybuck has  
that role. Also we will be doing "Men at Work" I'll say right now, that Ardeth and Carter are  
Carl and James. I'll let you guess who Romano's playing. Anyway, we are hoping that   
those of you who liked this story would read the spoofs, which are extremely funny.   
Believe me.....we made the Ringwraiths in the Lord of Rings, quit. We also mugged one.......  
See Fellowship, if you want to hear that one. Anyway, PLEASE at least try to read some   
of the spoofs. You'd be surprised, at what you'll find. Such as Ardeth and Carter on   
morphine in three spoofs. Which is how they became friends. Okay, I'll let Cassi add her  
bit in and she'll get this section posted.  
  
Cassi's part....Umm, let's see. We've decided that Romano's killing spree will not start on the  
set, but in the hospital in the middle of the surgical floor. He's going to completely lose it.  
But let's face it. He deserves this nervous breakdown. He's had it coming for some time now,  
and if you put yourselves in his place, you'd be a mess, too.  
Anyhow, we want more reviews. Later.--Cassi has to type in Forbidden Spoof and JP 3. New  
season of spoofs is coming soon!!!! 


	10. Oops, wrong balloon Sorry Shirley, it r...

And we're back again. This is Cassi, not Sven...kay? Are we all clear on that? Good. Anyhow,  
at this point in time, I have absolutely no idea what to write. I have currently four different   
stories called up on the desktop. Forbidden pt4, Jurassic 3 pt 1, and the Moments list....in which  
I type all the funniest phrases as they are written out. In case you're wondering, yes, we have   
lines from this fic in it. ^_^ I think my favorite so far is Romano complaining that they were now  
being sued by a Crash Cart. Dor really has done wonders for our spoofs....and then some, as  
Sven continues to borrow his talent for Emmy's spoof! How are ya doin on that anyways, Becca?  
We're curious. In Jurassic's typing, I'm just about to get you and your group of insane people in.  
....translation, not that far into the spoof.  
Oh right, this has nothing to do with this fic. Do people even read these intros? By the way, I  
still wanna know how many scrub caps Romano has. I look through the screen caps of him, and  
he's got a different one for almost every surgery. Ever notice that? Those things are really cool.  
Yes, I really AM getting to the typing of the story. Hey....Sven just got home.....oh yeah and I   
have to move my laundry. I'll get to the spoof in a little bit.....I think.  
And of course no story is written......I'm back....still have a headache though. Anyway, I'm not  
going to type any story yet. I have to type in Fellowship and get the cast for US PSYCHO'S up.  
Ahhh, Cassi and I are in good spirits. I found someone online who will copy 9th season ER for  
us. So we will finally be able to see the ones we missed. Now let me try to type something. Not  
sure what........had TOO many other stories to type. I'm sure some of you can understand that.  
  
Cassi's back again, and it's actually about fve days after that last part was written. I'm going to   
try to type a bit as Sven asked me to....so let's see what I can come up with. We need more ideas  
people.  
**************************************************************************  
  
In the now clean scrub room, Romano gave a sideways look at Elizabeth. "I am deeply   
disappointed." He remarked. "No Babcock to be seen."  
  
Elizabeth's face turned to a pout. "How unfair." She responded. "So what do we do now?"   
  
Robert looked around the room. "Grab that stool." He told her. "We need more water and soap."  
  
"That's what you think." A voice spoke up behind them.  
  
The two little surgeons turned, startled, to see Shirley in the doorway.  
  
"If the two of you think you're trashing this place again, you've got another thing coming." She  
said, with a glare. "It took an hour and a half to clean the LAST mess."  
  
Romano backed away from her, as she advanced on him. "And what gave you the idea that we  
were going to trash the place again?" He asked, pulling something small from his pocket.  
  
Shirley gave him a Look, that clearly said, 'If you think I believe that, you're nuts.' "I think the two  
of you have done enough damage for the day, don't you?" She remarked.  
  
Romano and Elizabeth exchanged a glance, then looked back up at Shirley.  
  
"I don't think so." Robert replied, with a shrug. "Do you, Lizzie?"  
  
"Well....no." She answered after a pause. "I think I should get a chance to hit Babcock with a   
water balloon. Robert already got to, and it's only fair if I do as well."  
  
Shirley stared at the pair. "You know, I never thought I would ever hear you say that, Dr.   
Corday." She replied. "I think Dr. Romano's disease is catching."  
  
"Now I'm insulted by that, Shirley." Romano cut in. "Why assume that this is all my fault?"  
  
Shirley raised an eyebrow. "Let's just say you have a reputation for it, and she doesn't."  
  
"That is so not right." Romano muttered, turning to Lizzie. "See what you've done? Now   
everything you do will get blamed on ME!"  
  
Elizabeth gave a small grin. "Hmmm..." She mused. "That makes things easier on me, doesn't it,  
Robert? This could get fun."  
  
Romano stared at her in disbelief. "I don't believe this!" He stated, before turning back to   
Shirley. "See? There you have it. Well, I'll be going now."  
  
"Not so fast!" Shirley said, quickly, grabbing him before he could get out the door. "I'm not   
stupid, Dr. Romano. I'm not letting you get away that easily. You're coming with me."  
  
"That's what you think!" He shot out, revealing the balloon he was holding in the hand that had  
been concealed inside his pocket. **It's a small balloon, people, stop looking at me like I'm   
insane.**  
  
Before Shirley could react, Robert smashed the balloon against her chest, drenching her....in  
what--from the smell of it--was NOT water and soap. The next thing any of the three of them   
were aware of was that Robert was now laying on top of Shirley where they had fallen, and  
Shirley was no longer an adult.  
  
"Oops, wrong balloon." Romano managed to get out before Shirley tackled him.  
  
"I'm going to KILL you, Romano!" The nurse yelled, grabbing him by the front of his scrubs.  
  
Elizabeth stared at the fighting duo, with wide eyes. She had not known Robert had made   
balloons of the coffee from the surgeon's lounge. "Shirley, are you alright?" She asked,   
concerned.  
  
"HER?!" Romano shot out in a strained voice....considering Shirley was practically choking him.  
"What about ME?! Ow! Quit it, Shirley! What are you trying to do, kill me?"  
  
Shirley stopped for a brief second. "Well, now that you mention it, Dr. Romano. YES!" Then   
she continued beating on him.  
  
Elizabeth tried to conceal her laughter, by choking, but failed, as Romano looked up at her.  
  
"Oh now THAT is just great!" He muttered. "This isn't even fair! Now you BOTH gang up on  
me!"   
  
Shirley smiled down at him. "Good. Say 'Uncle!'" She crowed, triumphantly.  
  
Romano looked up at her in a mock-glare. "Over my rotting corpse!" Then he jumped from   
under her, knocking her off and reversing their positions. "YOU say 'Uncle!'"  
  
"What is going on here?!" Came a voice from the hallway.  
  
The three children looked up to see Dr. Babcock standing in the hallway, glaring down at them.  
  
"Look, Lizzie, we found Dr. Babcock." Romano remarked, recovering the surprise quickly.  
  
Elizabeth gave an evil grin. "Hello, Alex. Nice to see you again." She answered.  
  
Babcock smiled, obviously pleased that he had found them. "Why don't you three come with   
me?" He suggested, blocking their path through the doorway.  
  
"Why don't we not and say we did?" Romano asked, pulling himself off of Shirley and helping   
her up.  
  
"Let's go." Babcock ordered, grabbing Romano's arm in a rather painful grip.  
  
"You know that's considered child abuse, Dr. Babcock." Elizabeth spoke up, still grinning.  
  
"Then I suggest you all come along quietly." Babcock spat out, grabbing Shirley before she  
could think to move away.  
  
"I've got a better idea." Elizabeth answered, coming closer. "Why don't you find a towel?"  
  
"For what?" Babcock questioned, suspiciously, while backing up some.  
  
Elizabeth's grin grew wider. "THIS!" She cried, slamming him with a large soap and water   
balloon.  
  
In his surprise, his grip on the other two loosened enough for Romano and Shirley to twist them-  
selves away. "This way!" Romano cried, leading them to an open ventilation shaft, as Babcock,  
who had recovered quickly, came after them.  
  
After pushing both girls in, Romano climbed in, and pulled the grate shut behind them. "Bye   
now!" He called to the annoying adult, who was now dripping with soap and water, while  
yelling curses loud enough to wake the dead.  
  
"Ugh, someone should tell him he shouldn't use that kind of language around five year-olds."  
Shirley commented.  
  
"That was fun." Elizabeth remarked, with a wide grin.   
  
Romano leaned back against the metal wall off the tunnel. "So now what do we do?" He asked,   
sounding bored.   
  
Shirley gave him a look of pure death. "I still owe you one for that coffee balloon." She informed  
him.  
  
Romano raised an eyebrow. "Oh come on." He countered. "Admit it. That was fun."  
  
Shirley grinned. "Not half as fun as getting to beat you to death." She put in, sounding smug.  
"Come on, Elizabeth. Let's both beat him to death."  
  
Elizabeth appeared to be thinking about it.  
  
"That's not funny." Romano stated, flatly.  
  
"We can always beat him to death later." Corday answered, winking at Shirley. "Let's go see   
how Carter, Ardeth and Abby are doing.  
  
"Abby's like this, TOO?!" Shirley asked, wide eyed.   
  
Romano nodded. "Yeah, only she turned herSELF five." He informed her. "I'll bet it was a hell  
of a sight."  
  
"So..." Shirley spoke up as they moved through the steel tunnel. "Tell me more about this   
spoof world of yours."  
  
"Where did you hear about that?" Elizabeth asked, surprised.  
  
"I have my ways." Shirley answered, mysteriously. "Tell me about it."  
  
"Okay....it goes like this...." Robert began as they moved farther along the tunnel, heading   
toward the ER area.  
*************************************************************************  
  
In the office, Sven looked at Cassi as they got the news over the com. "And it just gets better."  
She replied, grinning.  
  
Cassi shook her head. "Coffee balloons.....what will they think of next?" She mused. "I love my  
Assistant."  
  
Dor sighed, as he ate another bite of the food. "This place ain't half bad." He remarked.  
  
"Easy for YOU to say!" The loveseat spoke up suddenly. "I have to be here ALL the time!"  
  
"Okay, we found all his goodies." Cassi cut in. "Now it's getting annoying."   
  
Sven grinned at Dor. "Let's go find Lizzie's office, and see what HER furtniture says!" She   
cried excitedly. "We'll find out once and for all how much she likes Romano!"  
  
"Romano loves Lizzie!" The desk chair called out. "He dreams about her all day long!"  
  
"Tell us something we DON'T know!" Cassi muttered.  
  
"He gets all stary-eyed when he thinks about her!" The chair continued.  
  
"Ugh, okay, now I'm getting sick." Sven put in. "Come on, Dor. Let's go play somewhere's else."  
  
"Yes, please do." Cassi replied, looking at the chair, disgusted.  
  
"He wants to kill the evil Weaver." The desk spoke up.  
  
Sven made a face. "We'll have to tell him to stand in line for that one." She answered, leaving   
the room.  
  
"Amen!" Cassi called, and waved as they left the room.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Unfortunately, that's all I can think up right now. I know there's people who have been waiting  
for this, so I'm gonna finish it here. Yes, complain now. No Dave, no Carby.....etc...We really   
WILL try to get more into the next section. However, as Sven is still typing her novel and  
Fellowship, you're stuck with the Romano fan (Cassi). Even though I will confess, Sven has   
come a long way from killing him in Fugitive. ^_^ What can I say, my disease is catching.  
More to come and the other five year olds WILL make their own appearences, I promise! We   
haven't had any of Kovac, or the others either, recently, so just be a little more patient. For now  
REVIEW and give me more ideas! **Cassi pauses to scream rather loudly as she is assulted by  
her 8mo old kitten, Freckles. He just lept onto my shoulder from the bed....I have scars from this   
kitten, people, I swear. But I still love him to death. (I helped deliver this one and he was almost  
born dead, so naturally, he's a cherished little thing....even if he does do shoulder assults from  
across the room at random moments) Okay, this has nothing to do with the story, so it fits right  
in with every other before and after paragraph we've done, so now give us your reviews and   
please be patient as more insanity is to come. 2 words for the next chapter. "Raptor" &  
"Frog-phobia". Stay tuned!~ Cassi ** 


	11. Frogphobia & Walking dead people

Alright this is Sven now, I'm just gonna rattle on for a bit before switching over  
and makeing pictures. My pain pill hasn't kicked in yet. It is better to type higher  
then a kite on Hydrocodone. Can't type with a headache and all.....me and Cassi  
are discussing taking a few female assistants. Cassi wants Corday, and I'm taking  
Lucy. Anyway, I'm gonna make a few pictures. Be back if my head feels better.  
I have class tomorrow. On the upside with a headache I can't type the novel I'm  
writing. Can't think about it. Several ten minutes later, Sven is now high on   
codone. Time for story.  
Cassi adds this in the next day. Warning: 2 Spoofauthors +Lortab high=this  
chapter. Enjoy.^_^  
*************************************************************  
  
Carter, Abby, and the impossibly cute little Ardeth (acc. to Cassi) were   
about to leave the main area when they heard a series of loud chalk board   
screeching Raptor yells. Sara Raptor suddenly came running in, screaming loud   
enough to wake the dead in the morgue.......where Jonathan ZombieMaster is having  
fun.   
  
Sara is being chased by one of the security frogs. She leaps onto the counter in   
front of Frank. "Get it away! Get it away!" She yelled, bouncing around the counter,  
doing that funny dance people do when they see a mouse. She paused to look at  
a very pale Frank. "Well just don't stand there! Get RID of it!!"  
  
Weaver hurried in with Benton. "What the hell is going..........." She began. One   
look at Sara, and Weaver fainted. Benton backed up, staring in shock.  
  
"NICKY, GET IT AWAY!! Kill the evil green slimy thing!! Before it infects me with  
slimeys, or something!" Sara shrieked.  
  
Nick Raptor casually walked in and calmly stepped on the offending frog, with a  
resounding 'splat'. Frank bolted for the bathroom, covering his mouth.  
  
"I hope they don't want us to bring that back." Carter retorted, disgusted.  
  
"Eww." Abby put in.  
  
Sara leapt into Nick's arms, tears streaming down her face. "My hero!"  
  
As Nick carried Sara back outside, Timmy Compy darted in and proceeded to eat the  
mess.  
  
"Double EWWW!" Ardeth said. **I wanted to put "The Impossibly cute Ardeth  
said." But Sven would't let me. ~Cassi**  
  
"You know at one point, I might have found that weird." Romano spoke up, from   
behind them.  
  
The crazy trio turned to find Corday, Romano, and small brunette, who looked   
a bit green. "Eww, I think I'm gonna puke." She spoke up.  
  
Romano jumped away. "Well aim the other way!" He spat out, making a face.  
  
The brunette glared.  
  
"Who are you?" Abby questioned.  
  
"I believe you know Shirley.....it was an accident." Romano explained.  
  
Shirley glared at Romano. "To which I owe one!"  
  
Corday grinned proudly. "I soaked Babcock, and saved those two idiots who were  
trying to beat each other up." She stated, with a grin.  
  
"Did not! I could have escaped, easily!" Romano protested.  
  
Corday rolled her eyes.  
  
Timmy Compy hurried up to them. "Could you direct me to some more of those   
tasty green things?" He asked, with a small toothy grin.  
  
"You know, those tasty green things used to be Security." Abby told him.  
  
"Your security is awfully small. Maybe we could take their place" Timmy offered.  
  
"We'll think about it." Carter replied.  
  
"Why is Weaver lying on the floor?" Romano asked. "Did someone kill her.....one  
can only hope?"  
  
"Fainted when she saw Sara." Carter answered.  
  
"Oh Damn! Why couldn't someone kill her?" Romano complained.  
  
"I can." Timmy cut in, sounding hopefull.  
  
"Later." Carter told him, motioning for him to leave. "Wait, she's waking up."  
  
All six watched as Weaver got to her feet. She looked up and saw the group of five   
year olds.  
  
With an evil grin, Romano put both hands around his mouth and yelled.   
"HELP I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!!"  
  
Weaver glared, and advanced towards them, as soon as she was able.  
  
Carter stepped forward with Ardeth beside him. "Need I remind you that Ardeth  
here, is the one who turned Security into frogs." He told her. "You might want to   
notify that one of them was eaten by a Compy."  
  
"After Nick sqaushed him!" Corday chimed in.  
  
Benton moved up beside Weaver. "Who is Nick?" He asked.  
  
"That would be Sara's husband." Carter answered. "The Raptor that rescued her."  
  
Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted as a little Dave Malucci came   
running through. He stopped in front of Weaver.  
  
"I see DEAD people!" He whispered loudly, before he bolted away. A few minutes  
later, he was followed by a man who could only be dead, and had flesh falling to the  
floor in clumps.  
  
"Didn't I pronounce that guy two hours ago?" Benton asked Weaver, who looked  
about ready faint again.  
  
"Okay, who let the ZombieMaster into the morgue?" Romano demanded.  
  
Dave poked his head back in...."I didn't do it!! Nobody saw me do it! You can't   
prove a thing!" He yelled with an evil grin, before disappearing from sight.  
***************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the hospital................................................  
  
Susan and Jing-Mei were trailing toilet paper down the hallway, with the rolls  
they had stolen from the bathroom. Suddenly, several frogs hopped past, being  
chased by what appeared to be featherless green chickens. **ie Timmy Compy & Co.  
  
"I think the pests are getting bigger." Susan commented, and paused, doing a double-  
take. "Did I just see what I thought I saw?"  
  
Jing-Mei stared after the retreating creatures. "Depends on what you thought   
you saw." She murmured.  
  
"Something tells me that bit about dinosaurs in the parking lot was not a joke.   
What is going on in this place?" Susan wondered.  
  
"I don't think I want to know." Jing-Mei retorted.  
  
This was when Dave bolted around a corner, running smack into them. "Walking   
dead people, get out of the way, gotta go." He yelled jumping to his feet.  
  
"What have you been on?" Jing-Mei demanded.  
  
"Nothing! It's true, turn around." Dave instructed.  
  
Both turned and saw several rotting Zombies looking back at them. Jing-Mei  
screamed and threw the toilet paper at the Zombies. Susan did the same. Dave  
grabbed their hands and the three bolted off down the hall, screaming.  
**************************************************************  
  
Jerry watched what was going on in lobby from the waiting room chairs. He'd   
been calmly talking with Hannibal Lecter since this whole mess started. (Can  
you believe no one noticed Hannibal Lecter in the waiting room? Makes you   
wonder, doesn't it?) They had both agreed that once security was changed  
back to humans they would need a lot of therapy. And that Sara needed to talk   
about this fear of frogs. Perhaps it had something to do with the thought that   
the Raptor's DNA was supposed to have been spliced with that of frogs. It was an  
interesting possibility.  
**************************************************************  
  
Elsewhere, Kovac and Malik were walking down one of the hallways, when they   
heard screaming. They looked at each other and quickly hid in a room, watching as   
Dave, Jing-Mei, and Susan ran past being chased by what could only be called   
walking dead people with trails of toilet paper hanging off of them.  
  
"Okay, I don' t think I want to know what happened there." Kovac remarked.  
  
"If it's more to do with this spoofset, I have got to go there!" Malik stated, grinning.  
  
"I think it would be the ZombieMaster......I'm pretty sure it's his talent to reanimate   
dead people. At least he isn't the one who makes things talk." Kovac remarked.  
"That's Dor. He's another assistant. If he's here, he's probably with Sven or Cassi.   
They'd find his talent usefull here. Who knows what they could get to talk.  
*************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in the Lounge/locker room, Gallant was studying. He looked up at the   
clock, suddenly feeling very bored. How long had he been in here, not having fun?  
Why hadn't he gone with the rest? He was getting tired of being the responsible one.  
After all how often did one get to be five years old all over again. It was definilty time  
to have some real fun! Grinning, he pushed the book away and stood up.  
************************************************************  
  
END PART ELEVEN: See, it's a good thing when the spoofauthors are on Lortab.  
This entire chapter was written because of it. We both pieced this together. Anyway  
my pills are wearing off and I'm getting sleepy. It's almost Two am. Bedtime now.  
  
And Cassi has now finished her editing. Yes we were both on Lortab for this. Sven  
had a bad headache, and me.....well, lets just say we had a blizzard after a week of  
60 degrees, and sunshine. This = major pain in Cassi knees and hip. All leftovers  
from that truck that hit me that one time.....and a few other accidents, which we won't   
mention at this time. Needless to say I'm better today. Hope you enjoy as I don't   
know how soon the next part will be out. Need more ideas people. ^_^ Later!--  
Cassi  
Leave your reviews now. 


	12. Talking desk furniture and the horrible ...

And here we are for part twelve. And still can't believe we're still going on this. Thankyou  
to all who have reviewed! Keep it up and there will be more. We need more ideas, other  
than "more Carby" This is not exactly the easiest thing here. Let's face it, we weren't   
really planning on Ardeth having a cell phone. HE was NOT supposed to be there, but as  
he IS, we can't exactly do Carby too well with Ardeth in the middle. That really would not  
be something we wanna try. Especially since they're FIVE! At five, Abby is supposed to   
have cooties or something. Think about it. We'll do what we can, but we are NOT having  
a five year old threesome. **in the back, Sven says "eyuch!!" at the thought.** Now if we   
can separate Ardeth and Carter.....good luck millions have tried and failed. See all spoofs  
after Jurassic and Fugitive. We're still trying to figure out how Kimble became a Marshal...  
because guess what! He's still with "Newman" in "Psychos!" and the two of them WILL  
be returning to the island for the third Jurassic! Don't ask how we managed to pull that one  
off. To our knowledge, Malcom was NOT in the third one. You'll have to wait and see!  
Now that we have a nice intro that has not much to do with the original story and now   
Cassi's drugs have just kicked in! And Sven's telling me hers have started to as well! So  
now we'll try to crank out another pointless section. Gallant is back, security's frogs,   
and there are walking dead dudes all over the hospital. And we're not done yet. There   
are still more magic tallents to reveal themselves. Lizzie's and Dave's are going to be very  
eventfull!  
*********************************************************************  
  
It was one of the most unusual face-offs one would ever see in an Emergency Room lobby.  
Three adults and six five year old children. The only thing that was saving the children at  
that point was the small dark skinned adorable one with the pony tail.....and the ability to  
change people into....well anything. Benton glared down at the group. He couldn't stop   
them and they knew it. The only thing that was keeping him sane was the thought that   
this could not possibly go on forever. At some point the children had to be back to normal.  
He eyed the group, suddenly noticing something different. A new child...a small brunette.  
'No.' He told himself. "Shirley?" He asked out loud.   
  
Shirley looked up. "Uh, yeah." She answered, shooting a sideways glance at Romano.   
"It's kind of a long story."  
  
"It was an accident." Romano explained. "Really."  
  
"Oh I don't believe this!" Weaver shot out. "How many more are there going to BE?! We  
already don't have enough doctors to run this place!"   
  
Carter rolled his eyes. "Well it's no wonder there aren't any patients!" He cried. "We  
have Hannibal LECTER in chairs! Would YOU want to come in as a patient?!"  
  
"We do?!" Romano asked, amazed, scanning the main room.   
  
Weaver, Benton, and Frank exchanged a glance.  
  
"After that dinosaur on the main desk, I think I'm willing to believe about anything." Frank  
spoke up.   
  
Romano continued looking until he spotted the psychiatrist. "Oh hey, Dr. Lecter!" He   
called. "You want a job? We have an opening in Psych!"  
  
Lecter gave a nod. "That sounds most profitable, Robert." He remarked. "After your   
security is changed back, you may NEED the help there. I'll consider it."  
  
"I'm out of here." Benton cut in, heading out of the lobby. "I think I may be needed   
upstairs."   
  
This was when Chen, Malucci, and Susan ran in, panting.   
  
"Don't....go....up.....there." Susan remarked, between breaths.   
  
"Dead people....all...over." Chen added.  
  
"It wasn't my fault." Dave put in.   
  
Romano eyed the panting trio. "I guess everyone's seeing dead people now." He retorted.  
"If we don't get Jonathan out of the morgue, he's going to put us out of business."  
  
"Right. It can't be good publicity to have zombies shedding clumps of body parts all   
over the hospital." Carter agreed.   
  
Abby nodded. "Well, we'd lose our cleaning people." She spoke up. "One look, and   
they'd all quit......assuming they aren't all five years old, too."  
  
Before anyone could comment on that, they were interrupted by another voice.  
  
"Why's everyone all in here?" Michael Gallant asked, walking up behind the group.  
  
"Who are you?" Ardeth asked, staring. "I don't know you."  
  
Carter held up an arm between the two. "He's a med student, Ardeth. He's okay." He   
explained quickly. "Gallant, this is Ardeth. He's my bestest friend.....he changed Security   
into frogs!"  
  
"And then Nick stepped on one." Shirley added. "It was really gross."  
  
"Nick?" Gallant asked.  
  
"There are dinosaurs in the parking lot." Romano chimed in. "One of them is scared of  
frogs....Nick saved her."  
  
"Again....who's Nick?" Gallant asked.   
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Another dinosaur." He answered, as if it were obvious.  
  
"Velociraptor, while we're explaining things." Carter replied. "You know, like in Jurassic   
Park.....in fact, that's where they came from. It's a really cool place! I got to go THREE  
times! It was GREAT!!! And I get to go again when we go back to the other spoof!"  
  
"Spoof?" Gallant asked, confused.  
  
Suddenly, Weaver's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, you've GOT to be kidding!!!" She  
exclaimed.  
  
Romano glared at Carter, who looked very guilty. "Nice work!" He spat out, giving the  
other doctor what we call on set, a "brainduster".  
  
Carter looked down. "Oops." He muttered.  
  
"Uh, not to interrupt, but I can handle this!" A Will Smith clone spoke up, pulling on a   
pair of sunglasses. "You kids get lost."  
  
"Got it!" All the children spoke up at once, as they all took off in different directions....  
including the two behind the desk.  
*********************************************************************  
  
In Elizabeth Corday's office, Sven looked back at Dor. "Thank God for Jay." She remarked,  
after hearing the com message. "Remind me to jump on Carter for that one."  
  
"No problem." Dor answered, opening the door for her so they could leave the room.  
  
They had found any junk food Corday had hidden, and learned from her furniture that she  
was in fact sweet on Romano, dispite what she had let on. Her desk chair had mentioned as  
much. Although she couldn't really make up her mind as to whether she was in fact in love  
with him or whether it was just a mutual attraction to him as a spiring partner, and an equal.  
The desk, however had swore she was in love with him. Other things in the office seemed  
to have different opinions. They had reported the resluts to Cassi, who had remarked that  
the desk chair was probably right.  
  
"So now what?" Sven asked, as they walked down the hall. She stopped as they reached  
the vending machines. "Um..Dor?"  
  
Dor grinned. "Hey, can we get some food?" He asked the machine.  
  
"You're supposed to give me money for food." The machine retorted.  
  
"We want food." Sven ordered. "Either give it up, or we smash you and take it on our   
own."   
  
The vending machine seemed to consider this. "What did you want?" It asked. "I will   
give you whatever you choose."  
  
"Crunch bars and MnMs." Sven answered. "And a Butterfinger for Cassi. She ate all  
Romano's candy already."  
  
Dor grinned. "Why am I not surprised? I want the one from Mars." He told the machine.  
  
The machine gave them the food. "Here you go. Thankyou for not smashing me." It   
told them.  
  
"Now that is just SICK!" A small voice spoke up behind them. "Even the VENDING  
machine follows your every command!"  
  
Sven and Dor turned to see Corday, Romano and Shirley. "Hi peoples." She replied,   
nicely.  
  
"Please tell me that he wasn't in my office." Romano said with a glare.  
  
Dor grinned. "Okay, I won't tell you."  
  
"Oooh I will!" The door to Corday's office called out. "He was in there! He was in here  
too!"  
  
Sven gave an evil grin. "You guys have very talkative desk chairs, you know." She   
informed them. "You wouldn't belive how much your furniture talks about you."  
  
Elizabeth, looking shocked, turned crimson, and covered her face with her hands.  
  
Romano, not missing this, looked very interested. "And what did they have to say?" He   
asked.  
  
Elizabeth turned pleading eyes to Sven and Dor.  
  
"Dr. Corday likes Dr. Romano!!!" The door called out again.  
  
Shirley slid down the wall in incoherent laughter, tears streaking her face. "I like this guy  
already!" She managed to get out.  
  
Elizabeth looked like she wanted to crawl under a chair and die.  
  
Romano was watching her with an evil grin. "Really, Lizzie, is that true?!"  
  
"Do we have to add in what Romano's desk chair had to say?" Sven asked.  
  
Romano looked at her, with a suspicious glare.  
  
"It said that he dreams about her all day long!" The door called out. "And gets all stary   
eyed!"   
  
Shirley was now on the floor, laughing harder.....if that was possible.  
  
Romano closed his eyes and looked over at Elizabeth. "I think you need a new door to   
your office." He told her.  
  
"Elizabeth wants to murder Babcock!" The door called out again. "And she called Romano  
a horrid little turd once!"  
  
Romano stared at Elizabeth, and glared. "Who are you calling 'LITTLE'?!" He spat out.  
  
Unable to contain herself, Elizabeth burst out laughing.  
  
"Maybe we should go now." Sven remarked, nudging Dor.  
  
Romano gave a small smile as he watched the two walk away. At least the furniture would  
stop talking now. "You people can get up now." He told the hysterical duo on the floor.  
"They're gone."  
  
Shirley sat up, wiping her eyes. "You know, you two should get together." She spoke up   
as soon as she recovered. "You'd probably make a great couple."  
  
Romano appeared to think about it. "Yeah, but then we'd have to stop fighting." He   
retorted, offering them his hands.  
  
Elizabeth gave an evil grin and looked at Shirley. Smiling, they accepted his hands.....and  
both yanked him onto the floor with them.  
*********************************************************************  
  
"So let me get this straight." Gallant remarked to Abby, Carter, and Ardeth. "They had  
us changed into five year olds because they got bored?"  
  
Abby nodded. "I ran into Sven on the roof earlier." She confessed. "She said they were  
bored, and this was fun."   
  
Gallant shook his head. "So you know how to reverse it?" He asked.  
  
Carter nodded. "Actually, Ardeth can change us back at any time." He answered, as  
Ardeth shrugged. "We just wanted to have a little fun first. What do you think Romano's  
doing?"  
  
Gallant nodded. "I wondered about that.....but then he does have his arm back now." He  
replied.  
  
"No biggie, really." Carter told him, reassuringly. "They do this all the time. It's just Youth  
Elixir."  
  
"And the walking dead people?" Gallant asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Um, that would be Jonathan the ZombieMaster." Abby answered. "We're pretty sure  
it was Dave that let him into the morgue."  
  
Gallant nodded. "So now we just get to have fun until these evilauthors decide they've had  
enough fun?"  
  
Ardeth shrugged again. "Well, no." He answered. "Until WE decide we've had enough  
fun."  
  
"And truth be told, I don't think anyone's ready to stop yet." Carter stated with a grin.  
  
Gallant nodded. "So we're five years old again...." He mused.  
  
"Essentailly." Carter agreed.  
  
Gallant looked at Abby. "If we're five, isn't she supposed to have cooties or something?"  
He asked. "When I was five, they all did."  
  
Carter and Ardeth looked at each other. "What is cooties?" Ardeth asked, confused.  
  
"It's what little girls have." Carter answered with a small smile. "When we were little, we   
didn't like girls, so we all said thay had cooties."  
  
Ardeth nodded, understanding. "Oh yes!" He replied, grinning. "We had other words for   
it! "Cooties" sounds good, though."  
  
"Oh I don't believe this!" Abby shot out. "You're not actually going to DO this, are you?!"  
  
Carter grinned and jumped away from Abby. "COOTIES!!!!" He cried out, laughing.  
  
Abby's mouth dropped open, and she looked at Gallant with a glare. "This is YOUR fault!"  
She spat out.  
  
"If we have cooties, does that mean you're made of snips and snails and puppy dog's   
tails?" Susan suddenly spoke up behind them.  
  
Ardeth frowned again and looked at Carter. "Another thing when you were little?" He   
asked.   
  
Carter nodded. "That was what the girls said." He remarked. "You just ignore them. They  
were just yucky and slimey."  
  
Abby walked over to Chen and Susan. "Well, I guess it's boys against girls." She   
concluded.   
  
"They're toast." Chen stated with a grin. "You guys just be careful."  
  
Dave looked from Susan to Chen and then toward the other guys, then quickly jumped  
away and ran over to join the boys. "EW!!! I was with COOTIES!!" He cried, laughing.  
  
Carter frowned. "Great." He said with a wider grin. "Now we have to find Romano. He's  
still in Cootie Land! He's stuck with TWO girls, TOO!"  
  
Dave grinned. "This ought'a be fun." He remarked. "We'll have to find Kovac and Malik!"  
  
The group parted, as they all went their separate ways to gather their troops, and plan their  
newest game.  
*********************************************************************  
End part twelve  
  
Sorry folks, if you want more, review! There's more to come. The "Cootie war" has just   
begun. If you'll remember, we also have Carol and Doug loose again. Sorry to those who  
were wanting more romance, but we just thought this would be kind of fun. Besides, it's   
not like they're really serious about it. They're just haveing a little fun as five year olds.  
As they're little all over again, why not act like it for a while? Think of how Weaver and  
the other adults will look at it. We haven't had Pratt make any appearences for a while.   
Then again, he's probably with the adult nurses working with patients. Wouldn't you just  
love to see someone trying to take Spike's pulse? He has to come in, as his um....son...is  
already around. More to come!  
Now my high is wearing off, and Sven needs to type in her novel! Enjoy and REVIEW!!!! 


	13. Toilet paper spit balls, magic talents, ...

Well here is the other evilauthor. My own painkillers have just kicked in. They're making  
me a bit drowsy, but I can still type. I believe we left off with the cooties. So I'll pick up  
where Cassi left off. She typed the last chapter, so I am typing this one. I think I'll start in  
with Kovac and Malik. We'll see if they want to play the cooties game. After all, Kovac  
isn't from the United States, we're not sure how things are done in Croatia. Anyway,   
here I go into the Chaos of it all!  
******************************************************************  
Kovac and Malik watched with interest as Carter, Ardeth, Dave, and Gallant headed up   
the stairs looking for Romano and Corday, and whoever the second girl was. "Cooties?"  
He whispered with a raised eyebrow.   
  
Malik shook his head and grinned, neither wanting to talk to loud. They didn't want the   
girls to find them. Obviously, if they now were having a "Cooties war".  
  
They watched as Susan, Chen, and Abby started discussing their plan to get revenge  
on the "Icky boys." Kovac wondered what they would do if they knew some of those   
"Icky boys" were listening to their plans.  
  
"Toilet paper spitballs?" Malik mouthed, after hearing that suggestion.  
  
"Whatever works." Kovac whispered, holding back laughter. "I never thought I'd hear  
Abby call Carter gross."  
  
Malik snickered as Susan mentioned throwing balloons full of perfume. "Have to watch   
out for that one." He commented.  
  
"How about getting some more of that ketchup and mustard we used for the mural." Chen  
put in. "That would make great for sliming them."  
  
Malik shook his head again. "I think we should get out of here, quickly! Before they find   
us."  
  
"Yeah, let's get to the ketchup and mustard, BEFORE they get to it."Kovac suggested. "We   
can use their plans against them."  
  
"How about using saline to coat the floors?"Abby remarked.  
  
Susan and Chen snickered and nodded their heads.  
  
"Good idea." Susan agreed.  
  
Malik and Kovac grinned. Both headed out the other entrance of the room. "So what first?"  
Malik asked.  
  
"Ketchup and mustard, they're the messiest. Saline next, we want to clean out most of it."   
Kovac answered. Both headed to the other set of stairs. "After we get the stuff, we go   
find the other boys and tell them what's going on."  
  
"Good idea." Malik told him, grinning.  
******************************************************************  
  
Jerry shook his head as the group of children scattered. "I don't believe this." He stated.  
  
Lecter nodded. "I'm glad for the job offer. I think I'll accept it."   
  
Jerry broke out laughing and grinned. "Oh , that is great! I can't wait till Weaver gets to   
remember that one." He retorted.  
  
"Yes, that will be amusing." Lecter agreed.  
  
"Romano offered you a job?" Sven asked, coming up to them with Dor. "I knew we corrupted  
him!"  
  
"Drove him insane also." Dor added. "We were making his and Lizzie's furniture talk."  
  
"And what did it have to say?" Jerry wanted to know.  
  
"Sorry, we can't tell you. You are one of the gossips." Sven cut in, before Dor could answer.  
  
"Oh yes he is, you would not believe the stuff he's gossiped about." The chair spoke up.  
  
Jerry reddened. "Right. I hate you." He told Dor, who was grinning.  
  
"Everyone does, except Sven. She loves my magic talent. Borrows it all the time." Dor  
told him.  
  
Sven grinned. "Yours isn't the only one, I like Trent and Irene's also." She admitted.   
"Ardeth has Trent's."  
  
Jerry nodded. "I know. Chameleon is great. I loved it, in fact I bought the book. It's not  
fair that Carter has that talent of his." He complained.  
  
"Well he doesn't know what it is, besides you should hear about Lizzie's, Romano's, and   
Dave's" Sven told him. "Lizzie is like the girl on Firestarter. Romano's we don't yet know   
the full extent of his talent, only that he can't be killed. Dave's is invisibility, he can make   
himself, others, and even objects, invisable. They are all Magician class talents."  
  
"What about me?" Jerry asked, expectantly.  
  
"You can conjure food of any kind." Sven replied, and smiled. "At least it isn't spoiled fruit."  
  
"Food?!"Jerry exclaimed, and then grinned. A pizza appeared in his lap. "I LOVE this talent."  
  
Sven snatched a slice. "Can you conjure me some candybars? Crunch Bars?"  
  
Jerry nodded and handed them over once he conjured them.  
  
Sven nodded and looked at Dor. "Let's get out of here, before the EVIL WEAVER finds us."  
  
Dor shook his head. "I don't know how you and your sister eat that much." He retorted.  
  
"Low blood suger, must eat every few hours. Thanks for the candy and pizza Jerry. We  
gotta go." Sven said and the two of them headed off.  
  
Jerry watched them go. "I'm never gonna understand them Evilauthors." He mused.  
  
"Jerry?" A voice asked.  
  
Jerry turned to see Peregrin Took, or Pippin. "Yeah, Pip?"  
  
"You can conjure food?" Pippin asked, with a grin. Merry was standing behind him also   
grinning.  
  
"Oh yeah. Not surprised to see you." Jerry remarked, grinning  
*********************************************************************  
  
In the lobby, Agent Jay calmly walked back over to Frank, who was sitting in Chairs, wearing   
his little black suit, which for some warped reason, Cassi and Sven seemed to like.   
  
"How's the redhead?" Frank asked, not looking up from a dog magazine.  
  
"Doesn't remember a thing." Jay remarked, sitting down between Kay and Frank, picking up   
his own magazine.  
  
Over at the Admit desk, the human Frank had returned to his own duties, not remembering   
that he had in fact, just seen a large famale raptor dancing on the desk in front of him.   
  
Jay shook his head. "Raptors afraid of frogs...." He muttered. "What next?"  
  
Kay shrugged. "At least they don't have a whole city of aliens in their locker." He retorted.  
  
Jay glared at his partner. "Hey, who PUT that city of aliens in my locker?!" He demanded.  
  
Pratt stopped as he was walking by, to stare at the two men in suits, sitting next to a little dog,  
who was also wearing a suit. This was definitely not the most normal of days. Wisely, he  
decided not to comment, and continued walking by.  
  
Frank (the dog) watched the man walk by and stare at them, before contiuing. "What are YOU  
lookin' at!?" He demanded.   
  
Pratt turned back, staring at the dog.   
  
"You don't like what you see, you can kiss my furry little butt!" The dog snapped, as Jay   
covered his mouth.  
  
"We're rehearsing a ventriliquist act." Jay explained.  
  
Pratt looked from one to the other, then turned and walked away.  
  
"Nosey humans..." Frank muttered, returning to his magazine.  
  
Kay gave a grin. "I love this job." He remarked, leaning back in his chair.  
***********************************************************************  
  
Nearby, oblivious to the conversation between man and dog....er alien, Weaver and Benton  
were discussing the current situation.   
  
"What are we supposed to do if a trauma comes in?!" Kerry deamanded.  
  
Benton shook his head. "I don't know, Kerry. This has been one of the quietest days I've   
ever seen in here...." He paused, "Not counting the outbreak of children, of course. Have  
you noticed we don't seem to be getting many patients today?"   
  
Kerry frowned. "Come to think of it, we've had very little patients, and not one trauma yet."  
She answered, as she thought about it. "Something weird is going on here, and I'm going to  
get to the bottom of it. I think I'm going to check out Robert's office."  
  
Peter nodded. "I think I'm going to check out a few of these people we seem to have sitting  
in Chairs. I don't know how many of them have been seen yet." He told her.  
  
As Weaver walked off, Pratt walked up to Benton. "What is going on here today?" He asked  
the surgeon.  
  
Peter shook his head. "Haven't the slightest idea." He answered. "Why?"  
  
Pratt sihed. "Well, I swear we have a talking dog in Chairs." He informed him.  
  
Peter blinked. "A talking dog?" He shook his head again. "Where?"   
  
Pratt motioned to the small pug sitting next to two guys in black suits, reading a dog magazine.  
  
"Ooookaaay." He remarked. "I was going to say that's one of the weirdest things I've ever   
seen, but somehow, today, it doesn't seem all that weird. Any actual patients?"  
  
Pratt handed him the charts. "A couple of kids who are biting each other, two little kids with  
scratch marks, made by each other, a guy with long blond hair and pointed ears, with an arrow  
in his shoulder, who swears he was shot by something called an Orc, another guy with long   
dark hair, who claims a little chicken of a dinosaur bit him, and a Billy Idol wannabe who has   
no pulse, and by all counts, appears to be dead." He ticked off.  
  
Benton stared as he thumbed through the charts. "You have GOT to be joking." He   
responded.  
  
"I wish." Pratt replied.   
  
Benton shook his head. "Okay, take me to the dude with the arrow, and we'll see what we can  
do."   
***********************************************************************  
  
Kerry Weaver stared at the sign on the door of Romano's office. The sign had not been there  
earlier. Frowning, she opened the door and looked in. Seated at the desk, reading a book, was  
a woman with skunk-striped hair. She was wearing Romano's white Doctor's coat, complete   
with the gold stethoscope, and had her feet up on his desk. It was the same one who had   
come in with the food earlier. "Okay, who are you?" She demanded.  
  
Cassi looked up from her book with a completely serious look on her face. "I'm his daughter,   
but we still don't know who my mother is yet." She answered.  
  
Kerry's mouth dropped open. "What?!"   
  
Cassi smiled. "Well, ask a stupid question. I'm a delivery person for insanity." She explained.  
"Did you want some, or do you have enough already?"  
  
Weaver's response was cut off as Sven and Dor entered the room, behind her. "Ooh, look.  
Company." Sven said, with a grin.  
  
"Kill the evil Weaver!" The desk chair cried out.  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "Hi Dor. Nice to see you again." She said, flatly.  
  
Kerry was busy staring at Cassi.  
  
Cassi looked up at her innocently. "It was the CHAIR! Really!" She defended.  
  
Sven sighed and calmly pulled the Evil Nazi Dyke out of the room. "We didn't invite you in  
here." She told her as she slammed the door shut in her face.  
  
Weaver, having regained her composure, had only one response. "Just who do you think  
you are?!" She shouted at the closed door.  
  
"What are you yelling at ME for!?" The door shot back. "I didn't do anything."  
  
Before the Evil One could think twice, Cassi opened the door back up, and looked at Romano's  
name on the outside of the door, then at the name on the front of the Doctor's coat she was   
wearing, then back at Kerry again. "I'm the Chief of Staff." She remarked, as if it were   
obvious. "Now stay out of my office, ya Evil Nazi Dyke." She then slammed the door in her  
face again.  
  
Kerry stared at the door for a full minute before she quietly turned and walked off, headed   
back downstairs.  
***********************************************************************  
End Part 13. Sorry we didn't get into the cootie war some more, but we had a few other things  
to go into......such as the lack of real patients, after all, it IS a hospital. Fortunately, we have  
enough injuries on set, that there's plenty to go around. No, Sven didn't type all of it, I did   
everything after the incident with Pippin and Jerry. We will get more into cooties, and there  
will be more of the other kids mentioned when we come back. However, Sven needs to type  
more in Fellowship, which is almost done!!!! and I REALLY need to work on a blanket I'm   
making. (last of 3) In case you're curious, I'm making them to auction off to pay for my Mexico  
trip. Two are up for auction already with a bid of 60 bucks on one of them, so I have a very  
profitable talent here. Anyhow, Rhaps, we'll see about getting Buffy and a few others into   
kids....Abominable....*evil grin* That WOULD be interesting. Mayhaps, we'll see about   
doing that after Romano slaughters them all.....in Jurassic 3 , not this one. Trust me though,   
we DO have a few plans for the end of this whole mess, but right now, we're not ready to end  
it all quite yet. More reviews people! We CAN'T get enough of them! What would you all   
like to see for the Cootie war.....um...aside of more Carby?  
We talked about the idea of holding Dave hostage, but we're not sure of they would pay to   
get him back. Although as you can see now, Dave won't be an easy one to capture anyway.  
His talent WILL come to play in the near future! (as will Elizabeth's) more to come!--Cassi 


	14. All tied up and nowhere to go

Hmm hostages during the "Cootie war"......we like that idea, we'll probably do that.  
Magic talents....most of them do now. But we're still trying to think up more, we're  
are welcoming any ideas. Although some are "spot on the wall" varity. Kovac  
can change anything colors. Jing Mei can change the color of her hair without dye.  
As soon as she figures it out, everytime we get to her it will be a different color.  
We don't want to reveal them all now but do give suggestions.......we still need a   
few to hand out. As of Fellowship, Spike can walk on anything formed by water.  
Don't ask, if you are curious, read Fellowship! Anyway, I'll try to get spoof typed.  
We have surprise cameo coming up very soon.  
  
Note from Cassi....trust me the hostage thing is there! Thanks!!!!!  
******************************************************************  
  
Carter, Ardeth, Dave, and Gallant found Shirley, Romano, and Corday staring at   
the vending machine. Carter glanced from the machine and back at them. "Are you   
waiting for it to do tricks?" He asked.  
  
Romano made a face. "It gave Sven and Dor free food, but won't give us any, not even  
kicking works."  
  
Carter pulled out his gun with a silencer on it and shot the machine, breaking the   
glass. "Free food for everyone." Then he turned to Romano. "We're playing "Cooties"   
do you want to play?"  
  
"Who has 'Cooties'?" Romano asked.  
  
"The girls." Carter stated. "So basically you're with two 'Cooties' over there!"  
  
"I BEG your pardon!" Elizabeth growled, angrily.  
  
Dave waved his hands. "We don't mean you all have Cooties. It's just a game. Boys  
against girls. All the other girls except Carol are going to play. We haven't found Carol and  
Doug yet."  
  
"What about Kovac and Malik?" Romano questioned.  
  
"We haven't found them yet either........." Carter paused and sniffed the air. "Do you   
smell something burning?"  
  
They all looked around and found a fire in a small metal trash can.  
  
"Great, now someone is setting fires! Did any of you do this?" Romano demanded.  
  
Everyone shrugged and frowned.  
  
"Maybe someone has a talent?" Ardeth suggested.  
  
"Maybe it was Phyro." A small voicecut in.   
  
They all turned to find Boyo in the hallway behind them.  
  
"Figures." Romano muttered. "Don't tell me that pyromaniac is here!"  
  
Boyo shrugged. "He could be, although haven't seen him. Have you seen my Daddy Spike?"  
  
"Hello? We are trying to start a "Cooties" war!" Dave told him. "Can we continue?"  
  
"You're playing "Cooties"?" Boyo asked, grinning. "Can the X-Babies play?"  
  
Carter grinned back. "Oh yes!"  
  
Elizabeth glared. "Well that doesn't seem fair!" She protested.  
  
"You can have Snaggle on your side!" Wolvie suggested, as he walked up to them.  
  
Snaggle then attacked Wolvie, and they proceeded to start beating each other up.  
  
"Ah just like the spoof set." Kovac cut in, he was toting a really big bag. "What are  
you still doing with the "Cootie" girls?" He asked.  
  
Corday glared at him.  
  
"How did you know?" Carter asked.  
  
"I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill the two witnesses." Kovac told them.  
  
"You were spying on them!" Elizabeth exclaimed, in disbelief.  
  
"Now I have to kill her!" Kovac retorted, with a small smile.  
  
Romano held up a hand. "Not her, kill Shirley......no offence Shirley."  
  
"None taken." Shirley told him, and flipped him off.  
  
"I guess this means we'll have to split up, Robert." Elizabeth told him.  
  
Kovac grinned eviliy. "Nah, we can hold her hostage."  
  
Romano grinned. "We can tie her to her chair!" He added, then looked at Shirley.  
  
"Go tell them, Shirley." Carter ordered.  
  
Corday glared. "Oh no you won't!" She exclaimed, turning to Romano, alomst tempted to   
smack the crap out of him.  
  
Ardeth and Carter grabbed her. "Shirley go tell the girls, we have a hostage!" Carter  
ordered, again.  
  
Shirley gave an evil grin and bolted off down the hall.  
  
"I don't like that look. Maybe we should have kept her too." Romano remarked.  
  
"Nah, we don't need two hostages." Dave told him.  
  
"You're gonna be sorry." Romano warned them.  
  
"Who's side are you on?" Carter demanded.  
  
Romano shrugged. "Who's gonna watch her?" He asked, changing the subject.  
  
"You inside, Dave and Wolvie outside." Carter told him.  
  
"Who put you in charge?" Romano shot out.  
  
"Ardeth." Carter told him, and stuck his tongue out.  
  
Romano made a face as Ardeth tied Corday to the chair. "Sorry Lizzie." He told her.  
  
"You are going to PAY for this, Robert!" Elizabeth growled.  
  
"Stop fighting!" Carter ordered.  
  
"Why?" Corday and Romano asked in unison.  
  
Carter glared and left the room followed by everyone except Romano.  
****************************************************************  
  
Susan jumped as she heard the sound of running feet. A small brunette appeared,   
coming off the stairs.  
  
"Shirley?" Abby called.  
  
"Shirley is five now?" Susan asked. "How did that happen?"  
  
"Romano." Shirley stated. "It was an accident."  
  
"So are you playing, and where is Elizabeth?" Chen asked.  
  
"She is the boys' hostage. They have her tied up in her office....with Romano standing  
guard inside. Oh yes...and the X-Babies are playing." Shirley told them.  
  
"What are X-Babies?" Susan asked.  
  
"Spoofset." Abby answered and suddenly, everything came to Susan's mind.  
  
"Oh my God. Carter killed everyone!" Susan exclaimed.  
  
"That's where the dinasours came from!" Jing Mei yelled, and then paused "Carter killed me."  
  
"He did?" Shirley asked in surprise.  
  
"He killed Malucci three times." Abby explained. "He killed most of the med team. Something  
to do with Sobriki. I decided it was safer not to ask."  
  
"This isn't helping us rescue Elizabeth." Shirley retorted.  
  
"Perhaps we can help." Shadowkitty told them. With her were Jeanie(the X-Baby version  
of Jean Grey) Sugah, Psychilde, Misty Q, Sparkler( X-B Jubilee), Shower(who'll we'll note  
is Ardeth's daughter on set. As of Jurassic Spoof: The Lost World)  
  
"These are the girl X-Babies, Shirley. Shadowkitty can walk through walls and MistyQ  
is a shapeshifter." Susan told her.  
  
"Good, we need to spy on the guys to find out if Romano is entirely alone with Elizabeth.  
If he is, we can free her and gain ourselves a hostage." Abby told them.  
  
"You're gonna kidnap Romano?" Chen asked, doubtfully.  
  
"Why not? They kidnapped Corday. Besides he can't fight all of us off." Abby retorted.  
  
"Good idea." Susan agreed. "Carter would be too hard to kidnap. He's never that far from   
Ardeth."  
  
"Romano sould be easy." Shirley informed them. "He doesn't want to leave Elizabeth. Her   
office door said that she liked him, and you know how much he's stuck on her, anyway."  
  
"So Dor is running around the place, is he?" Abby asked.  
  
"With someone named Sven." Shirley replied.  
  
"Why not?" Shadowkitty put in. "Marblebrains is running around with that talking Ring. At  
least Fathead is still in the Shadow World."  
  
Shirley stared. "I don't want to know."  
  
"Keep your eyes open, you'll see strange things.... Like Chuny doing labs on a walking   
dead guy who looks like Billy Idol." Abby mused.  
  
"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. Kovac and Malik were spying on you. Kovac has a bag with  
him." Shirley let them know.  
  
"He STOLE our ideas?!" Chen demanded. "I'm gonna kill him!"  
  
"Stand in line. Besides....he's an Assistant. You can't kill him." Susan shot back.  
  
"NOT FAIR!" Chen screamed.   
  
"Quiet, you'll wake the dead." Shower told her.  
  
This was when three dead guys walked past with toilet paper dragging behind them.  
  
Chen burst out laughing. "I think somebody else already did." She managed to say.  
  
"Something called the ZombieMaster. Abby was there." Shirley replied.  
  
"It was Dave's fault." Chen said, after getting her laughter under control.  
  
"So that's what Dave did. He let Jonathan ZombieMaster into the morgue. Now   
there are Zombies dropping clumps of body parts all over the hospital." Susan remarked  
and paused. "How charming."  
*******************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in Elizabeth's office, Romano sat on top of the desk, Indian-style, going through  
a few medical files, while, in front of him, tied to her chair, sat Elizabeth Corday.....glaring at  
him.  
  
Robert paused, looking through the files. "Are you trying to burn me into the floor, Lizzie?"  
He asked. **Actually, she probably COULD burn him into the floor....fortunately, his  
talent protects him from it.**  
  
Elizabeth simply glared. "Why don't you find some crayons and a coloring book, Robert?"  
She shot back. "I believe I have a few."  
  
"Ha...ha." Romano retorted, with a snort, before hopping off the desk. "You know, this isn't   
very fun."  
  
Elizabeth smirked. "Good, let's untie me and tie you up instead." She suggested.  
  
Romano raised an eyebrow, suddenly interested. "Oooh, kinky." He commented, with an  
evil grin. "I didn't know you had it in you, Lizzie."  
  
Elizabeth, realizing what she'd said, turned bright red. Then she looked down for a moment  
in thought. "Seriously, Robert...this isn't very exciting." She replied when she'd recovered   
her embarassment. "Do we have to stay in here?"  
  
Romano shrugged, pacing the office. He was definitely bored. They had been having more   
fun when they were running around before. Come to think of it, he was actually considering  
untying Lizzie and just getting the hell out of there, blowing off the whole game.  
  
Elizabeth, seeing that Robert was actually considering this, stared at him. "You don't really  
want to play this stupid game, do you?" She asked.  
  
Romano made a face. "Truthfully, I was never big on the whole "cooties" thing, anyway."  
He confessed. "You think we could get away with sneaking out through the vent shaft, and   
blowing these weirdos off?"   
  
Elizabeth shrugged. "Well, anything is better than just sitting here." She answered.  
  
Before either of them could blink, Shadowkitty phased through the wall, with Abby, Shirley,  
Misty Q, and Jeanie.   
  
"Now that's a neat trick." Romano remarked, impressed.  
  
Shirley grinned. "We came to get Elizabeth out......" She grinned wider. "And to take a   
hostage for ourselves."  
  
Elizabeth looked at Robert, who had backed up a step, uncertain. This had not been part of  
his plan.  
  
"You know, I WAS going to untie her anyway." Romano answered, still backing up.  
  
"Oh yeah, we really believe that one." Abby muttered. "Grab him, Jeanie."  
  
"There's two guards outside the door." Romano defended.  
  
"Not anymore." Shadowkitty quipped. "Shower and Sparkler are getting rid of them."  
  
Romano looked from one girl to the next and on down the line, until he came to Elizabeth.   
Obviously, they were not going to let him get out of this, and there were too many of them  
for him to fight off. On top of that, he wasn't sure he wanted to fight them off. If he were  
to be a hostage, he would stay with Elizabeth, and he could avoid having to play this stupid  
game. "Okay." He replied, giving up. "Take me to your leader."  
  
Abby stared at him. "Are you serious?" She asked, surprised. "You're not even going to  
try to fight?"  
  
"And what would the point be?" Romano retorted. "I'm outnumbered and those three are  
mutants.....besides, I didn't even want to play this stupid game anyway. Why do you think  
I was going to untie her?"  
  
Elizabeth stood up as Shadowkitty helped her phase through the ropes. "He's telling the   
truth." She informed them. "He didn't want to play. We were both getting really bored."  
  
Abby looked from Romano to Elizabeth, then at Shirley, who gave her an "I told you so" look.  
"Okay." She spoke up. "Let's go, prisoner."  
***********************************************************************  
  
Out in the hallway, Wolvie and Dave had just finished running the two girls off. "Well that   
was easy." Dave remarked, grinning.  
  
Wolvie frowned, sniffing the air. "That was TOO easy!" He shot out, chopping a hole   
through the door, and charging into the office.  
  
"Aww, MAN!" Dave exclaimed.  
  
Inside the office, they found only Romano.  
  
"What is it?" Carter shouted as he came running with Ardeth right behind him.  
  
"They took Dr. Corday." Romano informed Carter.  
  
Carter frowned. "What?" He asked, staring. "I thought you called her Lizzie."  
  
Wolvie popped his claws with a loud "snikt", and sniffed Romano. "You ain't Romano."   
He snarled. "You're MistyQ."  
  
Misty Q shifted back to her own form, with a triumphant grin. "That's right." She crowed.  
"We took Romano hostage. Now you have to find him to get him back."  
  
Carter sighed and shook his head. "Ganged up on him..." He muttered. "It was Shirley."  
  
"Guess that means Romano was right." Dave spoke up. "Um...again."  
  
"So now what?" Kovac asked. "They took our idea."  
  
"Now we have to find him." Ardeth concluded, leading them away from the empty office.  
  
As they walked down the hall, they passed the burning trashcan.....around the trashcan,  
were four....uh.."bums" warming their hands, while singing "Sweet Adaline." One of them   
sporting a suspicious looking grease-paint mustache.  
**********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile.....  
  
Romano stared, and paled as he discovered the location of the girls' base. "You have GOT  
to be kidding!" He shot out. It was the roof....and the resting place of a lot of bad memories.  
  
"Tie him up." Susan said, smiling. "Nice to see you again, Dr. Romano."  
**********************************************************************  
End part 14.   
  
And the hostage part of the game begins. There will be more hostages, believe me. We like   
that idea. And coming next, Romano on the roof of the building.....let's just say he's not a   
happy hostage anymore.....and the conspiracy of the "five year old" virus continues. The   
girls decide that they are outnumbered by the boys, and must remedy this, therefore they   
need more players. Don't go away!!!! And the answer to the question, are Romano and   
Lizzie even playing this game!?   
  
And you have not seen the last of the four "Bums." ^_^ 


	15. Pink hair, more kids, and yes Chuny, Bil...

And we're back again!!!! Okay, about the whole cooties thing. The object of the game is to   
capture or defeat the leaders of each group. This would be Ardeth & Carter and Susan &Abby.  
And Ardeth and Carter are not the easiest people to catch.....HOWEVER, the spoofauthors are  
FEMALE! AND we have the list of magic talents, and who has what. And we have a few  
Magician class talents that have not been revealed! And they're WOMEN! The girls are in  
fact outnumbered, there are TWO magician class talents as leads of the boys side, whereas,  
Susan and Abby do not have this. Abby is Chameleon. If you have not read "A Spell For   
Chameleon" by Piers Anthony, Chemeleon appears on Fellowship, and it is fully explained.   
Abby changes from Anya to Sarah Harding, Abby being the middle phase. Unfortunately,   
since Xanth is involved in this, Abby is going to be changing into Anya very shortly. We have   
no choice in this matter, however she changes back to Abby after Anya, before she becomes   
Sarah Harding. We'll figure this out yet. Abby is starring in "A Spoof of Chameleon" opposite  
Carter! (for all you Carbys! --YES she WILL marry him in this!) So Carter will be married to three   
different women, who are all the same woman.....look at it this way, Spike and Logan are both  
married to the same woman (Buffy), who is now their sister, (as of US Psychos), and since  
Fellowship, thier kids are all cousins. Now you figure THAT one out. Anyhow, natuarally,   
the outnumbered girls turn to the first one they can think of that would be on their side.....  
Shadowkitty's mommy-Buffy! HOWEVER, the last thing you'd think of. The only one who can  
take down Ardeth Bay......the Buffy look-alike in the van, Lucy Knight. Wait and see what her  
talent is!  
************************************************************************  
  
On the roof, Romano had suddenly decided that he very much hated this game. He was now tied   
to a chair in a small secluded area off to the side of the elevator. Watching him was Elizabeth   
Corday and Jing Mei Chen. Obviously, they didn't trust Elizabeth alone with him. Where the   
other girls were, Romano had no idea. He knew now that Abby and Susan were the lead of the   
group, and they had said something about getting Mysti Q back.   
  
"Is it absolutely necessary for me to be tied up out here?" He demanded. "Can't you just stuff  
me in a closet somewhere?" The roof was starting to bother him.  
  
Chen stared at him. "You'd rather be stuffed in a CLOSET?!" She spat out.  
  
Romano's face changed. He was now staring at Chen as if she were a bug. "Wow, how'd you do   
that?" He asked.  
  
Chen frowned. "What?"  
  
Elizabeth was now staring at her as well. "Your hair is purple." She informed her.  
  
Jing Mei stared. "WHAT!?" She exclaimed, the color now changing to a bright red.  
  
"Hey, you did it again!" Romano put in, laughing. "Can you make it blue?"  
  
"Get me a mirror." Jing Mei demanded.  
  
A few minutes later, Elizabeth ran back to the roof with a small hand held mirror. Jing Mei's hair   
was now pink.   
  
"Wow." She breathed, staring at the mirror. She closed her eyes and thought for a moment.  
The hair changed back to black.  
  
"Aww, come on!" Robert protested. "Make it striped or something!"  
  
Jing Mei appeared to think about it for a minute, then she grinned, and consentrated. Her hair  
changed skunk-striped. "Look." She said, triumphantly. "It's Cassi."  
  
Elizabeth started laughing.   
  
Romano turned his head at an angle. "Yeah, it's you." He remarked. You should keep it that  
way."  
  
"What's going on?" Susan demanded, as she approached. "You're laughing with the hostage."  
  
Jing Mei turned around with a grin. "Check it out!" She crowed. "Look what I can do!" She  
proceeded to change her hair from skunk-striped to bright pink.  
  
Susan stared. "Wow!" She exclaimed. "How did you DO that?!"  
  
"I think she just found her magic talent." Romano informed her. "Cassi and Sven mentioned  
there's a bunch of people with them. Carter and Ardeth both are Magician-class, though."  
  
"What is his talent, anyway?" Susan asked.  
  
"Who, Carter?" Romano put in. "Can't say. It protects itself. I read the book, so I know, but  
the talent itself won't let me say it."  
  
"Figures." Susan muttered. "So what's yours?"   
  
Romano frowned. "I haven't the slightest idea." He answered. "They haven't told me yet."  
  
Elizabeth shrugged. "I wonder what other talents there are." She mused. "Most of the staff has  
been on this spoofset for a long time. That means most of them are going to have talents."  
  
"That doesn't mean they're big ones." Romano reminded them. "Some it's really just subtle...."  
He grinned. "Like Chen's freak show there."  
  
Chen smirked. "You're just jealous, because you don't know what yours is." She gloated.  
  
"I don't know what mine is either." Susan retorted.   
  
Elizabeth sighed. "So where did the others go?" She asked, changing the subject.  
  
Susan grinned. "Well, we're outnumbered.....so Shadowkitty went to get her Mommy-Buffy."  
She answered.  
  
Romano shook his head. "You're getting the Slayer?" He shot out in disbelief. "That seems a  
little unfair."  
  
"Please." Jing Mei muttered, her hair changing a nice shade of green. "Ardeth can change people  
into frogs. How fair is that....and will you stop that?!"  
  
Romano was staring again. "Huh? Sorry, you were saying....geez that's hard to get used to. Can  
you make it polka-dot, too?"  
  
Jing Mei thought for a moment. "How about this?" She remarked, making it blue with green  
triangles.  
  
"I'm impressed." Romano responded, grinning. He was enjoying this distraction. It was keeping  
his mind off other unpleasant memories of their location.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, downstairs in the Boy's home-base, which currently was the daycare room. Mysti Q  
was over in the corner, tied to a chair, with Wolvie and Snaggle watching her.....that is they were  
watching her when they weren't exchanging rude comments to each other.  
  
In the opposite side of the room, Carter, Ardeth, Kovac, Gallant, Dave, Cyke, Boyo, and Creepy  
were in the middle of a pow-wow. The other guys were out trying to spy on the girls, as they  
still didn't know who their leaders were yet.  
  
"I'm betting Abby's one of them." Carter remarked, getting several nods.  
  
"Abby is definitely one of them." Luka told them. "When we saw them making plans, she was  
more in charge. The other one might be either Susan or Chen."  
  
Ardeth frowned. "Anyone know where they're hiding?" He asked. "We need to find where they  
have Romano."  
  
"They're still working on that." Creepy answered. He was busy studying the layout of the   
hospital, based on the wall maps they had stolen. He could not bamf places until he knew where  
he was going.  
  
"So where do you think they'd put him?" Dave asked.  
  
Carter frowned. "Knowing Abby, Susan and Deb.......I would say the last place we'd look." He  
answered. "Closet somewhere....men's bathrooms.....womens bathrooms..."  
  
"Roof?" Gallant put in.  
  
"Way too obvious." Kovac told him. "Romano had an accident up there, remember? They   
wouldn't be that stupid." **To quote from Shadows of the Spoof "They don't think that any-  
one would be as stupid as we are. It fools them every time."**  
  
Gallant nodded. "So now what?" He asked.  
  
Carter looked at Ardeth. "I say we spread out and look for them." He replied. "If they're going to  
try to get MystiQ, they'll look for the base. We need to scout out for spies."  
  
Ardeth nodded. "Carter is with me." He put in, with a grin. "And we'll take Creepy."  
  
Cyke nodded. "Boyo and me are together." He stated, then turned to Gallant. "You wanna come?"  
  
"Okay." He answered with a nod.  
  
Dave looked at Luka. "You with me?" He asked.  
  
Luka nodded. "Yeah, we'll go look for Doug, and the missing X-Babies." He answered. "We   
might need Phyro, Magneato, Gumbo, and IceBoy."  
  
Carter nodded in agreement. "Hey! Wolvie!" He called out. "You and Snaggle watch her!"  
  
Wolvie and Snaggle looked at each other in distaste.  
  
"Without tearing each other apart!" Ardeth added.  
  
"Let's go." Creepy cut in, holding out his hands.   
*************************************************************************  
  
Downstairs, Chuny headed down the hall. "Dr. Pratt!" She called, causing the doctor to turn.  
"I got the labs back on Billy Idol......he's dead."  
  
"What?" Pratt questioned, turning.   
  
"I mean he's dead." Chuny told him. "No pulse, no BP, and he's room temperature. He's dead."  
  
"No he's not!" A small voice spoke up next to her.   
  
Chuny looked down to see two little girls. One with red hair, and the other with dark curly hair.  
  
"He's my Daddy-Spike." The curly haired one announced. "He's a vampire. Have you seen my   
Mommy Buffy?"  
  
Pratt looked from the girls to Chuny. "All yours." He informed her, walking off. "I have the King  
of Gondor with Compy bites to get to."  
  
Chuny watched him walk off, not even wanting to ask. She had already assisted Benton with  
the Elf-Prince of Mirkwood. "Okay, you're looking for your mommy?" She asked the little girl.  
"What's your name?"  
  
The girl smiled. "I'm Shadowkitty, and this is Jeanie." She announced. "We need to find my  
Mommy-Buffy, so she can help us beat the boys."  
  
Chuny smiled and shook her head. This day just kept on getting better. "Why don't we just ask  
your Daddy-Spike where she is." She suggested.  
  
Shadowkitty nodded. "Okay."   
  
Spike looked up when the nurse walked in with Shadowkitty and Jeanie in tow. "Oh, you found  
my daughter." He spoke up.  
  
"We need Mommy Buffy." Shadowkitty told him. "The girls are at war against the boys and  
we're out numbered."  
  
Spike nodded. "She was just here." He informed them. "Should be back in a second." He   
turned back to Chuny. "Everything normal?"  
  
Chuny stared at him. "You're dead." She answered.  
  
Spike nodded. "Oh good....was worried there for a second." He responded. "Got my soul back   
not long ago, and you never know."  
  
This was when a blond girl walked in. "Hey, Shadow! What are you doing here?" The girl asked.  
  
"Good news, Slayer." Spike spoke up. "I'm still dead."  
  
"Oh good." She answered. "What's wrong with our daughter?"  
  
"Mommy Buffy, we're playing cooties, and we need more help." Shadowkitty explained. "There  
are too many boys, and they gots bigger powers."  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Oookaaay." She answered. "And you want me to play."  
  
The two nodded. "The boys leaders are both Magicians." Jeanie explained. "Our hostage said  
so."  
  
Buffy started laughing. "You have a HOSTAGE?!"   
  
Shadowkitty nodded. "Yeah, and he was real easy to catch a-cause he likes Lizzie." She   
explained.  
  
Chuny turned sharply. "What did you say?" She asked, staring.   
  
"Our hostage....he's the Chief of Staff." Shadowkitty answered. "He likes Lizzie, so we caught  
him really easy. They was holdin' her hostage, so we broked her out, and took him. Bu' now  
we need more girls cause there's more of the boys."  
  
"And you're playing a "Cooties" game?" Chuny asked, suddenly interested. No one had seen  
the the missing doctors for an extended period of time now.   
  
Jeanie and Shadow nodded. "It's boys against the girls." Jeanie told her. "Ardeth can change   
people into things, so we can't catch him...and he's one of the leaders. So we need more girls."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike, who shrugged. "Okay, I'll play." She answered. "Why not?"  
  
Chuny frowned. "And where do you have your hostage?" She asked, curiously.  
  
Jeanie shook her head. "Huh-uh." She answered. "We can't say. The boys might be spying."  
  
Buffy gave a small smile. "Okay, why don't we get Dawn, and see if she wants to play, too?"  
She suggested. "Then we'll have more girls."  
  
The two kids grinned. "Okay!" They said in unison, with a cheer.  
  
Spike shook his head. "Have fun." He told them.  
  
"You're not gonna play?" Buffy asked him.  
  
"Nah, I'll stay out of this one." Spike remarked. "Probably safer that way."  
  
Chuny shook her head and left the room, looking for Benton. He was going to LOVE this one.  
**************************************************************************  
  
In the van outside, the audience watched with interest.   
  
"This is incredible." Greene spoke up, grinning.   
  
"Wonder how many five year olds there will be before the end of this." Langly remarked.  
  
Lucy stared at the screen, with a strange look on her face. "I wanna play too." She put in,   
causing everyone in the van to stare.  
  
Jimmy grinned at her. "So do I."  
  
"Now that, I'm not surprised at." Frohike retorted, rolling his eyes.  
  
Langly frowned. "You know, I do too." He confessed. "Not fair that they're having all the fun.  
This was supposed to be torture. It's just not right."  
  
Lucy looked at them, smiling. "Who's for joining the fun?" She asked.  
  
Glory gave a wicked grin. "The boys outnumber the girls. That just ain't fair, is it?" She put in.  
"I wanna play too."  
*************************************************************************  
  
A few minutes later, coming from the van, were a small group of five year olds. This included   
Glory, Lucy, Langly, Byers, Jimmy Bond, Nikki Carpenter-Langly, and Yves.  
  
**May God have mercy on the souls of those inside.***  
*************************************************************************  
End part 14.  
  
Okay people, the plot thickens! And we are NOT done yet! You get to see the manifestations of  
talents reguarding Yves, Lucy, Kovac, Dave, and the five year olds are NOT done yet! There will   
be more! One of the girls has the talent to change the age of a person......wait and see!!! Give us  
reviews now! We're not even close to ending this!  
  
Yes, by this time, Nikki and Langly are married. For those not familiar with the spoofs,  
Nikki and Langly got together in Cutthroat Island, by Cassi. They became an item shortly  
after. During the season change, Between Fellowship and Psychos, and in the middle of   
Forbidden Spoof, the two were married. We're working on Mulder and Scully now. 


	16. Lucy LIVES! Uhhh Lizzie? Lizzie? Hey w...

And the fun just keeps going.....and going and going.....So now we have a whole new crowd of  
kids to add into the mix, and most of them were in on the whole five year old scam to start with.  
And with the addition of the new members, they added a few more Magician class talents to  
the girls side. It is Yves who has the age changing ability. Now, as Langly, Byers, and Jimmy  
know where the girls base is, We'll have Agent Jay fix that one for us. Because it's not fair as   
the girls don't know where the boys are....and in case you're wondering, Agent Jay will also fix  
the fact that Lucy and Nikki know where the boys are. Glory also knows, but the flashything  
doesn't work on her, and she will agree not to tell.   
Okay, Cassi's 2nd Lortab today is now kicking in and we'll see about another chapter. We have  
an ice storm today in case you're wondering, and my legs are KILLING me!!!! Oh yeah, and  
Sven's sick. Caught our mom's cold, she did.   
**Sven:  
Okay...a few things. Abby and Carter on the marriage thing. It's in Chameleon.....during which,  
Youth Elixer taked place...during the break after chapter six.. When this ends it will go right   
into Chameleon chapter seven. So there will be a drop off ending at the end of this.  
To find out what happens after this, you will have to wait for Chameleon to come out. But  
don't worry yet. We aren't even close to an end yet. Also the bit on magic. In Xanth  
every one has a magic talent. So the people on our set are aquiring them....THAT is why  
we keep mentioning them. On Abby's talent which switches her into Anya and Sarah Harding:  
Usually this goes by the phases of the moons. HOWEVER for comedy sake, and to get rid  
of more boredom, we are making her phases switch over the hours of the day. Anyway,  
enjoy. The main thing we wanted to do was even the sides out. If you'll count the members of  
each side, you'll come up with at least four more boys than girls. Cassi says perhaps we should   
give the boys a chance to surrender. ^_^  
************************************************************************  
  
"Cooties?" Benton asked Chuny in surprise.  
  
Chuny nodded. "That's what the girl said." She answered. "And..." She pulled him closer.   
"They've got Romano tied up as a hostage somewhere."   
  
Benton started laughing. "You've got to be kidding." He managed to get out. "Did they say   
where?"  
  
Chuny shook her head. "No, they didn't." She answered, regretfully. "But the whole idea of  
him as a hostage sounds pretty funny."   
  
"Who?" Kerry asked, stepping up.  
  
"Chuny figured out why we haven't seen the kids in a while." Benton informed her.  
  
Weaver raised her eyebrows. "Oh really?" She remarked. "Do tell."  
  
"According to a little girl, they're having a "Cooties" war. Boys against girls." Chuny   
answered, laughing. "And the girls have Dr. Romano tied up somewhere in the building as  
their hostage."  
  
Kerry burst out laughing. "Now that I would PAY to see." She said between giggles.  
  
Chuny shook her head. "I don't know." She put in. "From what I heard, Romano was a willing  
hostage."  
  
Weaver frowned. "Willing?" She asked, surprised. "Tell me you're joking."  
  
Chuny shook her head. "Something about him wanting to stay with Dr. Corday, I think."   
  
Peter shook his head. "Now that doesn't surprise me." He answered.   
  
Chuny smiled. "That isn't all. They're looking for more girls." She informed them. "The little  
girl playing with them came to get her mother so she could play too."  
_________  
  
Off to the side, Carter looked at Ardeth in disbelief. "He was a WILLING hostage?!" He   
mouthed.  
  
Ardeth frowned, and shook his head. "This is not good."   
  
Creepy nodded in agreement. "And not fair either." He put in. "What do you think he's telling   
them?"  
  
"He could be playing both sides." Carter realized. "Come to think of it, he never said he'd play  
the game."  
  
"So what do we do?" Creepy asked.  
  
Carter sighed. "We have to tell the others."  
  
"They just got Buffy to play, too." Ardeth added. "That's Shadowkitty's mother they were   
talking about."  
  
"That ain't all." A voice spoke up next to them.  
  
The trio turned to see three boys. Two with short brown hair, and the other with long blond  
hair....***yes Langly has long hair, dispite the fact that he DIDN'T as a child***  
  
"Who are you?" Carter asked, staring.  
  
Langly grinned. "We're the ones who started this whole mess." He answered. "You think we'd  
let you guys have all the fun?"  
  
"Langly." Ardeth replied, grinning. "And Jimmy....and..."  
  
"Byers." Byers finished.  
  
"Who else is playing?" Carter asked, grinning.  
  
"Glory, Lucy, Yves and Nikki." Langly informed them. "They're already headed up to the girl's  
base."  
  
"You know where it is?" Creepy asked, grinning.  
  
"Not anymore." Byers told them. "Jay took care of that."  
  
"But it was only fair, because he did it to the girls too." Jimmy added. They knew where you   
guys were."  
  
Carter nodded. "Now what's this about Romano being a willing hostage?" He asked.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Doug stared over at Carol as they watched the boys plan. "Do you?" He asked her.  
  
Carol glared and shook her head. "No, I am not playing "COOTIES"!" She growled.  
  
Doug made a disappointed look. "Can I?" He asked, pitifully.  
  
Carol sighed. "Fine go play, just keep me out of it." She told him, and rolled her eyes as  
he headed over to the boys group.  
  
"I'll play!" Doug yelled, as he reached them. "Carol won't , though."  
  
Carter grinned. "Good, that gives us extra......we just learned that Glory joined the girl's team."  
  
"You have got to be kidding!" Doug exclaimed. Then saw the looks on the other's faces.   
"You aren't.......we are sooo dead!"  
  
"She has to play by the rules!" Langly stated.  
  
Doug shook his head wondering if he should have agreed with Carol, he had a feeling  
the girls would win. After all, the Authors were women, what if they joined in? "What  
about the Authors?" He asked.  
  
Carter stared. "They wouldn't!" He argued.  
  
Ardeth held up his hand. "They might, I know I wouldn't put it past them....although, I doubt   
anyone will get Cassi out of Romano's office. She seems to have claimed it for her own. Not   
surprisingly." He pointed out. "Sven would be the one I'm worried about."  
  
"She's the homicidal maniac!" Dave protested, walking up to them with Kovac.  
  
Carter glared. "And what am I, chopped liver?" He demanded.  
  
Dave swallowed. "Right, I forgot."  
  
Ardeth stared. "You forgot being killed THREE times?"  
  
Dave laughed "Okay, I wasn't thinking."  
  
"You think?" Carter retorted.  
  
"That's not funny."Dave shot back.  
  
Creepycrawler watched, amused. Doug caught his eye. "Are they fighting like X-Babies,  
or is it just me?" He asked.  
  
Creepy nodded. "Zhey are fighting like Volvie and Cyke." He agreed.  
  
"Are not!" Carter and Dave protested, sounding just like Wolvie and Cyke....without Cyke's   
audible lisp.  
**********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, on the roof, Romano was now bored of watching Chen change her hair, and had  
begun to complain again. Elizabeth cast a sympathetic look in his direction. The location was  
not helping him out any.  
  
"What?" Susan asked, seeing her look.  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "You do realize this is not the best place for him, don't you?" She  
remarked.  
  
Susan looked over toward the helicopter pad, and sighed. "Yeah, I know....but let's face it. The  
guys would never expect us to bring him here." She answered, honestly.  
  
Elizabeth nodded. "True, but this can't be very easy on your hostage."   
  
"Well do you know where ELSE to put him?!" Susan shot out. "I mean they'd EXPECT us to  
put him in a closet somewhere."  
  
Elizabeth frowned. "What about the OB unit?" She asked. "There's still patients in there.   
Certainly, they won't expect us to take him where there's patients."  
  
Susan appeared to think about it. "So what do we do about the patients?" She asked.   
"Kerry and the others have got to be looking for us."  
  
"Well, it IS Robert we have tied up." Elizabeth retorted, with a small smile. "We're trying to   
make it so the boys won't find him, and he's not particularly well-liked in the hospital. Perhaps  
the nurses there would let us do it."  
  
"You'd have to get them to play along." A voice spoke up behind them.  
  
Both girls jumped and turned to see a small group of girls they didn't recognize.   
  
"Who are you?" Susan asked, staring.  
  
The girls grinned. "We got tired of watching the fun, and decided to join you." A blond with  
long curly hair commented.  
  
Susan grinned, recognizing the red satin dress she was wearing. "Glory!?"   
  
Glory grinned wider. "Yeah, that's me." She answered. "We figured that since you were   
outnumbered, we'd join the mix. I believe you know Nikki, Yves, and Lucy."  
  
Elizabeth turned white. "Lucy!?" She whispered, at last realizing who the shorter blond was.  
"Oh my....." She trailed off as she fainted.  
  
Across the roof, Romano saw her go down. "Lizzie?!" He shouted, struggling.   
  
"She's probably okay." Chen reassured him, before running over. "What's going on?"  
  
Lucy bit her lip. "My fault." She replied. "I keep forgetting who was there when I died.  
Remember? Romano...hyperventilating?" **In Spoof of Chameleon, we brought back Lucy  
Knight. The reactions of Romano and Carter were the most memorable....if you'll remember,  
Romano was in fact holding her heart in his hand when she died, and it was very obvious it   
affected him emotionally.**  
  
Jing Mei looked at Lucy, suddenly understanding what had happened. "Ahh, right." She  
spoke up, with a nod. "Why don't you go watch Romano while we help Elizabeth out?"  
  
Lucy nodded and walked over to where Romano was watching them with Corday, concern  
actually visible on his face. "Hi again." She remarked. "I think Elizabeth was a little surprised   
to see me."   
  
Romano frowned a second before he realized who he was looking at. He gave her a once-over,  
before looking over her shoulder at Elizabeth, who was now getting off the ground. "Yeah, I  
guess that was about how I reacted." He retorted, nodding. "When did you join the game?"  
  
Lucy grinned. "Well it was really no fun watching you guys have all the fun, and the girls   
really were outnumbered, what with Ardeth being what he is." She explained. "So me, Yves,  
Nikki and Glory decided to join. Langly, Byers, and Jimmy joined the boys side. Oh yeah, did  
you know Yves has the talent to change the age of a person?"  
  
Romano raised his eyebrows. "No, I didn't. Interesting. Did you see what Chen can do to her  
hair?" He asked.  
  
Lucy laughed. "Yeah, I saw it on the monitor!" She answered. "I'm told I have a big one, but I  
don't know what it is yet."  
  
"I know how it goes." Romano informed her. "I have yet to see my own.....although knowing  
Cassi's sense of humor, it must be a goodie. Hey Lizzie, I see you met Lucy...again."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "You knew she was alive?" She asked Romano, looking as if she  
couldn't believe he hadn't told her.  
  
Lucy grinned. "Yeah, he was hyperventilating when he found out." She answered. "They   
brought me back, and I got to see what happened after Carter and I were......after it happened.  
Thankyou....both of you. I'm sorry I freaked you out." **We showed her the video of "All in  
the Family"**  
  
Elizabeth looked down. "Sorry we couldn't...."  
  
"It's okay." Lucy replied. "You tried, and that's really all that counts to me......and if you think  
YOUR reaction was good, you should have seen Carter's! I think he went catatonic, or some  
thing. I know he fainted."  
  
"He did?" Romano asked, staring.  
  
"Yeah, but you were laying on the floor at the time." She answered, with a laugh.  
  
"Hey guys! If you're done getting reaquainted, we were discussing the possibility of getting  
off the roof." Abby cut in, walking up to the trio. "Shadowkitty found Buffy and Dawn, and  
Yves shrunk them down."   
  
"And the girls are multiplying." Romano mused.   
  
"Yeah, well the boys are, too." Jing Mei informed him. "Our sources tell us that Doug, Ice Boy,  
Magneato, Phyro, Toadpole, Charlie X, Colossusus,Gumbo, and Slob have joined the boys side,  
as well as the Gunmen, with the exception of Frohike."  
  
"They found Phyro?" Romano remarked. "Do you think they can get a message to that kid  
that I don't want anymore fires around the hospital? We DO still have patients here."  
  
Abby nodded. "I'll pass that along." She answered. "We're checking into moving to the OB  
ward."   
  
Romano frowned. "There's still doctors as well as patients there." He said, confused. "They  
won't let you do that."  
  
Abby grinned. "Yeah, but the nurses there agreed to hide us there." She explained. "I still  
have a few friends there, remember? All we had to do was tell them that we had the five  
year old Chief of Staff tied up as a hostage. They thought it was so funny, that they agreed to   
let us use their lounge.....provided they get to see the goods."  
  
"Goods?" Elizabeth questioned.  
  
"Yeah, him." Abby answered, motioning to Romano, with a wide grin. "They want to take   
pictures."   
  
Romano's mouth dropped open. "You people are just SICK, you know that?"   
  
Lucy started laughing. "Oh come on, it sounds funny." She remarked, between giggles.  
  
"I don't believe this." Romano muttered under his breath.  
  
"Elizabeth's laughing." Jing Mei put in.  
  
Romano glared at her. "Traitor." He retorted, causing her to laugh harder.  
************************************************************************  
Cassi's note  
Okay, I'm gonna end this here. I was gonna continue, but I really don't feel much like typing  
I finished the last blanket last night//Fri. Mar 7. So that's out of the way. Unfortunately, I was  
stretching this morning and turned wrong. I seem to have pinched a nerve in my neck and have  
loads of pain when turning my head to the right, and it goes all the way through my shoulder   
and down the right arm....luckly, I'm left handed. ^_^ The pain killers have kicked in, but due to  
our wonderful family problem of immunities, they aren't touching the neck pain....although I DO  
feel pretty buzzed. Selective painkillers.....sucks, huh? On the bright side, my knee doesn't hurt.  
The pain killers actually work on that. Another wonderful weather change! 26 degrees one day  
and 60 the next! Fun, huh? Anyhow, I'm gonna go back and check the typos, then after that,   
I check the typos in Fellowship--because guess what! Part 6 is complete! Part 7 will be the   
conclusion and the end of the third season of spoofs! Thankyou all for the reviews you've been  
so wonderful to bestow upon us! Please be patient for the next stories as they are not complete!  
When Fellowship is finished, we'll take a short break from the spoofs, while we work on writing  
more of the next ones. Of the new spoofs, only Forbidden Spoof is close to being finished. The  
rest are at the very most, halfway through. We will continue to post the Youth Elixer story as  
a filler while we work on the next set of spoofs! And I am working on Forbidden Spoof pt 4.   
For now enjoy....and now I think I really need to stop. I'm seeing the Chiropractor on Monday,   
thank God...Give us reviews now!!!! We want to know what you think.....oh yeah, sorry to those  
who are not big on the Cordano scene...but we're both Cordano shippers as we said, and Greene  
is in fact supposed to be dead....she really does need to move on sometime, and Romano is  
let's face it, her best friend. Although Corday IS going to know that Greene is still alive....she's   
going to need him to help bring back the dead bodies at the end of Jurassic III, because most  
of the med team is not going to be available.....mainly because they're the dead bodies, but that's  
beside the point. More to come!!!! 


	17. I don't care if it IS green and singing!...

Part 17.....and it just keeps going on. Okay, this is a real pain in the neck for me....as well as the  
shoulder, the back......Yes, I know I didn't plan to type anymore as long as I had the nerve   
peoblem, but really, like I wanna stop? Dispite the fact that my neck and shoulder are killing   
me every time I turn to change a tape on the stereo...or just turn in general, I am bored and   
higher than a kite. So I might as well do SOMEthing. And torturing others is a good way to   
fill time. I'm miserable right now and misery loves company. Let's bring on the misery! ^_^  
  
Cassi didn't type anything...it is now a day later. I might not type anything either..need   
to let my own pills to kick in. So I'm gonna be typing in Psychos for a while. I'll try to get back  
to this. Maybe we will get a section out before we leave for Mexico.....we leave this friday.   
I'm sure you'll know by the time you read this. It is now a day later AND I still haven't started  
this yet........but we have money!! I have a headache though, so I ain't typing in this one yet.  
Alright, Cassi is insisting that I type some. I'd much rather think up magic talents. Anyway,  
this will probably be our last update before we leave for Mexico......which is now Saturday  
again. Yes Becca, they can't make up their minds. Although, if Jeff had his way we would have  
left last Saturday. Okay let's go to Ro........er Cassi's office. Which now has Weaver picture  
on the wall with holes in it. Noticeably there are also holes in the wall. (oops) Weaver's picture  
looks like a deranged voodoo doll. It also is torn in several places with Nazi Dyke sprayed  
across her front.  
***********************************************************************  
  
The door to Cassi's office opens and two small children walk out. One has green hair and the  
other red hair. They are stopped by Cassi's voice. "You know there are four more guys then  
there are girls. It doesn't really seem fair."  
  
"Don't worry, we'll give them a chance to surrender." Sven answered with a grin.  
  
Cassi nodded. "That's better, just as long as you're fair about it." She remarked.  
  
Irene snickered and waved to Dor, who was remaining in the office. Both Sven and Irene were   
wearing teal green scrub suits with long light blue surgical scrub coats over the top. Sven  
closed the door behind them, and they headed towards the OB floor, where the girls were soon   
to be hiding out.  
  
"This should be fun." Sven remarked, cracking her neck as she walked.  
  
Irene nodded. "Are you going to tell them who you are?" She wanted to know.  
  
Sven shook her head. "Nope, they can call me Jamie. One of my own creations." She answered.  
************************************************************************  
  
Fiddles, bored, studied the building around him. What ugly colors it was, he mused, while  
snuffing a strange cart. YUCK! He snorted. They called this food? It smelt like horse manure.  
He kicked it over.....there, now no one would have to eat it.  
  
A human dressed in pink, hurried out of a side room. She stared at the food and Fiddles in shock.  
  
"Why are you giving these POOR people horse manure? You should be ashamed of yourself  
yes, you should! I mean it! That stuff smells SOOO bad. YUCK, yuck. Why are you wearing  
ugly color? Are you sick? Have you been eating that food? Well, no wonder what your problem  
is. I would be ill also. Do you want to feel better? I can help you. You see, I am an Elf horse and   
that means I can help people feel better, yes I can. Yep, yep. That's me. Do you have a name?  
Mine is Fiddles, now about that yucky food.........." Fiddles trailed off as the strange human  
seemed to have fallen asleep. Harley had mentioned this before. Why had she fallen asleep?  
He had not been singing a lullaby. He looked around for the ugly pink thing. It was nowhere  
to be seen. Fiddles shrugged and walked off, leaving strange woman with her horse manure.  
Perhaps he could find someone to explain it to him. **"Ugly pink thing:" translation--Jigglypuff.  
Makes frequent unannounced visits to the set and will most likely be showing up here as well.  
Fiddles does not like the color pink, in case you're curious.***  
  
Fiddles turned a corner and ran into little Ardeth, Carter, and Creepy.  
  
"FIDDLES!" Carter yelled, pleased...then paused. "What are you doing in the hospital?"  
  
"I am here....that is all I know. You have gotten small. Did you eat the yucky horse manure that  
a lady in ugly color was giving out. She fell asleep in the middle of the hallway, I don't know why.  
I didn't see the ugly pink ball and I wasn't singing myself. I don't know why. Anyway, how did  
you get so small? So very small, that is a neat trick. Do you want a ride?" Fiddles asked.  
  
The trio of children grinned and nodded, eagerly.  
************************************************************************  
  
Menawhile, in the OB Nurses lounge, Robert Romano was finding that he hated this place more  
than the roof....if such a thing was possible. Every nurse that came through had stopped to   
exclaim how adorably cute he looked....tied to a chair. One of them had even brought a video   
camera. He had only been here for ten minutes, and already, he wanted to put a bag over his   
head.  
  
Susan bounced into the room, eating a candy bar. She paused to look over at him.   
  
He glared, flatly.  
  
"Oh come on!" Susan shot out. "It CAN'T be that bad!"  
  
He continued his glare.  
  
"Okaaaay, so they had a video camera." She went on. "That doesn't mean the world is coming to  
an end."  
  
He would have continued glaring at her, but at that point, Elizabeth walked into the room, and  
gave another sympathetic look. "How is he?" She asked.  
  
"He doesn't seem to be speaking to me. Maybe he'll talk to you." Susan remarked, as she exited  
the room.  
  
Romano turned his glare to Elizabeth.   
  
"Look, I got you off the roof, didn't I!? She asked.  
  
He blinked, and looked away. "This isn't very fun, Lizzie." He spoke up.   
  
Elizabeth sighed. "True." She answered, quietly.   
  
He turned back to her, with pleading eyes. "Can't you just let me go so we can BOTH get out of  
here?" He asked. "You can't tell me that you're not as bored of this as I am! We were having  
more fun when we were stalking around, throwing water balloons."  
  
Elizabeth chewed her lip, thinking about it. Robert was right. And on top of that, who wanted to  
waste their time sitting in one room, doing nothing when they could be out, enjoying their   
second childhood? She sighed again, and nodded slowly. "Okay." She whispered. "Give me a   
few minutes to make sure nobody's going to see us, and we can get out of here."  
  
Before anything more could be said, two girls came into the room. One with red hair and the other  
with green hair. Both wearing scrubs and surgical scrub coats. They looked awfully familiar.  
  
"Smile, Robbie!" The redhead called out, and snapped off a picture of him and Lizzie.  
  
Romano blinked as the flash nearly blinded him. "Who the [insert very bad word here] are you!?"  
  
Sven stared at him. "You should not be talking like that! You're not inducted into the Adult  
Conspiracy yet!" She scolded.  
  
"Um, at this point, niether have we." Irene pointed out.  
  
Romano stared, as he realized who he was looking at. "Since when did YOU people join in this?"  
He managed to ask.  
  
"Since just a couple minutes ago, and we got bored." Sven answered. "Why should we let you  
people have all the fun?"  
  
Elizabeth stared a moment. "Sven?" She asked.   
  
Sven grinned. "As far as I know, yeah." She answered. "This is Irene."  
  
Irene smiled and gave a wave. "Haven't seen you in a while." She remarked.  
  
Elizabeth nodded. "I haven't been to the set in a while."  
  
Sven eyed the two surgeons for a moment, realizing they looked like they had been up to some-  
thing. "Ahhh, I see." She said out loud. "You were going to let the hostage go, weren't you?"  
  
Elizabeth turned red. "Well, um....we ...." She trailed off, knowing somehow that Sven was not  
stupid.  
  
Romano gave Elizabeth a Look and shook his head. "Boy you'd be great in court, wouldn't you?"  
He spat out, flatly.  
  
Sven gave a small evil grin. "Well, I didn't see anything. Did you, Irene?" She asked.  
  
Irene gave a clueless look. "See what? Where?" She retorted.   
  
"Why don't we say hi to the other girls?" Sven suggested.   
  
"Right." Irene answered, moving out the door.  
  
"By the way, my name's Jamie." Sven informed them as she headed for the door.  
  
"Right." Romano retorted. "Shall I call you Ghost as well?"  
  
"Not if you know what's good for you." Sven remarked, giving him a Look. "Oh yeah." She  
went on, stopping and turning. "I wanted one more thing."  
  
"Yeah?" Romano asked, impatient to be set loose.  
  
"Can you both smile for me?" She asked, holding up the camera again.  
  
Romano and Elizabeth exchanged a glance, then Elizabeth kneeled down next to the chair, and   
they both looked up with bright grins.  
  
Sven snapped off the picture, and nodded her thanks as she walked out the door.  
  
"I want a copy!" Romano called after her.  
  
"Me too!" Elizabeth added.  
  
"Got it!" Sven answered.  
  
"Well, that was interesting." Elizabeth spoke up after a minute.   
  
Romano nodded. "Oh yeah. Now get me out of this....please."   
  
Elizabeth jumped up and grabbed a knife from a drawer. She then used it to cut the restraints   
that held Robert to the chair.  
  
Once free, Romano stretched, getting rid of the stiff spots from being tied up. "Let's get the  
hell out of here." He remarked, heading for the vent.  
  
Elizabeth smiled as she grabbed the restraints that had held him, and wrapped them over her  
shoulder. "Might come in handy." She explained, as Robert pried the cover from the vent.  
  
He nodded, and moved aside. "After you, my dear." He said, generously.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Down in the ER, things were as usuall, hectic....however, it was not the same kind of hectic   
that the nurses were used to. Connie decided this day could not possibly get much weirder.  
Already, she had treated indigestion from something called "breadfruit", someone had been   
bitten by a "snap-dragon", and she could have sworn she'd just seen Luke Skywalker and Han  
Solo walk through the main lobby.  
  
"How's it going?" Weaver asked as she passed.  
  
Connie shook her head. "You don't wanna know." She answered.   
  
"You seeing anyone right now?" Weaver asked, holding out some charts.  
  
"Not really." Connie answered. "What have you got?"  
  
"I have an Irish guy who's high on morphine, and an English guy, also on morphine, who needs   
150 stitches removed from his arm, he swears was nearly bitten off by a large dinosaur who   
thinks he's a dog named Bill." Weaver answered.  
  
Connie stared openmouthed. "Please tell me you're joking." She remarked.  
  
"I wish." Weaver replied, handing her the charts. "And someone needs to call Psyche."  
  
Connie watched her walk off, toward the lounge. She then looked down at the charts in her hand.  
Murdoc....why did that name sound familiar? She looked up as Benton passed. "How's your  
day been?" She asked.  
  
"I've met the Elf-Prince of Mirkwood, Groucho Marx, a talking dog, Buffy the Vampire Slayer,   
the King of the Goblins, Archangel of the X-Men, Pharaoh Nightcrawler the First, Pikachu,   
and Mulder and Scully of the X-Files." He answered. "How've you been?"  
  
Connie shrugged as she entered curtain 2 where Murdoc and the other guy were. She stared a  
minute, then backed out, turning to Benton. "I have Tommy Lee Jones and that English guy  
from the MacGyver series." She informed him. "Both on morphine and--" She paused to look   
down at the charts. "Murdoc has to have 150 stitches removed from his arm, that was mauled  
by a giant dinosaur named Bill who thinks he's a dog." She looked down at the charts again.   
"And the stitches were supposedly put in by Mark Greene.....and Dr. Romano was the one who  
put him on morphine to start with."  
  
Benton stared at her, before grabbing the charts to look. "Okay, that one takes the taco." He  
told her. "All yours and good luck."  
  
"Thanks." Connie retorted flatly.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Benton sighed as he set down the chart he had just finished working on. This was getting  
ridiculous! This had to be the strangest day in his entire life. NEVER had the ER ever had this  
kind of a problem.  
  
Weaver joined him wearily. "I don't think this can get any stranger!" She stated.  
  
Benton frowned. Somehow, he was sure it would. At that thought he heard the sound of  
singing and pounding hooves. Both Weaver and he looked up startled.  
  
A bright green horse with Carter, a dark skinned boy, and a blue fuzzy boy with a tail, on its back,  
came running through. The horse was the one singing. "I am Fiddles, and here I am. Watch  
me trot, and me run. I am the only one. Through the wind, I come along, can you hear my merry  
song. I am Fiddles and here I am." He sang loudly.  
  
Benton, Weaver, Haleh, and Randi, as well as everyone else in the room stared open mouthed.  
  
"That horse is GREEN!" Haleh exclaimed.  
  
"That horse is SINGING!" Randi retorted.  
  
Benton glared at them. "I don't care if it IS green and singing! What's it doing in the EMERGENCY  
ROOM?!?" He demanded.  
  
Fiddles screeched to a halt, nearly dumping off his riders. "What am I doing here?" Fiddles asked,  
glaring. "What are YOU doing here? I can heal people!" He spat out, then trotted over to a child  
with a long gash on his arm. Fiddles touched his nose to the cut and it disappeared from sight.  
"I'm doing THAT!" He bragged.  
  
Pratt, who had just entered to turn in a chart, stared. "You know, I don't want to know." He retorted,  
and set his chart down. "I can't wait till I'm off duty for the day!"  
*************************************************************************  
  
Back in OB, Abby was in the middle of a planning session with Susan, Jamie, Irene, Shadowkitty,  
Buffy, Glory, Dawn, and a few of the others, when a nurse came out of the lounge, looking   
confused.   
  
Noticing her look, Abby looked up at her. "What is it?" She asked.  
  
"Did any of you move Romano?" The nurse asked, sounding confused.  
  
Susan's head shot up. "No!" She answered, jumping up. "Why?"   
  
"He's not here anymore." The nurse answered.  
  
The girls all jumped up and ran for the lounge. They found only the chair and a knife laying out   
on the counter.  
  
"Who was watching him?" Glory asked.  
  
Susan closed her eyes and groaned. "Elizabeth Corday." She moaned. "Oh, I KNEW we   
should have had someone else in there!"  
  
"Do you think she would actually let him go?" Buffy asked.  
  
Jing Mei rolled her eyes. "In a second." She answered. "Now what? We need another   
hostage."  
  
Dawn eyed the vent. "So they both left together..." She murmured. "Does that mean Elizabeth  
is on the boys side?"   
  
"Personally, I don't think either of them are on any side." Jamie put in.   
  
"I think Jamie's right." Abby remarked. "Romano and Elizabeth never mentioned they were   
even playing.....in fact, Romano had said when we caught him, that he was going to let Elizabeth  
go, there."  
  
Shirley nodded. "That's true." She agreed. "I think they're in it for themselves."  
  
Susan appeared to think about it. "So we get another hostage." She concluded. "Shirley,   
Jeanie, Shadow....." She looked from person to person.  
  
Jing Mei raised her hand. "I wanna go!" She put in.  
  
Buffy looked at Dawn and Glory, who nodded. "Me, Dawn and Glory will go, too." She added.  
  
Susan nodded. "Okay, grab whoever you can." She stopped and stared at Abby. "Are you  
alright, Abby?" She asked in surprise.  
  
Abby, realizing what was going on, groaned. "Oh no...." She could feel her face change slightly.  
"It's going to happen here."  
  
Susan's stare turned to a look of understanding. "Oh boy." She put in. "Tell me you're not  
going to pull a Chameleon here."   
  
"I think I am." Abby answered with a groan.  
  
"What's your next phase?" Jing Mei asked, concerned.  
  
"Anya." Abby moaned. "The stupid phase."  
  
"Oh great, we're screwed." Dawn remarked. "You're supposed to be one of our leaders."  
  
"I can be the leader!" Glory suggested.   
  
"I am NOT taking orders from YOU!" Buffy spat out.  
  
Glory glared at her. "You can be pounded by me, though!" She growled.  
  
Dawn looked from Buffy to Glory then over at Susan. "Can we go kidnap someone now?" She  
asked sounding bored.  
*************************************************************************  
  
End part 17. Okay, there weren't many people mentioned in this, but we WILL make up for that  
in the next section. Coming up, the girls need a new hostage, Abby becomes Anya, who has  
a big fear of bunnies, and no idea of what's going on.....have no fear, she will go back to Abby  
an hour later. Abby is the middle phase. As for the hostage, stay with us! We will be nice.  
Please keep in mind, Chen is on the kidnapping team.   
As for Murdoc, his problem happened in the beginning of Jurassic 3. And yes, Mark Greene put  
the stitches in, and Romano gave him the morphine. I believe we've already mentioned Greene  
was still alive, as he was, in fact in the van with the others. We mentioned we brought Lucy back  
in the Chameleon spoof. This spoof is not out yet as it happens shortly after Jurassic 3 and  
Spoofed Mess start. What you have been hearing about in reguards to magic talents is a glimpse  
at future spoofs. These will be out after Sven finishes Fellowship. Lucy was brought back as  
one of Carter's challenges. He had to face them to get into a castle. She is not the first dead   
person we've brought back to life. We do this with Mungojerrie, who played Miracle Max in  
the 2nd spoof written by Sven. The others brought back include William "Bill" Strannix from  
"Under Siege", Noah Newman from "US Marshals", John Royce from "US Marshals", Casey  
from "Outbreak", and soon Bormir from "Fellowship of the Ring". As we've mentioned before  
Greene, Tara Maclay from "Buffy", and the Lone Gunmen never died. We sent clones of them  
back and kept the real ones. The clones died. Any other questions? Read the Spoofs. They  
answer most of them.....oh and read the beginning of this story. A few of the questions asked,   
we've already answered.   
With Carter, in the Chameleon spoof, he's playing a star role opposite Abby and the two are   
supposed to get married at the end of the story. It doesn't mean that they will be married in   
real life. It's just the characters they're playing....although we count the relations in a book.   
See Spike, Logan and Buffy. In Mummy Returns, Buffy and Spike were married and had a son,  
Boyo....however in Heir to the Spoof, which happened at the same time, Buffy was also married  
to Logan, with two children, Wolvie and Shadowkitty. As of Fellowship, Wolvie and Boyo are  
cousins, and as of US Psychos, Spike, Logan and Buffy are brothers and sister. It makes for the  
weirdest families you will EVER see. Also to come, Romano will become Abby's father, and  
Elizabeth will be his wife. We expect by the year 2005, 98% of our set will be related to each   
other in one way or another. Incidentally, Nikki Carpenter is Ardeth's niece, as of Cutthroat,   
Ardeth is Carter's descendent, Ryan Gaerity is Ardeth's father, and Sam Gerard is Carter's father.  
Toadpole is Langly and Nikki's son,.....do I really need to go on? They're not real relations, but  
as of the spoofs, this is how we make them. It's a running joke, really. Don't even get us started  
on the Summers clan. Buffy is releated to so many people we can't even name them all.  
Let us know if you have anymore questions we have not answered yet. 


	18. Hog tying little doctors made easy!

Ug....what to type? I have a headache and a toothache.......so I probably won't type any story.   
I can type some more of the is mindless prattle that no one reads.......at least nobody seems to   
be reading it. As we have answered several questions..and we are still being asked them. Why  
don't you read this stuff. It might surprise you, we have quite humorous things typed in these  
before and after paragraphs. We still haven't had anyone guess how many different scrub  
caps Romano has. Well I'll stop on this one now.  
Okay, next day and Cassi's turn. I've read the reviews. YES!!!! We WILL get Dave in it more!  
Please bear with us! We've been constantly busy getting ready for Mexico, as we are leaving in  
a very few days. We have a kidnapping to do and we have decided to have not one, but TWO  
hostages...as the boys are currently in groups, and not by themselves. Romano and Lizzie are  
now God knows where and Fiddles is loose in the ER....may God have mercy on their souls. As   
you have seen, Fiddles isn't exactly one who is quiet. In case you're curious, he's appeared in  
several spoofs, and is an Elven horse (bright green), who is kind of insane. Anyways, I'll try to  
give you the scenes you are so desperately hoping for.   
**************************************************************************  
  
Luka Kovac and Dave Malucci were bored. They had found most of the missing X-Babies, and as  
niether of them particularly wanted to be stuck with Marblebrains and the annoying talking Ring,   
they had decided to go off on their own to see if perhaps they couldn't find where the girls were  
hiding Romano. Although they knew he was a willing hostage, there was a big chance that he had  
learned something on the girls that they could put to use.....that is, if they could get him to tell   
them.  
  
"We're wasting our time, you know that, right?" Dave spoke up as they headed down the hallway,  
as quietly as possible, in case there were any female spies.  
  
Luka shrugged. "It got us away from Marblebrains, didn't it?" He pointed out.  
  
"How long is he going to have that stupid Ring anyway?" Dave wondered. "Fellowship is over."  
  
Luka rolled his eyes. "True, but there are two more spoofs in the series." He reminded him. "He   
has that annoying piece of metal until they toss it in Mount Doom."  
  
Dave snorted. "Oh yeah, like the Authors are actually going to destroy it." He retorted. "You're  
an Assistant, Luka. Do you honestly think they're going to have it destroyed?"  
  
"Honestly? No." Kovac answered. "I have a feeling they're going to give it to Gollum."  
  
"Now THAT I'll believe." Dave stated. "Woah, what happened here?"  
  
They stopped to look at a food cart that had been knocked over. Beside it, a nurse dressed in pink  
lay, groaning. The two small doctors looked at one another for an instant, and rushed over to   
help.   
  
"Are you alright?" Luka asked, checking her over.  
  
The nurse eyed him, wearily. "Who in the--" She began.  
  
"Dr. Kovac." Luka answered. "I know this is a little hard to--"  
  
The nurse held up a hand, nodding. "Ah, one of the ER docs that was changed." She finished.   
"I heard about Dr. Romano."  
  
"Are you okay?" Dave asked, helping her up.  
  
"You wouldn't believe me....." She looked down at the doctors and shook her head. "Then again.."  
  
"At this point, we'd believe a lot of things." Dave informed her.  
  
"I swear I saw a green talking horse." The nurse answered. "He knocked the cart over and asked  
me why I was feeding the people horse manure."  
  
Dave burst out laughing.  
  
Kovac gave him a Look and turned back to the poor nurse. "I wouldn't worry about it." He   
assured her. "I think I know what you mean."  
  
"So I'm not going crazy?" She asked, looking pale.  
  
Dave shook his head. "If you are, you can join everyoneELSE in this place." He muttered.  
  
Luka patted the nurse's back. "No, you're not going crazy." He told her. "Look at it this way, it's  
been a crazy day for most of us."   
  
The nurse eyed him and Dave. "Yes, I can believe that." She replied, sounding relieved. "I don't  
even want to know what's going on with the ER."  
  
"Probably better that way." Dave remarked. "Luka, we need to get going. If someone like Weaver  
catches us, we're toast."  
  
"See you later." The nurse called out as they left her behind in the hallway to clean up the mess   
that her cart had made.  
  
"Soooo," Dave began. "I guess that means Fiddles is loose around here."  
  
Luka gave a mock surpirsed look. "How do you figure?" He retorted, with a snicker.  
  
Dave pretended to think about it. "Well unless there's another green talking horse around, I think  
Fiddles is our best bet."  
  
"Another one....ugh." Luka winced at the thought. "Like we NEED another one."  
_________________________  
  
From around the corner a small group of girls listened to their conversation.  
  
Jing Mei gave an evil grin. "Anyone want to catch a couple of guys?" She whispered.  
  
"Sounds like fun." Jamie put in, holding out a coil of courds. "Let's round 'em up."  
  
Buffy grabbed a coil with a smile. "I like how your mind works." She told her.   
  
Glory looked up toward the ceiling. "Someone gimme a boost." She said, quietly. "We can get  
them from above, and then the others move in from the sides. We'll hog-tie 'em."  
  
"Got it." The other girls responded in unison.  
**************************************************************************  
  
Cassi's note.....Yes, in the middle of the fic! Cassi had to stop to watch the baby for "a few   
minutes" ahem...two and a half hours ago....anyhow, she's back now and Sven is home! Now   
sitting at the com-pewter, Cassi has just had a Fruit by the foot "heroin roll" with a Lortab chaser.  
Use your imagination as to what's to come. ^_^ Sven has had a good dose of junkfood with a   
Lortab and a half chaser.....so any minute now, may God have mercy on Dave and Kovac's souls.  
  
We now return you to your regularly scheduled fic already in progress......  
***************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, up in Rom--er Cassi's office, Dor waited impatiently for Cassi to come out of the   
bathroom. She had mentioned something about being bored, and disappeared into the bathroom.  
  
"Ta-dahh!" Cassi announced as she emerged. She was dressed in dark blue scrubs, with red ties  
at the waist and ankles, Romano's white doctor's coat...(which does have his name on it), and one  
of his scrub caps, her hair neatly tucked up out of sight.  
  
Dor stared. "Ooookaaay, now what?" He asked.  
  
"Well that's plainly obvious, isn't it, stupid?!" The desk chair demanded.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Yes, it is." She agreed. "I think it's time for the Chief of Staff to go inspect the  
little people."  
  
Dor sighed. "Right....and me?"   
  
Cassi patted his head, as if he were a little dog. "You can be my Med Student." She told him,  
generously.  
  
Dor rolled his eyes. "Right.....and what happens if we have to do surgery?" He asked.  
  
"Well...." Cassi replied, thinking about it. "We either call in Mungojerrie...or we'll just have the  
surgical table in the OR talk us through it."  
  
Dor shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that would work." He agreed. "We go downstairs then?"  
  
Cassi opened the door. "After you." She retorted. "I hear Fiddles has been through downstairs."  
  
"Now that doesn't surprise me." Dor answered. "What about that evil lady you guys threw out  
of here?"  
  
"Oh, don't worry, I'll tell you if she comes in here!" The door announced. "She's mean! She   
yelled at me for nothing!"  
  
Cassi locked the door behind them. "Hopefully, we'll keep her busy enough that she won't be  
up here." She remarked. "I've studied my Assistant enough to pull off a pretty good act."  
  
"The gods themselves do tremble." Dor muttered as he followed.  
  
"Here's a notebook." Cassi announced, shoving it in his face. "Make sure you take notes so   
you'll be a wonderful surgeon just like me one day."  
  
"Wow.." Dor retorted, looking impressed. "You really HAVE studied that guy."  
***************************************************************************  
  
Pause for a random thought that has absolutely nothing at all to do with this fic. Sven just bought  
a gym-bag for carry on for the Mexico trip. What do you suppose we found in there....apart from   
the fact that the interior is leather and the exterior is not. What's up with that? Anyhow, we found  
a little white packet that reads, "Do not eat this"....Just out of curiosity, did any of you ever buy  
a gym bag, thinking there might be something to eat in it!? And now we find another white packet  
reading "Do not eat this"....and a little sticker with the number 7 on it. And we wonder....what is   
the purpose of this sticker? Are there six other stickers just like it? Where did the other stickers   
go? Did they eat each other because they could not eat the white packets? Why would someone  
put this sticker inside the bag? Oh right, we were writing a story.   
Sorry, you must ignore us. We're on drugs. Do not try this at home....unless of course your doctor  
gives it to you, like they do for us. Back to the story.  
***************************************************************************  
  
In the hallway Luka stopped short, as if he heard something.   
  
"What?" Dave asked, seeing his look. This was as far as he got before an extension courd was   
roped around him and tightened from above. A frantic look at Luka told him that the other doctor  
was in the same position he was.  
  
At that point, Jing Mei, Shirley, Jeanie, Shadowkitty, Dawn Summers, a girl with green hair, and  
a redhead came from around the corner and moved in from the sides.   
  
"Hey, Dave!" Jing Mei shot out, brightly. "How's it going?"  
  
Luka was busy eyeing the redhead. "And you are?" He asked, suspiciously.  
  
Sven grinned. "Jamie." She answered, giving him a Look.  
  
"Um....what is it you guys want?" Dave managed to get out. He was struggling against the courd,  
which only got tighter.  
  
"Well, that should be pefectly obvious, don't you think?" Glory asked from above, where she and  
Buffy held onto the courds.  
  
"You're our new hostages!" Chen announced, proudly. "We're taking you to our jail and tying   
you up!"  
  
"I thought you guys had Romano." Dave responded, still struggling.  
  
"Yeah, well, Romano decided he didn't wanna play and that was no fun." Shirley told him. "By the  
way....the more you struggle, the tighter it gets. You might wanna stop before you cut off your  
circulation."  
  
Buffy and Glory jumped to the floor, knocking the guys off their feet, and then tying thier ankles to  
their wrists.   
  
"Time!" Glory shouted, gleefully, as she finished first.  
  
Luka and Dave from their postitions on the floor, stared in shock. "Oh this really sucks." Dave  
muttered, grumbling.  
***************************************************************************  
  
Downstairs in the ER, the green horse incident was the talk of the staff. All the nurses that didn't  
get the chance to witness it, were busy trying to get details from the ones who did. Romano and  
Elizabeth watched from an above ventilation shaft.  
  
"Now THAT I so would have wanted to see." Romano whispered with a grin.  
  
Elizabeth smirked. "I REALLY have been away from the set too long." She murmured. "Do you  
think Cassi and Sven would want me to come back?"  
  
"I don't think they'd mind...I mean they'd just have to get rid of--" Romano cut off, realizing what  
he had nearly said. "I mean..."   
  
Elizabeth stared at him. "What?"   
  
Robert looked down with a sigh. "Look, Lizzie, we can always discuss this later--"  
  
Elizabeth cut him off holding up her hand. "It's Mahk, isn't it?" She asked quietly. "He's still   
alive."  
  
Romano gave a nod. "You weren't supposed to know." He told her. "They found out he was   
going to die, and they sent back a clone."  
  
"Does Rachel know?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, she's been there, too." Romano answered. "I'm sorry, Lizzie. You weren't supposed to find   
out like this."  
  
She shook her head. "No....I think I--I mean..." She tried again. "When I saw Lucy....I just had   
a feeling..."  
  
They were interrupted by a disturbance from the ER below them.   
  
Romano stared. "Tell me I'm not seeing what I think I'm seeing." He managed to get out.  
  
In the ER, the nurses and adult doctors were doing the same openmouthed stare as Romano.   
Striding across the ER as if she owned the place, was Cassi wearing what appeared to be Romano's  
clothes, and Dor, dressed as a med student, carrying a notebook and a pencil.  
  
"And this!" Cassi spat out, as she walked in. "This is the ER butcher shop. If you look really   
close, you can see the poor shmucks that are about to become the next line of victims."  
  
"Excuse me, but what exactly are you doing?" Weaver demanded.  
  
Cassi looked down at Weaver with a smirk. "Teaching my med student, and was I talking to you,  
Kerry? NO! Shut up!" She snapped, in a very familiar "I must be paid attention to as I am the  
Chief of Staff" voice.   
  
Benton stepped up to her. "Okay, so you're Romano." He remarked in an amused tone. "You've  
gotten taller since we last met....and who is this?"  
  
Cassi motioned to Dor as if he were a disease. "A lab coated tumor." She answered. "This is   
a teaching hospital, is it not? I am teaching.....now butt out! This way please."  
  
Dor sighed and followed.   
  
"And of course you're wondering, did I ask to be worn by this tumor? No indeed, I did not!" The  
lab coat announced.  
  
Up in the ventilation shaft, Elizabeth was laughing so hard she was crying.  
  
"That's not funny." Romano retorted, flatly.  
  
In the ER, the nurses were now staring at Cassi and Dor.   
  
"Excuse me!" Cassi called out. "Are we not working today, people!? Get back to work or you're   
all FIRED!"  
  
Chuny looked at Frank and Randi. "Now that is scary." She whispered.  
  
"It's like they're multiplying." Haleh put in. "Who is that?"  
  
Cassi, hearing this turned toward her. "I am the Chief of Staff!" She spat out. "Now GET BACK  
TO WORK!" She quickly looked over at Dor. "Are you taking notes?"   
  
Dor nodded. "Every word." He replied, proudly.  
  
Cassi looked over his shoulder, and made a face. "Working has no "U" in it and tumor is not  
spelled like "two-more." She corrected.   
  
Dor made a face, and threw the notebook in the trash. "I don't think I like this job." He stated,   
with a glare.  
  
"That's because your spelling sucks!" The pencil announced. "I've seen first graders with better  
spelling."  
  
"That's annoying." Cassi remarked, walking into curtain 2 where Connie was with Murdoc and  
Ryan. "What do we have?" She asked, pulling Dor up behind her.  
  
Connie stared at the coat she was wearing. "Who are you?" She questioned.  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "The Chief of Staff." She answered, as if it were obvious. "I said it a few  
times now, let me know when it sinks in. What do we have?"  
  
"Umm, Murdoc is having 150 stitches removed from his arm." She answered.  
  
Cassi frowned. "Yes, I remember." She turned to Dor. "And what do you think?"  
  
Dor gave a clueless look. "I think the guy's in trouble if you're going to do it." He retorted.   
  
Cassi glared at him. "When I want your opinion, I'll be happy to beat it out of you!" She snapped.  
"Who was the doctor that put these in?"   
  
"Um.....Greene." Dor announced.  
  
"And where is Greene?" She asked.  
  
"Dr. Greene is dead." Connie cut in.  
  
Cassi stared aghast. "NO!" She cried, then turned back to Dor. "Who killed him this time!? I  
never approved of that!"  
  
"As far as I know, he's still outside." Dor replied, giving Connie a Look for trying to get him into  
trouble.  
  
Cassi appeared to think about it. "Right." She looked at Connie. "I could have you fired for that!"  
She shouted. "How dare you lie to me like that!"  
  
Connie was now staring at Cassi as if she came from the moon.   
  
From the doorway, there came a child's voice. "Going for an Oscar, Cas?" Romano demanded.  
  
Cassi turned to see the small surgeon standing next to Elizabeth, whose face was streaked with  
tears, and she was still laughing. "Yeah, how am I doing?" Cassi asked, with a grin.  
  
"You're overdoing it a bit." He told her.  
  
Connie started laughing. "No she's not." She replied between giggles.  
  
Finding this incredibly funny, the two morphine junkies in the room responed the only way that  
morphine junkies could. They started singing, and laughing.  
  
Cassi turned back to Connie. "Get back to work!" She ordered, walking out.  
  
Romano glared at Elizabeth for a minute, before he grabbed her and pulled her away before anyone  
else could see them, leaving Connie to deal with the morphine junkies.  
**************************************************************************  
  
Pratt groaned as he leaned against a wall out in the hallway. First the strange group of patients,   
then that green horse singing as it ran through with what could only have been Carter and two  
other kids on it, then this new "Chief of Staff", who seemed to sound and dress like Romano....it  
was really too much to deal with on top of everything else that had happened that day.  
  
He fell silent as he heard voices.   
  
"Oh come on, guys, it's not the end of the world." One spoke up.  
  
"This is insane through all logic, you know." A young male voice remarked.  
  
Pratt, following the sounds, looked around the corner and immediately wished he hadn't. A group  
of five year old girls were carrying two IV poles horizontal. What really caught his eye was that  
they seemed to have two boys tied to them by their wrists and ankles. The boys were Luka and  
Dave. One of the girls was Jing Mei. Pratt felt his mouth fall open in shock.  
  
"You are our prisoners, and prisoners do NOT talk!" A girl with blond curly hair and a red satin  
mini-dress ordered.   
  
"Don't make us gag you." Jing Mei told Dave.  
  
"I don't believe this is happening." Luka remarked.   
  
"Kind of embarrassing, if you ask me." Dave added. "What if someone sees us?"  
  
"We'll get rid of them." A redhead answered, grinning.  
  
Pratt moved back out of sight, and calmly walked back toward the ER. The new Romano clone  
could not possibly be THAT bad, he told himself.  
***************************************************************************  
  
End Part 18, and I trust we have made a few peoples happy? How was that for bondage? hehehe.  
More to come although we're not sure how much we'll come out with before we leave. So I'll just   
spellcheck this, and then you'll all have a nice new chapter! Please leave us your reviews now!  
Thanx for sticking with us, hope we've made it rewarding! ^_^  
  
Point of fact, the clothes are NOT Romano's. I'm afraid I wouldn't fit into his....considering I'm a  
good three inches taller than him.....see Lizzie and I are the same height! That's how I know!  
For those who don't know, we're both 5'10". Only the cap and coat are his. The rest are all mine.  
--Cassi 


	19. Anspaugh vs Cassi and Penny's realitives

Chapter 19.....and we are back from Mexico.....you know we should write down some of the things  
we did in Mexico....I believe we came up with some pretty good stuff. For example, Cassi on the  
ladder, painting up toward the ceiling. (15 ft off the floor, literally hanging from the rafters to keep  
my balance) --to Phyllis who was painting below her-- "Ill tell you if I drop the paint or something  
but I'm not saying anything if I fall off the ladder, because I may need you to break my fall."  
Cassi steps around Pastor Ray Pile, who's laying in the doorway, seemingly dead. "I was going   
to step on you, but I thought better of it." Ray: "Well I appreciate that."   
And the war on TV! Cassi sits on the couch, bored, watching TV with Elyanna, who is flipping   
channels. (Elyanna our friend in Mexico) She puts it on an english station. After about 15   
minutes, they start repeating themselves, and we're both bored again. Cassi: "No mas." [no   
more] motions for Elyanna to change the station. The war is on EVERY station she flips through.  
Cassi: (groaning)Ugh!..mas, y mas, y mas [more and more and more....] Suddenly she brightens  
up and points at the screen. "Oooh! Cheeseburger!" Phyllis: Now I KNOW you're bored when  
you get THIS excited about a cheeseburger commercial." Everyone busts out laughing...  
including Ramon and Elyanna, and their cousin, who just happened to be there, too. Then we   
went and got Sven's photo album and looked through that for an hour.  
  
Okay, more tales of Mexico to come. For now, I'll see if I can't start the new chapter.  
about 15 minutes later, my lortab has kicked in, as I'm still having trouble from the work in Mexico  
and the climate change coming back.....the trip was worth any pain I went through for the record.  
I LOVE that town and those people, and hopefully, there will be a return trip come June. It's   
been suggested I go as a chaperone for the girls of the youth group as Kathy is unable to make   
it...as I'm 25 and have made the trip 5 times before and actually speak some Spanish. I'm hoping  
to be able to do this...apart from the heat in June, it would be nice to go for my birthday, and the  
birthdays of Ramon and Elyanna who are almost at the same time...in fact, Ramon and I share a  
birthday and Elyanna's is three days before it. And she's fifteen this year. (Like sweet 16 for  
americans.) Anyhow...on with the insanity...Previously in the spoofs (Lost World) Penny   
announced she was pregnant at the end. For the record, Penny Parker of MacGyver married  
Jonathan Carnahan of the Mummy in James of the Jungle (the same time Glory married Imhotep)  
Penny and Jonathan starred in Batman the spoof and became an item shortly after. Now.....we  
have a delivery to come in!!! ^_^  
*************************************************************************  
  
In the Gunmen's van, Penny sat between Jonathan and Frohike, who had not been willing to   
join the game. Penny, herself, had wanted to join, but given her condition, Mahk had advised  
against it. She was in her ninth month and had been having a few contractions lately. She and   
Jonathan had been late to join the fun, and though it was pretty funny to watch the doctors have  
their fun, she was not enjoying it as much as she'd liked to.  
  
"Are you alright, darling?" Jonathan asked, concerned.  
  
Penny winced as another pain came. "I don't feel too good." She confessed, then doubled over,  
as the pain became more severe.  
  
"Penny?" Greene cut in, as he moved over, toward her.  
  
Penny kept her eyes closed until the pain faded. "I think my water just broke." She managed to  
get out.  
  
"Oh boy." Jonathan moaned.   
  
"I think you need to get her into the hospital now." Greene told him, then looked at Imhotep.   
"Why don't you help him?"   
  
Imhotep nodded, and picked Penny up while Jonathan opened the door to the van. "Call Rick   
and Evy." Jonathan ordered Frohike.  
  
Frohike nodded and grabbed the phone. "Good luck!" He told them.  
  
Greene smiled. "I want details later on!"   
  
Jonathan grinned and nodded, then the three of them headed for the doors of the Emergency  
Room.  
*************************************************************************  
  
In the ER, Weaver was still staring at the self proclaimed Chief of Staff, whose name, she had no   
idea of. "How did she even get in here?" She asked Chuny.  
  
The nurse shook her head. "I have no idea."  
  
"I think she was one of the delivery people with the food." Lily remarked. "Tall, punk hair, half  
naked....then again, I can't tell about her hair now. It just looks like the same one."  
  
"Black and white hair." Weaver replied. "She was in Romano's office a few minutes ago....said  
she was his daughter, but they still didn't know who her mother was."  
  
Lily and Chuny stared at her.   
  
"Now that one's good." Lily retorted.  
  
"I don't care how good it was." Weaver spat out, shaking her head. "I'd like to know what she's  
doing here. It's plainly obvious she's not even a doctor."  
  
Suddenly, from the door, a panicked voice cut through the din. "Can we get some help over   
here?" An English accented man shouted.   
  
All turned to see two men helping a very pregnant woman in. The woman was young, and   
obviously in pain.  
  
Weaver rushed over, grabbing a wheelchair and helping her into it. "How long have you been  
having pain?" She asked.  
  
"Um, I think about a couple days now...but they weren't really bad until just a few minutes ago."  
She answered.   
  
"She says her water broke, too." The English man put in.  
  
"Penny!" The Romano-clone put in, striding over. "How's it going? You don't look so good."  
  
"You know this woman?" Weaver asked.  
  
"No, I just was bored and decided to pretend I did." She retorted. "I was there when they got  
married, okay?"  
  
"And which one is the husband?" Weaver asked.  
  
Jonathan raised his hand. "That would be me."  
  
"Come with me." Weaver ordered, pushing the wheelchair. "Someone call OB now!"   
  
"Thanks for helping." Jonathan remarked to Imhotep as he followed Weaver away.  
  
Imhotep grinned and made a salute. "Tell Glory where I am!" He called back. "I believe she's   
already up there somewhere."  
  
Jonathan nodded before he disappeared around the corner.  
  
"Do Rick and Evy know?" Cassi asked Imhotep.  
  
"Frohike was calling them." Imhotep answered. "They should be here soon.....so I should go  
wait elsewhere. Tell Glory I'll be over with Hannibal Lecter."  
  
Cassi nodded. "Not a problem."   
**************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in OB, Dave and Kovac were sitting in the breakroom, tied to chairs with Glory, Jing-  
Mei, and Buffy keeping careful watch on them. Every so often one of the nurses would come  
in and snap off another picture or two.  
  
Dave sighed. "You know, this is boring." He spoke up.  
  
"Did you hear something?" Glory remarked to Buffy.  
  
"Nope." Buffy answered, playing with a wooden stake.  
  
Jing-Mei looked up from her book. "Didn't we tell you prisoners weren't allowed to talk?" She  
told him.  
  
Dave rolled his eyes. "Come on, Chen! What did I ever do to you?"   
  
Chen burst out laughing. "Well, let me think....I seem to remember a lot of things you said to me."  
She retorted.  
  
"But I never meant them in a bad way!" He shot out. At her "Yeah Right" look, he sighed.   
"Really! I always meant to be respectful."  
  
Jing Mei laughed harder. "That's a good one!" She answered between fits of laughter.   
  
Dave's face turned to a pout. "Okay, so I came off a little disrespectful." He muttered. "That   
doesn't mean I deserve to be tied to a chair."   
  
"To tell you the truth, Dave, I think it's rather funny seeing you like this." Jing Mei confessed.  
"It's actually entertaining."  
  
"And what did you do to your hair?" Dave cut in, changing the subject.  
  
Jing Mei grinned and changed it from blue to red. "My talent." She answered, laughing. "Like   
it?"  
  
Dave stared. "Um....well, it's....different."  
  
"You don't like it." She retorted.  
  
"What other colors do you do?" Dave asked.  
  
Jing Mei grinned. "All colors."  
  
Kovac tilted his head. "Green?" He asked.  
  
"Easy." She answered. "Try something harder."   
  
Dave was busy staring at the wall behind Chen. "Wow....did you just do that, Kovac?"  
  
"Huh?" Jing Mei cut in, turning to see the wall had turned green. "Woah.....do it again."  
  
Kovac frowned. "Blue." He mused, as the cabinets changed blue. "Hey, look what I can do!"  
  
"That is so cool." Dave remarked. "I wonder what I can do."  
  
They were interrupted as Abby-Anya came running in. "You guys, GUESS WHAT!!" She cried.  
  
"Who are you?" Dave asked, staring.  
  
"That's Abby.....only she's Anya now." Jing-Mei answered.  
  
"Chameleon." Kovac remarked, as if it were obvious.  
  
"Oh right." Dave answered, with a nod.  
  
Abby-Anya rolled her eyes. "Guys, I'm trying to tell you something!" She shot out.  
  
"What?" Buffy and Glory asked in unison.  
  
"It's Penny!" Abby-Anya informed them, excitedly. "She's having her baby!"  
  
Glory leapt up, and ran out of the room. **She and Penny are best friends.**  
  
"Oh wow!" Jing Mei answered, grinning. "When did this happen?"   
  
"They just brought her in now!" Abby-Anya told her.   
  
"Cool." Dave remarked. "Is Jonathan in there?"   
  
"Yes." Answered Susan from the doorway. "And several of the girls have already taken to  
mobbing them."  
*************************************************************************  
  
Amongst the people who came to see Penny, were Romano and Elizabeth. The pair hung back,  
not wanting to be seen by anyone on the girls' team.  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Doesn't seem like I've been gone that long." She murmured.  
  
Romano nodded. "I had a feeling this was coming soon." He answered. "I've been watching her,  
and she looked pretty uncomfortable yesterday. Couldn't say much for before that....I was a  
little stoned for a while."  
  
Elizabeth turned to stare at him, then grinned evily as she realized what he meant. "So who shot   
you up on morphine?" She asked in a teasing tone.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Carter.....and Imhotep." He answered. "Let's just say I was VERY   
stoned."  
  
"What a shame I missed it." Elizabeth said, laughing. "I'll have to see the video."  
  
"It wasn't much to see." Robert told her, defensively. "I spent a couple of hours counting dots  
on the ceiling, staring at a bug, and watching my hands move."   
  
"And he shot Spiderman for saying it was a clump of mud and not a bug." Sven spoke up from  
behind them. "It was really funny." **Jurassic Spoof III, not out yet.**  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Now that, I believe." She retorted, laughing harder.  
  
Robert shook his head. "Yeah, okay, very funny. How's Penny?" He asked, changing the  
subject.  
  
"I'd be more worried about Jonathan." Sven retorted, laughing. "Penny seems to be dealing with  
it better than he is."  
  
Romano nodded. "Right. Get Glory in there....she can catch him when he faints." He suggested.  
  
"I think she's already getting Yves to turn her back." Sven informed them. "Penny wants her   
with her.....assumingly for that reason."  
*************************************************************************  
  
Much to the surprise of everyone downstairs, almost the whole hospital was asking about the  
woman, Penny. At least the people who were in the waiting area of the ER. It seemed that every-  
one there knew her, and several claimed to be good friends with her. This was why Chuny, Lily,  
and Weaver had no idea who was actually related to the woman.  
  
"Her husband is my wife's brother!" A guy who looked and sounded like Brandon Frasier cried  
when they refused to let him in.  
  
Weaver sighed. "Right, and he's her brother." She remarked, pointing at MacGyver. "Join the  
club."  
  
Rick rolled his eyes. "Imhotep! HEY! Get over here and tell them we're related!" He shouted.  
  
Imhotep walked over and stared at Rick as if he were a bug. "We are NOT related!" He spat out.  
  
Rick rolled his eyes. "Not to YOU! I mean to Jonathan!" He snapped. "Frohike called us!   
Jonathan told us to come!"  
  
"Actually, point of fact, you probably ARE related." Cassi put in. "You're all part of the Summers  
Clan, thanks to Penny and Glory being cousins."  
  
"Right, whatever." Rick stated, with a nod. "So how do we get in to see Penny?"  
  
Cassi looked at Weaver. "Jonathan is Evelyn's brother." She told her, pulling Evy forward.   
"Evelyn is Rick's wife. Point of fact that they are in fact REAL realitives, not the fake kind we  
seem to generate. If you wanted to go by fake, then Penny's related to almost everyone in  
this room. Let these two in, to see her, or you're FIRED!"  
  
Weaver stared up at Cassi. "Excuse me, but whether or not you act like Romano is beside the   
point. The point is that you are NOT Romano, and you are not in charge here." She retorted  
with a challenging tone.  
  
Cassi narrowed her eyes and stared the Evil woman down. "Yes, that's true.....but then YOU   
aren't Romano EITHER! So why should I listen to you!?" She shot back.  
  
"Okay, I think you've had your fun." Donald Anspaugh remarked, walking up to Cassi. "I am  
currently in charge of this hospital, and you are NOT the Chief of Staff, and you have no   
authority here whatsoever."  
  
Cassi gave an evil grin. "Is that so?" She mused, pretending to consider this. "Well, you might  
be interested to know a few things."  
  
"Like what?" Anspaugh demanded.  
  
Cassi smiled widely. "Welcome to the Twilight Zone. You have no control here at all, pal." She  
informed him. "Look around. Your security has been changed into frogs and our security EATS  
people like you." She turned to Rick and Evy. "Get upstairs to OB, and take Alex with you. I'm   
sure Penny and Jonathan are looking for you."  
  
As the couple and their son took off up the stairs, Anspaugh and Kerry were staring down   
Cassi....or trying to.   
  
Cassi grinned. "Dor...my wonderful med student."  
  
"Yeah?" Dor replied, stepping up behind her.  
  
"Show Nazi Dyke and the Evil One why you're King of Xanth." Cassi ordered.  
  
Dor grinned, and looked at Kerry's white coat. "What is this woman planning to do?" He asked.  
  
"She's going to take over the Chief of Staff position." The coat answered. "She want's Romano  
to leave and never come back, and she hates him, and she thinks that by sucking up to some  
Alderman guy, she can have anything she wants."  
  
"I KNEW it!" Cried a young voice, as Romano charged in. "You really ARE the most EVIL being  
in the world, aren't you!?"  
  
Elizabeth stepped up behind Romano, trying to pull him out of the middle of the crowd. "Robert,  
not now."  
  
"Rob, now's not a good time." Cassi remarked, pulling the five year old back. "Go....trash the   
scrub room and beat up Babcock again or something."  
  
Robert stuck his lip out and crossed his arms. "No, actually, I'd rather blow Kerry all over the ER  
and let the Compys eat her miserable little pieces." He muttered.  
  
Weaver and Donald simply stared openmouthed at Romano, as if they could not believe that  
had just come out of his mouth.  
  
Cassi looked down at him a minute, then back at Dor. "These five year olds...they're so violent  
these days. So young so angry.....darn that rap music!" **Yes, it's from Dr. Doolittle2, but it just  
sounded so GOOD!**  
  
Elizabeth burst out laughing.  
  
Romano appeared to be thinking about this. "I don't listen to rap music, Cas." He retorted.   
  
"Oh right. You listened to Carter and Ardeth....sorry, I forgot." Cassi answered, correcting her-  
self.  
  
Romano nodded. "And Murdoc...and Ryan....and Wolvie....and the Evil Trio....and Blue...."  
  
"We GET THE POINT." Cassi and Dor stated in unison.  
  
"Not to mention you people." Romano finished.  
  
"Right." Cassi said, rolling her eyes. "If you be a good little boy and go destroy something  
nice and expensive, I promise I'll let you blow up anyone you want when you grow up. Okay?"  
  
"You promise?" Romano asked, giving little Bambi eyes.  
  
"I promise...now go play." Cassi told him.  
  
"Kay, bye." He answered, pulling Lizzie away.  
  
Kerry and Anspaugh just stared after the two, as if they had come from the moon.  
  
Cassi grinned and shrugged. "Kids." She mused, shaking her head. "You just never know what  
they're gonna say next. Back to work people! This is a workplace, not a parade!"  
**************************************************************************  
And the moral?  
  
Remember children...in the words of Pastor Ray..."If you fall out of that tree and break both  
your legs, don't come running to me..." Sigh...I love my pastor.  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
End part 19.  
  
More to come!!!! What will the baby be? No telling, Becca! More of all characters to come, as  
well as Dave's talent to come out....oh yeah...and Abby has to be Abby again. 


	20. Anspaugh and Weaver vs Cassi and Sven, w...

Ug...not sure what to write or rather type. My head is bugging...and I'm hungry. To  
which Cassi would probably say; what else is new? Anyway, while my food cools off  
I guess I'll just sit here for awhile. Cassi typed the last section. So I have to type at least  
some of this one. I'm going to change myself back into an adult and head down to torture  
the Nazi Dyke and the Evil One...........yep, I'm going to join Cassi and Dor. Alright, I have  
been fed now. Hmmm.....what to type.....We left off with Cassi downstairs glaring at   
The Nazi Dyke and the Evil One who have the nerve to tell her she can't be Chief of Staff  
because she's "Not a doctor"....Hmm if they would have said that to me I would have   
turned them into Stink bugs......WHAT?! Cassi just prefers to play the mind games.  
Wait.. I think I'd rather shoot them. I have already shot The Nazi Dyke once or twice.  
I think we will go to Carter.....yes he is in this story. Last we saw him he was riding   
Fiddles with Ardeth and Creepy.   
********************************************************************  
  
Fiddles, with Ardeth, Carter and Creepy on his back, was heading to go see Penny, who  
he had loved in the Phantom..**For those of you who don't know. Fiddles played Hero  
and Penny played Diana Palmer. There were cracks made about "Rescuing the Damsel in  
distress from the freak in the purple suit!" *coughing* Mulder** They had heard the   
news from the O'Connells.   
  
Fiddles came to a stop as he walked of the elevator**YES the horse was riding the elevator  
did you expect FIDDLES to use the stairs. Honestly, this horse is a nutball and he doesn't  
feel like walking up the stairs*This bunch of nonsense comes to you from the ones who   
gave you Ardeth with a Speeder Bike, a lightsaber and cellphone..can you believe he   
came from the 1930?**   
  
"What's wrong, Fiddles?" Carter asked.  
  
Fiddles cocked his head. "The girls are here and they have Kovac and Dave hostage." He  
answered.  
  
"WHAT?!"Carter demanded in shock. "What happened to Romano?"  
  
Fiddles frowned and reached out mentally. "Romano is breaking something with his   
beloved!" He announced. **Just for the Cordanos....we say it like we see it.**  
  
Carter started choking. "Are you saying Elizabeth busted him out!?" He asked.  
  
"I don't know that. I know where he is now, not how he got there." Fiddles told him.  
"The girls are almost all on this floor."  
  
"Are Abby and Susan here?" Ardeth questioned.  
  
"Susan is here, but Abby is no more....she is Anya now." Fiddles informed them.  
  
"Well that gives us the advantage." Creepy put in.  
  
"What do you mean Abby is NO MORE?!?" Carter demanded.**Oops we didn't get that  
far. Carter is too busy wanting overthrow Xanth because they kicked him out. He doesn't  
know about Abby's talent.**  
  
"She is no more....she will return in about an hour." Fiddles told him firmly.  
  
"Did that even make sense?" Carter asked, confused. "You mean she's out to lunch or  
something?"  
  
"Yes, she's out to lunch... I guess." A little blond girl answered.  
  
Carter frowned. "Who are you?" He asked.  
  
"I'm insulted. You don't recognize me!" She exclaimed. "You kissed me once!"  
  
"Lucy?" Carter said in surprise.  
  
"About time, a little slow on the uptake aren't you?" Lucy retorted, then she sighed. "Look,  
I just found both of the boys leaders......and a fuzzy blue kid with a green horse. The things  
you find in hospitals."  
  
"And you just standing there, about to let the boys aquire a new hostage." Ardeth put in.  
  
Lucy grinned. "You are tresspassing, and what makes you think I'm alone?" She dropped  
her voice to a creepy level. "We are many, and we know you are here."  
  
"Seek help!" Carter shot back.  
  
"I wanna see the damsel in distress, now get off!" Fiddles ordered, dumping all three of  
them to the floor and ran off down the hallway.  
  
"Uh-oh." Carter yelped. "No more ride"  
  
"Time to go." Creepy piped up and then bamfed them away.  
  
Lucy stared at the puff of smoke and shrugged. "Suckers." She retorted and walked back  
down the hall alone, as there were no other girls in the area.  
*********************************************************************  
  
Sven sighed as she waited for the elevator. When it finally opened, she found a guy who  
looked like a cyber-punk with white blond hair and electric blue eyes. "Julian." She mused.  
  
Julian frowned. "You're shorter then I remember." He remarked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Sven glanced down and shook her head. "Sorry forgot." She snapped her fingers and was  
returned to an adult. "I'm going downstairs to help Cassi hogtie the Evil One and the  
Nazi Dyke. Wanna come?"  
  
Julian raised both eyebrows and gave a sly look. "You even need to ask?" Came his reply.  
  
"Well you never know. People have been acting strange around here." Sven told him.  
  
"There is nothing wrong with me. Jenny, on the other hand, needs psychological theropy,  
thanks to you and your sister." Julian retorted.  
  
"We didn't do that. She did it to herself.......you should see Romano and Lizzie. I think they  
are breaking something right now. I also think Creepy, Ardeth, and Carter are heading in  
their direction." Sven told him.  
  
"I don't need to see them, I've heard rumors." Julian assured her. "Shall we go join the   
hog-tying party downstairs?"  
********************************************************************  
  
Elizabeth watched as Romano smashed the OR equipment. "You DO know how much that  
costed, don't you?" She asked.  
  
Romano looked up and grinned. "Of course, why do you think I broke it. Cassi said smash  
something REALLY expensive and then I can blow people up!" He told her.  
  
"Do you know how much it will cost to replace it?" Elizabeth questioned.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Easy." He retorted, before snapping his fingers. The room was  
magically cleaned. Then he turned back to Elizabeth. "You wanna trash it this time?"  
  
"How did you do that?" She asked, in shock.  
  
Romano frowned. "I don't know. It always works when Cassi and Sven do it." He stated.  
"Must have something to do with me being an Assistant."  
  
Elizabeth grinned. "Well, then don't just stand there. For heaven's sake, brake something   
else!" She exclaimed. "It's too clean in here!"  
  
Romano grinned. "I hate to think I've been such a bad influence on you, Lizzie." He   
remarked, and picked up an IV pole and smashed it across one of the more expensive  
instruments.  
  
After smashing several more things they were interrupted by a loud bamf, and Carter,  
Ardeth, and Creepy appeared in the middle of the mess.  
  
"Not fair! We wanna help break things!" Carter piped up.  
  
"Well by all means, break something. Preferably not someone's leg, though." Romano   
retorted.  
  
Carter grinned and kicked over a tray of instruments. Several scalpels fell to the floor not  
two inches from Romano and Lizzie's feet.  
  
The two jumped back and glared. Romano grabbed a scalpel and threw it in Carter's  
direction. Carter ducked and the scalpel slammed into the speaker of the CD player.  
  
Creepy bamfed over to the CD player and turned it on. "We can listen to music while we   
trash it!" The CD started blasting "Moat's-Art"**Apparently, Ole Moat wasn't too good at   
art.** "Or maybe not." He finished making, a face.  
  
"I'll have you know that is a brilliant piece of work!" Elizabeth yelled. Just as she yelled, a   
pile of sheets in the corner caught fire.  
  
Romano stared in amazement. "Lizzie, you set the OR on fire!" He told her, with a note of  
awe in his voice. "Burn something else!"  
  
"I didn't do that!" She protested, angrily, causing a small flame to spring up on a gurney  
mattress.  
  
"She did it again!" Carter pointed out. "Burn MORE!" He paused and grinned. "Can you  
burn Weaver up?"  
  
"Yes, please do." Romano agreed. "Evil Nazi Dyke...try to take MY job, will ya?"  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "It couldn't have been me!" She protested again. Then Creepy put  
on a Pokemon CD, and she glared at him. "Will you turn that damn thing OFF!" She ordered.  
In response, the CD player exploded, and Creepy bamfed to the ceiling.  
  
Romano stared at the mess and looked at Lizzie. "You broke the OR's CD player, Lizzie!" He  
stated, in shock.  
  
Elizabeth sighed, annoyed, causing an area on the wall to smolder. "Okay, I admit it. I did  
it." She replied, eyeing the spot on the wall, and mentally putting it out.  
  
"What the HELL is going on in here?" Babcock demanded, as the fire alarm went off.  
  
"Oops." Elizabeth muttered, as they were all soaked by the sprinklers.  
  
"Nice job, now we are all wet!" Ardeth complained.  
  
"And you are all CAUGHT!" Babcock announced.  
  
Ardeth looked at him with an evil grin. "I do not think so."  
********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile downstairs Sven and Julian reached the arguing quartet. "Hey Cassi, look who  
I found. Wanna trade?" Sven asked walking up to them, pushing Julian forward. "You take  
your Assistant and I'll take mine."  
  
"Julian!" Cassi exclaimed, pleased. "I was just getting bored with these two imbeciles."  
  
The two imbeciles in question glared in return.  
  
Sven grinned. "Wanna hog-tie them?" She asked.  
  
"WHAT?!" Weaver exclaimed then stared at the Evil Authors. "Oh no........"  
  
The EvilAuthors and their Assistants grinned, knowing full well that Weaver had figured  
out exactly who they were and that she couldn't stop them.  
  
"Now what?" Weaver asked, warily. While Anspaugh stared at her in disbelief.  
  
"You can't be thinking of obeying these two children!" Anspaugh growled.  
  
"They aren't children. Your doctors are children." Julian pointed out. "These are the   
Evil Authors, and they can bring your worst nightmares to life." He paused. "Not the  
horse kind though, those things are annoying."  
  
MacGyver approached the group. "If I give you duct tape, can I go see Penny?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah, sure. " Sven told him and glanced at Weaver and Anspaugh. "Conjure us up a few  
rolls. It's gonna take more than one. That's your talent."  
  
"FIGURES!" Came an annoyed voice from across the room.  
  
"SHUT UP MURDOC!" MacGyver yelled back. "Why don't you find some more Morphine."  
  
"Why don't you go jump off a bridge!!" Murdoc shot back.  
  
"Why don't you both just shut up!" Sven cut in.  
  
"I was gonna say jump off another cliff, but it didn't kill him the first time, so why should it   
work this time?" MacGyver retorted, handing her four rolls of duct tape.  
  
"You are looking for the OB. Elevators are that way." Cassi told him., pointing. "Bye now,  
and thanks for your contribution."  
  
"Just what are you going to do?" Weaver asked, not forgetting what was going on.  
  
Cassi and Sven grinned.   
  
"Well, first of all, I am currently the Chief of Staff." Cassi proclaimed, straightening up.   
"And I say.......we HOG-TIE em!"  
  
"What an original idea." Sven retorted, holding out rolls of duct tape to Cassi, Julian, and  
Dor.  
  
Unfortunately, before they could get too far, the fire alarm went off.  
  
"Awww MAN!" Cassi burst out. "I told them to BREAK something, not BURN THE   
PLACE DOWN!!!"  
*******************************************************************  
  
A few minutes later, from the now abandoned and wet OR2, a small hampster ball rolled   
out. Inside the clear ball was a gerbil. Written in bold lettering....the same bold lettering  
that had appeared on the board in the ER....was one word.."BABCOCK."  
  
**We are going to play it safe and not ask where the hampster ball came from**  
********************************************************************  
  
End part 20. Yes for those who didn't understand that one....not that there's many--Babcock  
is a gerbil.....which should prove interesting once Pouncival and Tumble decide this must   
be a cat toy. Sven says Babcock is going to be awfully sick when he gets changed back...  
not to mention when a few choice people decide to kick him down the stairs. Any  
volunteers.....Becca? Will the Evil Trio be making an appearence? You ARE in the current  
spoofs, you know. Just Email us with what you wanna do....oh yeah...you wanna come too,  
Rhaps? Stephanie? Deb? Jimmy? Anyone? Email us at mommydragon@earthlink.net   
We look forward to more thrilling chapters. Oh yeah, and we want more reviews. Give us  
more. Lauren, you want Gallant? He's five right now, but you can have him when he grows  
up. We're tying Anspaugh and Weaver to chairs....All Rocket fans....this is your chance.  
Shoot spitballs, mud, paint, water balloons, anything. We'll blow them up later....possibly  
during Jurassic III or Chameleon. Let us know. ^_^ Luv ya!--Cassi & Sven 


	21. Cat toys, throwing food, and IT'S A GIRL...

Chap 21. Sven was gonna write some last night, but never got it done. So I'll start this one off.  
Questions.....Weaver....we WILL have her blown up..we promise. Romano is just itching to use   
the Rocket Launcher. It will most likely be in Chameleon, the Spoof....after the end of this one.   
Unfortunately, we have to bring her back afterwards.....bummer, huh? Spoofs...Okay, this is a  
thing we do for the sheer fun of it. What we do is select a movie (usually popular ones) we get  
rid of the cast, we re cast the thing with characters from other movies, books, and TV shows, and  
sometimes even characters we made up (see Chris Mason, and Fiddles), then as the Authors, we  
re write the whole thing as if we were filming a movie, our aim being to crack the characters we  
use. At the end of this section, we will post the Moments list. This is the funniest phrases we've  
had said in all the spoofs by acting, directing, and Peanut Gallery Characters. Oh yeah, we have a   
Peanut Gallery to ridicule the whole thing. And of course as you've seen, we have a number of  
characters who have become favorites and Assistants to us. Carter and Ardeth are amongst the  
favorites, as is Logan, Nightcrawler, and a few more. Assistants include Pippin, Ramone from the  
beginning of this, Chris Mason, Julian, Romano, Kovac, and Elizabeth is up for Assistant as soon  
as she returns to the set, as is Lucy. Usually our spoofs end up sounding like a cross between   
the Jerry Springer Show and kindergarteners fighting on the playground. We view maturity as   
"overrated". Any other questions reguarding the spoofs? We have a lot of things you'd expect   
in Looney Tunes, Animaniacs, and your usual slapstick comedy....with a bit of violence thrown in  
for fun. But we bring back every person we kill.   
Okay...Dave's talent. We mentioned it as invisibility. He has the ability to make himself and any-  
thing around him invisible. Kovac can change the color of inamimate objects. Chen can change  
her hair color at will, Lizzie as you've already seen is the fire starter, Romano can't be killed, and  
we're pretty sure there's more to his talent than that....Carter..yes...he can not be harmed by magic  
so if someone tries to hurt him with magic, they can't. And we're pretty sure that this is with non-  
magic as well. His talent protects itself, so no one can say out loud what it is. Gallant...um give  
me a sec. *looks it up--yes we have a list** Okay, acc to the list, he can change the color of   
water. Not a big talent, but confusing, non the less. I think that's all the questions. As I said,   
we'll post the moments list at the end of this chapter and give you a look at the spoofs.  
Oh right, Pratt ain't on set. He doesn't have a talent. We don't like Pratt. We hate Pratt. We think  
Jing Mei should run away with Dave and jump in a love spring. Any other questions?  
**************************************************************************  
  
For the record, Cassi's knees are killing her and her lortab has not kicked in yet....give me a few  
minutes. Sven wants to say she hates English. She just got back from class. Cassi flunked   
English and yet knows more about writting than Sven does. Why did I flunk? Well, it turns out  
that attendence is part of your grade. I got hit by a truck and picked up every virus that popped   
up that year. However, my writting skills are very good, as I actually paid attention when I was   
there. Sven is still unsure of nouns and verbs. So now that your English lesson has ended,   
what to type next.....Did you know that in Mexico, you can't flush toilet paper down the toilet?  
It's true. It screws up their plumming or something. Also Mexican Coca Cola tastes a lot like   
American Pepsi! Except it's better. We lived on "Coca" in Mexico. Coca for breakfast, Coca for  
dinner, and then there's Coca breaks during the day. They have a nice Coca store next to the   
church in Mexico. 2 and a half pesos for a bottle (glass bottle) of Coca. Very nice. Okay, lortab  
starting to work now, so I can go until, me and Sven have to take videos back and take Pepe to  
the vet....my kitten, not the skunk. Pepe is Freckles' younger brother. Notice I say younger and   
not little? This is because Pepe is twice as big as Freckles. Freckles is an hour and 15 minutes  
older than Pepe. Okay, we've had an English lesson, a lesson on Mexican habits, and the re-  
hash of my cats. So now I think we can turn on the Pokemon music and finally start the section,  
as my pill has kicked in fully....Cassi very happy now. ^_^ Sven tells me we need to get back to  
the Cooties war....the guys need another hostage and they've found the girls base. For the record  
Anspaugh and Weaver are tied to chairs in the lounge, and Babcock is still a gerbil.....much to   
his dismay. Well, he was kind of stupid, face it. True, he didn't know about Ardeth's talent, but  
still.....it should have tipped him off when Lizzie set the room on fire. On with the spoof!!!!   
Dispite the fact that this is in a different format than our spoofs, and we have had trouble with  
this...as you will notice a few areas where we forget past-tense. or however that's spelled. Any-  
how, we're simply saying that this has become a spoof. We have the main characters, the  
secondary characters, and the Peanut Gallery, not to mention the Authors and their Assistants.  
**************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, oblivious to the goings on downstairs, Gallant, Boyo, and Cyke were up in the  
Psyche ward. They had duct taped the doctors and nurses to chairs to keep them out of the way.  
Now, they were bored, and playing cards. They had only briefly looked up when the fire alarm  
had gone off, assuming Phyro was at it again, before continuing with the game. They had seen  
no girls in the area, and as far as they knew, Wolvie and Snaggle were still watching MystiQ....  
when they weren't insulting each other, that is.  
  
"How long have we been here?" Boyo asked, sounding bored.  
  
"About an hour." Gallant replied, sounding just as bored.  
  
"What do we do now?" Cyke asked, flopping his cards down on the little table.  
  
Before anyone could answer, the phone rang. Boyo calmly picked it up. "Hello?" He answered,  
politely. "Oh, okay. Hang on. He's right here." He held the phone out to Cyke. "They want   
you."  
  
Cyke frowned. "How did they know I wath here?" He asked, frowning.  
  
Boyo shrugged, and handed him the phone. "I dunno. They just said they wanted Cyke."  
  
Gallant looked up, with a small snicker. "So answer it." He remarked.  
  
Cyke shrugged. "Thith ith Thyke. What do you want?" He asked, and listened for a moment.   
"Yeth I AM! I'm Thyke!! Who are YOU!?"  
  
Gallant burst out laughing.  
  
"What's so funny?" Boyo asked.  
  
"We're in the Psyche ward." Gallant explained. "They want to talk to one of the doctors."  
  
Boyo frowned. "So why did they ask for Cyke? He's not a doctor."  
  
"Yeah, well THAME TO YOU!!!" Cyke yelled into the phone, and hung it up. "Thtupid people."  
  
"Why don't we go look for Carter and Ardeth?" Gallant suggested. "We need to find out if they  
know where the girls are yet."  
**************************************************************************  
  
In the OB nurses lounge, Dave and Kovac were very bored. The only people in the room were  
Jing Mei and Abby-Anya, who were polishing each other's nails. Changing the walls and things  
colors was fun, but had gotten boring, and all the other girls were out waiting for news on Penny.  
  
"Well, at least Glory dropped out of the game." Luka remarked, breaking the silence between the  
two boys.  
  
Dave sighed. "Yeah....that's good." He agreed. "But how do we get out of here?"  
  
Luka shrugged. "We don't even know if they know we got caught yet." He answered.  
  
"Good point." Dave admitted. He moved against the restraints and courds that held him to the  
chair, trying to get his arms free. It wasn't working. He closed his eyes and yanked at his arms.  
The courds only seemed to tighten.  
  
Luka's mouth suddenly dropped open. "Dave?"  
  
"What?" Dave asked, with a grunt as he struggled.  
  
"I think I just figured out what your talent is." Kovac told him.  
  
Dave opened his eyes. "You did? What did I do?" He asked, brightening, then he frowned.   
Luka wasn't looking at him...he seemed to be looking through him. Dave turned and looked   
behind him. Nothing. "What?"  
  
Luka looked shocked. "Um....you're not there." He informed him.  
  
"What?!" Dave demanded, then looked down at himself. "Holy crap, that is so COOL!!! Hey  
Jing Mei! LOOK WHAT I DID!!"  
  
Jing Mei and Abby-Anya stared.   
  
"Where'd he go?" Abby-Anya demanded. "Bring him back!"  
  
Jing Mei walked over to where Dave had been, staring. "Are you still there, Dave?" She asked,  
reaching out to touch him.  
  
"Yes." Dave answered, making himself visible again.  
  
"Wow....that was pretty good." Abby-Anya remarked. "You even made the chair disappear."  
  
Dave grinned. "This is kind of fun. Now you see me, now you don't!" He called as he changed  
himself again.  
  
"Guess what!!!!" Susan cried as she ran in the door. Then she stopped. "Where did Dave go?"  
  
"Right here!" Dave's voice answered, from the spot where he'd been tied.  
  
Susan stared, then came over to poke at him. "Woah...that's kind of cool."  
  
Dave changed himself back. "Hey, watch it. You nearly poked me in the eye!" He told her.  
  
"Well that's what you get for being invisible." Abby-Anya retorted.  
  
"What's the news?" Jing Mei asked, as Susan brightened.  
  
"It's a GIRL!" Susan exclaimed, grinning. "Yvette Parker Carnahan. She is just beautiful!"  
  
"Did Jonathan faint?" Luka asked with a smirk.  
  
Susan frowned. "Don't know. I wasn't in there." She answered. "Glory came out to tell us, and  
Jonathan brought her out."  
  
They were interrupted by a loud ear-splitting roar, and a familiar annoying voice.  
  
"Oh it's a pretty girl, she's just so beautiful.....not as pretty as Lady Iris, but she is very pretty.   
Can I see the damsel now? Is she alright? It must have been very hard for her. She is very   
pretty, yes, she is. Can Fiddles hold the baby now? He will not drop her, no he won't. He will  
protect her forever and ever.....oooh look! She likes me, yes she does!........" ** this continues  
on for a while, but we need to let others talk.**  
  
"Oh yeah, Fiddles is here." Luka informed them.  
  
"No, really?" Jing Mei responded.   
  
Susan nodded. "We already knew that." She told them. "Lucy saw them earlier. He was with   
Carter, Ardeth and Creepy, but he dumped them all off to see Penny. By the way, they know   
where our base is, so we have to move, and they know we have two hostages....so chances are  
they'll be looking for another hostage."  
  
"Where are the other girls?" Abby-Anya asked. "Aren't most of them with Penny?"  
  
"Most, yes, but not all." Susan answered. "Shadowkitty, Jeanie, Shirley, Buffy, Shower, and  
Lucy are out looking for MystiQ. I believe Lucy, Buffy and Shirley are one group, and Shower,  
Jeanie, and Shadow are another."  
  
"You won't find them." Dave remarked, smirking.  
  
"Don't be too sure." Jing Mei told him. "Jeanie is telepathic, remember?"  
  
"Yes, but so is Charlie X and he's more powerful than Jeanie." Kovac reminded them.  
**************************************************************************  
  
On the quiet surgical floor, the hampster ball rolled down the hall, the gerbil inside, seemingly  
very mad. By the time he got out, Babcock was going to kill Romano, Carter and Elizabeth, and  
whoever the other one was that had changed him. He stopped in his rolling at the sound of  
voices.  
  
"BOINGY!!!!" Cried an energetic voice. "CAT TOY!!!!!!"  
  
And then the world turned upside down............  
**************************************************************************  
  
Downstairs in the ER, Donald Anspaugh and Kerry Weaver were now duct taped to chairs in the  
lounge and gagged with pieces of bedsheet. Every so often, someone would come in and throw  
something at them, usually spitballs....and a load of eggs and tomatoes, that Jerry was charging  
a nickel apiece for. As far as they knew, Benton had no knowledge of where they were, as he had  
gone up to the Psyche department to investigate something. He had mentioned something about  
a kid answering the phone. So far, Romano and Elizabeth had not been back yet, and nothing had  
been heard about them since the fire alarm had gone off.   
  
Cassi and Sven had gone to take care of the fire, so they would not have to evacuate the hospital.  
Not normally a good idea with a bunch of man-eating dinosaurs out in the parking area. From   
what Weaver had been told, Bill was out side, and presumably, so was Ralph. **Ralph T Rex**  
  
Chuny walked into the lounge and stopped short. She had known that Cassi and Sven had left  
with the two, but she had not know what had happened....dispite the many rumors. As Weaver  
motioned for her to help, she felt her control slip, and a small giggle escaped her throat. She knew  
that if she helped, worse would happen to her....and quite honestly, they really weren't being   
hurt. Lily walked in behind her, followed by Haleh. Both burst out laughing. Jerry, who had   
followed them, held out an egg. "Wanna throw?" He asked. "Only a nickel."  
  
"What will you give for a 20?" Romano asked from the vent opening, where he, Elizabeth, Ardeth  
Carter, and Creepy emerged, slightly soaked, making it pretty obvious who had set off the fire  
alarm.  
  
"That should be about.....400." Elizabeth replied. "Wouldn't your arm get tired, Robert?"  
  
"Hey, I still have use of the other one now." Romano answered with an evil grin.  
  
"No fair." Carter put in. "I wanna throw, too."  
  
Romano gave him a flat look. "So fork over the cash." He retorted. "You're the rich one."  
  
Carter pulled out his wallet. "Got change for a hundred?" He asked. "We can ALL throw!"  
  
"Okay, that's about 2000." Jerry answered. "You want any tomatoes with that?"  
  
"Yeah sure." Romano answered, handing him a 20. "Throw a couple of cream pies in while you're  
at it." He looked up at the nurses. "Wanna turn? We can be very generous."  
  
Haleh looked from the kids to Weaver and Anspaugh, then back again. "Uhhh, I think I need to  
get back to work." She muttered.  
  
"Party pooper." Carter quipped.  
  
Chuny gave a small grin. "I'll throw a couple." She put in.  
  
Lily grinned. "Not me....but if I leave you my camera, you have to get pictures." She ordered.  
  
Romano looked at Carter. "How much will you pay for them?" Romano asked, pointedly. "I'm  
not rich like Carter is."  
  
Lily handed him a ten. "That enough?" She asked.  
  
Romano shrugged. "Yeah, ten's good."  
**************************************************************************  
  
Upstairs, Cassi and Sven had just gotten rid of the fire.....leaving the mess. **We hate cleaning**  
  
"Me thinks Lizzie discovered her talent." Cassi remarked.  
  
"Yeah, looks like it." Sven agreed. "When are we gonna end this thing?"  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Not a clue." She answered. "It's kind of fun watching to see where it's going."  
  
"Yeah, it gets more stupid than when it started." Sven retorted.  
  
"Well, it's not boring. Something interesting is always......." Cassi trailed off as a hampster ball  
came rolling down the hall at rocket speed. Behind it came Pounce and Tumble, tripping over  
each other to get to it first. "Um.....yeah." Cassi continued. "As I was saying....interesting."  
  
"Did that ball say "Babcock" on it?" Sven asked.  
**************************************************************************  
  
End part 21. And we give you the moments list as promised.....These are examples of the spoofs.  
**************************************************************************  
  
MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS....RANDOM CHOICE PHRASES FROM SPOOFS (By Sven & Cassi)   
**************************************************************************  
This is not a spoof, and not really a list.....It's just a wonderous collection of moments we all   
cherish from the spoofs we all love. I've collected together this bunch of phrases said by   
characters thoughout all of our spoofs....including the ones you have seen....and the few that   
you haven't. This includes the spoofs that are posted...and the spoofs we have YET to post.   
Which would be the first two, with the Cats and the newest ones that are not yet typed. So in a   
way, some of the phrases are a small preview of the spoofs you have not yet seen. Enjoy, and   
also....We have not fully looked through some of the older spoofs, so there may still be more   
phrases that should be in here. So, you our fans, and friends, if you have any choice phrases   
that you loved in the spoofs that are not here. PLEASE tell us by review or Email, and we will   
gladly include them! So for now...sit back and cherish the memories!!!^_^  
************************************************************************  
PRESEASON  
**************  
#1: THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA*** (STATUS-Complete, but not typed)By Sven  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
ADMETUS: She is crazy! She's a raving--  
MISTOFFOLEES: Are you talking about Etcetera or the Author? (dodges a spray of water, then   
scurries offset)  
  
#2: THE PRINCESS BRIDE....THE SPOOF ***(Status, Complete, but not typed)By Sven  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
MISTOFFOLEES: Hey! Stop talking so I can speak!  
MACAVITY: She got you there, Pouncini....you WEANIE!!!!  
MISTOFFOLEES: I swear on the soul of my....HEY! I don't even know who my father WAS!  
MUNGOJERRIE: AHH!!!!I'S BOB!!!!QUICK, TEAZAH, 'IODE(hide) ME!!!! 'E'S GONNE EA' ME!  
SVEN: Nobody's eating anyone. Back to the script.  
  
SEASON ONE  
*****************  
#3: STAR WARS: THE NEW SPOOF ***(Status-complete- Online, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SCOTT: There's a droid on the scanner! It might be our little R2 unit! Hit the accelerator!   
LUKE SKYWALKER: Did I really sound that stupid back then?  
WARREN WORTHINGTON: (to Scott) Will you be quiet? You've got a mouth bigger than a   
meteor crater, and that ISN'T a joke!  
WOLVIE: I'm not cute, I'm a bizerker!  
CASSI: Aww, how cute.  
  
#4: LABYRINTH, A SPOOF ***(Status-Complete-Online by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
RUMPELTEAZER: Bu' I don' wan' me brother back. 'E was annoyin'.   
MISTOFFELEES: I ask for so little...just let me rule you.  
CASSI: I have Excedrin, but they're MINE, ALL MINE!!!!!  
XANDER: (as a Munchkin) Follow the Yellow Brick Road.  
RUMPELTEAZER: I 'ave to go to the castle to save me creepy brother.  
  
#5: STAR WARS: THE SPOOF STRIKES BACK **(Status-Complete-online by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
CASSI: You might be a Metalneck if your skeleton is more durable than your car.   
SVEN: (to Buffy) Continue, and I don't CARE if you sound like a moron!   
WARREN: Your ugly kangaroo-goat will die before you reach the first marker.  
ALONZO: We'd better start an evacuation.  
CASSI: All that over a cheeseburger?  
XANDER: (about Luke) Man, that was close. I was afraid he was gonna do a "Carrie" and kill   
us all.  
  
#6: DOT: THE VAMPIRE SLAYER***(Status-Complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SPIKE: Hotdog: Hunk of meat made from Roadkill.   
MACGYVER: (about Murdoc) Is he dead this time?   
SPIKE: (to Dot--slurred) Wha's yer name?  
DOT: Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Bananafana Bo Besca, the THIRD! Or you  
can call me Dot, but if you call me Dottie, I'll have to hurt you.  
CASSI: I am a spectator. I have a right to throw up.  
DOT: Excuse me for not knowing about El Salvador...like I'm ever going to Spain, anyway.  
WAKKO: (shoves two straws up his nose) Look, I'm a walrus!!!  
DOT: I am the Slayer. I have the ablility to make anvils fall from the ceiling.  
MURDOC: I'll get you, Dot, and your little dog, too.  
  
#7: STAR WARS: SHADOWS OF THE SPOOF***(Status-Complete-online, By Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
MURDOC: I am NOT insane! I'm just very very determined.   
GAMBIT: We seem to have lost the pursuer, Master Scott. I believe it smashed into that   
walkway we flew under....or it crashed into the building we flew through.   
SPIKE: They keep thinking no one could be as stupid as we are. It fools them every time.   
  
#8: THE VAMPIRE MUMMY ***(Status-Complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SVEN: Just add water! Instant Han!   
SPIKE: Great, now we're being eaten by a KEWPIE DOLL!   
SPIKE: I only gamble with my life, never my money.   
BUFFY: I have plenty of respect for the dead....as long as they don't jump up and attack me.  
CAPTAIN HOOK: Do I get Combat pay for this?  
BUFFY: You're wondering what's a place like me doing in a girl like this?  
  
#9: STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE SPOOF ***(Status-Complete-Online, by Sven)  
**This is the first spoof that Carter appeared in.**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SPIKE: So much for long drawn out death. They'll be sushi in thirty seconds!   
SPIKE: (about Logan) Put him back in carbonite. He's past his expiration date.   
DR CARTER: (about the raptors) That explains the ripped up trainer I just sewed up. Don't   
worry, he'll only lose one of his arms.  
DIDYMUS: (as Yoda) Die, I shall not! Fight thee to the death, I shall!   
  
#10: ROBIN HOOD: SPIKE (AND A LOT OF OTHER GUYS) IN TIGHTS**(Status-Complete-  
online-Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
MULDER: There's something you don't often see. A Jedi Master drowning in a little stream.   
SPIKE: My darling, I'm ready for that kiss now....ugh, listen to me. I'm making myself sick.   
LUKE SKYWALKER: Hmmm, let me think. Getting a spanking from a snowman, or wearing a   
dress. Tough choice.   
BILLY COLTON: Man, I never should have worn these shoes. They just don't match my purse.   
LANGLY: I'll never look at Star Wars the same way again.   
MURDOC: Apparently, acting in spoofs DOES cause irreversable brain damage.   
  
#11: THE THREE MUSKETEERS, A SPOOF ***(Status-Complete- online-Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
LANGLY: I gotta say this spoofacting thing really SUCKS!  
PRINCE JOHN: Who wants to fall off a really high wall?  
MURDOC: (to MacGyver) Angus.....isn't that a breed of cattle?   
BUFFY: Dying never was a dream of mine, noble or not.  
CASSI, MURDOC, CHRIS & PHYRO: (singing) We're pyromaniacs! We love fire to the max!   
We buy matches by the stacks, we have flamethrowers on our backs, we're PYROMANIACS!!!!  
JACK DALTON: (to Xander)Forgive me for being late, Your Majesty, but I was wrestling with   
an important affair of State.  
SPIKE: Translation. Seducing your wife.  
CASSI: (about sword fighting) The pointy end goes into the other guy.  
MURDOC: I'm the bad guy. And the bad guy makes the good guy's life miserable. Ask anyone.  
  
SEASON TWO  
*******************  
#12: CUTTHROAT ISLAND, THE SPOOF***(Status-Complete-online-by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
WOLVIE: (about Munku) Hey that's his SCALP! Lemme TOUCH it!   
CHRIS: Her uncle and father are cats, and her other uncle's not only Egyptian, but younger than  
her. They're already key for the Jerry Springer show.   
ARDETH: Pirates do NOT have tea parties!   
DAWN: (to Langly) Do you guys really have Jimmy Hoffa's Email address?  
LANGLY: (seriously) Yeah, but we don't give it out.  
PETER: Best to take her to the hospital....however since we can't, best we seal her side with this  
hot poker.  
FROHIKE: Try not to kill her, Langly. You're too good a hacker to splatter across the deck.  
  
#13: THE PHANTOM....FROM THE FBI***(Status-Complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
PRINCE JOHN: (to Mulder) Here's your rings. We had to eat a lot of Cracker-Jacks for them, so  
act greatful.   
MULDER: Great. I have a telepathic monster for a wolf and a green horse that needs an   
excorcist.  
HAN: Get him OFF! He's eating the green skull!!!   
MACAVITY: (about Ardeth) It's very disturbing when your Captain, who is supposed to   
intimidate you, has a happyface in the middle of his forehead.  
HARLEY: (runs up to Fiddles) *We have to run now and chase that plane!*  
FIDDLES: Right, we have to save the damsel in distress from the freak in the purple suit!  
FIDDLES: (waves at the camera) Lady Iris, look at me!!! I'm on TV!!! Hi everybody!!! I'm on TV!!  
IMHOTEP: Ardeth, I am your father!!!  
ARDETH: NOOO!!!THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!  
  
#14: BATMAN, A SPOOF ***(Status-complete-online, by Sven)  
**This is where we cracked Carter**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
CASSI: (to Ryan) You actually read the script? You really ARE insane!   
MURDOC: I am deeply ashamed. I tried so hard to be wanted in every country.   
SVEN: Okay, who gave Pouncie catnip AND a machine gun!?  
GERARD: (into his phone) This is Gerard.......no, I can't come in.......no, Cosmo can't either........  
because he's dead......NO, I'm NOT kidding!!!  
SVEN: (takes the phone) We're sorry, Cosmo and Gerard are not available at this time. If you try  
to call again, you will be fed to a pack of velociraptors.  
MUNGO: (answers Cosmo's phone) 'Ello?......No, 'e's dead.....'E'll be aloive in abou' an houah.   
Call then.  
BRUCE WAYNE: Am I in the right place?  
CASSI: You see any other buildings with weirdos in them?  
  
#15: JAMES OF THE JUNGLE ***(Status-complete-online, by Cassi)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
WAKKO: Look everyone! Africa is purple like France!   
DARTH VADER: Nobody dies, they just get big boo-boos.  
DARTH VADER: May I continue, or do I have to choke a few people?   
PRINCE JOHN: (to Glory) Hon, if the people an this set aren't already mindless zombies, there   
ain't NOTHIN that'll turn 'em into one.  
SVEN: That's the spoofauthors. Creating disfunctional families for all.  
MURDOC: (after MacGyver threatens him) Oh, I'm really scared. What are you going to do?   
Stab me with a Swiss army knife and duct tape me to death?  
  
#16: THE FUGITIVE....FROM THE ER***(Status-complete-online, by Sven)  
**This is where we drove Carter insane as well as Ardeth, and the rest of the ER crew made  
their first appearence.**Romano and Weaver were both killed in this.**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DR DAVE: Dr Romano had an accident with Dr. Benton's scalpel. He's dead.   
STEVE: (smells Spike and gags) Ugh, he's past his expiration date.   
CASSI: No! Our Guest does not kill cereal.....in fact, I'm not even sure he eats it.  
KRYCHECK: I got it. The doctor who killed his wife, but not really, since she's not his wife, and   
she's not dead.   
ARDETH: CPD, hold your fire! My FRIEND is on the roof!!! (thinks a moment) Oh yes, and   
there's a US Psycho out there too.   
MURDOC: (to Carter) Well, look at it this way. Instead of stitching people together on the  
slab, you'll get to be on the slab, yourself.  
MURDOC: (about Chris Knight) Ah yeah. We can discuss the difference between a genius  
and a person who needs psychological help, later.  
SVEN: Spike, and Angelus, you need to lead a shell-shocked Dr. Carter from the house.......  
Carter, pretend you just found out you got a role.  
SVEN: (reads note from guest) He doesn't slay prostitutes and in so many words, Jack the   
Ripper was a pussy.  
CASH: (in reguards into not wanting to go into the sewer slime) If this makes me a baby, get   
me a bottle and a crib. I'd rather be humiliated then in here.  
  
#17: JURASSIC SPOOF***(Status-complete-online, by Cassi & Sven)  
Carter and Ardeth on morphine....together.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SVEN: Cassi, you can not blow the guest all over the Green Room!   
CASSI: All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Lando together again.   
MISTY: (in the car) Oh LOOK! A television set! We don't have to watch the dinosaurs!   
CASSI: People are dying! Shut down the system so we can kill more.  
ASH: Can we stop talking and get away BEFORE the monster turns around!?   
CASSI: Our mom likes cows. We'll rip up people, but not cows.  
ASH: Great, we're gonna die and Darth Vader is telling us all about the animals that are going to   
eat us.  
GUMBO: Dead dinosaurs aren't scary.  
BRIDGET: And dead children aren't annoying.  
CASSI: Script! Logan, you scare him by reading the script.  
BUFFY: Yeah, because reading the script terrifies people.  
MURDOC: I'd like to thank you for flying "Air Murdoc." I hope you live long enough to do   
this again sometime!  
PETE: (to Niles) In 48 hours, you'll be dead, so I don't think your opinion matters much.  
  
SEASON THREE  
********************  
#18: STAR WARS: HEIR TO THE SPOOF***(Status-incomplete-hiatus at pg 200. partial online  
-Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
HAN: Buffy is married to Logan and Spike....she's pregant with Logan's twins, and she has an   
8 year-old son by Spike.   
MUNKUSTRAP: We're gonna DIE!!!! BEWARE THE EVIL YELLOW CIRCLE!!! IT'S GOING  
TO EAT US ALL!!!!   
WOLVIE: (to Buffy) Mommy, I don't like Daddy Logan. He smells. You need to get rid of him.  
DR CARTER: (sticks his tongue out at Spike) I got to go to Jurassic Park!!  
SPIKE: Gambit, get it right, or we'll recycle you.  
ROMANO: And here we have the example of a drunk mutant Jedi.  
CASSI: That must be some STRONG hot chocolate.  
  
#19: THE VAMPIRE MUMMY RETURNS ***(Status-complete-online-by Cassi)  
**Romano is Assistant starting part two**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DYLAN SKYLER: In 20 years at Cyndi's wedding, DON'T EAT THE PIG!!!!   
HANNIBAL LECTER: Use the Farce.   
DOT: Please do not attempt to pet the stuffed animals or security, as they will try to kill you.   
SPIKE: WOAH!!! EVIL STUFFED ANIMAL!!!  
MURDOC: Please tell me we aren't fighting Martian Pigs.  
JOHN: Okay, subject of Martian Pigs aside, back to the script.   
EVELYN: (reading the wall) Who wrote, "Glory loves Imhotep" here?  
MUMMY: (singing) If I only had a brain!!!  
XANDER HARRIS: For those of you who have just joined us, everyone here is a crazy person.  
ARDETH: Murdoc! Put the flamethrower down! They're not supposed to know you're there!  
  
#20: JURASSIC SPOOF: THE LOST WORLD***(Status-complete-online-By Cassi)  
**Romano returns as Assistant and Carter slaughters the med-crew**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
JONATHAN CARNAHAN: (to Penny) Honey, please don't startle the nice armed assassin.   
ROMANO: (reguarding Carter) You mean there's actually people willing to PAY for him!?   
CASSI: Please tell me Security didn't eat the SWAT team.   
SVEN: NO! Someone actually GAINED sanity!?   
FROHIKE: (to Ardeth) Well, if you feel underqualified any, you might just try flcking the switch  
to "On".  
ARDETH: (to Shower) You naughty girl! You're lucky you're my daughter, or I'd cook you alive   
and eat you!  
DR CARTER: (reguarding the sick Ralph jr) So give him an Alka-seltzer and let him GO!  
IMHOTEP: Right. It's settled. We let them sleep until Ralph and Mrs. Ralph wake them up, then  
we all flee in blind panic on our separate ways.  
GLORY: (to Ralph jr) Daddy's gone insane, dear. Ignore him.  
  
#21: PEREGRIN, A"WILLOW" SPOOF ***(Status-complete-online-by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
ARDETH: Seizing all pregnant women in the realm, the evil...(laughs) Queen...(laughs) I mean,   
King Imhotep.....  
PIPPIN: (to Spike) If you don't wait your turn to act, Bug, they'll be finding YOU in the river!  
WOLVIE: (about Connor) Well, actually, I'm realated. Spike is my Daddy, and that baby is his   
Uncle-Nephew, so he's my....Great Uncle-cousin.  
JIMMY BOND: Hey! Falkie-Falkie really IS a Tookie-Tookie!  
PIPPIN: I wish I could take you two X-Babies with me.....so that my life becomes a living torture   
and I kill myself after a day.  
FRODO: Fine! Go ahead and use the road! And when you get caught, tell Queen Imhotep I said  
HI!  
GLORY: (grins) You're not warriors! You're.....BUNNY RABBITS!!!  
MADCHRIS: (bites a carrot) Ahh...what's up, doc?  
LEGOLAS: (to Arwen) Protect me!!! The Evil snowman's gonna get me!!!!  
  
#22: LORD OF THE RINGS: FELLOWSHIP OF THE SPOOF***(Status-complete-online, by  
Sven) **Enter the Xanth crew and we still can't separate Carter and Ardeth...and the Ring  
won't shut up.**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
RING: I will rule the world!!!  
CASSI: There weren't any Pokemon in the Fellowship.  
RING: This story is about ME, not some stupid talking SCRIPT!  
WOLVIE: Bagless? Sure I know a Bagless! Magneato Bagless! Over there! He's my father's  
brother's nephew's cousin's former room mate....twice removed on his mother's side.  
MAGNEATO'S SCRIPT: No, you moron! I'm in this idiot's hand....and don't call me stupid,   
STUPID!  
DARTH VADER: I'm so proud. My baby's all grown up into a big Sith Lord!  
CHRIS: Nowhere in the script does it say that Pippin picked up the discarded Wraith blade and   
stabbed Frodo with it!  
MAGNEATO: HELLO!!! I'm dying over here!!! Could you stop talking and SAVE me!?  
SAM (HOBBIT): Will you shut up and DIE already!?  
SVEN: If you don't start acting correctly, I'll bring in Humfrey's wife and have her LOOK at you!  
SVEN: (about the ring---gives Carter a brainduster) What are you trying to do, DESTROY IT!?  
ANGEL: Have you seen it, Ardeth? The White Tower of ....um....Eck, the Lion.  
ELROND: (about the broken mirror) Ouch, Galadriel's gonna be pissed.  
MAGNETO: Just tea, thank-you. Without the rat poison, it might upset my stomach.  
ROMANO: Okay, somebody call Psyche and get them down here.  
CYKE: I'm Cthyke, what do you want?  
ROMANO: A gun, I'm going to shoot myself.  
MAGNEATO: I wish the Ring had never come to me.  
RING: You ain't the only one.  
  
#23: THE FORBIDDEN SPOOF: THE HUNTER***(Status-incomplete//in progress, by Cassi)  
**Romano is not only Assistant, but the Narrator, so he has a lot of one-liners.**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
SVEN: I wanna see if they'll get Aragorn high enough to to lose Gondor.  
CASSI: (to Jenny) We're insane, dear. Play along.  
DR ROMANO: I am the assistant director! If I wanna say "Once upon a time", I SAY it! (pulls   
out a (flamethrower) Now does anyone have a problem with that!?   
CASSI: People, this is NOT a circus!!!  
DR ROMANO: It's in the script. "Jenny sees gorgeous cyber-punk, and stares like an idiot until  
he looks away."  
FIDDLES: ACK!!! DEMON BOX!!!DEMON BOX!!!!   
CASSI: (to Dor) Would you STOP making my props talk!?!?  
PSYLOCKE: Great. First I get changed into a teenager, then I get told to color.  
JENNY: It's not funny.  
SVEN: We're not laughing. We're gagging.  
JULIAN: (about Tom) Can I kill him, now!? Huh? Can I?  
TARA MACLAY: Right. I can beat you with my trusty CRAYON!  
LEGOLAS: The gods themselves do tremble.  
FIDDLES: All hail the mighty crayon!  
  
SEASON FOUR  
*********************  
#24: US PSYCHOS***(Status-in progress, by Sven)  
**The Carter and Ardeth conspiracy continues...and please don't ask us how Kimble became  
a Marshal.**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
GERARD: I'm Samuel Gerard, and I'm an insane maniac.  
NEWMAN: (grabs his gun back from Kimble) Give me that! You're gonna HURT someone!   
(shoots the Krycheck clone in the head) There. See? That's how you do it!  
NEWMAN: (to Cosmo) Because I LIKE this shirt. Besides....it's not YOUR blood.  
SHERIDAN: (to Newman) Uhhh......er.....Weren't you dead?  
GERARD: (after Biggs shoots Cash) Biggs, you killed yourself.  
SVEN: Forget the morphine and the crazy guy in tights on the ceiling! Spoof now!  
DAVE: No, I want to go to the back of the plane to retrieve the pen gun and blow a hole  
through the window, so I can splatter myself in someone's tub, thus causing them to never  
use their bathroom again.  
ANDREW (trio): Well when you put it that way. (to Dave) Go ahead and explode.  
RYAN: (to Sven)You're the Author, you can kill anyone you want.  
SVEN: (about her reading books on serial killers) But I like reading the casework and Forensic  
stuff. It has nothing to do with me torturing people. I'm insane, not a PSYCHO!!  
  
#25: JURASSIC SPOOF III ***(Status-in progress, By Cassi)  
**Carter and Ardeth are back again.**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
DR CARTER: YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!! I'm going back to the dinosaur park!!!!  
COSMO: (to Carter) Has anyone ever told you to switch to decaf?  
JIMMY MARTINEZ: Do you think they've noticed that it says, "Dino Chow" on top of the   
parasail yet?  
NICK: (about the veggiesaurs) Great. They eat each other and we starve!  
LOGAN: (making his speech) Okay, Raptors are smart, yada yada yada...they could have ruled   
the world, and you need to give us money so we can afford to dig their dried out, mummified,   
and petrified skeletons from the ground and put them on display for your enjoyment.  
DOT: Doesn't that just make you wanna give them money?  
DONOVAN: (to his team) Children, if you can't behave, I'll stand you in corners.  
CODY FORRESTER: (points at Shaw) He started it.  
COMPUTER: NOOO!!! DON'T TAKE MY MAGNET! I LOVE MY MAGNET!!!  
BUFFY: (over the phone) 911, please hold.  
CASSI: Shadowman: another word for "Peeping Tom."  
#25: WILD WILD SPOOFED MESS***(Status-in progress, by Sven)  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Parody of "Wild Wild West", starring Will Smith and Kevin Kline  
  
CHRIS: (about Newman) The spoof hasn't even started and he's already gonna get an Oscar.  
GILES: About me dying. Why wasn't I told?  
GERARD: (about Zorro/Diego) Yeah, we left him a trail of post-it-notes. I'm sure he'll show   
up before his scene.  
GERARD: (to Newman) I don't even want to know where your gun is.....by the way, Biggs said   
you have nice legs.  
BLUE: (about Newman) Aww, now I'm gonna have nightmares.  
GERARD: Cosmo, just read it, or I'LL shoot you!  
FIDDLES: (about Jay) Ack! Dumb human attacking me! Help! Help! HELP!! Someone please  
rescue me!  
GLORY: (with the opera glasses and speaking with a thick accent) Get out of my vay, get out   
of my vay. U.S. Army, U.S. Marshal..........You look better as a woman. U.S. Marshal shoots  
U.S. Army.......  
NEWMAN: Sorry, there have been a lot of death threats lately. The cabinet made me hire  
all these *beep* detectives. Drink? Cigar? Donut with little sprinkles on it?  
GERARD: (to Newman) Nice try, Noah. Keep that up and someday it'll kill you......oh wait, it  
already did.  
  
#26: A SPOOF OF CHAMELEON ***(Status-in progress, by Sven)  
**Carter and Ardeth star**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Parody of "A Spell for Chameleon" the 1st Xanth novel, by Piers Anthony  
  
HUGO: My Mom's face turns people to stone, and my Dad's a big baby.  
TRENT: (about Chameleon) She just grounded the King of Xanth.  
MISTY: Ash's talent is the same as his Mom's Pokemon!  
CASSI: (as Mr Mime) Mime! Mr. Mime!  
HARMONY: Who is the King here, anyway?  
PIPPIN: The Grand-Alf. **Gandalf's new name...like it?**  
CASSI: We need a ditz.  
MURDOC: Oh really? Interesting. Why can't you use Buffy?  
ROMANO: Hey we only put out the facts. If you look stupid it's your own fault.  
ARDETH: Can you horse-rears be quiet?! I want to eventually get in the story.  
MIDNIGHT MUSE: Never trust your cat to drive your house across the ocean.  
FIDDLES: (runs in) Evil Martian pigs are coming chased by "Eck the Lion". Help!! HELP!! Run   
for your lives the sky is about to fall! Run, run, RUN!! We must escape before the evil bunnies   
arrive!  
ANYANKA: EVIL BUNNIES?!? (screams) KEEP THEM AWAY!!!  
FIDDLES: Evil poisonous bunnies!!!! Martian bunnies!!!  
THE ONE RING: (to the script) Shut-up. Nobody cares. They won't give YOU an Oscar. You are  
far from being in any way important. You are nothing but a useless paper. Me, on the other  
hand, has recieved an Oscar. I'm so important.  
SCRIPT: That Oscar won't do you any good once they cast you into the fires of Mount Doom!  
GROUCHO MARX: I'm not insane.......I'm different.  
CASSI**After breaktime**: (makes a face) You mean Babcock, Pratt, and Anspaugh are  
coming on set?  
SVEN: What if they give us Cooties?  
CARTER: Let's just skip the examination and exile me already.  
CARTER: Hey, look at me! I'm on one side! (steps across the Shield) I'm on the other.   
(steps right in the Shield between both sides) Is this really all that critical? Hey everyone!  
I have a talent SEE! I'm gonna let Ardeth in to conquer Xanth!  
GROUCHO: Are you sure I can't be King?  
CARTER: (snickering) No. I never killed anyone.  
ROMANO: (spits his drink out) Is this the same guy who killed the med-team?  
CARTER: I'm innocent....(sounding completely honest) I was framed, I tell you, FRAMED!!!  
ROMANO: (starts choking)  
  
BETWEEN THE SPOOFS/ER AND THE TERRIBLE YOUTH ELIXIR INCIDENT  
If you don't know what this one's about, what on earth have you been reading for the  
last 21 chapters?!  
**************************************************************  
--Takes place after Forbidden Spoof Hunter and in the middle of Chameleon--  
  
CHRIS MASON: (to Greene) Who creamed your widow? (dartboard)  
GREENE: (with a guilty look) It was an accident.  
JIMMY BOND: (to Romano) Wow, you're the Chief of Staff? Does that mean you like run the   
place?  
ROMANO: I look like Land of the LITTLE People!  
ANSPAUGH: How is that different from normal?  
DR DAVE: This is the LAST time I answer an invatation! LOOK at me! I haven't even hit  
PUBERTY yet!  
GREENE: I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad I'm dead.  
ROMANO: (to Anspaugh) If you do not put me down this instant, you're FIRED! I don't care   
if I AM five! I'm still the Chief of Staff!  
ANSPAUGH: Does anyone have some aspirin? I think I need about a bottle and a half.  
BENTON: Are you sure you don't need a rabies shot? We don't exactly know where his  
[Romano] mouth has been.  
DR CARTER: I'm alright. I just hit my head.  
DR KOVAC: (groans) Yeah, on MINE!  
ROMANO: (yelling about Benton) HELP ME!!!! He's gonna HURT me!!! Get me away from   
the BAD MAN!!!  
SHIRLEY: Robert, if you were my child, I'd PAY someone to kidnap you!!!  
WOLVIE: I have three daddies and two mommies. Dada Pip, and Mama Jemima, she's a cat, and   
my other mommy is a Vampire Slayer, and my daddy Spike is a Vampire, and my other daddy is a   
big ugly smelly gorilla!  
ROMANO: (about the ketchup and mustard wall mural) Nice work, all you need now is some   
pickle relish and a hotdog.  
ROMANO: All the people who have tried to sue the hospital....and now we're being threatened   
by a CRASH CART!  
ROMANO: There are X-BABIES loose in the hospital!?  
CASSI: Why not? There are little surgeons loose in the hospital.  
SHIRLEY: (to Romano) Say "Uncle!"  
DR DAVE: (whispering loudly) I see DEAD people!!!  
DR BENTON: Didn't I pronounce that guy two hours ago?  
DR CARTER: It can't be good publicity to have zombies shedding clumps of body parts all over  
the hospital.  
CORDAY'S OFFICE DOOR: (about Corday) She called Romano a horrid little turd once!  
ROMANO: Who are you calling LITTLE?!  
CASSI: (in Romano's office, talking to Kerry) I'm his daughter, but we still don't know who my   
mother is yet.  
CHUNY: I got the labs back on Billy Idol. He's dead.   
DAVE: (about Sven) She's a homicidal maniac!  
CARTER: What am I, chopped liver?  
WEAVER: I have an Irish guy who's high on morphine, and an English guy, also on morphine,  
who needs 150 stitches removed from his arm, he swears was nearly bitten off by a large   
dinosaur who thinks he's a dog named Bill.  
BENTON: (to Connie) I've met the Elf-Prince of Mirkwood, Groucho Marx, a talking dog, Buffy  
the Vampire Slayer, the King of the Goblins, Archangel of the X-Men, Pharaoh Nightcrawler the  
First, Pikachu, and Mulder and Scully of the X-Files. How've you been?   
BENTON: (about Fiddles) I don't care if it IS greean and singing! What's it doing in the   
EMERGENCY ROOM!?  
CASSI: (to Dor) Make sure you take notes so you can be a wonderful surgeon just like me one   
day.  
CASSI: (to Dor) And this is the ER butcher shop. If you look really close, you can see the poor  
shmucks that are about to become the next line of victims.  
ROMANO: (to Cassi) Actually, I'd rather blow Kerry all over the ER and let the Compys eat her   
miserable little pieces.  
CASSI: These five year olds...they're so violent these days. So young, so angry. Darn that rap   
music!!!  
CASSI: If you be a good little boy and go destroy something nice and expensive, I promise I'll  
let you blow up anyone you want when you grow up, okay?  
PASTOR RAY: If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don't come running to me.  
************************************************************  
And now the section is all full. making it as long as one section of our spoofs. Review now, and  
we'll get the next part out soon. 


	22. FOODFIGHT!

Cassi is currently in the other room babysitting. I'm not sure what to type......so don't expect much  
yet. Hmm Cassi just entered with one of Erik's toys. She has to save the dying fish. It sounds   
dead. It's a noise maker that isn't making living noises, it sounds like some zombie moaning.   
(pauses while typing) Do you even read these things? The before the story starts stuff? It's   
amazing what ends up in them. Okay, Cassi and I are back in the room and I am currently on   
Lortab, and so is Cassi. So you can guess what is coming.//interruption by dinner///  
Alright, now Cassi and I have spent an hour watching the screensaver and commenting  
it. It goes through every picture in the briefcase and it says their captions. They are pics of our   
cast and they have some pretty amusing captions. I was complaining cuz it took fifteen minutes   
for Carter to appear and we have a whole bunch of him. We kept seeing Gallant and about 300 of   
Romano.......not really but it seemed like it. You don't want to know what the captions say.   
Anyway, where were we in the story? Hmmmm.......we haven't seen Benton in awhile. He's going  
to be un-duct-taping the Psyche ward. Fortunatly, the others just left. Oh, yeah, I was throwing  
chocolate eggs at the screensaver.....that wouldn't show Carter. We are pretty sure they come   
from chocolate chickens. Why don't we have any of those? Oh right....I was about to get back to   
the story. Cassi was looking for film. Hey Becca, we got pictures of us throwing darts. Now I   
don't know what to type........sorry we have been looking at our pictures from Mexico. Which is   
where the pics of us throwing darts came from. Cassi has a good shot of her skunk stripe. We   
also have pictures of the baby horses.   
Cassi is watching ER......yes again. We only have five million videos of ER. This   
is 8th season. Still don't know what to type. Which is no surprise cuz, I'm watching the  
TV. It has come to the next day and STILL nothing has been typed. Told you I didn't know   
what to type. I need a painpill.............be back later.  
  
Okay Sven's obviously not gonna start this thing off...As you saw, we got distracted every  
few minutes. That's how long our attention span lasts. The video yesterday, yea that was   
yesterday, was because I needed to know what was on the video (which episodes) because it's   
not full and we're gonna finish it off within the next month. For the moment, since it's pretty   
obvious that not everyone reads these.....We said that the Moments thing was examples of our  
other stories! They are actual lines spoken in our other fics! Believe me, they do NOT do them  
justice. There are more funnier things then just what people say. We have the weirdest things  
going on in the background. See The questioning scenes in the Fugitive....the pyramid collapse in  
Mummy Returns, the morphine scenes in Jurassic 1 & 2....which carry into James of the Jungle and  
Fugitive.....right, enough with the advertisement. We'll get back to the story now...really. My   
pill just kicked in.~Cassi PS Becca! sounds great....*evil grins*   
**************************************************************************  
  
Outside the hospital, in the midst of the dinosaurs....a car pulled up, screeching to a stop, and just  
missing Ardeth's speeder bike by about an inch. A group of people slowly got out.   
  
"What are you complaining about?!" Emmy demanded. "You're alive aren't you?!"  
  
"Barely." Mid retorted.  
  
"I'm gonna go find Murdoc and Ryan." Blue put in, rushing for the entrance.  
  
Rebs got out of the car, staggering a bit, checking to make sure she could still walk. "Wonder  
where Ardeth and Carter are." She spoke up as soon as she could talk.  
  
"Haven't you been paying attention? They're throwing things at the Evil Ones." Emmy told her.  
  
They jumped out of the way as Oscar, Rebs' cat, leapt out of the car, bolting inside. "CAT TOY,  
HERE I COME!!!!" He shrieked.  
  
The girls watched the cat until he disappeared inside. "Woah, that is gonna be one sick gerbil  
when they get done." Mid remarked. "Let's go find Fiddles and see the new baby!"   
  
"But I wanna play with Carter and Ardeth!" Rebs whined.  
  
"Me too." Emmy added, pulling out a print out of the "ER" story. "This says Fiddles is in OB, and  
Ardeth and Carter are in the ER lounge."  
  
Mid looked over her shoulder. "And Sven and Cassi are around the OR somewheres." She stated.  
"We'd better say hi to them first."  
  
"You just did." Chris Mason spoke up behind them, holding out three ear pieces. "They know   
you're here. They said have fun."  
  
"Cool." Mid remarked, taking her com unit.   
  
"HI EVERYBODY!!!!" Emmy called into hers, causing a load of people to grab their heads in   
agony.  
  
"Ugh, now I know how Spike felt." Sven muttered over the com.  
  
"Oops, sorry." Emmy replied, apologetically.  
  
"It's okay, we're not TOO deaf." Cassi answered. "But if you guys are gonna join the insanos  
with their throwing things, you'd better hurry up. Our sources tell us Sandy is on her way here   
and she's most likely going to put a stop to the throwing party."  
  
"Right, see ya later, Mid!" Emmy called, running in, pulling Rebs with her.  
  
Mid shook her head and stepped inside, heading for OB.  
***************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in Psych, Benton was removing the duct tape from the doctors and nurses. He'd   
noticed that there was a table set up in the middle of the room, and a deck of cards scattered   
around it. Obviously, whoever had been there had left in a hurry.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked a nurse as she stood up.  
  
She nodded. "There were three of them." She told him. "One dressed as a doctor and the other  
two were dressed like comic book characters.  
  
Benton nodded. Two X-Babies and a doctor. "Did you hear where they were headed?" He asked.  
  
"Something about looking for Carter and Ardeth to see if they'd found the girls yet." She   
answered.  
  
As soon as the others were free, and after he'd given them a warning to call downstairs if any  
thing else happened, Benton headed back toward the ER. He had already figured out most of  
what was going on. After his confrontation with Cassi, he'd stopped to think about it. He had  
to hand it to the Authors, they had a devious streak a mile wide. He shook his head, a small  
smile coming to his lips. It was just like them to invite him back to deal with this. What he  
couldn't figure out was why Cassi would let Romano get changed. True, she had been upset about  
not being told about the accident, but why make him five? Then he frowned. Wait....unless they  
didn't realize he was going to enjoy it.   
  
Benton stopped short as he almost tripped over a plastic ball. "What the...." He picked the ball up  
to examine it. Inside was a gerbil. Outside was writting in black marker. Romano's handwritting,  
he realized. "Babcock?" He asked out loud, and his mouth dropped as the gerbil let out a series  
of squeaks. "Oh....my...--" He was cut off as the ball was knocked out of his hands by a cat.  
  
"BOINGY!!!!!!" Pounce cried, smacking the ball down a flight of stairs.  
  
He, and two other cats followed it, shrieking with laughter.  
  
Benton stared after the ball for about a minute, before he made a face. "Ouch." He mused. "He's  
going to feel THAT one for a while."  
**************************************************************************  
  
In the lounge, Kerry and Donald were now covered from head to toe in.....um...everything the kids  
could throw at them.  
  
Romano grinned as he tossed another egg at Donald. He could tell from the glare on the older   
surgeon's face that this was not a good move for his career, but then again, he WAS a five-year  
old....besides, he wasn't the ONLY one doing it. Lizzie, he noticed, had only thrown a few at   
Weaver. She was mostly standing back, watching him....and laughing.  
  
Carter, on the other hand, didn't care who he aimed at.....in fact, a couple of his had almost hit   
Romano. He ducked as another of Carter's wild aims almost caught him in the face. "HEY!"  
He cried, throwing an egg at Carter. "You're supposed to be aiming at THEM!"  
  
Carter moved as the egg caught him at the shoulder. "So I missed!" Carter retorted, throwing  
another at Romano.  
  
Romano glared as the egg hit him in the leg. "Missed, my ASS!" He shot out. "Your aim seems  
better than that!  
  
Carter smirked. "Yeah, but I wasn't aiming for your ass." With that, he threw another, just   
missing Romano's face again.  
  
In the corner, Elizabeth and Ardeth were now staring at the pair, who had switched to throwing  
at each other. In their chairs, Anspaugh and Weaver were now looking at each other and   
shrugging.  
  
This was when three people entered the room. Two were Emmy and Rebs, the third was a small  
blond five year old boy, that none of them recognized.  
  
Emmy looked at the kids and around the room for a second, then looked at Rebs. "FOODFIGHT!!"  
They both yelled, running for the pile of "amunition".  
  
The blond boy looked around before sneaking over to the food. He picked up an egg and eyed  
it before giving an evil grin, and throwing it at Weaver's face, hitting her between the eyes. "Ah,  
that felt great." He breathed with a huge grin.  
  
Elizabeth stared at him a moment....it couldn't be....could it?   
  
The boy didn't seem to see her. He next looked at Carter and Romano, who were now pelting   
each other in food. The evil grin came back, as he grabbed two more eggs, throwing one at each   
of the two boys, hitting them both in their faces.  
  
Romano and Carter stopped in their tracks and stared at the new boy. Both seemed to come to the  
same conclusion at the same time.....then they tackled him.  
  
Watching the fighting group, Elizabeth's face paled. She knew without a doubt who this kid was.  
What she didn't know was why he had come in here.   
  
Ardeth caught her look, and walked over. "What is it?" He asked.  
  
"Mahk." She answered, quietly. "It's Mahk." **It's what she calls him. Haven't you listened?**  
  
Ardeth frowned. "So? He's been on the set since Fugitive." He retorted, before he stopped, and  
looked from one to the other. "Oh. Right. He was your..."  
  
Elizabeth nodded.  
  
"Do you want to leave?" Ardeth asked. "I do not think they'd notice."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "No, I'm fine." She answered. "Could you just make them stop now?"  
  
Ardeth shrugged. "I could turn them into puppies." He suggested.  
  
"OOOHHH I CLAIM CARTER!!!" Emmy called.  
  
"Huh?" Carter remarked, looking up. Right before a fist hit him in the jaw, knocking him to the   
floor.  
  
"I win." Romano proclaimed, pushing Greene off....right before Greene bounced right back,  
knocking the surgeon off his own feet.  
  
Ardeth stepped over, to drag Carter back.  
  
Emmy stood to the side next to Rebs. "But I wanted a puppy." She whined, pouting.   
  
Rebs patted her on the back. "There there. You'll get over it." She assured.  
  
Then Cassi and Sven charged into the room, neither of them looking very happy. Sven marched  
over,k nabbing Greene off his feet, while Cassi grabbed Romano. Both children were now covered   
in bits of food.   
  
"Okay, I think you kids have had enough." Sven ordered.  
  
"HE started it!" Both yelled in unison.  
  
"Emmy, Becca, who started this mess?" Cassi asked.  
  
Emmy and Rebs looked at each other, and shrugged. "We were throwing at them." Emmy   
answered, pointing at Kerry and Donald.  
  
"Mahk started it." Elizabeth spoke up, causing nearly everyone in the room to either stare at her  
or Greene. "He threw the eggs at Carter and Robert."  
  
Romano looked over at Greene, triumphantly. "Busted." He crowed.  
  
"Ahem." Cassi put in.   
  
"Well it WAS his fault." Romano persisted.  
  
"Ah I OWED you one!" Mark yelled.  
  
"What did I ever do to YOU?!" Romano burst out, then looked over at Elizabeth. "Apart from  
hitting on your widow?"  
  
"Before she was my widow?" Greene demanded.  
  
"Um, he never hit on her while she was married." Cassi defended. "Commented, teased, degraded,  
insulted, and fought with, perhaps, but never hit on."  
  
Elizabeth frowned. "She's right." She replied, in awe.  
  
Greene, who really couldn't deny this, glared. "He still deserved it." He snapped.  
  
"Okay, um Mahk, here has to go back to the van." Sven decided.  
  
"How come he gets to stay?" Greene asked, pointing to Romano.  
  
"Because he's the Chief of Staff." Elizabeth answered.  
  
"No he's not." Sven cut in. "Cassi is. He's just a kid."  
  
"Romano stays because he's a favorite." Cassi said, matter-of-factly. "Besides, you weren't   
supposed to BE here. It's bad enough we let LUCY join the game."  
  
This prompted a few more stares from Anspaugh and Kerry. Although Kerry had known Lucy   
was brought back, she had not known she was in the building.  
  
"I had to throw an egg at Weaver." Greene argued. "It was irresistable."   
  
Romano glared again. "You owe me fifteen cents!" He snapped.  
  
"Let it go." Cassi told him.  
  
"I'm bored." Emmy proclaimed. "Can me and Rebs be five too?"   
  
Rebs nodded.  
  
Sven shrugged. "Okay. We'll all be five." She decided, snapping her fingers, changing herself,  
Emmy and Rebs five.  
  
Cassi let go of Romano. "Now you go play." She ordered, pulling Greene out of the room.  
***************************************************************************  
  
End part 22. Okay, to akpc 32 We're not sure what to do with Dave. He's currently tied to a   
chair with Jing Mei & Abby-Anya guarding and Kovac. Abby will soon become Abby again,  
and Dave just learned he could change invisible. So....what do you suggest we do?! We're a  
little stuck here, not only that, we haven't had Malik, and the missing X-Babies, as well as  
Doug, Langly, Shirley, and YES, Deb, Frank Donovan and his crew will make an appearence.  
How could we leave out Ardeth's twin brother? Besides, he's acting in the current spoofs.  
Chances are he's there already somewhere. As we're saying....give us some ideas!  
Thanks Becca for your input. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! So what else do ya wanna do   
now that you and Emmy are five? We'll get Fiddles and Mid in the next section, as well as  
returning to Dave, and Sandy has to untie the Evil Ones! Bummer.   
Oh yeah, and Greene will be returned to the van, and changed back, and it was Chris who tattled.  
And Romano has to have another talk with Lizzie.....we're working on it. Kind of says something  
that she sided with Romano, don't it? Then again, she WAS telling the truth. But yes, we   
fully admit that Romano probably did deserve it. The only reason Carter didn't argue was because   
Greene had to help bring all the people Carter killed back in Lost World.  
  
More to come! We need more ideas! Our lortab highs only go so far. Later!--Cassi & Sven 


	23. Invisibility and a talking parrotAn ANNO...

Pause for a random insanity break. On the way back from Mexico, we stopped in San Antonio  
and ate at one of the restraunts on the river walk. We sat at an out door table with a group  
of people. Pastor Ray, Richard, Kathy, Ron, and Phyllis. As the river boat passes, Pastor  
Ray shouts out, "HEY John!" and waves. A couple of guys waved back. I (Cassi) asked  
"Who was that?" Pastor Ray replied. "I don't know, but in a boat with that many people on  
it, ONE of them has to be named John." He did this three more times, but the first was the   
best, as there had been three people all looking at each other, thinking who was he talking to?  
We love our Pastor. ^_^ Yes, this is a TRUE story. We're penticostals...we're normally this  
weird. Let's just say you'd never wanna see us drunk.  
***********************************************************************  
  
Right, we were in fact writting a story. Um...story...where the heck were we, anyway? Oh   
right, Greene got busted, and the Evil Trio are loose in the hospital....along with their cat,  
Oscar, and their friend, Blue....a vampire with dragon powers, who at one point had black  
hair, but now has light blue hair. We play it safe and don't ask.  
Anyhow, in other news, Our sister Ireyna just found a picture in the paper of one of the   
marines in Iraq, who she went to high school and junior high with. He was a friend of hers. So  
everyone make sure you pray for Lance. I remember him. Nice guy.   
Okay, in the story....Dave just realized he could be invisible, and Penny had a baby....and   
there's a green talking horse visiting her. There are still walking dead guys around the   
hospital and a group of insane cats high on catnip, chasing a hampster ball, containing what  
is believed to be Babcock inside. We have Anspaugh and Weaver tied up in the lounge, and  
covered in you really don't wanna know what. Let's just say the only thing that DIDN'T   
happen was for Bill to come hike his leg....and it can and has happened before.  
Anyhow, we'll get on with it, and pick up in OB where Mid has come to see Fiddles and   
Penny....and she probably knows about the others being five, as she is still wearing the com  
unit. A note to akpc32.......um we got your suggestion, however I had already started this   
section. I will use the suggestion though, it'll be a bit reversed since Jing-Mei is well just  
read you'll see. I am giving you more Dave.....I hope you like it. Alright, someone asked who  
Emmy is. She is the Insane Dragoness........see reviews. She has been reading this since  
it first came out. She is also a fan of our Spoofs. She's on our set and we are on hers. Emmy,  
Rebs, and Mid, are Becca. Becca tell them who you are. If that doesn't settle your questions  
click on her name in the reviews and read her profile, it mentions who her characters are.  
***********************************************************************  
  
Dave and Kovac watched as the girls slipped out in the hallway to discuss moving their  
base. "Now what?" Dave mused.  
  
"I have a scalpel in my pocket." Kovac whispered back.  
  
Dave grinned. "Good, once we're loose, I can turn us invisible and we can get out of here  
once we get a hostage." He replied, quietly. "Jing-Mei....her talent is minor."  
  
Kovac nodded and slipped the scalpel from his pocket and started working on his cords.  
"I don't know how much time we're going to have. Turn us invisible to buy us some."  
He ordered.  
  
Dave nodded and concentrated, causing them both to vanish. "I wonder where they are  
moving their base to." He wondered, aloud.  
  
Jing-Mei poked her head in. "What are you up to?" She asked.  
  
"Just bored." Dave informed her.   
  
"Is that why you're both invisible?" Jing-Mei asked, walking into the room.  
  
"Sure." Dave answered, glancing over at Kovac, who of course, he couldn't see.  
  
"Kovac?" Jing-Mei said, frowning.  
  
"What?" Kovac asked.  
  
"What is going on?" Jing-Mei demanded, just before she was gagged by an invisible Kovac.  
  
"Get me loose now!" Dave ordered.  
  
"I'm going to put the scalpel in your hand, I don't want Jing-Mei to escape." Kovac retorted.  
  
Dave felt the scalpel drop in his hand and started to work on his cords. As he did, he made  
Jing-Mei invisible.   
  
Then Susan walked in. "Jing-Mei?" She called.  
  
Dave kept his mouth shut and hoped Kovac would too. His cords fell off, and he stood.  
  
"Dave, I know you are still in here. Now what is going on?" Susan demanded. Then she paused,  
and backed toward the door. "You have her hostage?"  
  
"Good guess." Dave remarked.  
  
Susan backed out the door. "I'm gonna get the rest of the girls, and then we are going to kick   
your invisible butt." She promised.  
  
"Let's go now, Dave." Kovac ordered. "Just walk out the door, making as little noise as possible."  
  
Dave nodded, before remembering that Kovac couldn't see him. A few minutes later, they were out  
of the room and down the hall. Once they were sure no one was nearby, Dave let his invisible spell  
fade.  
  
Jing-Mei glared, causing Dave to flinch.  
  
"Hey, you had it coming, Jing-Mei!" Dave retorted. "It's all part of the game!"  
  
"As soon as we drop her off at base, I am going to cream a few of those girls with ketchup   
balloons!" Kovac told them, grinning. "Revenge for them hog-tying me!"  
  
Jing-Mei rolled her eyes.  
  
Kovac glanced at her. "Maybe after I throw a few at our hostage!"  
  
Dave shook his head. "Why? She didn't throw things at us, when we were hostages!" He  
protested.  
  
"You're just afraid, that she won't forgive you! She has COOTIES! Remember?!" Kovac retorted.  
  
"It isn't right! Besides, what if we get caught again? If we do that to our hostage, then they'll  
return the favor!" Dave shot back.   
  
Before Kovac could argue more, an egg slammed into Dave's face.  
  
"Nice shot!" Sven congradulated Rebs.  
  
Kovac snickered.....that is, until an egg thrown by Carter, creamed him in the face.  
  
"Whose side are you on?!" Dave demanded, wiping egg off his face.  
  
"We got bored, we were throwing eggs and food at Nazi Dyke and the Evil One, but we got  
tired of it. So now we are throwing them at anyone we see." Sven told them.  
  
Carter and Ardeth nodded, grinning. "That, and Greene crashed the party. Right in front of his  
widow, no less. Then she took Romano's side." Carter told them.  
  
"Greene?!" Dave exclaimed, then frowned. "Are you telling me that he was behind part of this?"  
  
"Yep." Sven answered. "A lot of our permanant cast was behind it."  
  
"Like Lucy." Kovac added.  
  
Dave frowned as he stared at the two girls with Sven, Ardeth, Carter, and Creepy. "Who are  
they?" He asked.  
  
"You don't recognize us?" Emmy complained.  
  
Dave swallowed. "Tell me that isn't two of the Evil trio...."  
  
"No, I can't." Sven protested. "That would be lying!"  
  
"Great!" Dave muttered.  
  
"We'll help you!" Rebs offered. "We could find the girls new base."  
  
"Sounds good. But how do we know we can trust you?" Kovac asked.  
  
"Lighten up, Luka!" Carter ordered. "They like hanging out with Ardeth and me."  
  
"How do we know they aren't agents for the girls?" Dave questioned, still eyeing Emmy, and  
Rebs. Who were both smiling, innocently.  
  
"We can trust them." Carter insisted.  
  
"Fine!" Kovac snapped.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Random insanity bit # whatever number this is. Did you know money can't buy knives? Once  
I went to a cutlery store and said, "Here's a hundred thousand dollars, can I buy a knife?" They  
said, "No, money can't buy knives." Gee, I guess that's why you harldy see any around.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, out in the hallway, Romano and Elizabeth had moved to the side, not noticing they  
were in a very obvious spot. "Sorry about decking your deceased hubby." Romano muttered,  
quietly.  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "It's alright, I have a feeling Mahk deserved it." She replied, then   
frowned. "Why did no one tell me when it happened?" **Mahk thing explained at the bottom**  
  
"Well, it's kind of obvious, don't you think?" Romano pointed out. "You were upset about it,  
and...well, think about it. Would you have listened?"  
  
Elizabeth frowned again. "No, I guess you're right." She admitted.  
  
"We had the same problem with Willow." Robert informed her. "Tara was supposed to have been  
shot, but they saved her, too."  
  
"And Willow?" Elizabeth questioned.  
  
Romano made a face. "Um, she was worst case senario, there." He answered. "She went nuts,  
and tried to destroy the world.....thus explaining why she hasn't been back yet. Can you imagine  
what would happen if she found out Tara was still alive? She'd pitch another fit, pull a "Carrie",   
and we'd all be dead."  
  
Elizabeth gave a small laugh. "I can understand that, I suppose." She remarked.   
  
Before any of them could get any farther in their conversation, they were both grabbed by a pair of  
hands. "Well, what are you two doing out here?" Sandy asked.  
  
"Um, we'll be going now." Robert managed to get out, struggling against her hold.  
  
Sandy frowned. "I don't think so." She corrected. "Now, what is going on here, and where is   
Kerry?"  
  
"I don't think you wanna know." Romano murmured.   
  
"Ahem?" Sandy's grip grew tighter.  
  
"In there." Elizabeth answered, innocently, pointing to the lounge.  
  
"Okay, let's just go take a look." Sandy replied, dragging the two kids with her.  
  
"Um, can we just wait out here?" Robert asked, quickly.  
  
"I don't think so." Sandy remarked, pulling both kids into the room with her. When she entered  
the room, her mouth dropped in shock. "What the--"  
  
"I didn't do it." Romano burst out.  
  
Sandy glared at the two kids and sat both of them down in chairs. "Stay!" She ordered. Before   
they could think about moving, she continued. "Don't make me turn you both over my knee."  
  
Romano and Elizabeth looked at each other, uncertain, and stayed put. Chances were neither of  
them would make it to the door before Sandy caught them. They both watched her untape Donald  
and Kerry from the chairs. "Now will someone tell me what's going on?" Sandy demanded.  
  
Kerry stared at Romano, who gave an evil grin. "Let them go." She told Sandy.  
  
Sandy frowned and looked at the kids, not missing Romano's look. "I don't think so." She replied.  
"I think they need to sit in chairs a while."   
  
"Tie 'em down if you have to." Anspaugh muttered, glaring at the pair, who looked innocently  
at the ceiling.  
  
Sandy shook her head, and handed Kerry a towel. "Who are these two kids?" She asked.  
  
Kerry sighed. "Long story." She answered. "He's the Chief of Staff, and she's the Associate Chief  
of Surgery. And for some reason, that is way too difficult to explain, most of our staff is now five  
years old."  
  
"Does it have something to do with the dinosaurs in your parking area?" Sandy asked, matter-of-  
factly.  
  
Kerry nodded. "Yeah, something like that." She told her.  
  
Anspaugh shook his head. "I think we need to call the police, and do something about this   
Romano wanna-be."  
  
"Definitely wanna-be." Romano muttered. "She acts nothing like me."  
  
Kerry looked at him a minute, before she burst out laughing. "She acts exactly like you." She   
managed to get out.  
  
"You can't call the police." Elizabeth informed Donald. "If you could actually get through, the  
out side security DID eat an entire SWAT team once."  
  
"Now that, I believe." Sandy remarked, remembering the talking raptor that had asked to see her  
ID.  
  
"And if you get the wrong people, they'd just say something in the lines of, '911, please hold.'"  
Romano retorted.   
  
Sandy sighed. "Alright. You two get cleaned up, and I'll go put these two where I can keep an  
eye on them.....and maybe clean them up a little." She finished, eyeing Romano, who was covered  
head to toe in food, and he and Elizabeth both were still wet from the sprinklers. "And if I get   
any bit of fighting with me, I'll strip you both and give you a bath!"  
  
Romano and Elizabeth looked at each other in horror, before quietly nodding and following Sandy   
out of the room.  
  
Kerry stared after them for a minute, before looking over at Anspaugh. "Did you just see what I  
saw?" She asked, in awe.  
  
Donald nodded. "I wish I had a camera." He replied. "She's the first person I've seen that has  
actually been able to control Robert."  
_____________________________  
  
At the main desk, Frank stared as he saw the two kids silently walk past, following Sandy. What  
was going on....and why was Romano covered in food?  
  
In Exam room 2, Sandy picked Romano off the floor and put him on a gurney. "Now where do you   
have a change of clothing?" She asked.  
  
Romano smirked. "In my office, but I don't think it would fit." He retorted.  
  
Sandy raised an eyebrow. "Keep it up and I'll dress you up like a five year old and when you   
change back, you'll look like a retard." She threatened.  
  
Elizabeth started snickering.  
  
Romano glared down at her. "Who's side are you on?" He demanded.  
  
Elizabeth sighed and looked down at her soaked clothing. "There might be some small scrubs in  
one of the closets." She answered.  
  
Sandy looked from one to the other. "See if you can go find some." She told her, not wanting to   
leave them alone in the room, for fear they wouldn't be there when she returned....and judging   
from the look on Romano's face, she had assumed correctly.  
  
"What makes you think she'll be back?" Romano asked after Lizzie took off.  
  
Sandy grabbed a wet rag and started to wipe some of the egg out of his hair. "I have a feeling  
she'll be back." She responded. "Ugh, how on earth did you do this?"  
  
"I didn't." He answered. "Carter did. He left before you got there."  
  
"Ah, so the two of you had a foodfight." Sandy guessed.   
  
"There were more than two of us." Romano confessed. "But the others look just as bad."  
  
"Found some!" Elizabeth announced as she reentered the room, holding two sets of light green  
scrubs.  
  
"Is that the only color they had?" Romano whined.   
  
"Unless you'd rather run around in your underware, put it on." Sandy ordered.  
  
"You gonna watch?" Romano asked, pointedly.  
  
Sandy turned around, blocking the doorway. "Hurry it up."   
------------------------------------------------  
  
A few minutes later, she lead the two kids out toward the main desk. Weaver was already out there,  
also wearing a set of green scrubs. "Eww, now we look like Kerry." Romano muttered, as Sandy  
sat he and Lizzie in chairs.  
  
Weaver shook her head. "I have no idea how you managed to do that." She told Sandy.  
  
Sandy shrugged. "You just have to know how to threaten them." She explained.  
  
Romano rolled his eyes, and looked up. "Wow....is that a bug?" He asked.  
  
Weaver sighed. "Oh not again." She muttered. **The bug incident from Jurassic 3. Romano on  
morphine staring at a spot on the ceiling he presumed was a bug**  
  
Elizabeth looked up. "Yes, it's a bug." She answered. "A very ugly one."  
  
"It's not a bug." Kerry retorted without looking up.  
  
"Yes it is!" Romano argued. "It's a big UGLY one!"  
  
Cassi, still wearing Romano's lab coat suddenly stomped in, carrying a parrot. "Somebody get this  
STUPID thing away from me!!!!" She paused, seeing Romano and Lizzie staring at the ceiling, and  
looked up. "Wow, that is one ugly bug." She remarked, before handing Romano the parrot.  
  
"What do ya want ME to do with it?!" He demanded.  
  
"I don't care!" She snapped. "Just keep it the heck away from ME!"  
  
Kerry turned to look. "Oh, please tell me that isn't the parrot from--"  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this." The bird chirped out.  
  
Sandy turned. "What's with the parrot?" She asked.  
  
"Nazi dyke! Evil Nazi dyke!" The bird continued.  
  
Sandy glared. "What did that thing just say?" She demanded.  
  
"He was talking to Kerry, not you." Romano replied, quickly. "And I don't know where he learned  
that one from."  
  
Kerry glared in the direction that Cassi had gone. "I do." She muttered.  
  
Anspaugh, who had finally finished cleaning up and changed clothes, stepped into the main lobby,  
staring for a moment, obviously shocked Romano and Elizabeth were still there. "How in the  
world did you--"  
  
"Sandy did." Kerry replied, without turning.   
  
Donald shook his head. "Impressive." He murmured.  
  
"Fat BUTT! You got a BIG FAT BUTT!" The bird cried out, looking at Anspaugh.  
  
Sandy, Elizabeth and Romano burst out laughing.  
  
Anspaugh stared at the parrot. "Where did that thing come from?" He demanded.  
  
"Martian pigs! Beware the martian pigs!" The parrot called.  
  
Romano, who had now fallen out of his chair, laughing, managed to sit up. He had tears streaking  
his face, and couldn't talk.   
  
"Big GUT! You got a BIG GUT!!!" The bird went on.  
  
Benton, who had just entered, collapsed against the wall, laughing. Elizabeth, who wasn't in much  
better shape than Romano, but at least still in her chair, was trying to stop laughing.  
  
Frank looked from the bird to Anspaugh. "I think it meant you." He put in.  
  
"Ugly face!" The bird continued, looking this time at Frank. "VERY UGLY!!!"  
  
Before either Frank or Anspaugh could kill the bird, they were interrupted by a loud cat-scream,  
and the hampster ball bounced in from the stairs area, the gerbil inside squeeking the whole way.  
  
This did it for Elizabeth, who now fell out of her chair, landing on top of Robert, and neither of them  
could stop laughing. "Look, there goes Babcock!" Romano managed to get out, gasping for air.  
  
Weaver stared at the hampster ball. "You can't be serious." She spoke up.  
  
Benton walked over. "Trust me. That is DEFINITELY Babcock." He informed her, as they watched  
the three cats fight over the ball.  
  
Weaver turned to face the two surgeons, who were laughing on the floor, and struggling to breath.  
"What did you do?" She demanded.  
  
The two looked up for a minute, before continuing in their fits of laughter.  
  
Frank frowned. "I don't think it was them." He put in. "I think it was the dark skinned one who  
changed security into frogs."  
  
Weaver sighed. "Ardeth." She replied. "He and Carter were in the lounge, and all of them were  
wet....which means they started the fire upstairs."  
  
Robert stopped laughing for a moment and looked up. "We didn't do that." He corrected. "Lizzie  
did that."  
  
"It was an accident." Elizabeth retorted, glaring at Romano.  
  
"Hey! Don't look at me like that!" He protested. "I don't wanna be burned into the floor!"  
  
Sandy and Weaver exchanged a glance.  
  
Elizabeth glared deeper at Romano, and before she could stop it, the papers in the trashcan nearby  
burst into flames.  
  
Frank quickly dumped his coffee cup into the can, putting it out.  
  
"See? Lizzie did it." Robert remarked, crossing his arms.  
  
Sandy stared from the trashcan to the kids and back again. "Okay....I'm gonna ask just once."  
She spoke up, quietly. "What is going on here?"  
***************************************************************************  
  
Random insanity bit # the number that comes after the last one.// On the third day of the  
expidition, they came across a giant rubber tree. Unfortunately they could not cut it down, for,  
as we know, money can't buy knives. Walking around the plant, they continued on toward the   
coast.  
***************************************************************************  
  
It was an hour later, and most of the mystery had been explained to Sandy. The parrot, having  
thankfully shut up for the moment, was now perched on Romano's shoulder. He and Elizabeth  
were back in their chairs, and staying quiet....apart from the occasional cracks Romano managed  
to get out from time to time.  
  
"Big bug!" The parrot suddenly spoke up, flying toward the ceiling, and eating the bug.   
  
"Aww, MAN!" Robert muttered. "NOW what are we supposed to do?!" They had spent the   
entire last hour, watching the bug crawl across the ceiling.  
  
The bird landed back on Robert's shoulder and he glared at it. "Stupid bird." He snapped.  
  
"Stupid bird stupid bird!" The bird sang out.  
  
Elizabeth looked over at Robert, who's face had suddenly turned to an evil grin, as he leaned to the  
side and started whispering to the bird. She frowned.  
  
When he finished, he looked over at her and gave a small wink.  
  
"LARDO! HEY LARDO!!" The bird shouted out as Anspaugh walked through the room.  
  
Elizabeth and Robert burst out laughing again. This was definitely more exciting then watching the  
bug.   
  
"Wow, what other things does it say?" Came Dave's voice from behind them.  
  
Romano and Elizabeth looked at each other then looked behind them, seeing nothing. "What the--"  
Romano began.  
  
Dave changed himself visible. "Look what I can do!" He proclaimed. "Cassi said you guys were  
in a bit of trouble."  
  
Robert tilted his head in a shrug. "Nah, we're just making ourselves annoying." He answered,  
honestly. "Did you see the look on Donald's face?"  
  
Dave grinned. "Yeah, I was here just now." He informed them.  
  
"The first time?" Elizabeth questioned, with a grin.  
  
Dave frowned. "Um, no I missed that one."  
  
Romano grinned. "The bird told him he had a fat butt." He mused, sighing, with a grin. "It was  
just priceless."  
  
"FAT BUTT!" The bird called out, causing Kerry to look over as she passed.  
  
"Dave!" Kerry shouted.  
  
Dave gave an innocent look. "I was just talking!" He defended.  
  
Sandy turned. "Oh, another one." She spoke up, advancing.  
  
Dave smirked and vanished. "Now you see me, now you don't!" He called, moving quietly away.  
  
Sandy stared. "Was that another thing like the fires?" She asked.  
  
Kerry stared. "I think it was." She anwered, looking at the spot he had been.  
***************************************************************************  
  
End part 23. The knives thing was from "Surf Ninjas", and the parrot was from Jurassic Spoof III.  
It was created after the one from "Deep Blue Sea", and the concept of "What would a parrot say  
if it were on our set for an extended period of time?" We're not finished with the bird yet, and  
coming in the next section, Dave breaks Romano and Lizzie out, and then returns to guard the  
hostage, so there will be more inter action between Dave and Jing Mei to come.   
  
Until later, hope you enjoyed and now we're waiting for your reviews, and more ideas! We're not  
done yet!!!! ^_^ In reguards to the "Mahk" thing. This is how Elizabeth pronouces his name, and  
to be perfectly honest we borrowed the idea from Lauren or "RainIsBeautiful" The owner of the  
"Cordano Love Lounge" Um, you don't wanna know...if you're not a Cordano shipper that is. 


	24. Hyperactivity and Pepe le Pew

Hmm we start yet another section. Where were we? Oh yes..... annoying talking bird. Dave   
about to rescue Romano and Lizzie from the Nazi Dyke and her girlfriend Sandy. Oh yes,   
the girls were moving their base and Emmy and Rebs are playing both sides.......Yes, they  
suckered Carter, so did I! Hey, face it Carter is easy to sucker. Speaking of Carter was he  
in the last section? Let me check.........yes he was, he hit Kovac with an egg. I should have  
known that, I was there. They are probably getting Jing-Mei to their base......and YES  
Kovac is going to throw ketchup balloons at her. Sorry got distracted, we've been   
watching some ER tapes that I taped a long time ago. First and Second season...yes   
poor Cassi, no Romano. However, after nearly falling out of the chair laughing, the  
Authors have decided to let Romano watch this tape..........like were Doug and Susan  
were making fun of Kerry and she walked in on it...........and a few other really funny  
things. I think we are missing another tape. Anyway, story I know.....sorry I've had  
a REALLY bad toothache and am currently on painkillers.....hmmm we forgot to get  
to Mid going to see the baby. By the way, any of you who really want to come into   
the story, just email us. You're welcome..any of you. As I said, send us an Email and  
tell us what you want to do. Alright, I'll try to get this section started, Cassi, I think  
is taking a shower........maybe I'll check reviews first. No new reviews yet. Sorry, I   
can't type tonight......have to go to church tomorrow, so it is about bed time. Okay,  
it is Sunday night now.......and we are still not sure where to go. Cassi says that it  
is obvious that we aren't going to get that far tonight.  
  
For the record, I was not taking a shower. I was out in the kitchen talking to our mom.  
She was upset at our Aunt again. But we won't go into that. Anyhow, we're still gathering  
information for this chapter as we've had a few people who wish to join in the action....aside  
of Becca. For the record, Rebs is Becca. Her full name is Rebecca. So we'll be writting her  
out as Becca from now on. Since we call her Becca, it makes things less confusing.  
The random insanity things are just thoughts that come into our twisted minds at any  
given moment. We've only recently started to actually type them out. We can be having  
a discussion at any time, but if something weird just pops into our heads, we just say it.  
  
Speaking of which, I've always wondered. You know that big chair that they have at the  
state fairs? The oversize one that people get their pictures taken in? What happens if some  
one wets that chair? Do they clean it up before the next person comes? Do they replace  
the chair? Or do they just put plastic on it? I think plastic would be a good idea, that way  
if someone wets it, they can just change the plastic....oh yeah there was a story here. Sorry  
my short attention span is acting up again. Back to the story.  
*********************************************************************  
  
In OB, Mid was now holding the baby. "Aw, coochy coochy coo!" She cooed.  
  
"She's a beautiful baby, yes, she IS!" Fiddles added.   
  
Penny grinned. So far, she had had a large group of people in and out of the room, and   
natually, they all had to hold the baby. She had been both surprised and pleased to see  
Fiddles in the hospital.   
  
Jonathan sat nearby, smiling the usual idiot smile that new fathers tend to get. He was   
proud of the fact that he had, in fact managed to stay on his feet throughout the delivery,  
although Penny had nearly broken his hand, squeezing it.  
  
Suddenly, there was a green/gold streak from across the room. The small dragon had snuck  
out of Mid's bag.  
  
Mid looked up as he flashed by. "Sparkles! How did you get in here?" She demanded.  
  
MacGyver stared at it. "Kind of cute." He mused.  
  
Mid handed him the baby, and marched over to the corner where the dragon had perched on  
an IV stand. "Come on! Back in the bag." She called.  
  
The small dragon simply shook its head and, in a flash of color, darted out of the room.  
  
"Hey!!! Come back here!" Mid cried, running after him. "Sparkles, this is not funny!!!"  
  
Her voice faded as she got farther away.  
  
"You know, somehow, that didn't seem as weird as it should have." Jonathan remarked.  
  
Glory shrugged. "Didn't seem weird to me anyway." She confessed. "But then, I come  
from a hell demension."  
  
"Hey, Glory!" Susan called as she entered the room. "We need to move the base!"  
  
Glory frowned. "What's going on?" She asked.  
  
"Dave and Luka just escaped with Jing-Mei." Susan informed her. "I couldn't see them, so  
I had to get out of the room."  
  
"You couldn't see them?" Penny asked with raised eyebrows.   
  
Susan sighed. "Dave found out his talent is invisibility." She answered. "Now they could  
be anywhere."  
  
"Don't know about Dave, but I found Romano and Corday." Shirley spoke up from the   
doorway. "Shadow and I were spying and we saw them get caught by Weaver's girlfriend."  
  
"Lovely." Susan murmured. "Anything else?"  
  
"They were throwing food in the lounge at Weaver and Anspaugh." Shirley replied.   
"Because Romano came out covered in it. From the look of things, they had a foodfight."  
  
Susan made a face. "Okay, we have to move the base, because the hostages escaped,  
so what's your opinion?"  
  
Shirley frowned. "What about the morgue?" She asked. "Obviously, after Jonathan  
ZombieMaster was through, there isn't any more dead people there."  
  
"Good idea." Susan responded. "Tell Abby....um, is she Abby again yet?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so." Shirley answered. "I'll let the others know."  
  
"You coming?" Susan asked Glory.   
  
Glory smiled. "I may in a little while." She answered. "I'll stay here with Penny for the   
moment."  
  
"Oh, I'll be fine." Penny assured her. "Go ahead and play! Jonathan's here with me."  
  
"You sure?" Glory asked.  
  
Penny nodded. "Yeah, we could probably use some alone time."   
  
Glory looked at all the people in the room. "Did you want me to throw all these people out?"  
She asked.  
  
Penny grinned. "Nah, I can handle it." She answered.  
  
"Okay everyone! You heard the damsel, yes you did! Everyone out of the room, right now,  
yup, right away. You have to leave now, all out, everyone gone! No more people in the  
room, the damsel wants to sleep now, yes she does! Everyone out now..." Fiddles put in.  
  
"Or Fiddles can handle it." Penny concluded, laughing.  
  
Glory laughed. "Give me a holler if you need anything!" She told her, as she followed   
Susan out of the room.  
**********************************************************************  
  
In the lobby, behind the desk, Romano and Elizabeth were getting bored. The parrot had  
eaten the bug, and teaching the bird new phrases had gotten boring as well....even though  
they had been able to get it to ask Donald when his baby was due. That had prompted  
several fits of laughter, but the laughter was shortlived as Donald had threatened to shoot  
the parrot.   
  
They had no idea if Dave was still in the room or not, but with Sandy watching them like a  
hawk, they couldn't exactly escape too easily.  
  
Romano looked over at Lizzie, who was staring at the ceiling, and muttering under her breath.  
He looked up, trying to figure out what she was looking at, but found nothing of interest.  
"Don't you people have something to do?" He asked Sandy.  
  
"Yes." She replied, not looking up from her book. "I'm watching you."  
  
Romano made a face.   
  
"You shouldn't do that." Sandy retorted, bluntly. "Your face could freeze that way."  
  
"I have to go to the bathroom." Romano spoke up, trying again.  
  
Sandy eyed him. "Okay, I'll tell Anspaugh so he can go with you." She replied, with an  
evil grin.  
  
"I don't have to go THAT bad." Robert responded, doing the Wolvie pout.  
  
"Glad to hear it." Sandy told him.  
  
"Can we get up now?" Elizabeth asked, when she had grown bored of staring at the ceiling.  
  
"No!" Frank, Weaver, Benton, and Sandy snapped at once.  
  
"It was all Robert's fault!" Elizabeth protested, looking innocent. "I didn't do anything at   
all!"  
  
Romano stared at her in disbelief.   
  
"Except set the OR on fire." Weaver reminded her.  
  
Elizabeth looked down, mimicking Romano's pout. "This is your fault." She muttered.  
  
"MY fault?!" Romano shot out. "You were the one who wanted to soak Babcock, AND you  
were the one who told Ardeth to change him into a gerbil!"  
  
"I did NOT!" She argued. "I said to change him into something small, so we could get  
away!"   
  
"Both of you SHUT UP!" Sandy cried. "I don't care who did what! You're not getting up  
and that's FINAL!"  
  
Both kids stuck their lips out, and continued pouting.  
_________________________  
  
From the corner, Dave watched with interest. He wanted to help them out, but he couldn't   
do anything with Sandy sitting so close. Even if he could change them invisible, she was  
close enough to grab at least one of them before they could escape.  
  
He sighed and headed back toward the base. He would have to figure another way to get   
them loose.  
*********************************************************************  
  
Cassi stood, watching from curtain 1. She was not very happy that her assistant was stuck  
sitting in a chair....mainly because it was more fun watching him tear around the hospital.  
Sighing, she walked out, heading toward the main desk. "Hey peoples." She spoke up.  
"Bored yet?"   
  
"Yes." Answered Romano and Elizabeth at the same time.  
  
"They're not getting up, so don't even ask." Sandy retorted.  
  
Cassi frowned. "I thought I was the Chief of Staff here." She responded. "That's my   
Assistant, and I say he can get up."  
  
"I say if he does, I'm turning him over my knee." Sandy answered.  
  
Weaver bit her lip. "Maybe you should let him go now." She told Sandy.  
  
"Not a chance." Sandy insisted. "He stays put."  
  
Cassi's face turned to a glare. "Rob? Do you have your toys?" She asked.  
  
"She took my gun." Romano answered. "However....." He pulled out his lightsaber, that  
Sandy had overlooked, thinking it was a flashlight. "I have this."  
  
Elizabeth stared at him. "You've had that the entire time, and you didn't use it?" She  
demanded.  
  
Romano gave a guilty look. "I had my reasons." He told her, igniting the lightsaber.  
  
Sandy jerked back to prevent herself from losing an arm....pardon the pun. "Woah!" She  
exclaimed, knocking her chair over.  
  
"Can we get up now?" Romano asked, sweetly, holding the lightsaber level in front of him.  
  
Sandy cautiously stood back. "And what would you do if you did get away?" She asked.  
  
Romano shrugged. "Exactly what we've been doing all day." He answered, honestly.  
  
"And what is that?" Sandy asked, inching closer.  
  
Romano was not fooled for a second. "That's close enough." He told her.  
  
Before they could go very far, they were interrupted by the main intercom.....which had   
obviously been taken over. Through the speakers they heard music...er if you really wanna  
call it that. It was Mark Lowry's "Hyperactivity."   
  
"What the--" Sandy turned to look at the speakers.  
  
The second she turned, the two small surgeons looked at one another, before bolting away  
from the desk, and around the corner. They were out of sight before she could come after   
them.   
  
Weaver groaned, and leaned against the desk. "Well, that was some distraction." She  
muttered.  
  
Sandy looked in the direction the kids had gone, and sighed. "What the hell is that noise?"  
She demanded.  
  
Cassi grinned innocently. "A song."   
  
"Says who?" Benton asked, covering his ears.  
  
"Mark Lowry." Cassi answered, honestly. "I like it."  
  
"Why am I not surprised?" Anspaugh asked, swallowing more Aspirin.  
**********************************************************************  
  
Lyrics to "Hyperactivity" By Martha Bolton and Mark Lowry  
_______________________________________________  
Voice over: Just won't stop singin' in my head!!!  
  
Diagnosed as hyper from the day I was born.  
Been drivin' people crazy ever since that morn!  
When the doctor held me up, he gave me a slap.  
I reached around my mama and I slapped him back!  
  
Chorus:  
They might tame the wind  
They might calm the sea,  
but they'll never harness my energy.  
I'm the poster boy for hyperactivity.  
It's not my fault, the world's not keeping up with me!  
  
Voice over: No, oh no, can't do that!  
  
Knew that I was different from the rest of my peers  
cause none of them were swingin' from the chandeliers!  
I never got a star for being good in class!  
Outlived my teachers, that's how I passed!  
  
Chorus  
  
voice over: What I wanna know now is what we're gonna do.  
  
A hyperactive kid can be hard to control,  
but you gotta admit life is never dull!  
I spend my days just cutting up and pulling pranks.  
I save the world from bordum and I get no thanks!  
  
Churus  
  
It's not my fault! Voice over: No, oh no, can't do that.  
  
It's not my fault! Voice over: (screaming) Oh NOOOO!!!!  
  
It's NOT my fault the world's not keeping up with me!!  
  
Voice over: Now, have you heard it backwards?  
  
--This is the ultimate spoofauthor song! For reference, it can be found on Mark Lowry's  
album, "Remotely Controlled", which we're working on copying for you, Becca!  
**********************************************************************  
  
Speaking of which, Cassi is listening to the album while typing, so forgive me if this comes   
out weird. It's difficult to type a story while Mark is giving his discriptions of eating food.  
*********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, upstairs, Carter, Ardeth, Sven, Creepy, Emmy, and Becca were playing around  
with the intercom system. *obviously*  
  
"We can play the whole album if you want." Sven suggested.  
  
Carter and Ardeth were listening with eager faces.  
  
"Can you copy this for me?" Carter asked, laughing.  
  
"ME too!" Becca and Emmy cried at the same time.  
  
"Vell, after an hour or so of zhis, zhey'll either be insane or hysterical.....or both." Creepy  
spoke up, laughing.  
  
"He has videos, too." Sven told them.  
  
"That's it. I'm going to the music store when I grow back up." Carter stated, grinning.  
  
"What is going on here?" Janet Coburn spoke up from the doorway.  
  
"Nothing." They all replied, innocently.  
  
"I think you should turn that crap off." Coburn told them.  
  
"It's not crap." Emmy protested. "He's a good Christian."  
  
"I don't care WHO he is!" Coburn remarked. "Turn it off now!"  
  
Ardeth looked up with an evil grin. "I don't think you want to say that." He warned her.  
  
"I don't care what you think." She answered, coming toward the...um...children.  
  
"Ardeth?" Sven spoke up. "No more hampster balls."  
  
Ardeth shrugged. "Okay." He replied, and gave Janet a bored look. In less than a second,   
Janet was a skunk.  
  
The kids jumped back instantly.  
  
"AHHH!!!!" Emmy exclaimed, leaping onto the counter.  
  
Sven shrugged. "Well, at least it ain't a guinea pig." She remarked, sending Emmy and   
Becca an evil look.  
  
"WHERE'S a GUINEA PIG!?!?" Becca cried, joining Emmy on the counter.  
  
"Nose clips, anyone?" Carter asked, passing them out.  
  
Ardeth took his. "Okay, perhaps that wasn't a good choice." He admitted.  
  
"Ve need to get out of here, but zhere's too many of you to bamf." Creepy told them.  
  
"She's blocking the door." Sven remarked, clipping her nose.  
  
Before they could start to argue about it, they were intrrupted by a familiar voice.  
  
"Vhere are you, my leetle one?" Called Pepe le Pew.  
  
Carter brightened. "She's in here!" He answered.  
  
Janet looked up, alarmed, and turned just as Pepe appeared in the doorway.   
  
Pepe gave a suave grin. "Hello, baby." He spoke up. Then rushed over to her, grabbing  
her and smothering her with kisses. "I love you my dahleeng." *kiss kiss kiss* "Now ve  
can make beautiful musics together.." *kiss kiss kiss* "You are so beautiful, and I vant  
you so much..." *kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss*  
  
Janet, who had managed to squirm away from the skunk, bolted away down the hallway.  
  
Pepe stood for a moment. "Ahhh, she wants me to prove my love by going after her!"   
He mused, sighing. "What a flirt!" With this, he bounced off after her.  
  
The people in the room looked at each other for a second, then burst out laughing.  
  
"Now THAT was hysterical!" Carter cried, rolling on the floor.  
  
"Okay, we can leave the tape playing in here, but we'd better get out of here now before   
someone else catches us." Sven spoke up after the laughter had settled down.  
  
"But what if they try to stop it?" Emmy asked.  
  
Sven grinned. "They can't stop it." She announced. "We're the evilauthors and we are  
unstoppable!"   
  
"Okay, let's go." Carter answered, wiping the tears off his face.  
*********************************************************************   
  
End part 24   
  
Okay, I apologize for the lack of different characters in this. It's difficult to make a section  
with as many people as we have. We're trying to get others in, but there are main characters  
in this and Romano and Carter are two of them. What can we say? This is being written   
by a Carter fan and a Romano fan. About Dave....well, to be perfectly honest, we're not   
that big on the whole Dave in bondage thing. His talent keeps him from being a hostage  
too often, and really neither of us like him much. Sure, we didn't like them axing him, and   
we think he should have ended up with Jing Mei. We're trying to get more of him into the  
spoof, and really we think he'd be funnier loose, as invisible, he can cream anyone he wants  
with water balloons etc....Again, it's the bondage thing. Our older sisters are really heavy   
into this, but frankly, we don't really do it well....unless it's a complete joke, like throwing  
things at them. We just have a problem with being serious.   
Like I said, we're working on it. Also, we need more ideas~! The Mark Lowry thing came  
on spur of the moment. We have several of his albums and love his work. We don't own   
it and we're not making any money off it.  
  
Sorry for cutting this off too quick here, but I'm not sure where to go next, and we have to  
think about it....hope you liked! Again, sorry for the lack of Dave, amongst other characters.  
We haven't seen Malik, Pratt, the nurses, Gallant, etc for a few chaps, either. 


	25. Babcock! Babcock! Babcock, the Wonder Ge...

Back once again for our 25th section. Can you believe it's gone this far? Well, we can't  
Your motivation is what has kept us going......now where did everyone go? It seems to  
us that we've lost several readers! Either they're not reviewing or they left. This does   
not motivate us.   
**Cassi pauses at typing to scream in pain. The temp has changed drastically again,  
and my knee just felt like it was stabbed. Trying to avoid taking the drugs, but if it won't  
go away in the next five minutes, I'm taking them. I know I have a very low thresh hold  
for pain....let's just say Romano is lucky that Ibuprophen works on him. I could swallow  
half a bottle of those stupid things and they do nothing. **grumbles**   
Okay, apart from the complaining seminar....Becca! Hmm, Fiddles rides...I don't think  
he'd mind. He loves women. Fiddles is just weird that way. He hates most men and  
black horses.   
Let's see now....where did we leave off? Um, Coburn's a skunk, Mark Lowry is blaring  
through the intercom system....no, we did not write that song. It is a REAL song. Mark  
Lowry is like a Christian form of Weird Al Yankovic. He does parodies of popular  
Christian songs, and in some cases, makes up his own. He's also part of the Gaither   
Vocal Band, and travels with Bill Gaither part time. Any other questions?  
Romano and Elizabeth have now escaped...which was our plan to start with. The boys   
have Chen and MystiQ hostage and the girls are moving to the morgue. So where do we  
pick up? Hmmmm.......Honestly I have no clue. Time to think a bit.  
We will say that after Mark Lowry's tape is over, Sven wants to put on Cassi's personal  
tape, "The Idiot Collection"...Becca, almost all the funny songs on your tape are on this  
tape. It includes Weird Al, Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, &Mark Lowry. I can list songs   
at the end of this just for those who are wondering what we're playing. ^_^   
For the record, I caved and took the drugs. When they kick in, I should be doing much  
better....oh yeah and Sven wants to play the Idiot Collection so use your own thoughts  
of what's to come.   
*******************************************************************  
  
In the Daycare, Jing Mei Chen was tied to a chair next to MystiQ, and several of the   
boys, were throwing ketchup and mustard at them. The boys who weren't dancing to   
the music from the intercom system, that is. Most of the songs were definitely parodies  
of normal songs. None of them really made much sense.  
  
Currently most of them were singing with "The Night Santa Went Crazy". Wolvie  
especially seemed to be enjoying it.   
  
"I want out of here." MystiQ muttered.  
  
Chen glared at Kovac, who had just flung a water balloon at her. "So do I." She   
remarked. "And when I do, I'm going to smash Luka's head through a wall."  
*******************************************************************  
  
Downstairs, sitting on the counter of the ER's main desk, was Cassi. She had been   
singing with the music since it had first come on, drawing several stares.   
  
"She does this a lot?" Ardeth asked Sven in a low voice.  
  
Sven nodded. "It's her tape." She informed him.  
  
"I wanna sing too!" Emmy stated.  
  
"Fiddles wants to sing too, yes he does, Fiddles is a good singer!" Fiddles spoke up  
from behind them. "I can take you out to sing too, yes I can!"  
  
"Oooh, I wanna ride!" Becca exclaimed.  
  
Sven snapped her fingers, changing herself back to normal and bounced into the room,  
flopping onto the counter next to Cassi, and joining the singing. They looked up as  
the hampster ball came rolling back through, and gave each other sly looks, and began  
to sing.   
  
As they did this, Benton stopped short, and stared.  
  
"Babcock, Babcock! Babcock the wonder gerbil! He doesn't bite and he doesn't crawl,  
he just runs around in his hampster ball! Babcock, Babcock! Babcock the wonder  
GERBIL!!!! HEY BABCOCK!!!" They shouted out. **spoofauthor parody of "Harvey   
the Wonder Hampster", by Weird Al Yankovic.**  
  
Sandy bit her lip. "Ummm...."  
  
Benton burst out laughing. "Oh he'd better hope Romano didn't hear that one." He   
mused.  
  
Kerry stared at him. "I don't believe you!" She cried. "Who's side are you on?!"  
  
Sandy started giggling. "Oh come on, Kerry, it's funny!" She spoke up.  
  
-----------------------  
  
Around the corner, Romano was giving an evil grin, as he looked at Elizabeth.   
  
"He's not going to live that one down." Elizabeth remarked, slyly. "I think that just  
made up for all of last year."  
  
"I had a feeling you'd see it that way." Robert retorted, snickering. "Come on, Lizzie, we  
need to get out of here before we get caught again."  
  
"So what do you want to do now?" She asked, as they headed down the hallway.  
  
Robert shrugged. "Not a clue." He answered. "And I'm not ready to grow back up yet."  
  
Elizabeth grinned. "Somehow I figured you'd say that." She retorted, grabbing his arm.  
"Come on. I have an idea."  
  
------------------------  
  
As the next song came on, Fiddles bounced into the room, singing along with it.   
"Fiddles will party all night till the cows come home!!" He sang out, bouncing with   
the beat. Then he paused. "What's a cow? Fiddles has never heard of a cow."  
  
"Garne." Sven told him.  
  
"Oh...we'll party all night till the garnes come home!" Fiddles sang. **Don't ask. Fiddles   
is not from earth.**  
  
Weaver sighed and threw the charts up in the air. "I give up." She muttered.  
  
In the background, Murdoc, Ryan and Blue were dancing, and waving lightsabers.  
  
Emmy stared at Blue. "Um....what's with him?" She asked.  
  
Sven groaned. "Oh great. Who did that?!" She complained. "As if Murdoc and  
Ryan weren't bad enough!"  
  
Imhotep quietly stalked out of the room, carrying the ever present dart gun, with an  
innocent look on his face.  
  
Becca looked over at Cassi and Sven. "This is your fault." She told them.  
  
"Our fault?!" Cassi burst out. "WE didn't put him on it!"  
  
"Great, psychopathic killers on morphine.....just what we need." Emmy muttered.  
  
"Psychopathic killers on morphine, oh my!" Sven sang out.  
  
The others turned to look at her.  
  
"Sorry, couldn't help it." She explained.  
******************************************************************  
  
Down in the morgue, Abby, who was now Abby again....er...for the moment, was looking  
at a blueprint of the hospital. "Where would the boys be?" She asked, more to herself.  
  
"They're not in Radiology, OB, and they're not on the surgical floor." Shirley put in.   
"Shadow and I checked there."  
  
"Jeanie?" Susan spoke up, nudging the girl. "You getting anything?"  
  
Jeanie shook her head. "Charlie's gotta be blocking it." She told her.  
  
Abby frowned. "Can you isolate Charlie then?" She asked suddenly.  
  
"Hey great idea." Lucy replied. "Guess this means you're out of your stupid phase."  
  
"Yeah, the next one's the smart one." Abby informed them. "Sarah Harding."  
  
"Kind of freaky if you ask me." Shirley confessed. "I don't think I could handle changing  
like that."  
  
Abby sighed. "Believe me, it ain't a picnic for me." She retorted.  
  
Jeanie's head shot up. "Daycare!" She proclaimed, triumphantly. "They're near the   
daycare room!"  
  
"Hey, score one for the girls!" Susan exclaimed. "Way to go, Jeanie."  
  
"So who's going up there?" Shadow asked. "We need to get Mysti Q and Jing Mei back."  
  
Abby nodded. "Shadow, you go with Sugah and Shirley." She ordered. "We need to  
know who's guarding them and what the place looks like. If you phase, they can't get any  
of you."  
  
Lucy grinned. "Good to have you back, Abby." She remarked, patting the other girl's   
shoulder. "So, what about Carter and Ardeth?"   
  
"Last we heard they were with Creepy." Susan mused. "They're hiding with him so he  
can Bamf them out if they need him to."  
  
"They've got the blueprints to the hospital, so he'd know his way around." Abby reminded  
them. "We need to have scouts to check the entrances to the morgue." She looked up.   
"Lucy, Buffy, Glory, and.....Dawn."   
  
"No problem." Buffy replied, grinning. "Who would have thought it would be this much   
fun to be a kid again?"  
  
"What about the other boys?" Yves asked, pointedly. "Langly, Byers and Jimmy have  
got to be somewhere out there too.....not to mention Dave, who could be anywhere he   
wants."  
  
"Not here, he can't." Jeanie spoke up. "I could snuff him out here."  
  
Susan nodded. "Okay, everyone get to your places....and someone see if we can find   
another hostage."  
  
"Will we have to hog-tie this one too?" Glory asked, hopefully.  
  
Abby shrugged. "Depends on who it is." She remarked, with a grin. "It would be really  
cute to see Carter hog-tied, but we can't catch him if he's with Ardeth."  
  
"Not entirely." Yves cut in. "Ardeth has a limit to his power."  
  
Susan frowned. "He does?" She asked.  
  
Glory grinned. "Six feet." She told them. "He has to be within six feet of you to change  
you."  
  
Abby frowned. "Well that still makes catching him kind of difficult." She reminded them.  
"You kind of have to be within six feet to catch him."  
  
Buffy grinned. "Not if you set a trap." She suggested.  
********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in the security office, Langly sat at one of the keyboards, typing various  
commands.   
  
"Are you almost in yet?" Doug demanded, impatiently, from where he and Jimmy were   
guarding the door."  
  
"Give him a minute." Byers snapped, from where he was standing behind Langly. "How  
ya doing?"  
  
Langly frowned, shaking his head as if to clear it. "Working on it." He muttered.  
  
"You okay?" Byers asked, frowning.  
  
Langly pulled his fingers away from the keyboard and massaged his temples. "Okay, this  
is really pathetic." He remarked, moaning. "This thing is not working. Now I'm ashamed."  
  
"Are you alright, Langly?" Jimmy asked, coming over to him.  
  
"I don't know." Langly remarked, closing his eyes, to think a minute.  
  
Jimmy's and Byers' mouths nearly hit the floor at the same time. "Langly?" Jimmy spoke  
up, staring at the computer screen. "What did you just do?"  
  
"Huh?" Langly looked up at the screen and stared. Somehow the cameras had come up,  
without him touching the keyboard. He frowned and stared at the screen, concentrating.  
  
"Wow." Byers said, in awe. "I think we got it."  
  
"Bout time." Doug muttered, turning. "Hey, how'd he do that?"  
  
Langly's frown turned to a grin. "Holy crap, I think I have a talent!" He stated, laughing.  
"I can talk to this thing!"  
  
Jimmy stared. "Are you serious?" He asked.  
  
"Oh yeah." Langly answered, cracking his knuckles, and returning his hands to the key  
board. He resumed typing, while concentrating on the computer itself. "All the cameras  
are up and I think I got the lights, security systems, and a whole load of other stuff."  
  
"You see the girls anywhere?" Jimmy asked.  
  
Langly frowned. "No." He confessed. "There's a few down cameras."   
  
"Where are the cameras down?" Doug demanded.  
  
"Roof, OB, a couple places in the third and fifth floors, and even a couple of the ones we  
put up." Langly reported. "Everything else is still up."  
  
Jimmy and Byers looked through the working cameras. "Hey, Jonathan ZombieMaster is  
still in the morgue." Jimmy spoke up, pointing.   
  
"Thus explaining the walking dead guys all over the hospital." Byers remarked, rolling   
his eyes.  
  
"Woah, hold it." Langly spoke up, grinning. "Got someone!"   
  
"Who is it?" Doug asked.  
  
Langly studied the camera. "Romano and Corday." He told them. "They're not in on the  
game."  
  
"What are they doing?" Doug asked, looking closer.  
  
Langly frowned at the screen, and it panned closer. "I can't tell what they're doing."   
He replied. "Heading for the vent shaft from the looks of it."  
  
"See anyone else?" Jimmy asked, looking at the other screens.  
  
"No, I don't see Yves." Langly retorted, knowingly. "Although we can assume she's   
tampered with cameras."   
  
"So we check the places where the cameras are out." Doug suggested.  
  
Langly and Byers exchanged a look. "I wouldn't." Byers informed him.  
  
Doug frowned. "Why?" He asked. "They're not on the camera, so they've got to be   
somewhere the cameras are down."  
  
Jimmy grinned. "No they won't." He spoke up. "I know Yves and they would go the last  
place you'd think to look."  
  
Langly nodded. "He's right. Yves tampered with the cameras, so that means they could  
be anywhere."   
  
"Which means we really have to go now." Jimmy pointed out. "Because Yves also knows  
you guys, and this is the first place she'll look."  
  
"Right. Let's go." Langly concluded. "Before they hog tie all of us."  
  
"We need to find Carter and Ardeth." Byers told them.  
  
"Found Carter, Ardeth and Creepy....um...and the singing green horse....along with a  
couple of girls who look to be part of the Evil Trio." Langly stated, triumphantly. "Along  
with Cassi and Sven."  
  
"Where?" Doug asked.  
  
"Main ER lobby.....they're dancing." Langly went on.  
  
Jimmy grinned. "Well the music is pretty good." He told them, laughing.   
  
Langly shook his head. "Author's work." He remarked, sighing. "I could have stopped  
it, but I thought it was best not to."  
  
"Good idea." Doug mused. "Cassi and Sven tend to get upset when people shut off their   
music."  
  
Jimmy laughed and danced as they headed down the hall. "I love this song!" He said  
with a snicker. "Although I never really this version of it."  
  
"She Drives Like Crazy." Doug spoke up. "Weird Al."  
  
"It would be." Langly remarked, rolling his eyes.  
*********************************************************************  
  
In the main lobby, Emmy was now singing with the song....mainly because it described   
her driving, and she knew it.  
  
Becca was now riding on Fiddles, who was dancing all over the place, and the nurses had  
all stopped to watch.   
  
The morphine junkies, on the other hand, continued their lightsaber battle, knocking   
various items all over the place and even suceeded in actually killing a few people who got   
too close to the action. Amongst them were Pratt, who had tried to stop them, and   
Gunn, Cosmo, and Mulder, who had just gotten in the way. On top of that, no one really  
knew who had done it. All three had claimed the other ones had done it.  
  
Cassi and Sven, who were still singing, were completely ignoring the whole battle, except  
briefly, to write down who had died, and how.  
  
The bodies had been carted into Curtain three by Mungo and Teazer, who had come along   
in case someone had died. **Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer: ie Mr and Mrs. Miracle Max.  
They bring back our dead bodies....the only other one who knows how to make the miracle  
pill is Carter.....go figure.**  
  
In the doorway of the ER, a group had just entered, unnoticed.  
  
Agent Frank Donovan looked around, quietly observing the scene before them. "Singing  
dancing green horse...dead people...Evilauthors singing.....bunch of five year olds wrecking  
the place...." He mused.  
  
"Just like normal." Monica finished.  
  
"Yeah, I was coming to that." Frank remarked.  
  
"Ooh, can I be five, too?" Cody asked, grinning.  
  
Alex Cross snickered. "Somehow I'm not surprised at that." She told him.  
  
"Aww, come on." Cody retorted, nudging her. "Didn't you ever want to be five again?"  
  
Alex grinned. "Oh yeah." She answered. "What about you, boss?"  
  
Frank gave a laugh. "I don't think so." He retorted. "They already have Ardeth. They  
really don't need two of us running around."  
  
Frank (the big desk clerk dude) suddenly stared at the people in the doorway. "How many   
of those guys are there?" He demanded.  
  
"Five." Becca informed him, counting the FBI Agents. "I'm five years old right now and  
I can count. Why can't you?"  
  
Frank glared at her. "I mean of THOSE guys!" He muttered, pointing at Donovan.  
  
"One." Emmy told him. "Even Becca's cousin can count THAT high."  
  
Donovan started laughing, and approached the Evil Authors. "I see you two are up to your  
old tricks." He spoke up, sitting down on the counter next to Cassi.  
  
"Yeah, it's fun." Sven told him.  
  
"Hey, who do I have to see to be five?" Cody asked, eagerly. "I wanna be a kid again!"  
  
Sven shrugged, and snapped her fingers, changing Cody into a five year old.   
  
"Hey, you were kind of cute, Cody." Alex spoke up, smiling. "What happened?"  
  
Frank, Monica, and Jake started laughing.   
  
"Funny." Cody retorted, flatly.  
  
"Anyone else?" Cassi asked, looking at Alex and Jake.  
  
Alex appeared to think about it. "Sure, why not?" She replied.  
  
Cassi snapped her fingers, changing Alex, and looked at Jake. "Next?"  
  
Jake frowned, then grinned. "Okay." He spoke up. "You going too, Monica?"  
  
Monica shook her head. "I don't think so." She told him, laughing. "You kids go have   
fun. I'll stay with Frank."  
  
Sven shrugged, and snapped her fingers, changing Jake. "So, what do you wanna do to  
remedy the bordum tomorrow, Cas?" She asked.  
  
Cassi thought about it. "The same thing we do every time we get bored." She answered,  
grinning. "Torture the masses of characters we have working for us."  
  
Weaver shook her head, sighing. "I think you people have way too much time on your  
hands." She spat out.  
  
Cassi turned toward her and answered in her best 'Romano-I-am-the-Chief-of-Staff-and-  
won't-be-ignored' voice. "Well did anyone ask you, Kerry? NO! Shut up!"   
********************************************************************  
  
End section 25. We regret to have to say this, but we really have to end this pretty soon.  
There will be probably a few more chapters, but we really have to end the fun, and get   
back to the spoofs. Sorry, there was not really any Carter in this part, but he will have to  
be in the beginning of the next section, because he IS in the lobby, we have the rescue  
of Mysti Q and Jing Mei to come...we STILL have no clue as to what Corday and Romano  
have in mind, but they WILL be ending it with a bang. And Becca, Mid is STILL chasing  
Sparkles. ^_^  
  
We'll bring in a few new characters, but if you want in, hurry it up because there's not much  
left till the end of the day. For now, give us your reviews and we'll see what happens next. 


	26. Gerbil Soccer anyone?

Part 26!!! And you our readers have now pushed us up to 100 Reviews!!!! We LOVE you!   
(mainly because we barely make an average of 10 on our others--hint hint) Anyways, we're   
happy to say that everyone who has reviewed this has liked it! We're aware that not everyone  
can say that....so thanks for that as well.   
Now enough of that stuff....Deb, yes you can come in. ^_^ Kekelina....did I spell your name   
wrong when I emailed you? Sorry...yeah, we'll get you in as well...although you'll have to hang  
around with Carter and Ardeth, and not just Carter....we've still been unable to separate them.  
And the Admiral Jimmy....we need to hear from you....if you haven't emailed by the time this  
comes out.   
Let's see....for this part...um where the heck were we? Aside of Cassi has a headache that   
hasn't stopped yet....working on it. not with lortab....that doesn't work on headaches for me.  
We were....um....we still have no idea where Romano and Corday went....I really am working on   
firguring it out. We were in the lobby..having a big party. We have three Franks around....  
does anyone have mustard? Okay bad one...we don't have Frank Colton in yet otherwise we'd   
have four Franks......and there really isn't that much mustard around...mainly because they're  
painting the walls with it and throwing it at each other. Go figure. We have a few more kids...  
and obviously more to come. Jimmy, we've pretty much firgured most of the ending.....but can't  
spoil it. Only that we'll leave it drop off and no one finds out what happens until Chameleon   
chapter 7....which does not mean seven sections online, because we squeeze all we can into   
each one, and we skip a few things....people it's 344 page book, you honestly think we're going  
to write out ALL of it? What are we, insane?.....um don't answer that. It's going to be pretty  
long though. Heir to the Spoof, Sven WILL finish it. Dispite popular belief, Admiral....and  
Matt.   
  
Okay, now we're supposed to get back to the story. Please give us a break. It takes a while to  
get started. Our brains must figure out what happens next. This takes time....and a whole lot  
of drugs. Um...ahem...you didn't just hear that. We're in the ER Lobby....I think. Whether  
we're all there or not remains in doubt...considering we're listening to Mark Lowry on Broadway.  
Becca, we taped it for you but we have to listen to it to make sure it's taped right.....really. ^_^  
  
More notes.... ^_^ Don't you love this? Deb! Got your email...you replied fast...we've got   
great plans for "Dorket-shmuck" and Babcock. About that Fast Eddie. Is his name spelled  
Dorset, Dorcet, or with a double "t"? Not that it matters to us, we call him Dr. Shmuck. Did that  
guy creep anyone else out or was it just us? *shivers* What a complete jerk! We'll have to  
get you a pic, Becca. For the record, we will refer to him as "Dr. Dorket" or "Dr. Shmuck". in   
this fic. He will be making his first appearence.   
**on the side I'm listening to Mark Lowry "Livin' For Deep Fried Oakra."--don't ask. Becca,  
you'll find out ^_^**  
************************************************************************  
  
In the ventilation shaft, Romano was showing Elizabeth where he'd hid the coffee.   
  
"This all of it?" She asked, frowning.  
  
"It doesn't take much." He informed her.  
  
She nodded. "And you can drink it or come in contact with it."  
  
He nodded. "Yeah, Shirley already proved that."  
  
Elizabeth frowned, considering it. "So how much do we need to change back?" She asked.  
  
Romano shrugged. "I wouldn't think all that much."   
  
"Hmmmm...." She mused, more to herself.  
  
"What do ya got in mind?" Robert asked with a sly grin.  
  
"Not sure yet." Elizabeth answered. "We'll have to do some planning. Where's the rest of the  
balloons?"  
  
Romano pulled the last six from his pocket. "This is all I got left." He told her.   
  
Elizabeth nodded. "Well, we really don't need that much..." She broke off, frowning as they   
both heard voices. "Shhh!"  
  
The two of them crawled to one of the vent openings to see Dr. Weasle (Edson) and Dr Dorket  
talking in the hallway. The two surgeons had discovered the mess in OR2, and were wondering  
what had happened....and where everyone was...like Shirley...and Corday.  
  
Romano frowned, watching them. "Who's the Shmuck?" He asked, quietly.  
  
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Eddie, don't you remember him?"  
  
"Right....that guy..." He made a face. "Didn't he hit on you?"  
  
Elizabeth gave him a Look. "Why, are you jealous?" She retorted.  
  
Romano made a "Calvin" face. "Of THAT?! Ugh, Lizzie...gimme a break." He spat out.  
**Calvin and Hobbes...if you've never seen some of his disgusted faces, we pity you.**  
  
The two watched the jerks talk a few minutes.  
  
"What do ya think they'd say if they knew it was you who torched the OR?" Romano asked  
suddenly.  
  
Elizabeth almost gave him an annoyed look, but then she paused to think about it, then grinned.  
"I think Edson might think before he tried to annoy me again." She answered, honestly.  
  
Robert snickered, watching them. "Lizzie? You wanna cause some more trouble?" He asked  
with an evil look.  
  
Elizabeth turned to look at the surgeons, who obviously had not been there for the beginning  
of the current festivities. "Hmmm..." She mused. "And what would you suggest?"  
  
Romano gave an innocent look. "Well, I'd love to blow them up with a rocket launcher....no pun  
intended." He added, smirking. "And then after they bring them back, I'd like to shoot them....  
however, for torture, I'm not entirely sure."  
  
Elizabeth closed her eyes and started laughing. "Why am I not surprised?"   
  
The two surgeons suddenly turned at the sound of children's laughter. "Is someone over   
there?" Edson demanded.  
  
Romano covered Lizzie's mouth. "I don't see anyone!" He answered loudly.  
  
Behind the two surgeons, another voice spoke up. "There! Nobody's there! If someone was   
there, he'd see 'em, wouldn't I?"  
  
Edson and Dorket turned to stare at who could only be Groucho Marx. The man grinned,   
did his eyebrow thing, waved his cigar, and waltzed off in a crouch walk.  
  
"Did I just see that?" Edson asked, in disbelief.  
  
Dorket shook his head. "Probably some prank." He muttered.  
  
In the vent shaft, Robert still had his hand over Lizzie's mouth and she was practically turning  
blue from supressed laughter. She fell over against him, and both of them tumbled out of the  
vent shaft, laughing.  
  
The surgeons found them instantly.   
  
"What the--" Edson began. "What are you two doing up here?"  
  
The kids stopped laughing and looked up at them, then over at each other. "Oops." Romano  
retorted. "This is your fault, you know."  
  
Elizabeth looked over at him. "MY fault?!" She demanded. "How is it MY fault?"  
  
"You laughed." He told her. "If you had kept your mouth shut, we could have dropped some  
thing on them."  
  
"Oh and as if your talking wasn't getting louder and louder." She countered.  
  
The surgeons looked at one another and back down at the kids.  
  
"I say it's YOUR fault!" Romano cried.  
  
"Well I say it's YOUR fault!" Lizzie shouted back.  
  
Then the two of them exchanged a glance. "Now?" Romano asked.  
  
"NOW!" Elizabeth answered. With this, they kicked the surgeons in the shins and bolted  
down the hallway, laughing, leaving both men leaping on one foot and staring after them.  
  
"Ooooh, I hate kids!" Edson muttered.  
************************************************************************  
  
In the lobby of the ER, the party had not stopped. Carter was now dancing on a gurney in the  
middle of the room with Ardeth watching from the floor. Weaver was groaning, and shaking her   
head. Anspaugh was swallowing more headache pills, and Frank Donovan had started a soccer  
game in the middle of the lobby. He was playing with Monica, Sven, Cassi, Benton, and a new  
comer....Deb! **welcome to the party!--Deb is a friend of ours who has read every spoof we've  
ever put out, and loved them all**   
  
Anspaugh shook his head in disgust. (This was because the ball we were using was Babcock)  
  
"We want boingy BACK!!!!" Pounce yelled.  
  
"GOAL!" Benton cried, triumphantly.   
  
"I don't believe I'm seeing this." Connie remarked, staring.  
  
"That's disgusting." Weaver added. "I can't believe Peter is going along with this."  
  
Sandy shrugged, not commenting....most likely to avoid sleeping on the couch.  
  
"My turn!" Deb cried, giving Babcock a strong kick. The ball flew upwards, bouncing off the   
ceiling, and just missing Carter's head as it came back down.  
  
Cassi grinned. "Nice shot, Deb. He squeaked the whole way." She told her.  
  
"Do it again!" Carter called out.   
  
Ardeth, who had caught the ball, studied the gerbil inside. "I think he threw up in there." He  
announced.  
  
"Oh, he's fine!" Benton assured him. "Toss me the ball."  
  
"No, it's mine now!" Donovan cut in. "You already got to kick him twice. I only kicked him  
once!"  
  
Weaver groaned, covering her face.   
  
Behind Cassi, another voice cut in. "Cassi, I wanna play with Carter now." Kekelina told her.  
**Yes, another reader has made it into the party. Nice to meet you Kekelina. Hope you have  
a good time. ^_^**  
  
Cassi shrugged, and snapped her fingers, changing Kekelina five. "Have a ball!" She replied.  
grinning.   
  
"No, the ball's mine now!" Donovan retorted tossing it up briefly. He gave an evil grin and   
drop-kicked it. The ball went flying across the room, bouncing off the wall, broke a glass   
window, and knocked over a tray of equipment, before it was caught by a little green gold   
dragon.  
  
The gerbil in the ball was now dancing around, weirdly.  
  
"Sparkles!" Emmy cried. "Hot foots!"  
  
The dragon looked up, hearing his name, and flew up with the ball.  
  
"SPARKLES!!!!" Mid called, running into the lobby. "Come BACK!!"  
  
"Go, Sparkles, GO!!!" Becca added.  
  
On the gurney, Carter had pulled Kekelina up and was now dancing with her.   
  
Sven looked around the lobby that was now nothing even remotely resembling an ER. "I'm   
bored." She stated. "Can we leave now?"  
  
Cassi looked around. "Yeah....let's take Dor to see the surgeon's locker room....I bet they say   
some really cool stuff in there." She suggested.  
  
Julian grinned. "Count me in, too!" He remarked, and the four of them walked out of the room.  
*************************************************************************  
  
In the morgue, a newcomer had just arrived, bringing the most valuable news. According to  
an Agent Alex Cross, both boys team leaders were in the main ER area, dancing and not even  
paying attention to the game at hand. This left the boys' team very vulnerable, especially given   
the fact that the girls had already discovered the base and organized an ambush.  
  
Abby grinned. "Okay, people...think." She spoke up. "Who has not discovered their talents  
yet?"  
  
Lucy raised her hand, followed by Dawn, Nikki, and Susan.  
  
Irene rased her hand. "Dawn, you have my talent." She spoke up. "It says you're playing me  
in a future spoof."  
  
Dawn's face brightened. "I can make things grow!" She exclaimed. "Irene and I can block off  
the entrances with potted plants!"  
  
"Snap Dragons are perfect for that." Irene proclaimed, grinning. "Let's get to work." With this,  
she lead Dawn off to the background to find some pots.  
  
Lucy raised her hand higher. "I was told mine is a magician class." She spoke up. "But they   
didn't tell me what it was."  
  
Abby frowned. "Okaaaay..." She thought a moment. "Why don't you just concentrate a  
minute or two? If it's a Magician-class, it's gotta be an obvious one."  
  
"Not really!" Irene called out. "Some of them hide themselves!"  
  
Lucy looked disappointed. "Ohh, I hope it's not like Carter's." She muttered. "You can't even   
say his out loud. However...." She brightened. "You CAN catch him pretty easy!"  
  
"How easy?" Susan asked.  
  
"As long as you don't mean to physically hurt him." Lucy answered.   
  
Abby grinned evily. "Well that DOES leave a lot of open space." She mused.  
  
"Can we set a trap that will not hurt Carter, and yet does not take us within six feet of Ardeth?"  
Buffy asked.  
  
Lucy frowned, thinking. As she did so, she eyed a gurney abscentmindedly. Before their eyes,  
the gurney changed into a metal cage. "Oh....my....uh...guys? I think I got it!"  
  
Irene grinned. "YES!!!!" She cried. "Transformation!"   
  
Abby brightened. "It's the same as Ardeth's, only his is living things, and yours is inanimate!"  
She informed her, then frowned. "But how close do you have to be?"  
  
After a careful examination, they learned that Lucy's talent had the same restrictions as Ardeth's.  
  
Susan frowned. "Weeell, all you have to do is make the cage BEFORE he changes you." She  
remarked, thoughtfully.   
  
"So I would have to sneak up on them." Lucy suggested. "I mean THEY don't know my talent."  
  
"That's true." Abby agreed. "Okay, we're gonna have to do a showdown. We wait until after  
the others break the hostages out, and then we show 'em who's BOSS!"  
  
The others nodded in agreement.  
*************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, on the surgical floor, Cassi and Sven walked down the hallway with Julian and  
Dor. The four of them, heading directly for the locker rooms.  
  
In the middle of the hallway, they stopped as two small kids in green rounded the corner.  
  
Cassi caught Romano before he ran right into her, and Sven followed suit with Elizabeth.   
"Woah, where's the fire?" Cassi asked.  
  
"This time?" Sven added.  
  
"Now why do you assume we set something on fire again?" Romano demanded.  
  
"I don't know. Call it a hunch." Dor answered.  
  
Elizabeth gave him a Look. "We were almost caught by grown-ups." She explained.  
  
Cassi frowned. "What grown-ups?" She asked. "I thought we got rid of all those."  
  
As if on cue, Edson and Dorket rounded the corner.  
  
"AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sven and Cassi screamed, as they saw them. Then Sven and  
Julian pulled out guns and shot them both.  
  
The surgeons hit the floor, dead.   
  
Romano and Lizzie stared at each other. "What was that for?!" Romano managed to get out.  
  
"He LOOKED at me!" Sven and Cassi cried in unison.  
  
Elizabeth burst out laughing.   
  
Romano stood there, looking at them. "You know, only YOU people would shoot someone  
for LOOKING at you!"  
  
Cassi kneeled to look him in the eye. "We don't know what it is." She explained. "It's those..."   
she shivered, "EYES! Those AWFUL BEADY EYES! When we first saw him..." She shivered  
again, "He SCARED us!! Those evil creepy shmuck eyes!"   
  
Romano was biting his lip. "Oookaay.....evil beady eyes." He mused. "Kind of like Xander?"  
  
Sven shivered. "NO!!! EVILER!!!" She told him. "We can't even LOOK at his eyes! We have  
to put SPOTS on his eyes when we shoot darts at him!"  
  
Romano gave up any kind of control he had and burst out laughing, sliding down the wall.  
  
Sven and Cassi exchanged a Wolvie glare. "He doesn't understand." Sven muttered.  
  
"Ugh, I do." Julian retorted, eyeing the two dead men. "What a shmuck!"  
  
"When he asked Lizzie out, I just shivered." Cassi confessed. "He was so....UGH!!! Creepy."  
  
"He asked Lizzie out?!" Romano demanded.  
  
"I KNEW you were jealous!" Elizabeth cried, triumphantly.  
  
"OF THAT!?!?" Sven and Cassi exclaimed. "UGHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"EWWWW, I'd rather kiss a ZOMBIE!" Sven spat out.  
  
"Seriously, he doesn't even hold a candle to Rob there." Cassi informed them. "At least ROB  
don't have evil beady eyes!"  
  
Romano grinned, proudly. "Nope, I ain't jealous of him at all!" He stated.  
  
Sven grinned. "Dor?"  
  
"Yeah?" Dor responded, looking at the dead guys.  
  
"Phone." Sven ordered.  
  
Dor pulled out a phone and handed it to her.   
  
Sven smiled as she punched out a number.  
  
Romano and Elizabeth frowned, curiously.  
  
"Steve?" Sven spoke into the phone. "Yeah, can you come up to surgical? We need you to   
do something for us." She listened for a second. "He's on his way." She announced, hanging  
up.  
  
"Tell me you're not going to have him ATE." Elizabeth spoke up.  
  
Cassi made a face. "Ewww, indigestion special." She muttered. "You've GOT to be kidding."  
  
The group waited a few minutes, and heard the elevator ding. Down the hallway, they heard the  
sound of Jacey shrieking.  
  
"Uh, hey excuse me, miss." Steve's voice cut in. "I was called up here on a security matter?"  
  
The next noise they heard was a thud. At the surgical desk, Steve looked over the counter and   
down at her. "Hey, thanks for NOTHING!" He snapped. "Cassi? Sven?" He sniffed. "Oh,  
okay, there you are!"   
  
They grinned as he approached.  
  
Steve looked down at the bodies on the floor. "Ugh, who's the shmuck?" He asked, making  
a face.  
  
Sven grinned wider. "We couldn't fit Bill in the hallway." She announced. "Can you take care  
of it?"  
  
Steve gave a toothy grin. "Yeah, sure." He calmly hiked his leg, and drenched the pair of   
surgeons.   
  
"Thankyou." The Authors told him, gratefully.  
  
"No problem." Steve answered, heading back for the elevator. "You have a human female   
asleep behind the desk, by the way." He called out as the elevator closed.  
*************************************************************************  
  
end part 26 hehehe...did we mention we didn't like Shmuck and Edson? ^_^ More to come...as  
the final showdown of the cooties war approaches as well as Romano and Corday's surprise....  
and as all good things must come to an end, Romano and Lizzie will be growing up soon.  
  
So do we have any volunteers to bring back the shmuck? **waits a second** I didn't think so.  
We'll have him and Edson brought back......but we're NOT giving them baths first! We draw the  
line there.   
Leave us your reviews, and we'll get the next chap out soon!  
  
~Cassi & Sven 


	27. Ding dong, Babcock's DEAD!

Part 27....still going. And very tired at this point. As you've already seen, we're starting to wind  
down. I'm afraid the fun is almost finished. But there are a few surprises to come, and Romano  
and Lizzie are about finished with their mayhem....and are now about to grow back up and make  
a little more trouble. You didn't actually think they were gonna just grow up and forget any fun,  
did you? Wait and see.  
  
Several days later, and we've been suffering Writers Block for this one. However, as you may  
have noticed the next season of spoofs is now started. First was "US Psychos" by Sven, then  
came "Forbidden Spoof: The Hunter" Part 5, By Cassi, then came "Jurassic Spoof III" By Cassi,  
and soon to come out will be the first section of "Wild Wild Spoofed Mess", by Sven, and   
after the next sections of "Forbidden", "Psychos", and "Jurassic III", will be the first section  
of "A Spoof of Chameleon." By Sven. You have now caught up to us completely, as these are  
the spoofs we're currently writting, although we are a ways ahead of the typed parts. I (Cassi)  
am now almost finished with Forbidden Spoof. If you wish to look up some of our other stuff,  
be my guest...as long as you review. Remember, people: if you don't review, you don't exist.  
Ryanne....can you please email us? If you wish to be in the story, we need a couple details  
from you...who you wanna hang around, torture, do you wanna be five..etc... You can get both   
of us at mommydragon@earthlink.net This is our primary email address, and we always check  
this one first. We both have separate addresses at yahoo, under "kat_jew" and "cassi_jew",   
but those don't get checked as often, except for Sven's reviews.  
  
Okay, about this story.....um....I don't think my pill kicked in yet. Today, it's raining and I just  
changed all the catboxes in the house....okay, not all, but mine and the 6 that don't belong to   
someone. That equals 8 altogether in case you're wondering. However, when I get my new  
room, I'll have 4 of my own. 1 in my room, 1 on the landing, 1in mine and Sven's office, and 1  
on the screened in porch. ^_^ Doesn't that sound wonderful? We can't wait. Anyways, I'm off  
the subject. My shoulder hurts and the muscle relaxor hasn't started working yet. I'm going   
back to Jurassic III for a short while, then I'll get back to this one when the pill kicks in.  
*************************************************************************  
Okay, now that I've just finishing a plane crash...in Jurassic, not Psychos, although Gerard had  
to go through both crashes...hehe...Anyhow, I'll try to think up a little something. **Cassi   
looks around, dazed...pill kick in now....Cassi happy....now if only my shoulder would stop  
hurting....oh wait..they tell you never to type if you're having spasms in your arm and shoulder  
Lucky for you people, I never was too good at following orders when someone tells me not to  
do something. No offense, Dr. Carney, but it really was the catboxes that screwed up my  
shoulder today.....REALLY!  
*************************************************************************  
  
In the lobby, the soccer game was getting boring. Carter was now examining the ball. "Um....  
guys? I think he's dead." He announced.  
  
"Dead?!" Deb demanded. "But we weren't done with him yet! Wake him back up!"  
  
"Let me see it." Peter ordered.   
  
Carter walked over and handed him the ball.  
  
Benton examined the gerbil inside. The small creature was not moving, and didn't appear to  
be breathing either. "I think Carter's right." He told them.  
  
"Oops." Donovan retorted. "Oh well, I guess the cats can have it back now."  
  
Oscar, Pounce and Tumble made faces. "We don't want it if it's dead!" Pounce spat out. "It  
doesn't squeak anymore!"  
  
"Yeah!" Oscar and Tumble agreed.  
  
"Come on, guys, let's find a new toy." Pounce suggested, walking out of the room.  
  
The other two cats followed, grumbling about how the lousy humans should get their own toys  
to break.  
  
"Now what do we do?" Kekelina asked.  
  
"I don't know." Ardeth answered. "Where did Cassi and Sven go?"  
  
"Did they leave?" Deb asked, looking around.  
  
"They said something about going up to the surgical locker rooms to see what they could get  
the furniture to talk about." Sandy informed them.  
  
Frank (desk clerk) rolled his eyes. "Let's hope they don't come back." He muttered.  
---------------  
  
Langly, Byers, Jimmy and Doug serveyed the mess of the ER as they entered.   
  
"Wow, looks like we missed one heck of a party." Jimmy remarked, staring.  
  
"Nah, not really." Carter told them, walking over with Ardeth, Kekelina, Becca, and Emmy.  
"We were just messing around."  
  
"Who's she?" Byers asked, pointing at Kekelina.  
  
"This is Kekelina." Carter answered, grinning. "We were dancing on the gurney. She's one of  
the readers and an Author and a fan of me!"  
  
Langly rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"  
  
"What's going on?" Ardeth asked, eyeing them.  
  
Byers grinned. "Langly found his talent!" He announced. "He can talk to computers with his  
mind!"  
  
"He hacked into the main system to the hospital." Jimmy added.  
  
"Really?" Carter replied, with a grin. "So what did you get into?"  
  
"Cameras mostly." Langly answered. "We didn't find the girls though. There's a bunch of  
cameras not working and we think Yves might have tampered with them."  
  
"I think they've got a few plans for us." Doug informed him. "You guys should be more  
careful. They can find you easy here, and who knows what they know already."  
  
Ardeth nodded. "He's right." He agreed. "The probably already know where we are."  
  
"That doesn't mean they know where the base is." Dave spoke up, appearing beside Ardeth.  
  
"Woah." Byers shot out, jumping back. "That's a little weird."   
  
Dave grinned. "Yeah, but I like it!" He retorted. "It's pretty fun!"  
  
"I don't suppose you know where they are?" Carter asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Dave sighed. "No, not really." He confessed. "I came across a few here and there, but they  
weren't talking about that. Mostly it was that they were looking for our base so they could get  
Mysti and Jing Mei.....speaking of which, I better get back there. Luka wasn't talking about   
very nice things. He was wanting to mistreat the hostages."  
  
Ardeth frowned. "How?" He asked.  
  
"Throw things at them and stuff." Dave answered, shrugging. "But the girls didn't do that to  
us when they had us, so it just didn't seem right."  
  
"And you have a thing for Jing Mei anyway." Carter added, knowingly.  
  
"Well, yeah." Dave admitted. "I think she's really hot....well, she was a cute five year old, but I  
like her better as an adult."  
  
Doug burst out laughing. "Good luck, pal." He managed to say.  
  
"You know she's been dating Pratt, don't you?" Carter told him.  
  
Dave nodded. "So I've heard....but that doesn't mean I can't like her anyway."  
  
Ardeth shook his head. "Well then you'd better get back to the base before she never speaks  
to you again." He remarked, laughing.  
************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in Romano's office, Robert and Elizabeth stood looking up at the wall where Sven  
and Cassi had obviously been throwing darts.  
  
"You know, the only thing that saves their lives right now, is that it was Weaver they were  
throwing at." Romano spoke up.  
  
Elizabeth grinned and eyed the picture. "Is that Babcock and Donald next to her?" She  
wondered.  
  
"I think so.....it's hard to tell with the horns and mustaches they put there." Romano remarked,  
laughing. "From the look of it, though, I'm going to have trouble removing those holes in the   
wall."  
  
"Why can't you just snap your fingers?" Elizabeth pointed out.  
  
Romano frowned. "Yeah, I suppose I could do that." He answered, nodding. "After I take a   
few cracks at it myself. They seem to have left the darts."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "True...and you know they'll be back for those." She admitted. "Soo,  
we might as well take all the shots we can at them."  
  
Robert grinned and looked down at the cup of coffee in his hands. "I guess to shoot darts, it  
would help if we were a bit taller, wouldn't it?" He asked.  
  
Elizabeth's grin faded. "True." She remarked.  
  
"Hey, if you'd rather wait until later--" Romano began.  
  
"No, if we're going to do it, we'd best do it now." Elizabeth told him. "There really isn't much   
more we can destroy like this."  
  
Romano nodded. "Hold this." He ordered, handing her his arm brace. "I have a feeling I may  
need it in a few minutes."  
  
Elizabeth took the brace, and chewed her lip, watching as he was about to drink the coffee.   
"Robert, wait." She cut in, grabbing the cup.  
  
"What, you just remembered something else we need to trash?" He asked, with an eyebrow   
raised.  
  
"Well....no....but, if I forget to tell you later...." She broke off, leaned over and kissed him. "I  
had a really good time today."  
  
Romano stared at her in disbelief a minute, then grinned. "So did I." He replied, taking a drink   
of the coffee.  
  
Elizabeth took the cup as he changed back. "Hmmm..." She mused. "You'd better enjoy this   
while it lasts."  
  
"And what's that?" He asked, looking down at her.  
  
Elizabeth grinned. "It's the only time in all the years that we've know each other, that you're   
taller than I am." She retorted, drinking the coffee.  
  
"Damn." Romano muttered, in mock anger. "If I'd known that ahead of time, I would have made  
it last longer."  
  
Elizabeth laughed. "So now what?" She asked, as soon as she was an adult again.  
  
Romano eyed the pictures on the wall. "Wanna throw darts before we go downstairs and   
pretend we don't know what's happened?" He suggested.  
  
She walked over to the wall, and pulled the darts out. "Why not?"  
  
"Ladies first." Robert told her leaning on his desk.  
  
As she threw the darts, creaming the pictures, Romano looked around his office. Cassi was not  
very neat when it came to someone else's space, he mused. "I wonder if I have any candybars  
left in here." He muttered.  
  
"Doubtful." Elizabeth answered, hitting Babcock in the face with a dart. "You know how Cassi  
is with food."  
  
Romano frowned, picking up a Fruit by the Foot. "She left one of these." He spoke up.  
  
"Are those any good?" Elizabeth asked, frowning.  
  
Romano grinned. "Wanna find out?" He remarked. "I can share it."  
  
"Sure." Elizabeth answered, holding out her hand. "It's your turn, by the way."  
  
"Oh goody." Romano replied, accepting the darts from Elizabeth, while swapping her half of  
the fruit roll.  
  
"Oh....my....God." Elizabeth spoke up after she finished her half. "It's true."  
  
"What?" Romano asked, polishing off his own.  
  
"They ARE made of heroin." Elizabeth answered. "I wonder if she left any more."  
  
"I think you're right." Robert agreed, creaming Kerry with a dart. "Check the food cart."  
  
Elizabeth sifted through the cart, then switched to Romano's drawers. "I'm not finding any."  
She told him shortly.  
  
"Ugh, she did it on purpose." Romano moaned. "Where's the box?"  
  
Elizabeth held up the empty green box. "Over here." She answered. "There's four empty  
boxes under the shelf here."  
  
Romano nodded. "I think I'm going to have to buy some." He told her, chewing his lip. "Your  
turn."  
  
Elizabeth snatched the darts from his outstretched right hand. "Hey, did you just hit Donald in  
the groin?"  
  
Romano grinned. "Yeah, I think so....but Cassi and Sven did it a few times before I did, I'm   
sure." He answered, studying the ingredients list on the Fruit by the Foot box. "Hmmm, heroin  
isn't one of the ingredients on the box, but then they wouldn't really put it there, anyway."  
  
"No, I don't suppose they would." Elizabeth agreed, hitting Kerry between the eyes.  
  
Romano sighed and looked down at his desk. He frowned when he saw his name written on  
a piece of paper. "Lizzie?" He spoke up, reading the paper. "You gotta see this."  
  
"What is it?" Elizabeth asked, noticing his strange look.  
  
"I think it's a cast list." Romano answered, in awe. "Sweet Mary and Joseph, they're doing  
'Spaceballs.'"  
  
"What's that?" Elizabeth asked, taking the sheet.  
  
"It's a Mel Brooks spoof movie of Star Wars." Romano explained.  
  
Elizabeth's mouth dropped. "Robert? Does this mean you and I are supposed to be married?"  
She asked, as she studied the casted roles.  
  
Romano looked over her shoulder. "What? Where?" He demanded.  
  
"It says you're the King and I'm the Queen." She informed him.  
  
Romano frowned. "There wasn't a Queen in the movie." He told her. "The King's wife was  
supposed to have been dead."  
  
Elizabeth snorted. "Yes, and so was Carter's wife in the Fugitive spoof." She pointed out.   
"Who is the other man you're playing? You're casted twice."  
  
Romano examined the paper, and stared. "Um....okay, that's going to be a little weird. The  
Sandurz guy is the one working with the bad guys....oh wonderful. Now I'm talking orders  
from Carter."  
  
"Who's Dark Helmet?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"Like Darth Vader...only with a bigger trashcan on his head. Carter should love that role." He  
answered. "What I don't get is that Abby is Vespa. This is going to be the first time you'll see   
the kidnapped princess run away with the bad guy."  
  
Elizabeth frowned again. "Does that mean that not only are we married, but Abby is our   
daughter?" She asked.  
  
Romano considered it. "Uhh, yeah, I guess it does." He replied, nodding. "Boy we were   
young parents."  
  
Elizabeth burst out laughing. "I suppose so." She managed to say. "I wonder if they know  
they left that in here."  
  
Romano looked at the paper again. "I don't think so." He told her. "Cast sheets are usually  
classified information....especially if it concerns the next spoofs."  
  
"Do you think that's next?" Elizabeth asked.  
  
"It's Sven's handwritting." Romano answered. "I guess that means it should follow Psychos."  
  
"What do you suppose Cassi's going to do?" She asked.  
  
Romano frowned. "She said something about a Zorro spoof, but I don't think she's sure." He  
informed her. "I know the second Forbidden Spoof is due to begin as soon as we get back to  
the set....and Cassi's taking on another Assistant, but I don't know who."  
  
Elizabeth nodded. "I think perhaps I'll come back this time." She remarked, smiling. "To tell  
you the truth, I kind of missed the place."  
  
Romano nodded. "You can sit up with me!" He suggested, sounding hopefull. "You really  
miss a lot when you're stuck in the med lab."  
  
Elizabeth sighed. "I'll keep that in mind, Robert." She answered, after a moment.  
************************************************************************  
  
Random insanity question: If you plugged up your nose and mouth right before you sneezed,  
would the sneeze go out your ears, or would your head explode?? Just curious. Anyhow,  
back to the story.  
************************************************************************  
  
Dave walked up the stairs as fast he could, without making much noise. His talent was helpful,  
but he still could get caught if he made too much noise. He hoped that Kovac hadn't started  
throwing anything yet.  
  
He stopped as he heard talking coming from down a hall. As he left the landing and entered   
the hall to investigate. He saw Shadowkitty, Shirley, and Sugah talking. Dave grinned, evily.  
They were talking about their base.  
  
"Walking up all those stairs is killing me!" Shirley complained. "Why did we pick the fifth floor,  
anyway?"  
  
"Shh, you don't know who could be listening." Shadowkitty warned.  
  
"It's too bad we don't have anyone with a talent like Dave's." Sugah complained.  
  
Dave grinned. HIS talent was good, not dumb like Kovac's. Then he sighed, annoyed, realizing  
that if he didn't make it to the boys base soon, Kovac would make a mess of poor Jing-Mei.  
He backed up to the stairs and headed off towards the base. When he arrived, Jing-Mei and  
MystiQ were completely covered in food. "LUKA!!" He growled, reappearing.  
  
"What?" Kovac asked, turning.  
  
"They don't deserve this! They didn't do it to us!" Dave yelled.  
  
"You just don't want Jing-Mei mad at you. THIS is fun!!" Kovac shot back.  
  
Dave scowled. "I'll show you FUN!" He retorted causing Kovac's pants to disappear, and   
revealing that Kovac wears black underwear.**Did we really need to know that?**  
  
Jing-Mei laughed. "I see London, I see France, I see Luka's underpants!" She sang out.  
  
"Great, now I'm gonna have nightmares!" Carter stated as he, Ardeth, and Creepy entered.  
"Now what is this about throwing food at hostages, and why wasn't I asked?"  
  
"You were busy." Kovac retorted, as Dave changed Kovac's pants back to normal.  
  
"By the way, Dave. You have green hair, thanks to Kovac." Jing-Mei put in.  
  
"HEY!" Dave protested attacking Kovac.  
  
"I think I'm going back down to the Lobby." Carter remarked.  
  
Creepy nodded and bamfed himself, as well as Ardeth and Carter, back to the Lobby.  
  
While Kovac and Dave are fighting, Wolvie and Snaggle resumed throwing food at Jing-Mei and  
MystiQ.  
  
Kovac punched Dave in the face, giving him a bloody nose.   
  
At that moment, the base was suddenly attacked by Shirley, Sugah, and Shadowkitty.  
  
Sugah threw a looped rope over Kovac, securring his arms to his sides. Shirley sprayed   
something in Wolvie and Snaggle's direction, causing both to hit the floor, out cold. Dave used  
his talent and vanished before Sugah could rope him.  
  
Shadowkitty phazed Jing-Mei and MystiQ out of their ropes and the food.  
  
"Thanks." Jing-Mei said, gratefully. "Dave, thanks for trying to stop Kovac."  
  
"I wanna surrender." Dave told her. "I'm bored of the game. Can I work with you?"  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Shirley asked in surprise.  
  
"I'm getting a little bored of this. I really wasn't much on the whole "Cootie" thing when I   
was younger." Dave admitted, and reappeared.  
  
"You're a traitor!" Kovac retorted.  
  
"Shut-up!" Jing-Mei shouted, slamming a ketchup balloon in Kovac's face. "Payback's a *beep*,  
isn't it?"  
  
Dave snickered, kicking Kovac in the shin. "You had it coming!" He shot back.  
  
"You might want to clean that up." Jing-Mei replied, pointing at Dave's bloody nose.  
  
"Yeah." Dave muttered, glaring at Kovac, who Jing-Mei had just gagged.  
***********************************************************************  
  
END SECTION 27......this is getting long, but as you can see, we're almost finished with it! In the  
next section, we're probably going to have the main confrontation between boys and girls, and  
eventually, the others are going to have to change back as well.  
For now, give us a few ideas, and please review!!! 


	28. Are ya sure we can' jus' ea' 'im?

Part 28...and it's still going. We're a bit distracted today. We got a review on one of our spoofs  
that said we had NO PLOT!!! Can you imagine that?! Okay....um, anyways about Spaceballs....  
*evil grins* Of COURSE it's for REAL! "Spacefreaks" will follow "US Psychos" in Sven's   
spoofs. Coming up next for Cassi, is "Forbidden Spoof: The Chase", and.....hehehe (thanks  
for the ideas um....was it Matt or Jimmy that suggested Ghostbusters? I can't remember. Any  
ways, "Spoofbusters" will follow "Jurassic III." Forbidden 2 will go under "Books/LJSmith"  
BUT both Spaceballs and Ghostbusters WILL be under ER. I'll leave the rest to your   
imagination. About Carter....well, look at Dark Helmet. He's Rick Moranis! We need a little boy  
like guy. Carter's perfect. Besides, Ardeth is the president. "President Ardeth SALUTE! HAIL  
ARDETH!" hehehe, has a nice ring to it doesn't it? And King Romano? King Rob? Cute!^_^  
  
Okay, that's right, we're writting a story......what to write. We need more ideas, people. We're  
drawing blanks.   
  
Several days later....a moment of silence for Mrs. M. Carter....her generous contributions to  
get Carter out of doctoring and into acting have been greatly appreciated. We will miss her.  
WWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WE WANT GAMMA BACK!!!!!!!!!  
************************************************************************  
  
In the lobby, all were wondering what to do next, when the three children bamfed in. Creepy  
ended up in Deb's arms with Carter and Ardeth on each side.  
  
Deb looked down surprised. "Aww, they're so cute!" She exclaimed.  
  
Donovan looked down. "Well, if it isn't my twin brother." He remarked, with a snicker. "Nice  
to see you again so soon."  
  
Ardeth looked up. "Ow." He muttered, standing up and rubbing his rear.  
  
"Sorry, couldn't catch all of you." Deb apologized, laughing.  
  
Kekelina grinned as she ran over. "So what do we do now?" She asked.  
  
"How about we go back to being a normally functioning hospital?" Weaver cut in.  
  
Carter made a face as if she had suggested something disgusting. "Normal?!" He spat out.  
"That's no fun at all!"  
  
"Look, this is STILL a hospital!" Weaver exploded. "It is NOT the spoofset!"  
  
"Actually, there's where you're wrong, doll." A Japanese looking kid spoke up. "The spoof-  
set is where ever the characters and the Authors are filming at....and they're filming all this."  
  
"Jimmy's right, lady." Chris added, stepping up. "We've been filming it since it started."  
  
"There's only cameras all over the place." Langly retorted. "Hell, we installed most of 'em!"  
  
Weaver glared at them. "That may be, but this is still a hospital, and we need to be a little  
more SERIOUS about it!"  
  
"No offense, but you don't seem to have many patients, do you?" Hannibal Lecter asked,   
walking over. "You have had no patients that we haven't provided oursleves.....Ms. Parker-  
Carnahan included."  
  
"By the way, did anyone get the news of what she had?" Sara called out from the doorway.  
"We have a bet going!"  
  
Lecter smiled. "It's a girl." He announced.  
  
"I WIN!!!!" Sara cried, triumphantly. "I knew it was a girl! See, Nicky? I TOLD you so!"  
  
Nick shook his head. "Women." He muttered, handing her a wad of cash.  
  
Before she could finish celebrating her victory, the remainder of Security came hopping into   
the main lobby.  
  
Sara's eyes widened in sheer horror. "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed at the  
top of her lungs. "NICKY, THE SLIMEYS ARE BACK!!!!! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!!!!"  
  
"Ugh, geez, and we thought Mike was bad with the snakes." Chris muttered, covering his  
ears.  
  
"Um, Ardeth, I think you need to do something." Carter told him.  
  
Sara leapt from the floor to the desk-top in a matter of a fraction of a second, and was now  
doing the "dance" again. "NICKY!!!!! SAVE MEEEEEEE!!!!!"   
  
Ardeth sighed, and waved his hand, changing Security back into humans.  
  
Sara's frantic dance stopped instantly, and was replaced with an eager grin. "PEOPLES!!!!!"  
She exclaimed, leaping back down. "I LOVE peoples!!"  
  
The Security guards promptly fainted.  
  
Nick walked over to Sara, making a face. "Well, now that's not fun."  
  
Sara gave a disgusted look. "Euch! Let's go find some funner peoples, Nicky." She spat out,  
walking back out the doors.  
  
The rest of the crowd in the lobby stared after her.  
  
"Well, that's something you don't see everyday." Lydia mused.  
  
"Yeeeaaah." Connie agreed.   
  
Then the group of Compys came running in. "Hey! Where did they go?" Timmy demanded.  
"They got away!"  
  
"Ardeth changed them back." Becca informed them.  
  
"Well that's not fair!" Compy #23 shouted. "We was having FUN with them!"   
  
"Change em BACK!" Compy #17 ordered.  
  
"So now what do we do?" Emmy asked, sounding bored.  
  
"Where'd Sparkles go?" Becca cut in.  
  
"The little dragon?" Kekelina asked. "I saw him fly out that way."  
  
"YO!" Steve announced, stepping off the elevator. "There's two stiffs on the surgical floor!  
One of 'em looks like a real schmuck!" He paused. "Oh yeah, and a human lady's asleep   
behind the desk up there....and all I did was look at her!"  
  
Kerry closed her eyes. "Peter?" She spoke up quietly. "Can you check on the stiffs?"  
  
"Cassi and Sven had them shot." Steve explained. "Something about them looking at them."  
  
"They killed them for LOOKING at them?!" Connie burst out. "You're not serious!"  
  
"No, I'm Steve." He told her. "But there might be a Compy named Serious....I don't know. You  
can never keep track of them little buggers."  
  
At the main desk, the phone rang.  
  
"ER." Frank answered, sounding bored. "Uh, hang on." He looked up. "Dr. Weaver, Jacey  
up on Surgical says Edson and Dorset are dead."  
  
"Explains the stiffs." Sandy remarked, drily.  
  
"AGAIN!?" Mungo demanded, coming out of Trauma 1. "Gimme tha' thing!" He snatched the  
phone from Frank, who stood, staring at him. "Pu' 'em on a stretchah and bring 'em down 'eah!"  
He paused. "An' tell those people tha' if they don' stop killin' people, Oi'm gonna qui'!"  
  
Carter groaned. "Awww, MAN!" He complained. "Then I'D have to bring 'em all back!"  
  
"Who do you have back?" Weaver asked, sighing.  
  
"Oi don' know 'im." Mungo replied. "'E's tha' one doctah."  
  
Pratt walked back in. "I don't suppose someone can tell me what's going on!" He shot out.  
  
"Ummm, you need to bring back Babcock, too." Benton spoke up, handing the hampster ball  
to Mungo.  
  
Mungo eyed the gerbil. "Ah ya sure we can' ea' 'im?" He asked, looking hungry.  
  
"LUNCHTOIME!!!!" Teazer cried out, as she saw him.  
  
"Uh, 'e says we're supposed to bring 'im back." Mungo told her.  
  
Teazer stared at Peter as if he were insane. "Tha's a gerbil." She informed him. "We ea' those."  
  
"You are NOT eating one of our doctors!" Kerry exclaimed.   
  
Mungo frowned. "You 'ave gerbils workin' 'ere?" He asked. "An' Oi though' Macavity was the  
one 'oo 'ad roden's workin' for 'im."  
  
"Ardeth changed him into a gerbil." Carter told him. "They were playing soccer with him."  
  
"Oh." Teazer mused. "Okay.....bu' Oi still think i' would be bettah to jus' ea' 'im." She turned  
around. "Hey SEVEN!!! CATCH!"  
  
From the doorway of Trauma 1 7of9 caught the gerbil as Teazer threw it. She stared at the ball  
for a second, then looked up. "This is a rodent." She pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, me an' Mungo wanted to ea' i', bu' they say 'e's a doctah!" She told her.  
  
Seven eyed the ball for a second, then shrugged. "Most interesting." She mused, taking the  
ball into the trauma room.  
  
"If they get him right back, can we play with him again?" Deb asked, grinning.  
  
Donovan smirked. "Somehow, I doubt it." He remarked.  
  
Pounce glared at them. "NO!" He cried. "WE get him back!"  
  
"We had him FIRST!" Tumble agreed.  
  
"Yeah!" Oscar added. "You guys killed OUR toy! You're MEAN!"  
***********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, upstairs on the surgical floor, Cassi, Julian, Sven, and Dor walked out of the men's  
locker room.  
  
"Wow," Cassi mused, grinning. "It's amazing how much Corday ends up in there."  
  
"No kiddin'." Sven agreed. "But did we really have to know she kissed Benton in there?"  
  
Dor shrugged. "I didn't even know she went out with him."   
  
"Umm, yeah, she did for a while." Sven informed him.  
  
"She certainly couldn't make up her mind back then, could she?" Julian asked. "She was   
with Benton, Greene, and somehow, she likes Romano now."  
  
"She didn't like him much before." Sven explained. "They mostly just fought a lot. I don't   
think she started to enjoy it until later."  
  
"Right." Cassi retorted. "Now, they're like the Seven-Year Itch to each other...and it's a lot of  
fun scratching."  
  
"You can tell they're a pretty good match." Julian put in. "Seriously, it's amazing they haven't  
gotten together already. And I don't even know them all that well."  
  
Cassi shrugged. "From the look of things, I have no idea why they haven't gone out. It's   
plainly obvious they like each other."  
  
"Yeah, but that's what dramas are made of." Sven put in. "Look how long it took Doug and  
Carol to get together.....not to mention the whole Carby Conspiracy! Seriously, those two  
are getting disgusting! They should just get married and get it over with!"  
  
Cassi made a face. "Ugh, no kidding." She muttered. "I cringe every time they appear on the  
screen, trying to.."sort out their relationship." It's enough to make anyone barf."  
  
--------  
  
As the group made its way down the hallway, Romano stuck his head out of his office and  
stared after them. "I think they're gone now." He spoke up.  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "Do we really fight that much?" She mused, frowning.  
  
Romano turned and stared at her as if she'd grown an extra head. "Duh." He retorted.   
"Honestly, Lizzie. It's all we DO!"   
  
Elizabeth's frown deepened as she thought about it. "Yeah, I guess it is." She remarked.  
"Come to think of it, it IS a lot of fun."  
  
"Think we'll ever get tired of it?" Romano asked, seriously.  
  
Elizabeth considered the idea. "Why, do you want to stop?"  
  
Romano shrugged. "Nah, not really." He confessed. "I kind of look forward to it. I've never  
had anyone who could argue with me as well as you do."  
  
Elizabeth shook her head and laughed. "Why am I not surprised?" She managed to say   
between giggles.   
  
"Although....." He turned away to look out the door. "Do you think maybe....." He trailed off.  
  
"What?" Elizabeth asked, almost sure of what he wanted.  
  
"Would you want to......" He paused again.  
  
"What?" She prompted, amazed that a man so outspoken could be so nervous to ask even  
one question.  
  
Romano sighed, obviously considering his words carefully. She had kissed him after all...  
maybe this time, she would actually say yes. "Would you consider......going out.....with me?  
On a date?"  
  
Elizabeth chewed her lip. She had somehow known this was what he wanted. "Can I think  
about it?" She asked.  
  
Romano gave a disappointed look. "Uhh, yeah, sure." He answered, quickly. "Look, we   
better get downstairs before they completely trash the place."   
  
Elizabeth watched him as he left the office, mentally scolding herself. "Robert..." She spoke   
up.  
  
He slowed. "What?"   
  
"The bag?" She reminded him, holding it up.  
  
"Oh right." He muttered, turning back for it. As he grabbed it, a small voice sang out behind  
them....the most feared small voice of all the spoofset.  
  
"Jigglypuff!"  
***********************************************************************  
  
End Part 28  
  
We had to end it here because it would just be so....funny.....for us. *ducks flying objects,  
and covers ears to ward off loud screams* Um....yeah, okay, we'll get part 29 as soon as  
humanly possible. We have the final battle of the Cootie war to come, Romano and Lizzie's  
surprise....the zombies will be back......and of course there is the next lightsaber battle to come.  
  
Hope you liked!! So REVIEW!!!! The more reviews, the quicker motivation comes for part29.  
  
Later--Cassi & Sven 


	29. Psychos building bombs with vomit basins...

Lets see.....what new surprises can we come up with for this section.....well, not to be the  
bringers of bad news but "The end is coming!!!" Although, we might mention that the  
first section of "Chameleon" is soon to be coming up. "Youth Elixir" started just after the  
break in chap six. When we come back for chap 7, you find out what happened. *both  
authors duck flying objects* Ohhh, come ON! Just because it's chap 6, doesn't mean there  
will be six chaps online. We're working on stuffing all we can into each section. That's   
between 35 and 50 KB, before the thing starts complaining because it can't fit anymore into  
the file. Anyways, we stopped at...Jigglypuff! I love that word. Authors and Assistants  
eagerly pull out their magic markers....  
**********************************************************************  
  
In the hallway on the surgical floor, Romano and Elizabeth looked down at the small pink  
creature on the floor, then they looked at each other. Then Romano's face changed to a   
wicked grin. "Get the markers, Lizzie." He ordered.  
  
Elizabeth gave a small grin and rushed back into Romano's office.   
  
"The COLORED ones!" He called out. "The ones that DON'T wash off!"  
  
She returned with about six permanent markers in black, red, purple, green, orange, and blue.  
"You do realize that I'm not an Assistant or an Author, so I'll probably be asleep as well."  
She informed him.  
  
Romano gave her a pointed look. "So I'll wake you up." He told her.  
  
Elizabeth gave him a Look.  
  
"Oh please!" Romano burst out. "Do you really think I'd draw all over your face just   
because you didn't wanna go out with me?!" He paused, seeing her look. "You do, don't   
you? I don't believe this."  
  
"Well, how do I know you'd actually bother to wake me up!?" She demanded.  
  
Jiggly looked from one to the other. They were not supposed to be fighting. They were  
supposed to be watching her. Glaring, she held her microphone to her mouth and began to  
sing.  
**********************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, the girls were now back at their base, where they found that Abby was now   
Abby-Sarah.   
  
"Wow, you are hideous, you know that?" Dave spoke up before he could stop himself.  
  
"How come he's not tied up?" Abby-Sarah demanded.  
  
"He's on our side now." Chen explained. "These guys, however, need to be tied up."  
  
Lucy shook her head. "We don't do that anymore. It's inhuman." She waved her hand,  
changing a nearby gurney into a metal cage. "Just put them in there."  
  
Luka stared. "How in the--"  
  
"She has the talent of Transformation....involving inanimate objects, of course." Susan  
replied.  
  
"Wait...that means that she can..." Dave trailed off, realizing that the boys had just lost the  
game.  
  
"So I assume you're now headed up to the lobby." Kovac stated.  
  
"Umm, no." Lucy corrected. "We're waiting for Abby to go back to Abby. It shouldn't be  
more than about fifteen minutes."  
  
Dave grinned. "And they're all up there, partying and don't know a thing." He mused.  
  
"Yeah....funny huh?" Susan put in.  
  
"I can get you in easy." Dave suggested.  
  
"We'll consider that." Abby-Sarah answered.   
  
"We really should do it without the boy's help." Glory remarked.  
  
"Glory's right." Dawn agreed, then she paused. "And I never thought I'd say that....anyway,  
we really should do it by ourselves."  
  
"Well, we have about three hostages....four, if you count Dave." Buffy added. "And before  
you object, Dave, the guys don't know you're not a hostage...there weren't any others at  
the base when you got nabbed."  
  
"So that leaves a load of guys un accounted for." Nikki remarked.  
  
Yves grinned. "Not entirely." She spoke up from a laptop. "Langly, Byers, Jimmy, and  
Doug are in the lobby with Ardeth, Carter and Creepy.....Gallant, Boyo, and Cyke just arrived   
back to the base......Ice Boy, Magneato, Gumbo, and Charlie X are in the hall, near the base,  
and I don't see the.....oh...now this one's good."  
  
"What?" Abby-Sarah asked, looking. "Wow....When did Romano and Corday grow up?!"  
  
Yves grinned. "Not them." She remarked, pointing to the floor. "It seems we might have  
a way in after all. That is Jigglypuff!"  
  
"Jigglypuff is in the buliding?!" Dave demanded. "How is that good news?! None of us   
are Assistants or Authors!"  
  
"Now I wouldn't say that." Kovac put in. "I happen to be an Assistant."  
  
Yves angled the camera lower. "Wait....she's singing already." She informed them. "I don't  
believe this....get over and look at this!"  
**********************************************************************  
  
On Surgical, Romano and Elizabeth's argument stopped the minute Jiggly started to sing.  
But, something was off.   
  
Romano looked from Jiggly to Elizabeth and stared. "Lizzie, I don't think you have anything   
to worry about." He stated, quietly.  
  
Elizabeth looked at Jiggly then back at Romano. "Okaaay, I'm not asleep.....so what does it  
mean?"  
  
Romano frowned, then grinned. "I think I just found out who the new Assistant Cassi's   
taking on is." He replied. "Congrats, Lizzie."  
  
As Jigglypuff finished her song, the two doctors applauded, nicely.  
  
Jiggly grinned and bowed. "Jigglypuff!"  
  
"Sooo, Jigglypuff..." Romano spoke up. "You know there's an entire ER full of people who  
would just LOVE to hear you sing!"  
  
Jiggly brightened. "Jigglypuff! PUFF!" She proclaimed excitedly.  
  
"We'll take you downstairs, and you can preform for everyone! How does  
that sound?" Elizabeth asked, smiling.  
  
"Jigglypuff!" Jiggly cried, happily.  
  
"This way." Romano put in, leading her down the hall. "We need to change clothes before  
we go charging in down there."  
**********************************************************************  
  
As Cassi, Sven, Julian, and Dor returned to the lobby, they found a bunch of very bored   
people. Murdoc, Blue, and Ryan seemed to be winding down on their morphine highs, and  
were now bored with the lightsabers. At the current time, they were crouched in the middle   
of the floor, with several vomit basins, all filled with various liquids and ingrediants. Why  
no one is paying attention to this, we don't know, after all, this IS Ryan, Murdoc and Blue...  
all of whom, are explosives experts.  
  
Cassi and Sven exchanged a glance and looked over at Weaver, obviously wondering where  
she'd left her brain that morning. "You wanna tell her, or should I?" Cassi asked, calmly.  
  
"I ain't talkin' to her." Sven retorted.  
  
"Right." Cassi turned to look at Weaver and Benton. "Hey! OLD PEOPLE!!!"  
  
Weaver and Benton ignored her.  
  
Cassi frowned...a look commonly called the "Wolvie glare". "Yo, stupid idiots!!!" She  
paused. "Sorry, I didn't mean you guys." She remarked to Harpo and Chico Marx, who had  
turned to walk toward her.  
  
Harpo and Chico shrugged, and walked off.  
  
Weaver and Benton continued to ignore her.  
  
"Yo, peoples....bomb on the floor!" Sven called out. "Hello!"  
  
The pair continued talking.  
  
Cassi glared and charged over, grabbing Weaver's arm and turning her around. "Hey,   
you like your job? You wanna keep it?!" She demanded in her best 'I am the Chief of Staff  
and won't be ignored' voice.  
  
"What do you want THIS time?!" Weaver spat out.  
  
Sven sighed and pulled out a gun. "Good bye now." She called as she shot Weaver.  
  
Benton stared as Weaver fell to the floor. "What was that for?!" He asked.  
  
"How many times do we have to tell you before it drills its way into your head?!" Cassi  
shouted. "There is a BOMB in the middle of the floor!"  
  
Sandy, hearing this, ran over to where the trio was still calmly mixing liquids. "What  
is THIS?!" She demanded.  
  
Ryan, Blue, and Murdoc looked at each other for a minute, then looked back up at her.  
"Nothing." They answered, innocently.  
  
"Nothing?!" Sandy managed to ask. She kneeled down and inspected the contents of the  
vomit basins. "Oh...my...How in the [heck] did you do this?!"  
  
Ryan shrugged. "I do it all the time." He replied, continuing where he'd left off.  
  
"He's an international terrorist." Sven explained. "This guy can make a bomb out of a box  
of Bis-Quick.....and apparently, vomit basins work just as well."  
  
"And this guy..." Cassi added, motioning to Murdoc. "Is a top level, world class Assassin,  
who is also an explosives expert, and very good with disguises and booby traps."  
  
"And this guy...." Becca spoke up, motioning to Blue. "Is a vampire who knows about any  
explosive thing you can think of."  
  
Sandy stared in shock. "And what are they doing here?" She asked.  
  
Sven rolled her eyes. "Well I think that's a no-brainer." She remarked. "They're making C4  
in the middle of the floor, using vomit basins."  
  
"Duh." Mid put in. "Didn't we already say this?"  
  
"Here's your sign." Deb added, grinning.  
  
"Can I watch?" Emmy asked, grinning like a maniac.  
  
"Yeh, sure." Ryan replied.  
  
"No WAY!" Benton spoke up, as he charged over. "Get that stuff OUT of here!"  
  
"No kidding." Carter agreed, as he came over. "We've had ENOUGH explosions in the ER  
without having C4 detonated in the middle of the floor."  
  
"Well, we weren't going to use it HERE!" Murdoc defended. "We were gonna use it on  
the spoofset."  
  
Cassi rolled her eyes. "Not!" She stated. "We don't need any more."  
  
"It was for Spoofed Mess." Ryan explained. "We're the kidnapped scientists. We're   
supposed to be building a weapon, remember?"  
  
"Build it somewhere else." Benton ordered. "Get that stuff OUT of here!"  
  
"You're not supposed to be building it in front of me anyway." Jay called out. "I'm   
supposed to try to stop it!"  
  
Ryan, Murdoc, and Blue turned to look, as if they had not even noticed he was there....and  
they probably hadn't, judging from the amount of morphine they were on. "Oops." Murdoc  
muttered. "Okay, why don't we play somewhere else?"  
  
Benton gave a wicked grin. "Romano's office is upstairs." He suggested.  
  
Cassi glared. "That is MY office, I'll have you know!" She snapped. "Why don't you use   
Benton's livingroom?"  
  
Blue shrugged. "We'll just take this to IDS." He replied. **IDS =Insane Dragon Studios...  
belonging to the Evil Trio**  
  
Becca stared. "Not a chance, pal!" She cried. "That studio cost MONEY!"  
  
Ardeth stepped back with Carter and Kekelina to watch the fight. "This is better than the  
spoofset." Ardeth remarked.  
  
"My money's on the Authors." Carter put in.  
  
"Easy bet." Kekelina mused. "What do you think they'll do with that?"  
  
Carter shrugged. "Last time they were mixing C4, the Authors gave it to the Raptors....I   
think." He informed her. "Not entirely sure. It was in "James of the Jungle", and I was  
doing Fugitive at the same time....I know they got rid of it."  
  
"Hey, Boys." Susan suddenly spoke up behind them. "How's it going?"  
  
Carter and Ardeth jumped at the same time, and turned. Susan was by herself.  
  
"So, are you still playing the game or are we just watching the fight?" She went on.  
  
"You know, you're all by yourself, and you're within six feet of Ardeth." Carter observed.  
  
Susan rolled her eyes. "Please..." She muttered. "You actually think I'm by myself?"  
  
"Have you checked your base?" Glory asked, coming out from around a corner.  
  
Carter and Ardeth exchanged a glance. "When?" Carter questioned, frowning.  
  
"Right after you guys bamfed out." Shirley answered, joining the others. "We gained  
about four hostages."  
  
"Who?" Ardeth asked, cautiously backing up.  
  
"Wolvie, Snaggle, Luka, and Dave." Jing Mei answered, also joining the girls.  
  
"You know Ardeth can change you into cats or something, right?" Carter remarked,   
smugly.  
  
Susan gave a sly smile. "Yeah.....we know that." She answered. "We just had a few   
new talents spring up....and some of them are pretty good ones. You know Dawn is playing  
Irene?"  
  
Ardeth grinned. "My new daughter...." He mused. "How nice to know. Shower has a   
sister."  
  
"Hey...I never thought of that!" Shower exclaimed, turning to Dawn, who was standing  
with Irene. "Sis!"  
  
Yves stepped up behind Susan. "And I can change both of you into tiny babies." She   
proclaimed.  
  
"You gonna change all of us?" Langly asked, stepping up behind Carter and Ardeth.  
  
"Aww, come on, Yves, you wouldn't do that to me, would you?" Jimmy asked, making  
puppy eyes. "I wouldn't try to capture you."  
  
Langly rolled his eyes. "Back, Gigantor." He ordered. "We're just playing a game." He  
grinned as Nikki stepped out. "Hey babe."  
  
Nikki grinned. "How's it goin, Ricky?" She asked, using her nickname for him.  
  
"I have a talent!" Langly told her. "I can talk to computers with my mind!"  
  
Yves looked impressed. "Really?" She asked. "Nice."  
  
"People, you're making me sick." Mid spoke up behind them, gagging. "Keep your newly-  
wed talk in your bedroom. Have you seen Sparkles?"  
  
"The adorable dragon?" Glory asked. "He gave some hot foots to Pratt, and a bunch of  
the nurses before he flew out that way." She pointed out the door.  
  
"Right, thanks." Mid called, as she ran out the door. "SPARKLES, COME BACK!!!!"  
  
"Adorable little dragon." Glory mused. "I hope they catch him before the bomb squad   
over there blows up the hospital."  
  
"Right, where were we?" Susan asked.  
  
"We were about to turn you into cats." Ardeth told her.  
  
"My husband can hear you." Glory told him, pointing to where Imhotep was eyeing the  
group. "You wanna talk a little louder?"  
  
"We're Med-jai." Carter retorted. "We don't care what the mummy thinks about us."  
  
Before they could answer this, they were interrupted by the rest of the Boy's team, who   
came running in.  
  
"Carter, we have a problem!" Boyo called out, then stopped as he saw the girls. "Umm, I  
guess you already knew that."  
  
"Yeah, we figured that out, thanks." Carter told him.  
  
The girls grinned. "And it was really easy, TOO!" Jeanie cried.   
  
Charlie X eyed her. "You're getting better."  
  
Jeanie grinned wider. "I know."  
  
"So, I guess this is the final showdown!" Abby remarked, from where she was standing,   
well out of Ardeth's range.  
  
"This is not a showdown!" Weaver suddenly spoke up from behind them. "This is time  
for all this to stop!"  
  
Carter stared at her. "When did they bring YOU back?" He demanded.  
  
Kerry glared. "That's not funny, John." She growled.  
  
Before she could grab him, however, all the action in the lobby was interrupted by a loud  
and very angry voice.  
  
"Will SOMEONE tell me what the [HECK] is going on here?!" Romano demanded as he  
charged in, followed by Corday. "First I discover that OR2 was set on FIRE, and NOW  
I find that NOBODY in the ER appears to be WORKING today!"  
  
The entire ER were now staring at them, with the exception of the Authors, who are STILL  
arguing with the psychopaths about the bomb.  
  
"HELLO PEOPLE!!! Romano shouted again. "ARE WE ALL GETTING FIRED TODAY?!"  
  
Weaver walked over to him, looking at him as if he'd dropped off the moon. "When did--"  
  
Romano glared at her. "Well, Kerry, I see how your fine leadership is doing." He sneered.  
"And WHY is the ER overrun by CHILDREN dressed as doctors....or are they starting to  
pick med students awfully young now?"  
  
"You don't remember?" Peter asked, shocked.  
  
Romano turned and stared at him as if he were a bug. "Excuse me, Peter, when did YOU  
start working here again!?" He demanded.  
  
Corday, who had been silent up until now, stepped forward. "And I would like to know  
WHY my office is TRASHED!" She exclaimed.  
  
"And where the [HECK] are all the doctors!?" Romano added.  
  
From the floor, Carter burst out laughing. "Oh that's a good one....you know, you guys  
should get Oscars for that one!" He managed to say.  
  
Romano and Corday exchanged a glance and both looked at Carter, confused.   
  
"Who the [heck] are you and why are you talking to me?" Romano demanded.  
  
"ROB!" Cassi cried. "Hey, how's it been going?"  
  
"Cas!" He answered, frowning. "When did you get here?"  
  
Cassi shrugged. "Oh...this morning sometime." She answered, honestly, giving him a  
wink.  
  
Romano smiled. "Ah, this morning." He answered, returning her gesture. "So tell me,   
what chaos are you wreaking today?"  
  
"Can you tell Ryan, Murdoc and Blue to get those vomit basins out of here?" Sven   
interrupted. "We keep trying, but they're not listening."  
  
Romano eyed the basins, before his face changed to an alarmed look. "Get those out of  
here, and I don't even WANT to know what's in them!" He ordered.  
  
Murdoc, Ryan, and Blue looked at each other, before picking up their vomit basins, and   
walking out the door with them....leaving all inside to sigh, relieved.  
  
"You guys really don't know what's going on?" Benton asked, seriously.  
  
"What on earth are you TALKING about, Peter?" Elizabeth questioned, looking totally  
blank.  
  
"The doctors are all children." Peter informed them. "And so were the two of you."  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "Yes, Peter, we were all children once, now what does that have   
to do with this?!"  
  
In the corner, the children had forgotten about their confrontation, and were now staring   
at Romano and Corday.  
  
"Are they acting or do they really not remember?" Shirley asked.  
  
"I don't know." Carter answered. "If they're acting, they're really good."  
  
Nikki watched them with interest, and her face changed to a grin. "Wow..." She breathed.  
  
"What?" Langly asked, seeing her look.  
  
Nikki grinned. "Well, I know what my talent is....but you'll find out soon enough." She  
informed him.  
  
"Aww, come on!" Langly argued. "You're not even going to tell ME?!"  
  
Nikki shook her head. "Wait." She told him. "I'll tell you later."  
  
Over where Romano and Corday were standing, demanding to know what was going on,  
Weaver was trying to explain it.   
  
"Your Author friends over there had themselves a little party, and because of it, the entire  
hospital has been TRASHED!" She spat out.  
  
"Oh really?" Romano remarked, with an amused voice. "Well, I'm not surprised at that, but  
that STILL doesn't explain WHY you aren't WORKING! This is a HOSPITAL, people! We  
DON'T stop for PARTIES!"  
  
"You're not listening, Robert!" Kerry shouted. "They changed the doctors into CHILDREN!  
They can't work like that!"  
  
Corday and Romano exchanged a glance. "Are you buying any of this?" He asked.  
  
Elizabeth shook her head. "It does sound rather far-fetched." She replied. "But it does   
explain all the children dressed like doctors."  
  
"I don't buy it." Romano muttered. "That's the stupidest excuse I've ever heard. I don't   
care if they were children, they're still doctors!"  
  
As they glared at each other, Anspaugh came walking in. He stopped as he saw Romano  
and Elizabeth and stared. "How the--" He began.  
  
"FAT BUTT!!" The parrot called out. "YOU GOT A REALLY FAT BUTT!!!!"  
  
Unable to contain herself, Elizabeth burst out laughing.  
  
Romano chewed his lip, thoughtfully. He seemed to be fighting off the urge to join Elizabeth  
in fits of laughter. Unfortunately, he lost his battle as the hampster ball came rolling   
through. "There goes Babcock again!" He cried, kicking the ball into the wall, where the  
three cats pounced on it.  
  
Benton stared in shock at the pair.  
  
"OSCARS!" Sven and Cassi proclaimed.  
  
Julian and Dor looked at each other and stepped over to them with two Spoof Oscars.  
"Nice one!" Julian told them, laughing.  
  
Romano and Elizabeth, managed to stop laughing long enough to accept their awards and  
take bows.  
  
"That was cool!" Emmy cried.  
  
"Ummm, not to interrupt this happy time, but I think the dead guys are back." Kekelina  
spoke up, pointing at the group of Zombies that shuffled through, trailing toilet paper   
behind them.  
  
"Okay, who T.P'ed the Walking Dead guys?" Romano demanded, causing the entire lobby  
to break into laughter.  
  
In the midst of the laughter, two men walked out of Trauma 1, and looked around, staring.  
"What the--" Edson began.  
  
"I don't think we wanna know." Dorket told him.  
  
Sven and Cassi turned at the sound of their voices. "AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! THEY'RE   
BACK!!!!" They both pulled out guns and fired, Sven hitting the Weasle, and Cassi,  
hitting Dorket.  
  
All in the room turned and stared at the two Authors, who were still looking horrified.  
  
"NO' AGAIN!!!!" Mungo shouted. "We jus' brough' those two BACK!!!"  
  
"THEY LOOKED AT ME AGAIN!!!!" Sven and Cassi cried.  
  
"Oyyy." Romano muttered.  
  
"You can't just KILL people for looking at you!" Sandy shouted.  
  
"They already did." Corday informed her. "How do you think they died the FIRST time?"  
  
"It's his evil schmuck eyes." Cassi explained. "They scare us."  
  
"They blew up Dorset's head in Spoofed Mess." Romano told her.  
  
Cassi grinned. "His head blew up." She laughed. "They blew up his head." She laughed   
louder. "No more Dorket head."  
  
"That's Dorset." Elizabeth corrected.   
  
"Whatever." Cassi and Sven retorted in unison.  
  
"I think Dorket sounds better, myself." Deb interrupted. "That guy gave me the creeps, and  
I'm glad he's dead....again."  
  
"Ding dong, Dorket's dead!" Becca sang out.  
  
In the corner where the children were, Nikki was talking to the group.  
  
"How did you know they were acting?" Langly asked.  
  
Nikki grinned. "I could tell they were lying." She answered, proudly.  
  
"Cool, a human lie detector." Jimmy mused. "That's neat."  
  
"Right, so now that that's over, we can get to our business." Carter spoke up, grinning.   
"Do you girls give up, or shall Ardeth change you into kittens?"  
  
Yves gave a sly grin. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." She answered. "I don't think  
Lucy would like that much."  
  
"Lucy?" Carter asked. "Where?"  
  
"Here." Lucy answered, as she became visible.   
  
Carter stared. "Wait a second....that's Dave's talent!" He exclaimed. "How did YOU get it?"  
  
"Ehhh, she didn't." Dave spoke up as he appeared next to her. "I switched sides. You guys  
are gonna lose."  
  
"Oh YEAH!?" Ardeth demanded, changing Susan into a kitten. "I just got one of your   
leaders!"  
  
"Yeah, but you can't get me from here." Abby called out. "And I'm the OTHER leader."  
  
"We're already halfway!" Carter told her, grinning. "Give it up, Abby!"  
  
From the other side of the room, the others watched the battle, as Shirley, Shadow, Jeanie,   
Shower, Buffy, and Dawn were changed instantly into kittens.  
  
"Awww, great." Romano muttered. "Now we're gonna have to install a liter box in the   
scrub room."  
  
"That's not funny!" Shirley shouted.  
  
"Actually, it IS kind of funny." Deb remarked. "Makes you wonder what other animals are   
going to run through."  
  
"Skunk." Donovan suddenly spoke up.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose they could." Monica replied, as Alex Cross was changed into a bird.  
  
"No, I mean SKUNK!" Donovan cried, pulling both Deb and Monica out of the way as  
Pepe came chasing a female skunk through the lobby.  
  
"Wait for me, my little one!!!!" Pepe called as he bounced after her.  
  
"Coburn." Sven informed them.  
  
"Different." Romano mused.  
  
Just as the battle was reaching a new level of transformation, as Yves was now changing   
several of the boys into babies, including Gallant, Boyo, Doug, Cody, Ice Boy, and Gumbo,  
the entire conflict drew to a stand-still at the horrifying exclaimation.  
  
"JIGGLYPUFF!"   
**********************************************************************  
  
END PART 29!!!!  
  
And how will it all end? Only the next part will tell! Coming soon~ the conclusion!  
Hope you all enjoyed, and now, leave us your reviews!!!! Love ya all! 


	30. Dark Helmet VS King Robert: The finale

Our final section!!!! For all of you who have been waiting for Chameleon! HELLO!!!   
Where have you BEEN!? It's up and we only have two reviews! Honestly people....  
where are you all?! That ain't the half of it! Jurassic III is also up, and I'm not impressed   
with the amount of reviews I have....people I co-wrote this! (Cassi), and hardly any of you   
have even seen my spoofs yet! (Cassi makes wolvie glare) I use ER characters as much   
as Sven does. Just because they're not in the star roles doesn't mean they don't talk. I'm  
a major fan of Romano...and the insane version of Carter. They're all there! Carter and  
Ardeth are ON the island in Jurassic! And Carter and Abby STAR in Chameleon...and  
Ardeth isn't ALWAYS there....under much protest of course. Romano is NARRATING  
the Forbidden spoof! (this means there are so many one-liners making fun of those   
people, it's ridiculous) Romano is not capable of shutting up...you who watch the show  
know this. He has various one-liners throughout all since Jurassic Lost World and   
The Vampire Mummy Returns when he became an Assistant. However, at the end of this,  
we will be listing all the spoofs 1-27 in the order of when they were STARTED, not when  
they finished. As several took place at the same time, and ended at different times. We'll  
mention this and of course give you where you can find MY stuff as well, as I understand  
a bunch of people don't check the "Favorite Author's section" on the page as Sven's on  
my page and I'm on Sven's page....hint hint. Anyhow, after the ranting that has nothing  
to do with this story///we'll return you to Jigglypuff.  
********************************************************************  
  
ARRRRGGGG@#%$$#%$*%#$ hehe, sorry. We've just been informed that our dad is  
home and we need to go to the chiropractor...thus meaning our lortab highs will be gone   
by the time we get back. We prefer to write while on them...from lack of headaches, and  
other aches and well, because we get more insane ideas when we're stoned....um, don't  
try this at home folks...these are doctor prescribed because we're immune to almost   
everything ELSE!!!! Trust me, it does suck. Back later.  
********************************************************************  
  
Two hours later and the end of a lortab high....(makes a wolvie face) Cassi is trying to   
control a rotten headache from running everywhere....(don't ask) good news is we got   
some more vomit pills...as I really need them about now....before I take another pain  
pill as my legs are killing me now....we'll take a short pause before we continue the section:  
Long short pause....it's now an hour and a half later..  
********************************************************************  
  
Down in the morgue, Kovac, Wolvie and Snaggle were heading out the door. Lucy, not  
considering Wolvie's adamantium, had not made the cage to withstand it. The result  
of this was that they were freed as soon as they were sure the base was deserted.  
  
"Well, that was easy." Wolvie bragged as they left the room.  
  
"I can't believe they didn't think of this." Luka replied.  
  
"Well, she hasn't been on the set that long." Snaggle reminded him.  
  
"Yes, but everyone who has been on the set for any amount of time would know about  
Wolvie having claws." Luka pointed out.   
  
"Yeah, but they also thought we were going to be knocked out longer." Wolvie smirked.  
"Healing factor won't really let us stay out longer."  
  
"So we head for the ER then?" Snaggle asked.  
  
"Yeah, that's probably where everyone is....Jigglypuff included." Kovac answered.   
  
"And if she's already sang by the time we get there, we won't be asleep." Wolvie reminded  
them. "And none of the girls except Elizabeth can stay awake."  
  
"And Elizabeth isn't playing the game." Snaggle added, grinning.   
  
"She's also all grown up now and disqualified." Kovac smirked. "This shouldn't be all  
that hard."  
*********************************************************************  
  
In the ER, Jiggly was pitching a fit. Almost everyone had fallen asleep during her song.  
True, there was a few people who weren't...the authors, their assistants...one of the little  
girls...but this was just not right. They were supposed to listen to her sing! "Jiggly  
PUFF!" She shouted, enraged. "PUFF!" Glaring, she pulled out her marker, and joined  
the awake ones in coloring faces.  
  
"Want some colored ones?" Romano asked her.  
  
"Jigglypuff!" She exclaimed, grinning.  
  
"Here you go." Elizabeth replied, handing her the blue and orange markers.  
  
In the corner with the kids, Lucy looked around. Why was she the only one awake?  
Well, this certainly made things easier. Grinning, she created a cage around Carter and  
Ardeth, successfully trapping both of the boys leaders. "I WIN!!!!" She cried,   
triumphantly, causing all the awake ones to look over at her.  
  
"What?" She asked. "Don't I win?" Lucy paused. "Or is this cheating?"  
  
"No...I think you won." Elizabeth told her. "And judging from the fact that you're still   
awake...."  
  
"We've just found the other new Assistant." Romano proclaimed. "Excellent choices."  
  
"Thankyou." Sven and Cassi answered, returning to happily coloring on Dorkett and   
Edson's faces.  
  
Romano stepped over to look. "Nice goatee." He commented. "And I love the horns   
you put on Kerry." He looked around. "Where's ole Fat Butt?"  
  
"Fat Butt!" The parrot called out. "Fat Butt HERE!"  
  
Elizabeth, hearing the bird, shook her head, laughing.   
  
Romano grinned as he moved to color in Anspaugh's face. "I think I'm getting a pet   
parrot, Lizzie." He replied. "Do you think Gretel would like a little brother?"  
  
"Good!" Cassi spat out. "Keep the [darn] bird! I HATE that thing!"  
  
"Martian pigs!" The parrot called. "Evil Martian pigs!"  
  
"Run for your life! The Evil Martian Pigs are upon us once again!" Becca yelled,   
reminding all that the Evil Trio were still awake.  
  
Dor frowned. "Why are they still awake, but the other authors here aren't?" He asked.  
  
Sven gave a guilty look. "Oops, I knew we forgot something." She remarked. "Um, just  
don't color on them."  
  
Jiggly, hearing this, ignored Deb and Kekelina, and moved on to color on Frank Donovan's  
face instead.  
  
"Where'd Fiddles go?" Emmy asked, looking around.  
  
"Beats me." Sven answered. "Probably back up to see Penny."  
  
From the doorway, Wolvie, Snaggle and Luka entered, and stared in shock. They had  
not expected Lucy to still be awake.  
  
"Newsflash!" Lucy called to them. "Your side lost!"  
  
Luka eyed the cage. "There must be some rule against that." He muttered.  
  
"No, the girls won." Sven told him. "Let's face it, you guys were coming up here to use  
your ability to stay awake and win, so don't complain because Lucy beat you to it."  
  
The three did the Wolvie pout.   
  
"Lucy's an Assistant?" Wolvie demanded.  
  
"I think that part is obvious." Romano told him. "Be a good sport....color on some of   
these people so we can get done before they wake up."  
  
"In the meantime...." Cassi spoke up, snapping her fingers. "All good things must come   
to an end."  
  
At that moment, all the transformed people in the hospital....except Babcock, were returned  
to normal.  
  
In the corner, Pepe looked up at Coburn. "Excuse me." He spoke up to her. "You  
wouldn't by any chance have seen a beautiful young lady skunk around here, would   
you?"  
  
Coburn handled it the way most people would....she fainted.  
  
Pepe looked down at her. "I have that effect sometimes." He sighed. "Oh well, who  
can explain love?" He calmly bounced away.  
  
"Okaaay, that was different." Elizabeth mused.  
  
Romano looked at all the doctors and nurses asleep on the floor, now returned to their  
adult forms, and shook his head. "Fun while it lasted." He remarked, smiling.  
  
Elizabeth stepped over beside him. "I've been thinking, Robert." She spoke up, quietly.  
  
"What?" He asked, not turning.  
  
"Why not?" She answered, with a sly smile.  
  
"Why not what?" He asked, confused.  
  
"You'll figure it out." She told him, before going over to talk with Lucy.  
  
"Aww, why'd we have to grow back up again?" Becca whined. "This was FUN!!"  
  
"So how do we wake them up?" Luka asked, pointedly. "Just scream really loud?"  
  
The question was answered by a loud explosion, coming from the direction of the  
Ambulance Bay.  
  
As the entire lobby wakes up, Ryan, Murdoc, and Blue stagger in, coughing.  
  
"I told you NOT to drop it!" Ryan cried. "Now we have to start all over again!"  
  
"I didn't drop it!" Murdoc argued. "That paramedic bumped me and it fell!"  
  
"Is the paramedic still alive?" Sven asked.  
  
"Oh sure....more or less." Blue remarked, with a grin. "But I doubt he'll ever bump a guy  
holding a vomit basin full of home-made C4 again."  
  
"You didn't blow anything important up, right?" Romano questioned.  
  
"Awww, nothing important....that ambulance, fire hydrant, basketball hoop, somebody's  
food stand, couple of cars......" Murdoc began. **key word: BEGAN...meaning there's  
MORE!**  
  
"Well, I'm glad my car's out of range." Romano answered. "It wouldn't start this   
morning."  
  
Meanwhile, in the lobby, everyone was waking up and doing the usual post-Jigglypuff  
ranting....with bits of "aww, we're all grown up again" thrown in.  
  
Dave stood slowly, his face a rainbow of colors. "Aww, did we have to grow up THAT  
soon?" He complained. "I was just starting to have FUN!"  
  
"Uhhh, speak for yourself." Carter spoke up from the now very small cage he and Ardeth  
were enclosed in. "What happened?"  
  
"Lucy's an Assistant." Kovac informed him. "Oh and she seems to have a talent of   
Transformation involving inanimate objects."  
  
"Your cage was a quarter!" Lucy told them, proudly. "The girls won!"  
  
Susan grinned. "That was fun, too!" She replied. "We should do it again sometime."  
  
Ardeth sighed. "Right, so we lost the game....can we get out now?" He groaned. "This  
is rather small."  
  
"Oh, I think they're cute!" Kekelina announced. "Keep em in there!"  
  
Carter stared at her. "But I thought you loved me!" He whined, giving her bambi eyes.  
  
"Ugh, vomit pills." Romano moaned.  
  
Sven held out a prescription bottle. "They're really good ones." She told him, grinning.  
  
Shrugging, he took the bottle and helped himself to one.  
  
Gallant stared at him. "You're supposed to be a doctor!" He scolded. "You're not  
supposed to be sharing prescription drugs!"  
  
"He's a rambling idiot." Romano explained. "Please don't shoot him. He doesn't know  
any better."  
  
Gallant opened his mouth to comment as Sven fingered her gun.  
  
"One more word, and you're diggin' your own grave, pal." Romano warned.  
  
The smart med student closed his mouth and walked away.  
  
"I've shot people for less than that." Sven muttered.  
  
"We already saw the two you shot for looking at you." Sandy remarked, drily. "Now  
what's with all the marker on everyone's faces?"  
  
Cassi gave her a "duh" look. "Jigglypuff?" She informed her. "You fell asleep while she  
was singing. She takes that personally."  
  
"You can wash it off in the bathroom....if it all comes off." Sven finished, grinning.  
"Those markers Romano and Corday had were permanent...and they gave two of them  
to Jiggly."  
  
Irene glared at Dor. "You did it AGAIN!!!" She yelled. "I HATE you!"  
  
"Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight." Emmy stated, smirking.  
  
"Daddy's in trouble!" Ivy declared, loudly.  
  
"Can we get out now?" Carter whined again.  
  
Lucy rolled her eyes and changed the cage back into a quarter.  
  
Sven leaned over and picked up the quarter. "Aww, come on!" She complained. "You  
could have changed it into a hundred dollar bill, you know!"  
  
Lucy brightened. "Wow, I never thought of that." She cried, happily, as she was then  
surrounded by nearly everyone in the room, all holding out various objects they wanted  
changed into money.  
  
"Hey!" Sven yelled. "Leave my Assistant alone!!"  
  
"Yeah, if she's making anyone money, it's us!" Romano snapped.  
  
"Oh yeah?!" Carter demanded. "You wanna fight over it?"  
  
Robert's face changed to a grin. "Okay, Carter!" He answered, igniting his lightsaber.  
"Let's fight over it."  
  
Carter ignited his own, and the two began to circle.  
  
"Just as long as it ain't to the death." Sven muttered. "We'll be here for the rest of our  
lives."  
  
Elizabeth frowned. "Why is that?" She asked. "Robert's not directing right now."  
  
"Yeah, but his talent won't let him get killed." Cassi told her, matter-of-factly. "And  
quite frankly, neither will Carter's....so this could go on for a long time."  
  
Benton stared. "Wait a minute...." He spoke up, quietly. "Romano can't be killed?"  
  
Sven gave a guilty grin. "Ummm, no. That's his talent." She informed everyone. "It's  
a Magician class, and we don't really know how far it goes. He might not be able to get  
seriously injured, either."  
  
Romano rolled his eyes, as he circled with Carter. "Figures." He muttered. "Where was  
that when I NEEDED it?!"  
  
"Sorry." Cassi answered. "We didn't know about that."  
  
"Yeah, YOU didn't, but that POKE kid sure did!" He fumed. "I'm gonna kill that kid."  
  
Sara cleared her throat loudly.  
  
"And you be quiet, or I'll cover you in frogs!" Romano threatened.  
  
Sara stared in horror. "NOOOO!!!! NOT THE SLIMEYS!!!!!" She cried, and let out  
an ear-piercing raptor scream....thus deafening the entire set. Then she ran out the door.  
  
"Now where were we?" Romano asked Carter.  
  
"I was going to pound you with a lightsaber." Carter answered, smugly.  
  
"In your dreams." Romano retorted, as the two lit into each other with their lightsabers,  
making it the biggest lightsaber battle ever to take place in the ER.  
  
As the two battled, everyone watched, in shock....including the security guards who  
had finally awakened.  
  
"Am I seeing this?" Anspaugh asked quietly.  
  
"If you're not, you should get your eyes checked." Groucho told him, flicking cigar ash  
into a nearby trashcan.  
  
"You shouldn't smoke in here." Abby told him. "The last guy that smoked in here blew  
something up. It nearly killed him."  
  
Groucho eyed her, and put his cigar out.   
  
Sven stepped over and gave Abby a pat on the back. "Nice job." She told her. "You   
finally got him to put that lung frying stinky stick out."  
  
In the middle of the lobby, Romano and Carter continued their fight, slicing everything   
that got in the way...including people.  
  
Pratt, having learned from the last time, stayed clear, jumping out of the way as they came  
near, as did the security guards, who were watching interested....most likely as they had  
never thought they'd see the Chief of Staff and the Chief Resident duking it out with  
lightsabers in the middle of the ER.  
  
Elizabeth looked impressed. "Robert's very good, for someone who can only fight with  
one hand." She pointed out.  
  
Luka nodded. "And Carter is pretty good with a sword." He told her.   
  
Sven shrugged. "I don't even think they're serious." She remarked. "They're just   
messing around. You can tell."  
  
As the fight continued, the small dragon flew back in, followed by Mid.  
  
"SPARKLES!!!" Mid called, catching up, then she stopped, watching the fight. "Wow.  
When did I get to Star Wars?" She asked, in awe.  
  
"Who are you betting on?" Susan asked Chen.  
  
"Hard to say." Chen answered, watching. "Romano can't die, and they said Carter can't  
really die either."  
  
"If they were actually serious, I'd say maybe Carter." Luka suggested. "Romano has a  
disadvantage without his left arm."  
  
"Don't underestimate him." Cassi told him, sharply. "Romano doesn't exactly reveal all  
his hidden talents."  
  
"Like his singing voice." Sven retorted, smirking.  
  
"Romano can sing!?" Susan asked, laughing. "Are you serious?"  
  
"He was in Fame." Cassi informed her. "I would think that says he can sing."  
  
"NO!" Susan shot out. "Who was he in Fame?! I've seen that movie a few times!"  
  
"The redheaded guy." Cassi told her.  
  
Susan frowned. "Really?! That guy?" She asked in disbelief. "No way!"  
  
Sven pulled her scrapbook out of her bag, and flipped through the pages. "Here!" She  
said, as she found the page. "That's him."  
  
The ER doctors crowded around to look.   
  
"Oh man, it IS!" Abby shouted, laughing. "I can't believe that!"  
  
Elizabeth stared and rushed over to look. "Wow, this was when he had hair." She  
exclaimed, in awe. "He was kind of cute."  
  
"I'm gonna tell him you said that." Lucy teased.  
  
"I'll deny it." Elizabeth replied, laughing.  
  
"What do you think they're doing over there?" Carter asked as his and Romano's   
lightsabers clashed.   
  
Romano shrugged. "Not a clue, but it looks like it's not good." He answered. "They  
keep looking over here and giggling."  
  
"Are you bored yet?" Carter asked, blocking another swing.  
  
"Nope!" Romano answered, attacking again. "You giving up?"  
  
"Never!" Carter cried. "You give up!"  
  
"Not a chance." Romano told him, knocking him off his feet.  
  
Carter landed flat on his back and Romano posed above him, grinning. "By the way...."  
he replied, cryptically, and looked up. "ABBY!"  
  
Abby looked up. "What?"  
  
Romano grinned. "I AM YOUR FATHER!" He put his lightsaber away, and pulled out  
a folded piece of paper. Then he strode over and handed it to Abby.  
  
Abby stared at it in horror. "NOOOOO, IT'S NOT TRUE!!! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!" She  
wailed.  
  
"Where did you get that?" Sven demanded. "That's classified."  
  
"You people left it on my desk." Romano informed her.  
  
"What were you doing in my office?" Cassi snapped.  
  
"Taking it back!" Romano retorted. "You left your darts, too." He turned to Abby.  
"And what is so terrible about you being my daughter?"  
  
Abby rolled her eyes. "Who cares about that?!" She spat out. "I wanna know why I'm  
getting paired with DAVE!"  
  
Dave's head snapped up. "What?!" He cried, running over. "Where?!"  
  
Abby handed him the sheet. "You're playing the hero." She informed him. "Maybe I'll  
run off with Dark Helmet."  
  
Dave eyed the cast sheet. "Hey cool!" He replied with a grin. "I get to fly an RV with  
wings....and Jerry's my dog."  
  
Jerry, looked over his shoulder. "That's MOG!" He corrected.   
  
"Whatever." Dave smirked. "Sounds like fun."  
  
Carter looked at the paper then walked over to Ardeth. "You're the president." He told   
him.   
  
"I am?!" Ardeth asked, staring. "Who are you?"  
  
"Dark Helmet." Carter answered, trying to sound like Darth Vader. "This promises to be  
fun. Romano's the King and Col. Sanderz...." He frowned. "Man has to kidnap his own  
daughter."  
  
"How fun." Ardeth replied, with an evil grin.  
  
Carter sighed and pulled himself up onto the main desk. He looked down abscentmindedly  
and noticed a silver package, reading "Fruit by the Foot". He raised an eyebrow,   
recognizing it for something the Evilauthors ate all the time. He looked around, checking  
to see if any of them were watching before he slipped it into his pocket, and slid off the  
desk. **hehe another one bites the dust**  
  
"So, now that all the action's over, what do we do?" Malik asked, pointedly. "Now, I'm  
bored."  
  
Romano gave an evil grin. "Party's just getting started, buddy." He muttered under his  
breath. "Lizzie?"   
  
Elizabeth moved her hand into her pocket at the same time Romano did, and both picked   
out their targets.  
  
"Oh Kerry!!!" Romano sang out.  
  
Kerry turned with a glare. "What?!" She snapped, as she had just washed her face and  
was not in a good mood.  
  
"Thirsty?" Romano asked as he threw a small balloon as hard as he could.  
  
The coffee balloon hit her in the chest and she was instantly transformed into a child.  
  
Anspaugh opened his mouth to object just as he was hit with a balloon by Lizzie,   
changing him as well.  
  
As the others watched, Romano pulled out another one, and threw it at Pratt, who didn't  
see it coming fast enough to duck.  
  
And naturally as all are watching Romano, who has his hand back in his pocket, they miss  
seeing Elizabeth, who already had the balloon in her hand.  
  
"Oh Peter!" Romano called out.  
  
Benton turned and took a defensive pose, blocking it with a chair....unfortunately, the  
balloon came from the other direction, as it was thrown by Corday. The result of this   
mess was four children at about five years old...Kerry, Pratt, Benton, and Anspaugh.  
  
"You have no idea how wonderful that felt." Romano breathed, happily.  
  
"Nice shots." Carter congradulated. "That was cool!"  
  
Kerry looked at herself and then up at all who were watching. "I'm going to kill you,   
Robert!" She yelled.  
  
"Good luck." Murdoc smirked. "They just said that was impossible. Remember?"  
  
Benton gave an evil grin, befor he charged over and kicked Romano in the shin.   
"Payback's a *beep*, isn't it?!" He proclaimed with a laugh.   
  
As Romano glared and rubbed the sore spot, Benton gave him an evil look. "I oughta  
pelt you with water balloons, too!" He spat out. "After you hit ME!"  
  
Romano frowned, confused. "Peter, I never hit you with a balloon." He informed him.  
"If you got hit with one, it wasn't me."  
  
Benton stared. "I was hit with TWO!" He cried, glaring.  
  
"Well, it wasn't ME!" Romano repeated. "But you might check with a few others. I  
wasn't the only one throwing them, you know."  
  
Benton frowned. "It was before the others were out." He answered. "You're lying."  
  
Romano rolled his eyes. "No, I'm NOT!" He insisted. "I pelted Babcock and Weaver!  
Anyone after that was someone ELSE! I was trying to get the others up the rope to  
get out!"  
  
Off to the side, Carter and Elizabeth exchanged a glance, and innocently, stepped back,  
looking at the ceiling. Romano, who had turned to eye the others, caught sight of the   
looks instantly, and he gave a grin.  
  
"I think you might want to ask Carter and Lizzie about that, though." He suggested.   
"They seem to know more than I do."  
  
Benton turned to stare at them. "What?!"  
  
Elizabeth bit her lip and her face took on a slight blush.   
  
Carter backed away, trying to maintain an innocent look, and failing miserably.  
  
Peter shook his head in disbelief. "I don't believe this!" He fumed.   
  
Romano watched as Peter faced off to the two culprits, and he slowly backed away,   
headed for the doors. As he went through the metal detectors, he set them off. A  
wave of the lightsaber and security backed away, letting him pass, as he left the building,  
headed for the street outside.  
  
In the middle of a huge argument, all in the room heard a loud gunshot from outside,   
followed by screeching tires.  
  
Everyone came running to the Ambulance bay, with security following. The first thing   
they saw was Sara Raptor helping Romano off the ground. He looked slightly shaken.  
  
"What on earth was THAT?!" One of the security guards demanded.  
  
Romano shook his head. "I don't know!" He answered, looking pale. "I come out here for  
some air, and then there was a gunshot!"  
  
"Did you see anything?!" The guard asked, quickly.  
  
"Just the van that drove off really fast!" Romano answered, honestly. "Aside of that, I  
saw absolutely nothing!"  
  
As security examined the skid marks in the street, Romano reentered the hospital, once  
again, setting off the metal detector. Tossing the gun to Cassi, he smirked to Carter and  
Gallant. "Closed my eyes as I pulled the trigger!" He retorted, sounding smug.   
  
Sven raised an eyebrow, knowing exactly what had happened. "He did deserve that for  
not telling Lizzie he was leaving her with a clone." She muttered, making a note of the  
death. **Bye bye Mahk!**  
  
Cassi looked around at the now trashed hospital. "Well, I guess we'd better fix this."  
She told Sven.  
  
"Yeah. I guess so." Sven answered, sighing.  
  
The two of them snapped their fingers, and the entire hospital was put back in complete  
order.....except the four five year olds still in the lobby.  
  
"Come on people." Cassi called out. "Break's over! We need to get back to the spoof   
now!"  
  
All in the room groaned.  
  
"Do you have to?" Deb moaned. "That's not fair!"  
  
"Can we come?" Kekelina asked, hopefully.  
  
Cassi and Sven exchanged a glance. "Wait and see." Sven answered.  
  
"Everyone OUT!" Cassi yelled, loud enough for the Zombies to get the point and leave.  
  
"Hey!" Mid cried, triumphantly. "I caught him!" She held up Sparkles for all to see.  
  
"Cool." Becca remarked. "Now we can take him to the set and let him loose there."  
  
"Oyy." Cassi muttered under her breath. "As if that stupid parrot wasn't enough."  
  
Romano grinned as the stupid parrot in question landed on his shoulder. "Script now!  
Script now!" The bird called out as he exited with Corday, Shirley, Lucy, Carter, Abby,  
and Ardeth.  
  
Weaver stood next to Sandy, watching them all leave. "HEY!!!" She yelled. "WHAT  
ABOUT US?!?!?"  
  
The authors ignored her as they left, following the characters through the metal detectors,  
which were going off again.  
  
Logan glared, and stabbed the noisy machine with his claws, killing it. He smiled,  
satisfied, as he followed the others.  
  
Outside Ryan was heard as they left. "Bill!! HERE BOY!!! TIME TO GO NOW!!!"  
  
The ground shook as Bill Spino followed his friends, wagging his tail, and chewing  
a milkbone....a BIG milk bone.  
  
THE END  
********************************************************************  
  
So what happened to all the five year olds? Well.....read Chameleon! We'll get there  
eventually! In the meantime, thankyou for your time and we're glad you enjoyed this  
mess....and hopefully!! We'll get another chap up to thank all of you for your reviews  
and for your constant laughter, that motivated us to actually finish this one.  
  
Next, I give you...."Also by the evilauthors!"  
  
PRESEASON  
1. Phantom of the Opera (the first spoof) Sven *not online*  
2. The Princess Bride -Sven *not online*  
1ST SEASON  
3. Star Wars: A New Spoof -SVEN  
4. Labyrinth, a Spoof -CASSI  
5. Star Wars: The Spoof Strikes Back -SVEN  
6. Dot: The Vampire Slayer -CASSI (Murdoc's first spoof)  
7. Star Wars: Shadows of the Spoof -SVEN  
8. The Vampire Mummy - CASSI (Ardeth's first spoof)  
9. Star Wars: Return of the Spoof -SVEN (Carter's first spoof)  
10. Robin Hood: Spike (and a lot of other guys) In Tights -CASSI  
11. The Three Musketeers, The Spoof -CASSI  
2ND SEASON  
12. Cutthroat Island, the Spoof -CASSI (we cracked Ardeth)  
13. The Phantom...From the FBI -CASSI  
14. Batman, the Spoof -SVEN (we cracked Carter) (Penny met Jonathan)(Ryan's 1st spoof)  
**12, 13 &14 all went on at the same time, and this began the Murdoc and Ryan friend-  
ship**  
15. James of the Jungle -CASSI (Glory&Imhotep and Penny& Jonathan were married)  
16. The Fugitive...From the ER -SVEN (Carter's first star role, ER'team's 1st spoof)  
17. Jurassic Spoof -CASSI & SVEN (Carter & Ardeth become best friends)(Lecter's 1st)  
**15, 16 &17 all took place at once, and started the morphine saga, and the beginning of  
the Carter and Ardeth friendship**  
3RD SEASON  
18. Star Wars: Heir to the Spoof -SVEN (enter the Fellowship, and the Summers clan grows)  
19. The Vampire Mummy Returns -CASSI (enter the tour group &Romano's back)  
20. Jurassic Spoof: The Lost World -CASSI (Romano becomes Assistant & Carter and  
Ardeth return to the island, and Penny announces her pregnancy)  
21. Peregrin, A Willow Spoof -SVEN (Pippin's first star role)  
22. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Spoof -SVEN (enter Xanth & Dor is Assistant)  
23. The Forbidden Spoof: The Hunter -CASSI (enter Julian and Romano narrates)  
**more or less all these took place together. Fellowship started when Peregrin ended,  
and Forbidden started when Jurassic and Mummy ended, although Fellowship started   
before the end of Jurassic and Mummy, and ended in the middle of Forbidden where the  
season changed.**Heir is not yet finished, but was put on hiatus.**  
4TH SEASON  
24. US Psychos -SVEN (return of the Fugitive cast&Kovac becomes permanent Assistant)  
25. Jurassic Spoof 3 -CASSI (Carter and Ardeth return to the island a 3rd time and Julian  
has his first star role)  
26. Wild Wild Spoofed Mess -SVEN (Agent Jay's 1st star role)  
27. A Spoof of Chameleon -SVEN (Carter Abby and Ardeth star)  
28. The ER VS the Evilauthors and the Terrible Youth Elixir Incident CASSI&SVEN(duh)  
**all these took place at the same time, although, Forbidden had just ended before   
Youth Elixir began**  
29. The Forbidden Spoof: The Chase CASSI (this spoof has not yet started)  
  
You can find all these online with the exception of three. 1, 2, and 29, that hasn't started  
yet. Cassi's spoofs appear on her page. Just look under "evilspoofauthor2Cassi"  
  
Until next time! REVIEW!!!!~Sven & Cassi 


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